Chapter Text
It was in the middle of the Marauders 4th year and they still had one big prank up their sleeve before they could officially leave the school. Even though, Remus didn't want to leave his friends. Especially, Sirius, he had grown very fond of the boy and couldn't help but think about him all day long. The weird feeling Remus felt inside his stomach started when he first laid eyes on Sirius Black. The feeling became stronger through the years, it has been 4 years now and Remus was tired of not knowing what it meant. Was it something fatal or just something he couldn’t control? Had it something to do with his wolf? The questions were driving Remus insane for the last 4 years.
Today was unlike any other day though, today Sirius wasn’t in class. Remus felt weird, almost empty. The wolf in Remus felt sad and alone, he couldn’t give the feeling a name. It was different. It was in the middle of potions lesson, something Remus had trouble with and Sirius was good at. The beginning of the lesson Remus had to work with Lily Evans and Severus Snape since Sirius wasn’t present.
Just as the group assignments are over James and Peter make their way towards Remus to reunited their group.
“Remus, are you okay?” James his voice slaps him back to reality. Remus looks around him hoping to see a pair of grey eyes staring at him, but without luck, he only found a worried green pair that belonged to James Potter. He didn’t want to worry his friend any longer, so he shook his head. “I’m fine, where is Sirius?” Remus asks turning around and looking in front of him.
“I haven’t seen him since last night. You know him, he’s probably up to no good.” James says lowering his voice as professor Slughorn walks past the three boys. Remus sighs deep and tries to focus on his homework again. He doesn’t want to get behind. The full moon is in a few weeks.
Remus focuses on the paper in front of him, but the words James spoke keep repeating themselves in his head. Up to no good. Remus sighs deep as his thought wander back to Sirius again. He’s probably fine somewhere in the castle, finding a new secret passage.
–
Remus quickly walks after James and Peter for lunch in the great hall. As they arrive Sirius is already sitting next to Dorcas laughing loudly. Lily waves at Remus but Remus is just staring at Sirius. Where has he been? Remus walks over towards Sirius as James sits down next to Lily. Peter sits down opposite Remus.
“Where have you been Padfoot?” James asks getting a sandwich from the big plate in the middle of the long table. “Oi James mate, you just missed Marlene’s funny story about the hex Lily used,” Sirius says his mouth half full of sandwiches.
“Manners Sirius.” Remus mumbles and Sirius throws an arm around Remus. “You’re not my mom Moony!” Sirius says as he swallows the last pieces of his sandwiches. Remus his heart begins to beat faster with Sirius this close. Remus pushes Sirius of him and grabs a sandwich himself. “Oi! You didn’t answer my question, Sirius.” James calls the attention of Sirius and Remus is glad he can’t feel Sirius his eyes on him. Remus slowly looks up as he feels someone else looking at him. Lily looks at Remus curious and Remus looks at her questioning. Lily just giggles and looks away. What is she laughing at?
Remus finishes his lunch and sips quietly on his pumpkin juice, listening to Sirius to explain why he wasn’t in class this morning.
“I can’t tell James.” Sirius responds and looks away. Remus looks up at Sirius and sees his cheeks are red. Does he have a girlfriend? The thought makes Remus sick. The wolf within him feels the need to growl and break things. Remus quickly sets his cup down and excuses himself.
Remus walks fast towards the men restroom to contain his anger. As Remus walks in he sees the stalls are luckily all empty. He quickly splashes some water in his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He takes a deep breath and holds it in for a few seconds as he slowly breaths out. He looks down at the sink and keeps breathing in slowly. The wolf seems like it doesn’t want to calm down. Why would it make him so mad if Sirius had a girlfriend? Remus lets out a low growl by thinking of Sirius laughing and kissing a girl. Remus suddenly looks up with wide eyes. Bloody hell, what if he’s in love with his best mate.
Remus walks out of the toilets to find Lily waiting for him in the corridor.
“Lily, what’s wrong?” Remus asks curiously to know why she’s here. Lily just smiles and walks next to Remus.
“I just wanted to know if you were okay.” She says innocent and doesn’t look at him. Remus frowns as he looks at her.
“I’m fine, I just had to go to the restroom.” Remus says, and Lily looks at Remus.
“After Sirius told you guys he couldn’t say where he was and blushed as crazy. Are you jealous Remus?” Lily asks while stopping and looking at Remus. Remus looks down taking a sudden interest in the floor. Was he jealous? No, he wasn’t but the wolf inside him would love to find this little girlfriend of Sirius and rip her throat out. Remus slightly shook his head trying to forget the thought. He hated his mind for thinking so violent.
“I don’t know.” Remus said suddenly feeling very fragile and small in front of Lily. Lily placed a hand on Remus on his shoulder.
“I think you are.” Lily whispers just loud enough for Remus to hear. Remus shrugs his shoulders.
“How do you know when you’re in love?” Remus asks softly and Lily squeezes Remus’ shoulder. Remus looks up at her and Lily has a genuine smile on her face.
“We should study after class.” Lily suggests and Remus nods not feeling completely okay with “studying” with Lily. Remus had to do serious studying else he would be lagging behind with all the subjects.
“I’ll help you.” Lily says and starts walking again. Remus looks at the ground and thinks about it for a few seconds. He could definitely use the help, if Lily could seriously answer his questions about his feelings and the weird possessiveness his wolf feels, it would indeed only help him, so he could deal with the feelings that are keeping him for focusing. Remus quickly catches up with Lily and mutters a small thanks to Lily, she tells him not to worry about it.
As Lily and Remus arrive at the Gryffindor table James and Sirius their eyes are stuck on the two. Remus wondered if they were such an odd pair to see? Remus sat down next to Sirius again and Sirius leaned into Remus his personal space.
“What were you doing with James’ future wife?” Sirius whispers causing a shiver going down Remus’ spine. James just looks at Lily sitting down and giving him a smile.
“Nothing, it was just a coincidence.” Remus shrugs and finishes his pumpkin juice from before. Remus sets down his cup as the clock echoes through the great hall informing the students it’s almost 1 pm. Remus stands up and the rest of the marauders follow his advice. The 4 of them had Transfiguration together in the afternoon.
“I’ll see you after class Remus.” Lily says sweetly as she walks past the guys in the corridor. Remus just simply nods her way. As soon as Lily was out of sight James threw an arm around Remus.
“Since when are you friends with Evans?” James asks curiously having a mischief smile on his face and Remus keeps quiet.
“I wouldn’t call us friends, I’ve just been working with her in potions, nothing more.” Remus says and James scoffs.
“You’re seeing her after class!” Peter exclaims and Remus nods.
“She’s helping me with potions homework.” Remus quickly makes up and Sirius looks up.
“Can I join?” Sirius asks, and Remus curses himself. He knows how much Sirius would love to help him out with the potions homework.
“No! You’ll ruin it, Remus is going to talk to Evans about me and make sure she thinks I am a fine gentleman.” James winks and smiles bright.
“Sure Prongs, whatever you say.” Remus laughs as they walk in the Transfiguration classroom.
–
Class finally ended, and Remus got his books in his bags quickly. Sirius keeps quiet next to him as he looks how Remus packs his bag. Remus stops packing as he sees Sirius his eyes following his every move.
“What’s wrong Padfoot?” Remus asks, and Sirius’ stormy grey eyes looking at him.
“Nothing, just thinking.” Sirius says and stands up getting his books from the table. Their hands brush softly against each other and Remus feels like his hand in on fire. How is Sirius able to make him feel like this. Like they’re the only two on the world. The wolf inside him craves to be touched by Sirius. Remus had to move away or else he would’ve grabbed Sirius his hand and held it till McGonagall was going to send them away. Sirius looks up as Remus takes a step back.
“I’ll see you tonight.” Remus says quickly and Sirius nods keeping his eyes on Remus. Remus nods and walks out of the classroom feeling a pressure lift from his shoulders. Remus sighs and walks towards the library. As Remus walks into the library is quiet and almost empty. Lily is in the back of the library with a few books around her. Remus takes a deep breath and starts walking towards her.
“Hi.” Remus says quietly and sits down next to her. He peeks over her arm where she’s working on and see it’s indeed potions homework. Remus already finished that part. “You need help with that?” Remus asks getting his books on the table. Lily shakes her head and writes down the last words.
“I’m done anyway, so let’s hear about your problems Remus.” Lily says shutting her book and closing her ink. She sits up straight and turns to look at Remus properly.
“Eh, well. How do you know you’re in love?” Remus asks keeping his voice down. Not that anyone would be this far in the library but still, he felt stupid asking this question. You know when you’re in love right?
“Well, you get a weird feeling in your stomach, your heart starts beating faster and you keep thinking about that person all day. It’s like you want to be with them all the time.” Lily says dreamily, and Remus closes he eyes thinking hard. Does he want to be around Sirius? To be completely honest. Yes. Does his heart start to beat faster when he’s around? Remus never really noticed, well at lunch it did but that was more because Sirius came in his personal space, right? Remus shook his head. To possibly think he’s in love with Sirius scares him. He’s his best mate, he can’t go and ruin that for the both of them, can he?
“What are you thinking about?” Lily asks, and Remus opens his eyes and looks at Lily, Remus sighs and looks at the ground. His cheeks burning.
“I’m just thinking if I ever experienced the symptoms of being in love.” Remus says and looks at Lily. Lily smiles and pokes Remus on his cheek.
“Guess you have else you’d not have a reason to blush.” Lily says sassy and grins at Remus. He just nods her way, thinking that Lily really outsmart him. Remus opens his Transfiguration book and starts his homework but, his mind keeps drifting to Sirius. What would the others be doing right now? Probably coming up with a master plan to annoy Snape or think of a prank to pull on the Slytherins.
“You really can’t concentrate if you keep thinking about your crush Remus.” Lily says, and Remus looks at her questioning.
“Crush?” Remus asks confused and Lily nods.
“You never heard of that word? The word means you have a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.” Lily explains, and Remus is even more confused now. He doesn’t have a burning desire to be with Sirius, or does he? Well, right now he would rather be with Sirius in their dorm listening to muggle music and eating chocolate. Oh shit, does he really have a crush on Sirius?
“Is having a crush different than being in love with someone?” Remus asks and Lily laughs.
“You’re really new to this are you? Well, having a crush is different, you can be in love with someone but have a crush on someone else. For example, I might be in love with someone but at the same time I can have a crush on Stevie Wonder, you understand?” Lily explains and from all the thinking and understanding Remus just wanted to go to Sirius even more.
“Alright. I think I understand. Thank you, Lily. Can we do this again next week, I’m just going to figure out my feelings and tell you next week if I’m in love.” Remus says just wanting to do his homework.
“Sure, same time?” Lily asks while standing up and getting her books in her bag.
“Yeah, that’s totally fine by me.” Remus says his nose already in his books.
“See you around Lupin. Have a nice evening.” Lily calls and Remus just waves her off, already working on the next assignment.
–
Remus has trouble keeping his eyes open, but he only needs a few more words to complete the essay that’s due for next week. Suddenly, Remus, his book is thrown off the table and Snape appears in front of him.
“Alright Lupin, tell me what you were doing with Evans.” Snape demands, and Remus is honestly too tired to have a conversation with Snape right now. It’s almost curfew and Remus still have to get back to his dorm.
“I wasn’t doing anything, she invited me to study with her and that’s exactly what we did.” Remus says and sits up straight, so he could watch every movement of Snape.
“Lily studying for Potion? Don’t make me laugh, Lupin. Stay away from her.” Snape says getting his wand out and pointing it at Remus. Remus should be feeling a little afraid, but his wolf senses told him otherwise.
“Lily can decide for herself with who she’s studying.” Remus says, and Snape scoffs and places his wand under Remus his chin. The wolf didn’t like touches from strangers and Remus really had to control himself.
“Get your filthy wand out of his face Snivellus.” Sirius his voice sounds through the library and Remus is honestly so glad to hear his voice. Snape turns around with his wand ready to cast a spell. Remus looks away from Snape and doesn’t see Sirius anywhere. Remus smirks knowing Sirius is up to something.
“Show yourself, Black!” Snape yells and points his wand everywhere but in the right direction. Remus begins as quiet as possible to pack his stuff, careful to not leave a thing. Remus closes his bag and suddenly feels a hand grab him, next thing he knows Remus is tightly pressed against Sirius his body. Sirius holds his index finger against his lips signing Remus to be still. Remus just grabs Sirius hand and holds it. Remus sees as Snape turns around his eyes go wide.
“Black Lupin, show yourself don’t be so childish and face me!” Snape yells and begins to walk towards the exit, just at that moment professor McGonagall shows up and it is past curfew, it isn’t going to end well for Snape.
“Mr Snape, what are you still doing here, it’s past curfew.” She says strict. Snape looks back into the library and groans.
“Professor! Black and Lupin are still in there too!” he says and McGonagall sighs as she walks in the library and checks every aisle.
“No one is here Mr Snape. I suggest you go back to your dorm, come to see me first thing in the morning about detention.” McGonagall says and Snape nods making his way towards the Slytherin common room.
“Now Mister Black and Mister Lupin, I suggest you tell me what that was about.” McGonagall says looking directly at them. Sirius removes the invisibility cloak.
“I’m sorry professor, it’s my fault. I was still doing my essay for next week when Snape came in and threatened me, Sirius was just here to help me.” Remus says letting go of Sirius’ hand and taking a step forward to explain the two of them.
“I understand, quickly to your rooms before Filch sees you.” McGonagall says and turns her back towards both boys.
“Thank you, professor.” Sirius gently says and takes Remus’ hand once again and pulls him along.