Chapter Text
They've been traveling for about a month now, attending movie premieres, signing posters and giving countless interviews all day long. The cast could feel the strain of journeying all around the world in such a short amount of time. Still, it was nothing they weren't used to, nothing they couldn't handle. Except for Dylan, it seemed.
So yes, maybe he was a little on edge lately. He kept blaming it on the stress of filming on such a tight schedule, followed immediately by the international press tour and the endless interviews. It was definitely a lot to handle.
And yes, maybe he had been a little grumpy and cold towards Thomas lately, but that's what happens when you have no choice but to be glued to the hip at all times. It wasn't his fault that their publicists had put him and Thomas into the same group for almost every single interview on every single day. That's why he had been so tense around Thomas lately. No other reason.
Still, Dylan knew he spent just as much time with the other cast members as with Thomas and he had absolutely no problem with them. Somehow, he had singled out the Thomas for letting out his frustration, knowing fully well that the blonde hadn’t done anything wrong at all. And although there was seemingly nothing Dylan could possibly do to help the ever-growing irritation he felt towards his friend, knowing he was probably hurting Thomas still felt a little like hurting himself. Eventually the guilt that consumed him for the way he treated the blonde made him desperately resolve to the silent treatment, avoiding any kind of interaction as much as possible. He also tried to ignore the nagging voice at the back of his mind that kept telling him that he had always liked Thomas and that their constant being together was really not the core issue.
He was just making up excuses for his stupid behaviour. Nevertheless, Dylan kept coming up with different pretexts to the best of his ability, drowning himself in untruthful justifications and he was unwilling to admit even just to himself the real reason for his irritated mood. He would gladly make himself believe every lie in the world, as long as it had nothing to do with the dare. It was not because of the stupid dare.
Then, on one of the last days of the Maze Runner press tour, Dylan's denial finally caught up to him. He had already been physically and mentally drained, was tired of answering the same questions all day, every day and he just couldn't relax when Thomas spent every waking moment at his side. At the same time, Dylan sensed that Kaya and Thomas, who were with him for this last interview, were just as worn-out as himself and thus he forced himself to lighten up. They were all exhausted but still, they put up a front that was all smiles and jokes just the way it was supposed to be. The way they were supposed to be. They were actors, after all.
Either way, it had been a long day and Dylan was tired and a little fed up and his brain had turned to mush, making it impossible for him to process the words in his head before they tumbled from his lips and since his brain-to-mouth filter was already pretty ineffective to begin with, he somehow knew the interview couldn’t possibly go well.
Of course, Dylan and Thomas were a bit of a mess, failing as usual to really answer the questions they were asked by drifting off or just bickering back and forth while Kaya took it upon herself to give some more serious replies for all three of them. This was normal for them. Nothing extraordinary. Interviews had never really been their forte, not that they minded, for to them it was always quite fun and entertaining. So, everything had been going perfectly fine, at first. But then it just had to be brought up again. Of course, it did.
"One last question", the young girl who was interviewing them started with a cheeky smile and looked at Dylan, "We heard there was some kind of bet to kiss going on between you and Thomas. What's the story behind that?"
Dylan's smile faltered a little. Just the smallest, barely visible crack in his seemingly cheerful appearance, but it definitely didn't go unnoticed by Kaya and Thomas. Dylan tensed under the curious looks he got from both of his friends. He suddenly felt uncomfortable and annoyed, swallowing hard to keep himself from snapping at the poor girl who was definitely not at fault for his sensitive reaction to the topic. He realised that the appropriate timespan for him to answer this goddamn question had already passed but his voice was failing him miserably and he couldn’t think of anything to say at all, his mind going completely blank. Thankfully, Kaya came to his rescue the way she always did before he could panic and make a complete fool out of himself.
"It was just dare to see who'd pull away first", she explained, "Thomas definitely got Dylan on that one"
She laughed a little, not so much because she thought it was funny but because she hoped it would stop Dylan from feeling so uneasy. It was just a silly dare. A joke. They'd had a good laugh and that was all there really was to it. Right? She nudged him playfully into the side and shot him a gentle smile as if saying "It's okay, it's just an interview". Dylan quickly averted his eyes as he felt a subtle blush creep up his neck. He would thank her for this after the interview. Right then, he was too busy trying not to embarrass himself in front of the camera.
"Oh, so Thomas, would you have gone through with it?", the girl persisted, still grinning and completely unaware of how close this interview was to take a turn for the worse.
Dylan held his breath for a second to suppress the most exasperating sigh the world would have ever heard and internally screamed at everyone to just drop the goddamn subject and move on! But he didn't. He anticipated Thomas' answer with dread as he knew exactly what the other would say and he also knew he wouldn't like it. It has been this way since the very first time the subject had come up in public and Dylan felt his patience crumbling. He slowly but surely has had enough, even if he didn’t know exactly of what just yet.
"I totally would have gone through with it", Thomas replied in his typical too serious tone that immediately showed that he was actually just kidding, "I mean we're actors, it's part of the job. It's what we do. Also, I never say no to a good dare"
Kaya burst out laughing at Thomas' ridiculous deadpan answer. Dylan knew his friend was just joking and usually, he would have been the first one to crack up and join the act, but Thomas had definitely hit a raw nerve. Dylan was done with being publicly outed as a fucking chicken while the other got to gloat about something that never fucking happened.
"It wasn’t a good dare, it was just a stupid idea that everyone took too serious, including yourself. There’s absolutely nothing to brag and joke about because let's face it, Thomas, you didn't actually have the guts to go through with it now, did you?!", he snapped at the blonde, regretting the words as soon as they had slipped out. Fucking filter, Dylan, he scolded himself internally, but it was too late.
He tried to soften the blow with a chuckle that would somehow show that he's just joking when he really wasn’t but all he managed was to bark out a spiteful laugh that made everything even worse.
Why did he always have to be so fucking impulsive?
Dylan didn't even manage to truly process the fact that he'd just majorly embarrassed himself during an interview again and in front of a recording camera again by publicly outing himself as a really stupid and childsih idiot again. He did, however, process the way Thomas' face immediately fell at his sharp words, hurt washing over his expression for a split second before the blonde frowned ever so slightly as if trying to decipher if he'd actually upset the other.
Dylan stared back at Thomas speechlessly. His mind was racing, and his feelings quarrelled within him. Part of him wanted to apologize a million times but at the same time he was still so incredibly pissed off and he really didn't want to cause a scene, but he also knew it was already too late for that anyway and he just couldn't find the right words to say and he really didn't know what to do or how to save the situation, so he just sat there, glaring at his friend who technically hadn't done anything wrong. And then, Thomas actually squirmed under his intense gaze, his eyes fell to the floor and he nervously bit down on his bottom lip.
Dylan eyes softened as he felt his chest constrict painfully.
The last thing he would ever want to do was to make Thomas feel bad about talking in interviews, especially since Dylan already thought his friend spoke up way too rarely anyway. In fact, he would never purposely want to make Thomas feel bad about anything in any way and suddenly he felt so incredibly guilty again because why was he such an idiot and what was his fucking problem?! It was just a joke. A dare. He was overreacting because of a stupid dare. At that thought, frustration overwhelmed him once more and he couldn’t bear it any longer. He couldn’t bear the awkward silence, or the questioning looks from the interviewer and from Kaya and he most certainly couldn’t bear to look at Thomas, whose flushed cheeks were indicator enough that Dylan had humiliated him. In that very moment, the brunette hated himself. He tore his eyes away from Thomas and left without another word.
He didn’t care about causing a scene anymore, he had already ruined the interview anyway. He could hear his name being yelled after him several times, but it just made him walk faster, not wanting to talk to anyone. There was nothing to discuss anyway. He didn’t even try to identify who was calling for him. Relief washed through his body when the voices faded into silence behind him as he rushed out of the building. Five minutes later, he sat alone in the back of a cab on his way to return to the hotel. He couldn't stop replaying his humiliating outburst in his mind and with every time the scenario repeated itself in his head, he felt a little worse. He also knew that he'd massively get into trouble with their publicists, but that was the smallest of his worries. He had never really cared for his image and public appearances anyway.
Instead, he was busy freaking out about Thomas, who probably hated him now. Or he was at least really mad and completely justified so. Even Kaya was most probably upset with him. Dylan knew that publicly embarrassing himself was one thing but putting Thomas on the spot like that during a taped interview was a whole new level of shameful. He could handle embarrassment and the mess he always made for himself, but he should never have dragged Thomas into it. At least not like that. The pained look on his friend’s face flashed through his mind as he let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes, forcing back the ridiculous tears that threatened from spilling. Great. He was truly behaving like a silly child. He really needed to get his act together.
Dylan entered his room and slammed the door behind him, carelessly tossing his jacket onto the floor. He stood still for two seconds maybe before he started pacing up and down, trying to calm down. Trying to figure out what he should do next. Trying to understand why he was unable to just let the dare go. Every time it was brought up, Dylan's mood would sink, and he'd become irritated and unpleasant, especially to Thomas. He hated it. He hated feeling frustrated without being able to do anything about it. He hated how it impacted his friendship with Thomas. He hated knowing that his friend was innocent in the matter and didn't deserve the backlash he was receiving. He hated himself for behaving the way he did. He didn’t know how to fix things.
Then, as if on cue, there was a knock on the door. After a short moment of surprise, Dylan knew exactly who'd be standing in the hallway. Of course had Thomas followed him. Of course would Thomas still be a good friend when he himself was being an idiot.
Dylan stood frozen in place in the middle of his room, furiously wiping away the few tears he’d shed. There was absolutely no reason for him to cry, why in the world was he being so emotional? A surge of panic flowed through his body and he had to force himself to keep breathing. They would have to talk to each other at some point, Dylan couldn’t and didn’t want to ignore and avoid Thomas forever. He also really needed to apologise profoundly, for although he was currently behaving like an insensitive moron, he didn’t actually want to lose a friend because of his own inability to keep it together. At least not Thomas.
"Yeah?", he called out, not having the courage to go up and open the door. He could see the handle move and internally braced himself to confront whatever the problem actually was. Thomas entered slowly, almost hesitantly, closing the door behind him before he moved to stand just in front of it, keeping some distance between them. He was looking everywhere but at Dylan, while the younger’s eyes immediately focused on Thomas. They always did.
"I'm sorry", they breathed out simultaneously after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. Dylan shook his head, knowing he was at fault regardless of how he felt.
"You really have nothing to apologize for. I'm so sorry for what happened earlier, for what I said. It was cruel and very unprofessional", he mumbled, trying to ignore how his entire face heated up.
Thomas chuckled, letting his eyes wander around the room restlessly, "When have we ever been professional?"
Dylan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know. But I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. I really didn't mean to and I feel horrible about it. I truly am sorry."
Thomas simply nodded as if he didn’t even really care and took a few steps towards Dylan before raising his gaze to look him straight in the eyes. The words he wanted to say evaded him as he took in the brunette’s appearance.
“Have you been crying?”, he asked and frowned deeply. Dylan shrank under his stare, the question alone bringing back the tears he had successfully managed to suppress so far. He shook his head.
“Can we not do this now? Please”, he begged softly. Thomas refrained only with difficulty from reaching out to his friend, but he didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable. His heart sank at the desperation in the younger’s voice and he decided to let it go, not wanting to push him any further.
“So, what did I do?”, he asked instead, his voice wavering a little. The question took Dylan by surprise.
“Nothing”, he said hastily, "Why would you even ask that?"
Thomas rolled his eyes at him. "C'mon Dylan, you've been distant for weeks now. I can see you usually don't even want me around at all. So, what did I do? Just tell me"
Hurt was now so clearly laced in Thomas' voice that Dylan was taken aback. His heart clenched painfully. He hadn't realised he'd been avoiding his friend in such an unmistakably obvious way. Well, maybe he had but he had neglected to think about what it must seem like to everyone else. To Thomas. He hadn’t thought about how the other would feel. He felt awful. It saddened him to think that the Thomas had just accepted his coldness and his idiocy, looking for the blame in no other than himself. Dylan's eyes fell to the floor in shame.
“I do want you around”, he whispered, not knowing how to explain his behaviour.
“You’ve been straight up ignoring me for ages now”, Thomas protested half-heartedly, suddenly not sure anymore if he really wants to know the answer. He wasn’t at all used to Dylan being so reserved and it made him feel awfully uncomfortable. He couldn’t recall pushing his friend away in any sense, ever and didn’t understand what could possibly make the brunette withdraw from him to such extent.
“I know, I’m sorry”, Dylan sighed in defeat, deciding honesty was probably the best way to go about this, “I just don’t know how to behave around you anymore, I’m so on edge and I- “
"Is it the dare?", Thomas interrupted curiously, searching for Dylan's eyes. Frustration flooded the brunette at the mention of the dare the way it always did, and he kept diverting his eyes away from Thomas, taking a deep breath.
"Why does everyone always have to bring up the dare? It happened, I'm over it, why can't we just drop the subject for good?", he said a little too loudly, which only confirmed Thomas' guess. It was definitely the dare.
"What is so bad about it? It was a joke. People keep bringing it up because it’s funny." Thomas voice was neutral, maybe concerned if anything, but Dylan couldn't help feeling put on the spot. It’s not like he wasn’t aware of how much he was overreacting, and he really didn’t need Thomas to rub it in his face even more. He blew up on his friend. Again.
"Yeah, well I thought it would be funny too, I mean it was my idea after all. But this is just ridiculous, I don’t want to listen to how much of a chicken I am every single day and I don’t want to hear you gloat about it and I am just so done with it!”
He wasn’t done with it. He was so far from done with it, even though he wouldn’t admit that. He wasn’t done with this dare, he was unable to get over it and he couldn’t let it go. If he liked it or not, that was the problem. And although he was incredibly confused and didn’t even know where the conversation was headed, he was at least talking about it. He was trying.
“So, you're annoyed with me and everyone else because you lost the dare?”, Thomas recapitulated, and Dylan realised how much more ridiculous the whole scenario actually sounded coming from his friend than formulated in his own head. He felt a little lost. A little more misunderstood. A little more frantic.
“Yes. I mean no, actually that’s not it. I didn’t lose the dare, because nothing even happened. You didn't actually do anything. We just left the whole thing so incomplete and it’s driving me insane, especially with everyone talking about what might have happened if one of us had gone through with it but they don’t actually know. We don’t even know. And you know what, it’s also just you. You’re just so goddamn infuriating, always talking and gloating about how you would have done it, but fact is, you didn’t. And I mean one of us had to pull away, right? It wasn’t actually supposed to happen. But this also wasn’t supposed to become such a big deal, but it is to me. It’s just like you said, we’re actors so this shouldn’t be a problem at all, we kiss people all the time. Maybe we should have just fucking gone through with it, so that I wouldn’t be left wondering why I couldn’t do it and why you didn’t do it. So, what if I might have wanted you to do it, that doesn’t’ mean anything, right? And why am I even freaking out so much when you’re not? Do you even care at all?!”
Dylan was too worked up now to think straight, his brain-to-mouth filter completely non-existent and all the emotions he had denied for so long were resurfacing much stronger than he had thought possible. He was out of breath from yelling before he had even finished, his last words had sounded like nothing more but a weak, pathetic whine and for some foolish reason, tears dwelled up in his eyes again. He was just so confused, stressed and really exhausted and being confronted by Thomas was just incredibly overwhelming considering that he hadn't even really been able confront himself and think it through.
Then, his eyes widened in shock as he thought about what he'd just said. The words had kept tumbling out of his mouth and he was only now able to grasp their meaning. He had just confessed to Thomas how much it bothered him that they never completed that dare. Five minutes ago, he hadn't even been able to admit that to himself and now he had literally told Thomas. In other words, he'd just said that he would have wanted them to go through with the kiss. Worse even, he'd just justified his horrible behaviour towards his friend with the fact that Thomas didn't kiss him. He really was looking for humiliation today. Dylan suddenly felt like he was insane. Panic and regret instantly washed over him as his he felt his cheeks flush, burning bright red. He didn't even dare to look at the blonde anymore, knowing the other would sport a mocking smile and laugh at him for his unbelievable ridiculousness. For his vulnerability. And he would be right to do so. After all, what kind of person reproaches their friend for not kissing them? Only Dylan. Thomas would probably just never speak to him again. An interview gone wrong was definitely nothing compared to how mortified and panicked Dylan felt right then.
"Oh my god", he whispered to himself and buried his face in his hands, wishing the ground would just swallow him whole. His breathing seemed to fail him, and he struggled to fill his lungs with air as he reflexively doubled over slightly. Somehow, all he wanted was to hide away and cry. He panicked, badly, for a reason he couldn’t quite understand himself.
But Thomas' laughter never came. Instead, the older boy had approached Dylan in two quick steps and wrapped his hands around the other's wrists, pulling the hands away from his face gently, but determined. Thomas could feel the younger tremble ever so slightly and frowned in concern. Why was he so upset? Dylan shuddered at the other's touch, his cheeks still burning bright with embarrassment, his thoughts racing.
"Dylan, it's okay", Thomas mumbled, "Look at me"
The brunette sighed but did as he was told. Thomas smiled softly at him, his features void of any judgement or even discomfort.
"It's okay", he repeated, trying to calm his friend, "It's okay. Stop freaking out."
"I can't help it", Dylan whined, shaking his head, "Damn it, what's wrong with me?"
"Nothing's wrong with you, Dylan. Everything's fine, nothing happened. Just breathe", Thomas said, giving Dylan's wrists in his grip a gentle squeeze, "Please calm down"
After a good ten minutes, Dylan’s breathing became less erratic and his heartbeat slowed a little. It was okay. They were okay. He didn’t ruin their friendship. Thomas was still there. He sent the blonde a nervous smile.
"I’m sorry", he chuckled awkwardly but it sounded humourless.
Thomas shrugged it off, staring at the younger boy with a subtly upset look on his face. He couldn't believe this dare had put such a strain on Dylan and he hated himself for not having noticed it. He hated Dylan for not having come to him. He was a little hurt that Dylan would actually doubt him like that.
"I do care. I always care, you know that, don’t you?", he questioned softly. The brunette’s eyes shot up to stare at Thomas with an unreadable expression because in just one day, Dylan had managed to publicly humiliate and yell at him after having treated him like crap for several weeks on end, so Thomas should be furious but no, here he was, comforting him and actually worrying about making Dylan think he didn’t care. His heart jumped a little, making his chest feel agonisingly tight. It seemed to do that a lot today.
“Of course”, he whispered with difficulty, “So do I”
“Then why didn’t you come to me?”, Thomas asked, sounding more confused than reproachful. Dylan gave him a look as if to ask if he was really being serious.
"It’s not exactly casual conversation", he answered in a cautious tone, training his eyes on the floor they stood on. Then, it was quiet again for a few minutes. Dylan could still feel Thomas' tender hold on his wrists and curiously looked up at him when he noticed the strange expression that had taken over the blonde's face.
"You know, of it really bothers you so much", Thomas started hesitantly, "We- ... we should do something about it"