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'Now,' Yellow Diamond thinks, 'I'm in trouble.'
They try to justify, to backtrack. To trace back through this evening's events and pinpoint what mistake they'd made, what throwaway word or action had brought them here to this moment, but nothing stands out. It had been a normal night, a normal dinner, a normal movie on the couch afterward that had lead, somehow, to the not-so-normal this.
One of Yellow's arms is draped across the back of the couch, serving as a pillow for a head full of red hair - much, much to much red hair that spills across the side of the couch and tickles the underside of Yellow's jaw. Their other arm is laid across the back of the second person currently using Yellow as a pillow - laying their head right over the space where Yellow's heart is thumping a little too hard.
Both of them are Yellow Diamond's friends. Maybe Yellow's closest friends, even. Their closest friends who Yellow may or may not be falling for in a 'yes that way' kind of way, who had long fallen for each other, and who are definitely going to wake up disappointed that Yellow was caught in the middle of them.
Even though they'd sat on either side of Yellow on purpose. Even though they'd never recoiled from Yellow before. A small traitorous part of Yellow reasons, questions. The part of Yellow that always leads them into situations like this. The part that craves small touches and close moments with a person you cared for. Or maybe even two people.
Yellow usually does their best to squash that part.
But it's hard to squash it now, with Rutile and Padparadscha so close.
The movie is nearing an end and Yellow hardly notices, had hardly noticed it throughout - not since Padpa had dropped their head on Yellow's shoulder a fourth the way through and Rutile had followed suit soon after. It wasn't surprising that they fell asleep - the little Yellow seen of the movie hadn't been very interesting and all three of them had been out shopping since early morning. Yellow was exhausted too; they could hardly blame them.
But they would blame Yellow, when they woke up.
Or they wouldn't, that part of Yellow continues to reason, because there was no way Rutile and Padparadscha would know, could ever know, how much Yellow wanted this to be normal. How much Yellow was starting to see the both of them in a much less "friendly" light. Yellow blamed their own loneliness, and cowardice.
The past few months living with Rutile and Padparadscha had been a dream after a long nightmare. A long lonely nightmare. And Yellow was scared of being alone again.
So they fell for their kind friends, the people closest to them, because Yellow's weak heart couldn't stand to be alone. It was just a stand-in attachment. Nothing could ever come from it. Padparadscha and Rutile loved each other and were just being nice. Neither of them saw Yellow that way. There wasn't any room.
In their head, Yellow knew all of this. They'd repeated it like a mantra from the first moment they'd recognized their own burgeoning feelings months ago. There was no room - but that hadn't stopped Rutile and Padparadscha from somehow making room.
And that was the kicker, the thing that kept Yellow from moving on and pulling away. They'd asked Yellow to live with them, brought Yellow on every outing, made Yellow feel a part of something. And they were really just being nice, probably, but it had worked and now Yellow did feel a part of something. A warm little space of hope that fitted into place like the way Yellow fit in between Rutile and Padparadscha.
But that wasn't Yellow's place, and Yellow did know that. They did. So they should've pulled away and said something when Padparadscha had fallen asleep first, but they didn't. And they definitely should've said something when Rutile curled onto Yellow's chest too, but they didn't.
And here they were now, and they couldn't pull away.
Almost as if reading Yellow's thoughts, Padparadscha huffs and curls their head closer to Yellow's neck, then away again. Yellow stiffens, realizing the end credits of the movie were playing. The change in sound was apparently enough to wake Pads up because the redhead sits up and yawns, stretching, eyes still closed.
Time slows a moment as Yellow sits still as caught rabbit - waiting for Padparadscha to turn around and see Yellow sitting and holding their partner like some kind of cheesy romance scene. Waiting for the disappointment. Yellow already has the excuses on the tip of their tongue, ready, when a voice from their side beats them to it.
"Well that was unremarkable." Rutile tilts their head back against Yellow's chest to read the clock above the T.V. "Almost two hours of absolutely nothing. What a waste."
"You think so?" Padparadscha finishes their stretch and turns a languid smile back on the other two. "Glad I didn't miss anything then. I was out like a light."
"When aren't you." Rutile grunts and they're still leaning on Yellow, reaching their arm across Yellow's chest to brush a hand down Padparadscha's face where the knit of Yellow's shirt had made a pattern. Padparadscha leans into the touch, gazing softly at Rutile. Then their eyes drift up to meet Yellow's and their expression almost, nearly, hardly changes.
"Yellow, you haven't spoken a word. No coming to the poor film's defense?"
"I hardly watched it." Yellow intones, too shocked to lie.
Padparadscha snorts, then throws their head back and laughs out loud. Then, amazingly, bewilderingly, they lean back until they're sitting pressed back up against Yellow and without a thought Yellow drops their arm back down to pull Padparadscha close.
"Well, I'm feeling better after my nap and the night's still young - how about we try another?"
"That's alright with me, maybe I'll get a nap in this time." Rutile grouses and drops until they're laying their head in Yellow's lap proper. Like it was rehearsed, like they've all done this a thousand times, Padparadscha buries their hand in Rutile's hair and Yellow drops their arm to lay across Rutile's waist.
And this, this is a dream. But as Yellow leans their head against Padparadscha's and feels their heart thump in their chest, they find that they're too tired now, too hopeful now, to reason it out.
Tomorrow there'll be time to ask questions and fret, but right now is a good time to watch another bad movie and enjoy the moment.
Though, as Padparadscha snuggles closer and Rutile hums comments on Pad's choices into Yellow's thigh, Yellow doubts this movie will get even as much attention as the first.