Chapter Text
Dying twice and being revived only to die once again was something that looked like a good option.
At least, to you, at the moment.
Outside of your house, you accidentally peeked in the window, which was something you had promised to yourself that you’d not do. However, that was what you had done, and already, you had felt a surge of panic and regret through your body.
Even though you had prepared for many months for this moment, you had never readied yourself for the actual day.
You were on edge. All thoughts of going to the train station escaped you. You hadn’t left your comfort zone, but you were already nervous. Is this what a hero is? A bumbling idiot scared to even walk?
Still, you had to go through with your plans. It was your shot at being something bigger than yourself. A shot at being extraordinary and finally to prove the others wrong.
Inside the house, through the window you were peeking in, were your family. It was your sister’s fifth birthday, which you were missing for something so trivial and wretched. You, yourself, could not even believe that your pride had come first, but you were already outside of the house. You had taken the first step, and if you were to back down, you’d be full of what-ifs.
You needed to do this.
But why? Why did you have to do this? It’s not like you’re going to be a hero anyway. There was no way! You saw yourself as a weakling, a lightweight, and a no good pansy, and you were. There was nothing that could change that, and even if you wanted to, you’d just be kidding yourself.
While your quirk was flashy, you, in no way, could ever pass the exam. You hadn’t even mastered it yet, so what was the point? Better to just not try.
The exam was for those who were aiming to be a hero, while you…
You didn’t want to be a hero.
Taking a last look, your mother had taken out the cake, and your sister had donned a huge smile on her face. Your younger brother was sitting at the couch, and had a bored look on his face. Probably because you weren’t there. This was your fault. It was supposed to be your sister’s day, yet you were stuck, chasing a dream that would never happen. A dream that would always be far from reach.
They were probably used to this, you thought. Missing an event and suddenly disappearing from the house was your specialty, and they weren’t the least bit bothered by it. Or they were actually bothered by it and were just good at hiding it.
Either way, you acknowledged yourself as a shitty sister and daughter.
That wasn’t enough to excuse your actions, of course, but you held responsibility for it. If ever your plan failed, then you were happy that you didn’t tell anyone about it. You had already imagined that your plan would always fail, and that you’d never reach your dreams. Coming to terms with it, which was the smartest thing you’d ever done. At least now, you wouldn’t be disappointed big time when you would be the biggest fool of the century.
You turned your head.
You needed to stop thinking like this. That was right; you needed to stop thinking negatively. A small amount of hope would help you right now.
Taking a step forward, you erased any thought that plagued you.
“I’m gonna fucking attend U.A!”
--
You stared at the giant robot in front of you. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.
Looking around, you tried to spot anything that was colorful. You grunted when almost everything was in grey and black. The only color you could see was the clothes that the other exam takers wore. In your opinion, taking advantage of them to use your quirk was unethical, so you quickly disregarded that thought. Your clothes were bright and warm colored, a backup in case there weren’t any color you could use.
The robot that was just a few feet ahead of you was slowly coming closer and closer. It was only a matter of time that it would close in on you and you’d be helpless. Taking a deep breath, you summoned all your emotions and controlled it, so the colors around you emerged. Your orange sweater had a tentacle-like limb growing from it, which you willed to strike the robot.
It went down without a fight, and you had three points, with fourteen minutes on the clock.
You dashed around the arena, trying to find more robots. When you did, you summoned that orange tentacle-like limb from your sweater and attacked it. However, on your twentieth point, you noticed that you had been slowing down, and your attacks were getting weaker, taking at least two slashes to cut down a robot.
You grunted as a robot flung you to a wall. Fuck.
Knowing this was going to happen, why didn’t you stop? Why did you go to this exam? You were never going to be a hero. You knew deep inside that you were the faceless and plain ___. There wasn’t anything that would make you a worthy hero, so why did you even bother?
This quirk, you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve to have a family. You don’t deserve to be a hero.
A bit of blood escaped your mouth and you wiped it away. You stood up again, mentally beating up yourself. You weren’t-aren’t enough to be on the same league as these people.
But that didn’t meant you couldn’t try.
Every student was shouting out their points. One kid was even already at his fortieth point! Your puny twenty points couldn’t even compare to his. “Fuck off!” You felt the heat coming off of your sweater and you had resisted the temptation of taking it off. This was going to happen once you had passed your limit.
The robot that threw you got destroyed by your quirk, and you were at twenty-two points now. Grinning like a madman, you ran across the fake city and looked for more robots. There were some rubble, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw another student struggling. He was stuck underneath one of the metal parts of the robot, and another one was approaching him.
He was hard to miss; he was very small, after all. Using your quirk, you grabbed the student from the metal just as the robot was about to land a hit on him. Your breaths were becoming ragged, and you forced yourself to stand up.
Not now.
The student you had just saved was looking up at you. His eyes had a glint towards you, so you decided to get away from him. What a fucking weirdo.
There were only five more minutes, the announcer said. You wasted time, and you were still at twenty-two points.
Goddamnit, you fucking weak piece of shit!
Deciding that it was time, you looked down on your red shoes. They were perfect, so you summoned all your energy and jumped. Another set of wiggling appendage emerged from it and using the momentum from your jump, it propelled you upwards.
Above the arena, you could see everyone else fighting. You gaped at them, as they were fighting with all they’ve got. Meanwhile, here you were, having a hard time using your own quirk.
You were slowly descending, and you predicted that it was going to be a rough landing. You made sure that you were landing directly on top of a three-point robot. As soon as you hit, a huge robot appeared behind you.
Turning around, you saw the zero-point robot one of the proctors had mentioned.
Shit.
For the third time that day, you had almost wanted to die.
You saw several students who were a bit slow to react; they were directly in the area of the robot. As you stumbled to stand up, orange and red shapes came out of your clothes. It grabbed the students that were the nearest and pulled them towards you. Not like you were far from the robot, but these people were at risk. “Go! Run!”
They looked at you curiously; some stared at the arms coming out of your clothes. This earned a frustrated grunt from you, and this pushed them to run. A few students passed by you, a fool that hadn’t even collected thirty points.
You closed your eyes as the glaringly obvious truth came unto you. You weren’t going to be able to pass the exam with that. This was expected, you didn’t have high hopes. But your dreams came crashing down.
No matter how hard you tried, your best was never going to be enough.
But at least, you tried, and that was important in that moment.
--
After the exam, you had come home. It was past your time of arrival, after Recovery Girl had healed you; it zapped your energy away. You walked so slowly, you can only imagine that your mom would be worried and angry at you. Of course, sending a text that you would be home late would anger her.
Who knows what kinds of scenarios she was thinking about?
Maybe she thought you were out, partying. She had always warned you against that. Maybe she thought you were drinking, and was sitting in the middle of a dark living room, waiting for you to come home, all drunk and stupid.
She won’t be wrong, you thought. I am stupid and childish.
As you entered the door, you braced yourself for the shouting that would ensue as soon as you step foot in the vicinity. However, nothing came. Opening your eyes, you saw your mother and your siblings staring up at you.
“Wha-“ Before you could utter a single word, they all went speeding towards you, with the exception of your brother.
Your mother hugged you, almost make you both fall. Her head was buried on your shoulder and she held you close. Your little siblings jumped up and down, shouting your ear off. This… didn’t make sense. What were they celebrating for? Why were they so happy?
“Sweetie, how was the exam?” With her soft voice, she uttered out the words that almost broke you.
“How, wha-how did you know?” You looked at her incredulously, wondering how she would even find out. Were you too loud and transparent? That was not a hero-like quality, and stealth was a really important thing to have! Could you not even keep a secret from your family without them finding out?
God, I am such a disgrace.
“You gave me the papers to sign them!” Leading you to the living room, she sat you down. It seemed as though she had already prepared for your arrival, as there were bread and tea on the table. “When you told me you weren’t going to take the exam anymore, you really didn’t think you fooled me, did you?”
Your sister tugged at your sweater, causing you to look down. She had an angered look on her face and she hit you several times. “Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?! I wanted ta see!” Her voice was a bit muffled because she had buried her face in your pants.
“When will the results come?” Turning your head, it was your brother who spoke. “Not that I care about a shitty exam, but whatever,” He huffed and scrolled through his phone.
“AKARUI!” Your mother stood up, but you quickly stopped her before she got convicted of attempted murder.
“It’s alright, mom. The results are given in a week or two, so we just have to wait,” Your mother slithered away, holding a glare to your brother. She mumbled that she was going to prepare dinner for you. As you watched her, your sister climbed on your lap. “Sorry I missed your birthday,”
She smiled at you and laughed loudly. “S’okay, ‘cuz my big sister’s gonna be a hero! She’s gonna stop all the villains for me!” Just like that, she had lifted your spirits up. You reached in your bag and gave her a paper bag.
“This is for you, this was the least I could do, after y’know, not being here,” After opening it, her eyes twinkled like stars. She bounced off of you and started shouting and running around the room. “Slow down! It’s not that big of a gift after all...” You lowered your gaze and your tone dropped.
“Are you kidding me? This is the limited edition Edgeshot figurine!” Looking into your eyes, she hugged you before pulling away. “I have to show this to mom!”
She dashed away and her shouts could be heard in the other room. “Hey, Aka, mom’s gonna kill you, by the way.” His eyes momentarily lifted from his gadget. He let out a clicking sound and rolled his eyes.
“I don’t care.” The amount of disrespect he was showing you was really pissing you off. You shifted your form on the couch and laid down, composing yourself and trying not to get your anger be the best of you.
“Don’t forget I’m still older than you,” While you knew that it was low to bring up that ‘I’m your elder’ argument, it was the only thing that ever worked with him. Besides, Akarui hadn’t smiled for a long time ever since his senior year. After a brief silence, you decided to speak again. “Do you think I’ll be accepted?”
“When you get accepted to U.A., I’ll follow you to that school and become a greater hero than you,” That was his only response, and you were happy with that. It meant he was listening, and that he expected you to pass. “You’re only a year older than me, so that’ll become reality soon.”
You strided across the room and patted his hair. “You’re so sappy when you try to be cool!” This made him annoyed, but he didn’t do anything. He just glared at you, but resumed looking at his face. “But, I won’t lose to you!”
You could hear your mother shout out that it was dinner time. The dish was kastsudon, and you knew that this was her specialty. Whenever she cooked this, something good was going to happen.
And it had worked. You were happy, and there was nothing else to lower you down.
Not this moment, at least.