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Newt never likes it when Thomas goes out alone. It always makes him nervous. Even if he’s not really alone, Vince would never allow that. Someone went with him, of course. But Newt’s not with him, can’t make sure he’s okay. He’s lost so many people in his lifetime, seen so many of his friends just walk away to never return. He understands why he needed to stay here, though, if he hadn’t people might’ve died.
It wasn’t anything too extreme, just a small fire. Vince sent Thomas and one of his own out to see if they could find any fire extinguishers in the nearest building; after everything, the simple tools had just completely slipped their minds. Thankfully, nobody got hurt. Just an overturned oil lamp that had been sitting too close to a pile of blankets. Not too much damage, either.
But the incident made Vince realize that they really didn’t have anything to put out a fire if something big started. They have water, sure, but water doesn’t put out all fires. So he sent out Thomas, even though it’s late and the sun has long since set. Not that the time would make any difference regarding Thomas’s safety.
Newt sighs, resting his chin on the backs of his hands and staring out at the waves. He’s sat curled up on the beach, arms folded on his knees. The waves never fail to calm his anxieties. There’s just something soothing about the sea. Maybe it’s because WCKD could never find him out there, in the vastness. It makes him feel safe.
He knows it hasn’t been that long, that there’s no point in worrying—but he just can’t help it. All the things that could possible go wrong play over and over in his head, like a video stuck in a loop. Deep down, he knows that Thomas is fine, that he’ll come back sooner or later having found what they needed and then some.
But Newt still worries. He doesn’t want to think about what would happen if the Cranks got Thomas while his guard was down. Though, logically, Newt knows that would never happen. He knows how Clever Thomas is, and that he’s way too smart for something like that to happen to him. But that doesn’t calm his mind.
A body plops down onto the sand beside him, interrupting his thoughts. He glances over, seeing Brenda shift into a more comfortable position. Newt likes Brenda, she’s tough. The past few months they’ve spend together, Newt and Thomas have grown pretty close to Brenda and Jorge, forming friendships that Newt is grateful for.
There aren’t many people that Newt trusts anymore—he’s not even sure he really trusts Vince. But he trusts those two. He somehow knows that they’d never do anything to hurt him or Thomas or Frypan. And that they’re willing to do almost anything to help them save Minho.
At first, Newt didn’t really understand. When they had agreed to help, they barely knew the Gladers. They’d only met a few days prior. But Brenda and Thomas had connected in the time they got separated. And whoever Brenda trusts, Jorge trusts. Newt’s still not sure what exactly happened between the two, but there must have been something. For some reason the thought of Brenda and Thomas makes his stomach clench painfully.
He doesn’t want to think about why, though. So he buries those thoughts for the time being and turns his gaze back to the ocean. As much as he likes Brenda, he’d rather just be alone at the moment.
“You always worry yourself sick when he goes off somewhere without you.”
“I’ve had a lot of people not ever come back.” He replies, not really in the mood to talk to her. Or anyone, for that matter.
He hears her hum in response. “Maybe. But he’ll always come back, you know. He’s too stubborn to just die and leave you all alone. He’d never do that to you.”
Newt huffs. “Stubbornness can’t prevent death.”
“You’d be surprised.”
They fall silent again after that, the only sounds around them are the crashing waves. Not even the crickets survived the Scorch.
Sometimes it seems as though the whole world’s like this. That there’s nowhere truly safe. But Newt knows that that’s not true. There has to be somewhere, somewhere WCKD will never find them, somewhere beautiful and calm and happy. He feels it, deep in his gut. One day it’ll all be okay.
There’s a place for us out there, somewhere.
Promises built on nothing but hopes and dreams, whispered in the dim light of a distant campfire. Newt believes it, though. And he could tell Tommy does, too. There is a place. And it’s probably really far away, but it’s there. Newt just knows it.
“He wouldn’t come back just for me.”
“No?”
Newt brings his legs closer to his chest. “He’d come back for you, too.”
Brenda lets out a breathy laugh, causing Newt to turn his head and look at her. “Yeah but it’s not the same. He’d walk all the way to the moon for you.”
Brenda’s words puzzle Newt. He’d been so sure that the two of them maybe had something for each other; the way they look at each other sometimes, the fact that neither of them ever really talk about what happened in the Scorch. Why would he mean more to Thomas than Brenda?
“Sorry?”
She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Lately, she’s been growing it out. Newt thinks she looks a little better with it this way, less rough. “You know. You’re his best friend, Newt. Practically all he talks about.”
The words make Newt’s chest tingle. He tries not to think too hard about the feeling. “Aren’t you two…uh…you know…?”
She snorts at that. “Me and Thomas? Nah. Tried to kiss him once, in the Scorch. Didn’t go so well. Of course, we were all hopped up on drugs. But still. Why? Would that bother you?”
“Why would it bother me?” He replies, almost a little too quickly. He’s not just going to say to her that yes, it does bother him, because then he’d have to think about it and Newt really doesn’t want to think about it. About what that means. It’s easier to just deny it.
She narrows her eyes at him, almost as if she’s trying to get in his head. “Sure, whatever.” She nods. “Still. Thomas’ll be back. He can take care of himself, so you don’t have to get your panties in a twist every time he goes out.”
If anyone other than Brenda had said that to him, he would be offended. Might’ve even punched ‘em. But he knows that insults and snippy remarks are how she shows her affection to people. So he doesn’t really take it to heart.
“I know. I just can’t help worrying.”
She looks at him for a long moment, head slightly tilted, as if calculating what she should say. Her eyes sparkle in the dim light—they’re far away from camp, the only thing keeping them from sitting in complete darkness being the full moon.
“After losing so many people, you can’t help but be scared you’ll lose the few that are left, huh?”
He nods, shifting so his forehead rests on his arms, his face hidden. Newt feels a consoling pat on his shoulder, and he hears Brenda stand up.
“Don’t worry too much, okay? He’ll be back soon.”
It’s not until she’s gone that Newt realizes how comforting her presence was. She can be insufferable at times—but all in all, she’s a good friend. He knows that she’s had to have lost people, too, considering the life she lived before they found her and Jorge. She doesn’t ever talk about it, though. Not to him, at least. Behind her tough exterior, he knows that she’s just as scared as the rest of them.
He sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. She’s right. Thomas’ll be okay, and he should be back soon. There’s no point in worrying so much over a little thing like this. Of course, at the time, it doesn’t exactly feel little. It feels big and scary and lonely. And Newt would give anything right now to just have Thomas sitting next to him.
He stays the way he is for several moments, breathing in and breathing out. When he finally lifts his head, he meets two doe-like brown eyes staring at him, all bright.
“Hey,” Thomas says. “You all right?”
Newt nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Sorry.” He brings a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes.
A warm arm drapes itself across his shoulders, suddenly making him realize just how cold the air is. “You worried about me?”
“A little.” He leans into Thomas’s body, feeling the tension start to drain out of him.
“Sorry.”
“Not your fault.” Newt feels stupid for getting so worked up over this. He knew Thomas was going to be okay; he always is. But it’s like Thomas leaves and Newt can’t turn his brain off, making up scenario after scenario. He thinks back to the conversation he and Brenda had minutes earlier, suddenly becoming very aware of how close he and Thomas are. Always easier not to think about it.
He opens his eyes, looking up this time. Stars dusted across the entire sky, twinkling. Probably one of the few remaining beautiful things in this world. Far away, where the sun can’t touch them.
It’ll be alright. He thinks. Soon, they’ll find Minho, be able to finally move on from this place. They’ll find their home, one day. And then everything will be alright. He focuses on the presence and warmth of Thomas beside him.
Yeah. It’ll be alright.