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How Not to Handle an Unrequited Crush

Summary:

In which Edward Nygma really needs to learn to interact with the object of his affections in a socially acceptable manner. (Get this man a relationships counselor. Or enroll him in an Introduction to Interpersonal Communication course at the local community college.)

Chapter Text

The boss was pacing, and that never meant anything good.  He was generally liked by the thugs of the Gotham Underworld, seeing as he paid well and never expected you to think up any ideas because “Who could possibly come up with something better than what I already have?” but everyone still knew to be wary when he was in one of his moods.  The only two people in the warehouse that were within 50 feet of his path were Diedre and Nina, more commonly known as Query and Echo, and the various brutes were fine with that.  Sure, they could take on Nygma in a fist fight, but if you messed with him, you messed with his two most trusted companions – and none of the guys were willing to take their chances on that battle.  Jack, one of the Riddler’s regular hires, was on sentry duty and inadvertently picked up some of their conversation.

 “I just think it would help if you knew how he felt about all this, boss.”

 "How he…” Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and took a quick breath.  “He’s dating someone ELSE, Query.  I think I know how he feels about ‘all this.’

 “Well yeah, but you don’t know how he feels about you.”

 “And what am I supposed to do about that, Echo – get him alone and force him to tell me wh-…oh.  OH.  Oh Eddie, you devilishly handsome genius, you.  That is exactly what we’ll do!”

 The women looked at each other.

 “Ummm…  What is it we’re doing, boss?”

 “Kidnapping, my dear girls!  We are going to kidnap him, and then I am going to force him to tell me why he didn’t choose me!”  Edward strolled jauntily back to his office, twirling his cane. 

 Oh great, thought Jack from his perch.  Well I hope he needs some muscle for this one…I could use the cash.