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One of the best things about dating your brother is that he already knows you so well, you’ve already lived together and learned to work together, and he already knows all the little things that make you happy. There’s no awkward stage when you move in where you start discovering little things like a disagreement on how to fold towels, or which way the toilet paper goes, at least in theory.
One of the worst things about dating your brother is that he already knows you so well, you’ve grown up sniping back and forth at each other, and he already knows all the little things that piss you off beyond all reason. Since you’re brothers, he won’t think twice about pushing those buttons just to annoy you.
Sam really didn’t know why he’d expected that to change when they agreed to become lovers as well. It’s not like he thought they’d never fight. They had very different opinions, strong wills, and the Winchester Family Stubborn Streak that meant neither was going to back down easily. Fighting was going to happen, probably even the kinds of fights that threatened to tear them apart. Like demon blood had, temporarily. Like the Hell Trials almost had, before Sam had agreed to give them up when he started getting sick. It wasn’t like they couldn’t find another Hellhound somewhere.
He had expected their first fight to be over something that actually mattered. Not over toilet paper. Sam was perfectly happy to live with the compromise they’d agreed to – it’s not like there was only one toilet in the Bunker, they could have their own toilets where they could have the toilet paper their own way. They’d each claimed a toilet and agreed that whoever ended up replacing the paper got to do it their way.
It was a good compromise, and it worked well. Right up until the day when Sam walked into his toilet and noticed the paper was the wrong way. It irritated him, but he just flipped it back while he was using the toilet. Not a big deal, this time. When he was done, he found Dean. “Why’d you mess with my toilet paper?”
Dean gave him an annoyed look. “I didn’t! You must have changed it while you were half-asleep.” He got to his feet and hugged him. “I knew I raised you better than that!”
“Whatever.” Sam had no intention of believing he’d actually done it, but he did have to acknowledge the possibility that he’d changed the roll while distracted and just forgotten. One time, he could let go.
The second time it happened, he was less forgiving. He confronted Dean again. “Did you forget which toilet is mine, or are you just being a jerk?”
“What are you talking about, bitch?”
“The toilet paper! It was the wrong way, again! I just changed the roll two days ago, and I very clearly remember putting it on right, so don’t try to bullshit me again.”
“Sammy… I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes! You do! So quit being ridiculous and just admit to it!” Sam stormed off before Dean could distract him and try to cool him down like before. He just wanted to be mad for a while.
The third time it happened, Sam didn’t bother with confronting Dean. It wouldn’t work. This meant war. He went into Dean’s toilet and flipped the roll there. Now it was just sitting back and waiting.
He didn’t have to wait long. Half an hour or so after dinner, Dean came storming into Sam’s old bedroom, which he’d repurposed as a quiet place for him to go to read. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I think I’m getting revenge on you for messing with me. What do you think you’re doing?”
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not messing with your stupid toilet paper? Not my fault you can’t remember which way you want it!”
Sam threw up his hands. “Who else would be messing with it, Dean? Cas? He doesn’t even use toilets! He has no reason to even be in there, let alone messing with the paper! No one else human has a key and pretty much anything supernatural we’re warded against, so give me a single possible alternative explanation than you screwing with me!”
“Gabriel. We’re not warded against angels, because we like Cas enough to want him to visit, Gabriel’s a trickster, he could have faked his death, he’s a trickster who loves screwing with you, which is why he’s messing with yours and not mine, and he’s got a warped sense of humor which is why he’s messing with the toilet paper in the first place. It’s your just desserts for being wrong about how it goes in the first place!”
“Except I’m not wrong about how it goes,” Sam snapped, buying himself precious seconds to come up with a better hole in Dean’s hypothesis than that. “After all this time lying low, why would Gabriel decide to show up and let us know he’s not dead like this?”
“What do I look like, the archangel whisperer? I don’t know how that dude’s brain works!”
“So I’m just supposed to believe it’s Gabriel.”
“Well, yeah. It’s not me. Swear to God, Sammy, I am not doing this.”
“Fine. Whatever.” Sam glared at Dean. “You know I’m gonna be pissed, if this keeps happening. Got any bright ideas to stop it that don’t lock Cas out too?”
“Nope. Sure hope Gabriel has some sense and knows he’s busted, so he can knock it off and we can get back to the happy part of being brothers in love instead of this fighting over bullshit.”
Call it the little brother in Sam. He couldn’t leave that alone. “You know, if you’re letting a bull shit in your toilet, we probably have bigger problems to fight about anyway.”
Dean opened his mouth to protest, shut it again, pointed at Sam, dropped his hand, and finally just jumped on him. “That was horrible. You need to make this one up to me.”