Archive of Our Own

2017 – The promise

Jihoon pushes through the crowd of people in search of a familiar mop of black hair that he could recognise anywhere. Unfortunately, there are approximately three times more people than usual in school right now and he is being swarmed by people of all sizes.

No one is going to tell him that he’s short – except himself.

Why do I not have longer legs, Jihoon curses as he forces another smile when someone congratulates him. He’s not one to be rude, but he has something heavier on his mind right now.

“God damn it where the hell are you,” Jihoon mutters under his breath.

He thinks about taking a detour to the buffet spread, which honestly looks very appetizing. They even have a special dessert corner; not too bad for a high school graduation, honestly. Even so, Jihoon supresses the temptations and tiptoes just enough to see above a few heads.

And just like an oasis in a desert, he spots the boy he has been looking for clad in the same graduation gown as he is. The boy is already smiling, his eyes forming the familiar crescents Jihoon loves being the receiver of.

He’s taking a picture with one of his friends, posing cutely while making a v shape with his fingers. For some unknown reason, he explodes into a fit of giggles almost after the camera flash goes off.

But that’s just the way Kang Daniel is.

“Yah, Kang Daniel!” Jihoon yells, catching his attention immediately. Daniel grins when he spots Jihoon, and says something to his friends who walk away after waving goodbye.

Daniel breaks into a sprint towards Jihoon, and for a moment, Jihoon is afraid that Daniel is going to knock him over like a big dog. He braces himself for impact, then feels his bones being crushed by Daniel’s arms around his waist.

“Happy graduation,” Daniel mumbles into Jihoon’s neck, making his hair stand. He relaxes when the familiar scent of Daniel wafts into his nose, and wraps his hands around Daniel’s back.

“Y-you’re,” Jihoon pants. “Crushing me.”

“Oh,” Daniel replies, and pulls away, grinning like he’s not sorry at all. He holds Jihoon away at arm’s length, hands still on the smaller boy’s shoulder as he scrutinizes Jihoon from his head to his toes. “You look cute.”

Jihoon wills the instinct to blush at Daniel’s words down.

“Thanks,” he rolls his eyes. “I know. Can’t you tell by all the flowers I’ve received?”

On cue, Jihoon holds up the three small bouquets of flowers in his hand, smiling proudly as he shows them off to Daniel.

He’s fibbing, of course. Jihoon couldn’t give two fucks about receiving 500 bouquets of flowers if it means that none of them are from the one that really matters. At this point, he’s just doing whatever the hell he can to assure himself that he’s going to be okay even without Kang Daniel by his side.

But who the hell is he kidding, right?

“I can tell,” Daniel muses, looking closely at the flowers. “Do my flowers still stand a chance?”

Jihoon’s heart skips two beats at that, and he struggles to keep his face as expressionless as possible. He crosses his arms, and shrugs, “Depends on what you have.”

Daniel slips his hand into his back pocket, and pulls out a stalk of rose.

“Just one?” Jihoon raises his eyebrows, but receives it anyway. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“One is enough to convey my true feelings,” Daniel argues, watching proudly as Jihoon transfers the three bouquets to his left hand and uses his right to hold the single stalk of rose.

“Right,” Jihoon laughs. “See if I believe that. I bet you just picked up one because you didn’t want to spend your money on me.”

Suddenly, Daniel hooks an arm around Jihoon’s neck.

“You’re still a brat, even after four years,” Daniel chides, drawing strange and disapproving looks from the people around them when he doesn’t let go of Jihoon. Jihoon taps on his arm furiously, until Daniel finally relents.

“I hate you,” Jihoon snaps when he finally catches a breath of air.

“You don’t mean that,” Daniel quips.

“I do,” Jihoon says with conviction. “I’m going to eat the food, are you coming?”

“Coming!”

Jihoon really marvels over how powerful yet misleading words can be. How is it that people can say one thing, but really mean the complete opposite?

Just like how he says, “I hate you”, when he really means:

I like you.

Daniel has half a mind to grab all the remaining eclairs left on the buffet table to feed Park Jihoon. Hell, he would enrol himself in a cooking school just to be able to cook all the food that Jihoon likes, if it makes the other boy happy.

“Why are you smiling at me, that’s so creepy,” Jihoon whines, dusting his hands as he finishes his éclair.

“Just wondering how you’re going to ever get married in the future if you’re this much of a messy eater,” Daniel replies, reaching over to wipe a chocolate stain the other boy had somehow managed to get on his left cheek. “Are you still hungry?”

“Yes,” Jihoon admits. “But I’m not that much of a pig to gorge myself during my graduation.”

“Who the hell cares,” Daniel replies. “You’re already out of this school.”

“Everyone except you,” Jihoon says. “You’ve seen too much of me, that’s why you don’t care.”

Daniel falls silent, because he knows Jihoon is telling the truth. They’re so close, anyone would think that they don’t have any boundaries in their friendship. And to a certain extent, they’re right. They’ve done almost everything together.

There’s a very clear boundary that Daniel has always been afraid to cross. They’ve been through so much together, yet Daniel wants to be selfish.

He wants more out of their friendship. He wants them to be something just a little more.

But there’s so much on the line for the both of them. He doesn’t want to miss out on the only person that has made him as giddy as Park Jihoon, yet he doesn’t have the courage to take the first step forward.

“Hey,” Daniel begins, his throat drying up at the thought of not being able to stay by Jihoon’s side anymore. “Thank you for the past 4 years.”

He can tell Jihoon is avoiding his gaze on purpose.

“Don’t get sappy on me now,” Jihoon sighs.

“Okay, okay,” Daniel smiles, knowing how much Jihoon hates getting all emotional. “I just wanted to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Jihoon shrugs. “I didn’t want to be friends with you.”

Daniel chuckles, remembering how Jihoon had given him the cold shoulder for the longest time when he first transferred here. And because of all they’ve been through since then, Daniel just can’t find the right words to put his feelings into.

Jihoon smiles, and it’s like the sun is rising all over again. Daniel feels a warm bubble in his chest and turns into ice immediately when he comes to the realisation that Jihoon may never be his.

And then, he has a crazy idea.

“I have a proposition,” he says.

“Shoot,” Jihoon shrugs, not thinking much.

Daniel hesitates, “It’s kind of dumb.”

“Just say it,” Jihoon finally stares him down.

He takes a deep breath.

“I just thought… maybe we could promise each other. If we’re both still single in ten years, let’s just marry each other instead.”

There’s silence that fills the air after, except for the soft chattering in the building a distance away from where they’re sitting, under the tree they first met at.

Daniel regrets it immediately, he’d crossed the line. Jihoon is going to think that he’s creepy, and he’s never going to call him up again and their friendship is ruined just because Daniel wanted something more-

“Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

“Really?” Daniel can’t believe his ears.

“Why the hell not,” Jihoon says, mimicking the way Daniel says the exact same phrase every time he’s in a dilemma whether to do something or not. “Let’s marry each other if no one else wants to marry us.”

“Promise me,” Daniel holds out his pinky. “You won’t go back on your word.”

Jihoon links his pinky with Daniel’s.

“I promise you, Kang Daniel.”

Gifting a single stalk of rose symbolises:

You are my first love.

2013 – The maple tree

“Class, a new student will be joining you today,” their homeroom teacher’s voice echoes throughout the room, and Jihoon lifts his head up in curiosity. “Come on in, Daniel.”

Daniel? Jihoon thinks. Is the new student a foreigner?

Jihoon doesn’t miss the way both the girls and boys in his class gasp when the new student steps into the class. He’s carrying a black backpack, slung on his right shoulder in typical cool kid’s fashion. He’s wearing the same uniform as they all are; but somehow, it fits just right on his broad shoulders and his eyes peek through his black bangs.

“Hi everyone,” the new student greets amidst the silence. “My name is Kang Daniel, but you can all just call me Daniel. Um… I hope we get along well? That’s all.”

He raises his right hand to scratch the nape of his neck awkwardly.

“Daniel here has just moved back to Korea after living in Canada for five years. He’s three years older than you, but he’ll be studying the same things as you due to the difference in education systems. But I hope you can welcome him as a friend,” the teacher instructs.

Daniel smiles, and glances across the class.

Their eyes lock for just a second.

And that’s all it really takes for Jihoon to know that things are most likely not going to end well.

“Can I sit here?”

Jihoon looks away from the crowd at the assembly area to the voice behind him. It’s the new student in his class – Kang Daniel, standing with a yellow lunchbox in his hand.

“Can I say no?”

For a moment, Daniel looks stunned. He regains his composure easily and takes a seat beside Jihoon, clicks open his lunchbox and rubs his hands together with glee like a little child.

“No, you can’t say no,” Daniel smiles. “Because I just decided that I like this spot.”

“It’s my favourite spot too,” Jihoon argues, frustration already rising from his chest at the invasion of privacy. It’s always been him, and just him sitting under the huge maple tree a distance away from the main building.

But it’s shady and quiet here, with nobody to bother him and his thoughts.

So why is this new student disturbing his peace?

“Then let’s share,” Daniel concludes, and holds out a piece of kimbap to Jihoon.

Jihoon stares at the piece of food being offered to him, not knowing what to do with it.

“I don’t want it,” Jihoon finally turns away. “You can eat it on your own.”

He then turns away, and buries his head between his knees, and hopes that Daniel won’t come back again tomorrow.

Daniel treads wearily, like how he always is around the other boy.

He’s often described by his friends (and himself) as a free-spirit. Daniel is often not fearful of how others view him. He’s just him – Daniel Kang, whether people like it or not. But when he’s around Jihoon, he feels like he has to choose his words and actions carefully, for fear that he’ll offend the other boy.

Or worse, hurt him.

Oh, and Daniel also means he has to tiptoe while approaching Jihoon, because he can get real grouchy when he’s interrupted.

“Oh, come on,” Jihoon groans, and Daniel’s heart sinks, knowing he’s been found out.

He squeaks when Jihoon turns around, with his signature death glare that Daniel has been the receiver of too many times, and freezes in his spot.

“Do you know that you are about a hundred times more distracting if you try to be quiet while approaching me than if you would normally?” Jihoon snaps when Daniel takes his usual seat next to Jihoon.

The ground around them is already significantly bare compared to other parts of the ground underneath the maple tree – a sign of the times.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel pouts, then remembers that he has the power to make Jihoon smile.

He pulls out a familiar green bar from his backpack and hands it to Jihoon.

“For you,” Daniel says. “It’s a hot day today, isn’t it?”

Jihoon mumbles something like I told you not to get food for me anymore yet you keep doing it.

Daniel ignores him. He’s long grown accustomed to the way Jihoon is over the past three months. Although Jihoon’s words may be cold sometimes, his actions show otherwise. He tears open the ice-cream packet and starts eating it immediately.

Daniel chuckles silently, noting how much of a soft spot Jihoon has in front of food.

“Why don’t you go play soccer with the other guys?” Jihoon asks, gazing over at the soccer field, where many students from their class have gathered; mostly guys. “You always have so much energy, might as well channel it to doing sports instead.”

“Then you would miss me,” Daniel shrugs.

And Daniel would miss him.

“We’re in the same class,” Jihoon says.

“I want to spend time with you outside of class too.”

“Why?”

“Just because,” Daniel’s eyes flutter to the boy beside him.

Jihoon never looks at him. He’s always looking somewhere else, at someone else, maybe. Daniel doesn’t have the courage to ask. Even then, Jihoon is staring ahead of him instead of Daniel.

“I just want to be friends with you,” Daniel admits.

“Friends?” Jihoon echoes.

“Yeah, friends.”

And for the first time since the beginning, Daniel is the receiver of Park Jihoon’s radiant smile.

Daniel has never really taken notice how many of his friendships were formed. Most of his friends are made through classes, mutual friends and events that he attends. There’s no significant friendship that he remembers wanting, craving, even.

But even after years and years have passed, Daniel will always remember June 2013 – when a certain friendship was formed under the big maple tree that will last through the challenges of time.

2018 – The deleted messages

I miss Daniel, is the first thing that Jihoon thinks when he steps into the decently sized room after climbing up three flights of stairs. He’s already out of breath, and his heart only clenches more when he thinks about how Daniel would tease him about being out of shape and how Jihoon needs to follow him to the gym soon.

It’s only his first day, but Jihoon feels like crying and calling his mom to pick him up and bring him home.

Everything feels so foreign, so new, and so unfamiliar. Just when Jihoon was getting used to the grey walls and the black blazers, he has to move on again.

Just when Jihoon had found someone he could finally be himself with, he has to find new friends again.

Jihoon takes the bed in the corner, and starts unpacking his things. He’s the first one to arrive, and wonders if his roommates are going to be nice. He thinks about texting Daniel, and asking him how’s Canada, then stops himself.

Knowing Daniel, he’s probably already best friends with his new roommates in his new college. And who is Jihoon to hold him back from meeting new people, really?

Jihoon groans and deletes the message he’d wanted to send, not wanting to make Daniel worry just because he’s feeling uncomfortable in a new school setting.

He can always text Daniel later. Daniel is his constant, he’s never going to disappear. Jihoon can count on Daniel to be there for him when he needs it – but he thinks he can hold out, just for a little while, even if it hurts.

There are two light knocks on his door, and all thoughts of Daniel disappear immediately.

“Hi! Are you my new roommate?”

“No, I’m just the janitor. I’m here to clean the room with two luggages in my hands, what do you think?”

Jihoon’s going to hit it off with his new roommate, he knows it.

Huh, Kang Daniel, Jihoon thinks while exchanging knowing smiles with the snaggletooth boy standing at their front door. Looks like I can make my own friends too.

2014 – The crush

“Jihoon, you’re acting weird today,” Daniel whines when their chemistry teacher dismisses their class.

Jihoon shakes the bigger boy (more like puppy) off his arm and pretends not to notice the group of seniors that walk into their room to look for a certain Bae Jinyoung. Among the seniors, one particular boy stands out.

“Hi, Jinyoungie!”

Jihoon feels like he’s about to die when Hwang Minhyun smiles at his classmate and waves.

“Hi, hyung!”

“C’mon Jihoon,” Daniel tugs on his arm. “I’m hungry, let’s go get lunch before the store gets crowded.”

Grudgingly, Jihoon allows Daniel to pull him away from his seat. He feels his legs wobbling like jelly when he catches Minhyun ruffling Jinyoung’s hair out of the corner of his eye and forces himself to look away.

“Are you okay?” Daniel frowns, and puts the back of his palm to Jihoon’s forehead. “You aren’t sick, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Jihoon swats Daniel’s hand away, feeling a little bit hot. It’s definitely not a fever, though. “Let’s just get out of here.”

Still, Daniel takes off his school jacket and wraps it around Jihoon’s shoulders.

“Make sure you don’t get a cold. Do you still want to sit at our usual spot?”

“Of course.”

Daniel knows.

Of course, he knows. How the fuck can he not know when Jihoon is obviously not listening to any of his stories about Peter and Rooney. How can he not notice the glances Jihoon has been sparing a certain senior when he walks past them in the hallway.

“You know, you should just go for it,” Daniel finally says.

“Huh?” Jihoon turns to look at him for the first time today. Daniel stuffs a cracker into Jihoon’s open mouth and ignores the glare Jihoon has on his face.

It suits Jihoon perfectly, though Daniel prefers his smile way more.

“I said just tell him you like him,” Daniel cocks his head towards the small crowd gathering at the assembly area, all eyes on the star – Hwang Minhyun with his acoustic guitar and honey like voice. “You never know what’s going to happen.”

Jihoon’s ears redden at the realization of being caught, but Daniel just waves him off.

“Shut up,” Jihoon mumbles. “I know I don’t stand a chance, but just let me admire him from a distance.”

Daniel pops another cracker into Jihoon’s mouth. Even this has become has a habit now – feeding Jihoon tidbits just because the other boy doesn’t want to get his hands dirty.

“What the hell is so good about him anyway,” Daniel grumbles.

Thankfully, Jihoon doesn’t hear him. He’s too busy listening to Hwang Minhyun singing a different song now.

Right now, the ground is clad in a carpet of red maple leaves. There’s a small one stuck in Jihoon’s dark brown locks. Stretching out his arm, Daniel helps Jihoon retrieve it. The other boy doesn’t even stir from his position, and Daniel just chuckles to himself.

“Dummy,” Daniel mumbles while shaking his head. “Hwang Minhyun doesn’t know how fortunate he is, to be liked by you.”

What exactly does Hwang Minhyun have, that Daniel doesn’t?

2021 – Hi, Hello.

Daniel half expects someone to tackle him in his ribs when he comes out of the auditorium after collecting his graduation certificate. It’s impossible, but things just don’t feel right when Park Jihoon isn’t here to insult him and make Daniel stop taking pictures with his friends to go rummage the buffet table with him.

Jihoon would be very impressed with the spread of food Daniel’s college has prepared today. It’s just such a shame that there’s no way Jihoon is going to be here, in Canada.

“Yo, happy graduation man,” Seongwoo slings an arm around Daniel’s shoulder. “Why the long face?”

“What long face?” Daniel fakes a smile while posing for a selfie with his friend.

Seongwoo smiles, satisfied with the picture. (Just because he looks good – he doesn’t care how good Daniel looks in the picture.)

“You miss him?”

Daniel freezes for a moment, not expecting anyone to voice his thoughts aloud. He remembers talking to Seongwoo about Jihoon on a few occasions. Just a few – but those talks are one where Daniel pours out his feelings to his friend. Hidden feelings like he will never be able to voice out loud.

“Yeah,” Daniel admits. “I miss him. A lot.”

“Call him,” Seongwoo shrugs.

“Huh?”

“Just call him,” Seongwoo says. “You’re high school best friends. Are you going to let four years in college change that?”

Daniel glances down at his phone and at Jihoon’s number. Ever since he’d flown over to Canada, they’ve exchanged a few messages at the start of their first year. By second year, they’ve only sent birthday and Christmas wishes to each other.

By the third, Daniel forgets to wish Jihoon due to the pile up of projects.

Jihoon doesn’t wish him that year either.

“You can do it, Daniel,” Seongwoo sends him off with an encouraging pat on his shoulder, and leaves Daniel to his own devices.

Daniel retreats to an empty exit staircase passage and opens up his Instagram.

What are the odds, Daniel chuckles. Jihoon is graduating today as well. He’s posting pictures with his family and friends Daniel has come to recognise from Jihoon’s pictures.

Jihoon looks happy, to say the least.

Daniel doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing by dialling Jihoon’s number. Maybe it’s for the best that their conversations have dwindled over the four years. Daniel was never supposed to be anything more to Jihoon anyway.

“He-hello?”

Jihoon’s voice sounds deeper, or maybe it’s always been this way with phone calls.

“Daniel? Is that you?”

Daniel clears his throat, and smiles even though Jihoon can’t see him. It’s then that he realises how much he’s missed the other boy. With just the sound of his voice, Daniel feels like they’re back under the maple tree in their high school again.

“It’s me, dummy.”

“Oh,” Jihoon pauses, probably as taken-aback as Daniel is right now. “Hey.”

Daniel realises it’s his turn to say something.

“I just called, to wish you a happy graduation.”

“O-oh. You too, happy graduation. What are you doing after this?”

And maybe, Daniel wishes Jihoon will be hoping that he can fly back to Korea, and everything can be back to normal again. They can continue like the past four years never happened.

Daniel sighs, knowing that is not the reality.

“I have an internship offered to me by an advertising company in Canada,” Daniel explains. “I think I’m going to take the offer up. The pay is good, the people are nice… and maybe I’ll sign on full time if they want me.”

Tell me to come back, tell me to come back home to you.

“That sounds amazing,” Jihoon sounds so sincere, Daniel can’t help but feel proud of himself. “I’m so happy for you.”

Daniel feels something stinging his eyes, and leans his head backwards to prevent the tears from flowing down his face. He takes a deep breath, and composes himself.

Come on, Kang Daniel. You can do this. You’ve already let go of him once, what’s another time to you?

“Thank you, for being happy for me. That means so much to me.”

Daniel can’t say he’s happy, he would be lying.

Jihoon misses his voice so, so much. The tears are already threatening to fall when Daniel’s voice travels through the receiver and into his ears. He immediately dashes out of the building to get to a quieter place so he doesn’t miss a second of Daniel’s voice.

Daniel talks about his internship, and Jihoon’s heart sinks.

He doesn’t want to be selfish, but deep down, he’s been wishing for Daniel to come back to Korea after completing his studies. As long as he can see Daniel, smell Daniel and touch Daniel, Jihoon is convinced that everything can and will go back to normal, just like four years ago.

But he doesn’t want to be selfish to hold Daniel back from greater things. Daniel sounds like he’s happy with his future plans, and Jihoon doesn’t have the heart to voice out what he really feels.

“What about you?” Daniel asks again after a long pause. “What are you going to do now?”

It’s been a while since they’ve last talked – they’ve run out of things to talk about.

“I uh,” Jihoon hesitates. “I’m going to travel, and meet some new people. I’m going to make videos of all the places I visit. It’s not much of a plan but I guess it’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since.”

“Yeah,” Daniel agrees. “Let me know if you’re ever stopping by Canada, alright?”

Jihoon laughs, not because of Daniel, but because he knows he will never, and he means absolutely never make a stopover to Canada just to meet Daniel. And it’s all because he knows he’s going to have to say goodbye.

If they’re going to have to go their separate ways in the end, why prolong his suffering by getting his hopes up again?

“And Jihoon?”

“Yeah?”

“The promise we made four years ago,” Daniel says. “We still keeping to that?”

Jihoon’s face heats up as he recalls the linking of their pinkies under the maple tree in their high school graduation outfits.

“Of course,” Jihoon’s voice is shaky. “A promise is a promise, right?”

“Right,” Daniel chuckles. “I have to go. Keep in touch, okay?”

“Okay,” Jihoon nods, even though Daniel can’t see him.

Who are they even kidding.

They don’t wish each other a happy birthday that year either.

2015 – The first kiss

It happens on a Monday night.

They’re both lying down on Jihoon’s bed, his head on Daniel’s chest, and watching the latest rerun of their favourite drama. It’s therapeutic, to get used to the constant rise and fall of Daniel’s chest as he breathes in and out, and Jihoon finds himself drifting off to sleep.

“I can leave now,” Daniel says, his voice rising slightly above the laptop volume. “Then you can go to sleep.”

“Don’t move,” Jihoon commands. “It’s too comfortable.”

Being comfortable is one thing, but wanting Daniel to stay and never leave is another. Jihoon discovers this fear when he’s seventeen.

The fear of falling in love with your best friend.

“The bed’s too small for both of us,” Daniel argues, even though he’s slept in it countless times already. Jihoon doesn’t know why they always come to this argument – about the bed being too small to fit both of them.

“We’ll make it fit,” Jihoon answers curtly. “If you want to leave, just leave.”

And then, silence. Daniel doesn’t even stir, and Jihoon starts to fear that he may have let the wrong thing slip out from his mouth.

“Jihoon?”

Jihoon shuts his eyes, hoping Daniel’s voice will go away. Hoping his feelings for Daniel will eventually go away; because it’s so, so scary to be in love with someone that’s so close, yet so far away from him.

“Hey, let’s talk about it,” Daniel sits up, catching Jihoon’s head before it falls off to the side and helps him to sit up. “Don’t shut me out.”

Jihoon finally opens his eyes to look at Daniel.

When did he find out that he’d fallen for his best friend?

Was it from the very start? When their eyes locked in that classroom on Daniel’s first day? Or was it a gradual thing – did Jihoon start to fall for the little things first; or all at once? Either way, it hurts so bad, and Jihoon doesn’t know how to fix it.

“Is this about Hwang Minhyun?”

“No, it’s not about Hwang Minhyun,” Jihoon replies. “I don’t like him, I’m over him, and I don’t want to talk about him.”

It’s about you – all of you.

“Look, what went wrong today?” Daniel asks. “You guys were hitting it off so well previously. I swear he’s in love with you. What the hell happened? Did he reject you?”

Jihoon’s fingers clench together to form a fist. Why does Daniel keep asking him about Hwang Minhyun? The truth is, Jihoon doesn’t feel a thing for the other boy anymore. He wishes he still could make his heart beat faster whenever Minhyun was around, but life doesn’t work the way you want it to.

“Nothing happened,” Jihoon grunts. “I didn’t ask him.”

“What?” Daniel looks shocked. Jihoon understands, he’s been gushing about Minhyun for almost half a year, and just when he’s starting to get closer to Minhyun, everything starts to fall apart and suddenly Jihoon realises that he’s misread the entire situation.

This whole time, he’s been in love with someone else instead.

“I swear to God if he rejected you I’m going to end him,” Daniel threatens. “What went wrong? I even set you guys up for a few study dates.”

Jihoon laughs emptily and glances up at Daniel through his bangs. Daniel looks troubled by the new information, since he’d expected everything between Jihoon and Minhyun to go well. The frown on his face is adorable, and Jihoon finally accepts his more than platonic feelings for Kang Daniel.

And for just a second, Jihoon wonders what it would feel to be brave.

“Kang Daniel,” Jihoon commands. “Look at me.”

“What?” Daniel turns, and Jihoon decides:

Fuck it.

With his right hand under Daniel’s jaw and his left resting on Daniel’s left shoulder, Jihoon pushes forward. He pushes with all his might, and closes his eyes when he feels Daniel’s moist lips on his.

It’s different feeling Daniel like this. For a moment, it feels like his chest is on fire and it hurts. And then, everything slows down and Jihoon relaxes, and decides: this is okay.

He wonders if he could ever use actions to express what he really wants to say right now.

If he could, this is what he would say:

I want you.

Daniel registers so many things at once. Jihoon’s soft hands, and his even softer lips on his own. For a moment, he doesn’t know how to react.

He’s prepared himself for every single conclusion to the Jihoon-Minhyun discourse.

If they get together – Daniel is going to support them wholeheartedly. Even if it hurts, it’s all going to be worth it if Jihoon genuinely feels happy with someone he likes.

If they don’t – Daniel is already prepared to smash his piggybank and buy Jihoon all the sweets in the world and spoil him by bringing him to the arcade and the movies to forget about Hwang Minhyun.

But he’s definitely not prepared for this.

His body reacts first, by pulling Jihoon even closer to him, until there is barely any distance between them anymore. Jihoon is already on his lap, kissing him like his life depends on it.

Daniel doesn’t know why Jihoon is kissing him, but he really can’t be bothered either. All he knows is that they’ve waited too fucking long to do this, because it feels so good and for the first time, Daniel lets himself be selfish – and treats Jihoon the way he’s always wanted to.

Jihoon’s room is only filled with them shifting around on Jihoon’s bed, and the sound of their lips together. Daniel wishes they could stay like this forever.

His heart sinks immediately when Jihoon pulls away, and looks him right in the eyes.

Neither of them say anything, and Jihoon buries his head into Daniel’s chest, and sobs.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

Back then, Daniel had wondered why Jihoon had apologised. He hadn’t done anything wrong, they weren’t doing anything wrong.

So why?

2023 – The comment

Seven years later, Daniel finally finds the answer.

Jihoon had been apologising in advance – for breaking, bruising and taking apart his heart, a piece at a time.

It’s another late night in the office, but Daniel is used to it. Since he’s been offered a full-time job a year ago, he’s been working from sunrise to sunset. His body is tired, but it can never be compared to how mentally exhausted he is.

When the words on his laptop finally make no sense at all to him, he decides it’s time for a coffee break.

There’s no one in the room, but he can still see lights being turned on two rooms down.

Most of the newcomers like Daniel are working harder than ever, all eager to be the one to get that year-end promotion to get better working hours, a better pay, and a bigger office. He doesn’t want to fall behind, so he runs – even if it feels like he’s being blindfolded in this horse race, because he can’t see the end at all.

His phone buzzes while he’s at the pantry.

It’s an email from his manager, asking him to prepare a proposal for tomorrow’s meeting before knocking off from work tonight. Daniel glances at the clock – it’s already nine at night, he can probably try to squeeze something out from his remaining brain cells in the next two hours before heading home.

Daniel’s fingers “slip” and starts up his Instagram which he has neglected ever since he’d started working full time.

He scrolls through Seongwoo’s selfies with his soon to be wife, and reminds himself to send his friend a congratulatory message.

It seems like everyone is moving on, except Daniel himself.

Even Jihoon is moving on.

His most recent is him sitting on the edge of a cliff, with the location tagged at Athens, Greece.

Daniel is glad to know that his first love still looks as stunning as ever. It’s not the hundreds of thousands of likes and comments he’s getting on every post, or the way he’s edited his pictures that enhances the background hues.

It’s more the smile Jihoon has on his face in every photo – like he’s happy, and free.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that’s finally catching up to Daniel, or just the nostalgia that rises in his chest looking through Jihoon’s feed.

He sends the comment swiftly on one of Jihoon’s pictures from three days back, and turns his phone off immediately. Daniel can’t be reminiscing the old times, not when he has boring proposals to prepare and sleep to catch up on.

Realdanik: I miss you.
(10 seconds ago)

2024 – The blog post

“Hey, Jihoon,” a cheery voice greets Jihoon from the counter, and Jihoon beams immediately. The blonde girl never fails to make his mornings, as hard as they are. It’s been three weeks since Jihoon has seen Jiwoo, but she looks like she’s doing well.

“Good morning, Jiwoo,” he replies cheerily. “How have things been?”

“You know,” she shrugs. “The usual. How was your trip?”

“Amazing,” Jihoon admits, holding himself back from telling Jiwoo about all the sights he’d seen on his trip to The Netherlands. He holds up his camera as proof, and she laughs.

“The new interns are coming in today,” Jiwoo resumes her professional stance, handing Jihoon a thick file of particulars. “I think you’d like to meet some of them.”

“Have I told you that I’m a very busy person?” Jihoon pretends to be annoyed.

“Of course,” Jiwoo replies with an innocent smile. “But I also think that it’s time for you to stop looking so far away from home to meet new people. Some of them are right under your nose, Jihoon.”

As if on cue, the door to their main office bursts open, a loud voice which can only belong to Ha Sungwoon commands the long line of youngsters into the room. Jihoon and Jiwoo share a knowing shake of the head, but still smile when Sungwoon explains the basics of how their company functions, the ethics, and values they all go by.

“And this is the man behind it all,” Sungwoon rolls his eyes when a few girls (and guys) squeal when they walk up to meet Jihoon. “A professional blogger, photographer, and videographer, but still goes by ‘winkingie’ everywhere on the internet.”

The interns clap, and Jihoon feels himself blushing already.

“You want to talk to them?” Sungwoon raises his eyebrows as he lowers his voice. “Or are you going to be too busy editing the pictures you took on your trip?”

Jihoon can expresses very well how he feels on screen, in writing and in pictures.

When people come into the picture, that’s when things get a little complicated. With new people, it’s not too bad. Jihoon loves meeting people from all around the world, because they don’t have a fixed perception on who he is, so he doesn’t have to act a certain way just to maintain that image people have of him.

Meeting people who know him, or who the people in the office refer to as his “fans” is a challenge every time. There’s so many expectations, that Jihoon is one of the best of his trade when in reality, he’s just following his gut feel.

Jihoon scratches the nape of his neck awkwardly, not missing the anticipating glances he gets from the young interns.

“I could try,” Jihoon shrugs. “If you guys would like to listen to an old man like me talk.”

The interns clap enthusiastically again, and Jihoon finds himself relaxing.

Maybe it’s time to stop running away to places far away, and start returning home instead.

Talking to the new interns is a big success. Jihoon doesn’t feel like it’s a press conference like he always fears talking to people will be like.

“So you aren’t dating anyone?” one intern raises his hands and asked. “Have you ever fell in love while travelling?”

There’s a chorus of giggles that follow after, but everyone seems interested to hear the answer, even Jiwoo and Sungwoon, who Jihoon would have expected to shut down the question immediately.

“Yeah Jihoonie,” Sungwoon even adds on. “Do tell!”

“I don’t have time to date,” Jihoon shrugs. “I guess… if the right one comes along, I’ll know.”

Everyone starts “Aww”ing and Jihoon fiddles with his fingers nervously.

What he doesn’t say is how he knows he’s already found the right one – seven years ago, in the classroom when the other had introduced himself, and when their eyes found each other first.

Jihoon doesn’t know what compels him to write a completely unplanned blog post that night. Beside him is a cup of hot tea, and he settles comfortably into his chair with a blanket over his lap. He’s comfortable, and had been planning to catch up on his favourite drama series.

But then he sees the single stalk of rose, dried up but preserved all these years, his fingers fly across his keyboard.

He misses the way Daniel’s eyes crinkle into crescents, and the addictive laughter that comes along with the muted giggling when Daniel doesn’t want Jihoon to know that he’s laughing. He wonders if Daniel still carries the same amount of sunshine with him around – and if the people around him know how lucky they are to have met someone so full of warmth.

Right now, Jihoon has a decently sized apartment, but it’s cold, so cold.

All it takes is a call to Canada, a ‘hello, how are you doing’ to fix things, Jihoon tells himself.

But he, Daniel and everyone else knows things aren’t as simple as they seem.

So Jihoon just writes. Daniel’s never going to see it – why would he? They haven’t said a word to each other in years, and Jihoon is positive the other has moved on. He’s always the one being left behind, he’s always the one that wants to hold on and never let go.

“Remember our promise?”

Today I miss you more than all the other days. It’s not a special day. It’s a perfectly ordinary day, and maybe that’s why I miss you so much more today. I miss the way we were everything, yet nothing at the same time. I am home physically, but I’ve never felt at home. Not without you.

I know promises were made to be broken, but for once, I wish we could keep ours.

2025 – The downfall

Daniel loses everything at once.

“I’m really sorry, Daniel. But it can’t be helped. Times are moving, and we have to move to. This is not the end, and we really appreciate all you’ve done for us in this company. Unfortunately, we’ll have to let you go. But we’ll refer you to our partners back in Korea.”

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It was never supposed to end up like this. He was supposed to rise up through the ranks through pure hard work, but someone with more money and better connections always got the position instead.

And when people are trying to move on with technology, more people start to lose the reigns they thought they had held on so tightly onto.

There’s nothing Daniel can say. Even if he were to beg, and go down on his knees, nothing would change. This is his fate, and there’s nothing he can do to change it.

And so with his airplane ticket in his left hand and baggage in his right, Daniel wonders if there’s anywhere in Korea left for him to go home to.

He’d never planned to return to Korea like this.

He’d never planned to return to Jihoon like this.

Maybe he should plan to never return to Jihoon at all.

Who’s to say the other boy is still waiting for him anyway?

Jihoon’s on his fifth cup of soju when he already feels lightheaded. He’s always such a lightweight, it’s pathetic.

He’s pathetic.

It shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does. And the worst thing is, Jihoon’s heart isn’t hurting because he’d got dumped after three months of nothingness.

His heart is hurting because he’d already foreseen the end from the beginning.

Jihoon knows he and Jisung would never have worked out. And sometimes he fails to see logic in his own reason – because Jisung is everything he could have asked for. The man is caring, so much so that he never fails to put Jihoon’s wellbeing before his own. The man is sweet and loving, Jihoon is sure if it weren’t for a certain someone else in the picture, he would have long fell for Yoon Jisung.

Jihoon knows they would have an end before they even began – because his heart has already been stolen, taken, and kept locked away by someone else.

Even after all these years has passed, Jihoon still can’t find the key.

Crocodile tears; one would call his tears.

But he’s sincerely  heartbroken, not from his break up, but from thinking about how different things could be now if he has just pushed the limits a little more years ago.

2026 – The memories

Jihoon keeps walking and walking, until he ends up at a very familiar white main gate.

“Huh,” he sounds aloud.

What are the odds?

“Sir?” he hears a deep voice. “Can I help you?”

He turns around, and sees a security guard approaching him from the guard house. The guard squints at Jihoon’s face for a moment, then scrutinizes his clothing and sees the camera slung around his shoulder and comes to the sudden realization.

“You’re that famous blogger, aren’t you?” the guard finally asks. “W-wink-i- what was it?”

“Just Park Jihoon will do,” Jihoon holds out his hand first and bows when the guard takes it.

He really should have chosen a better name back then – now he’s start with people recognising him as an embarrassing nickname Daniel had given to him back then. And then he remembers.

Daniel.

“Is it okay if I walk around for a while?” Jihoon asks, glancing into the school, which seems to be empty at the moment. “Are the students on vacation?”

The guard nods gleefully, “Yes, they are. I suppose nobody would mind if the famous Park Jihoon came to take a look. I’ll hand you a pass, please give me a moment.”

The guard hurries back with the visitor pass and Jihoon thanks him gratefully. Coming back to his high school was definitely not on his to do list today, but his feet ended up bringing him here, and remenising the past isn’t going to hurt.

“Is today a special day?” the guard asks curiously as Jihoon wears the pass over his neck.

“Huh?” Jihoon replies. “No, it isn’t. Am I missing something?”

“Nothing,” the guard waves Jihoon off. “There just seems to be a lot of school alumni coming back today. Have fun looking around!”

The guard quickly goes back to his post, and buzzes Jihoon in. He waves goodbye, and takes the first step in.

A wave of nostalgia hits when Jihoon walks into the assembly ground. If he closes his eyes and focuses hard, he can almost hear Hwang Minhyun’s voice fill the air during their break time again, with his fingers strumming on his shiny acoustic guitar.

Jihoon takes a quick snapshot of the bare assembly ground and moves on.

The food store.

A lot has changed over the years. The fridges are newer, and the snacks are placed more neatly in rows and columns. But there’s still the small details that brings Jihoon back to years ago.

He’s probably eaten all the snacks in the store, thanks to Daniel. He remembers Daniel making him run down the stairs just so they don’t have to wait in line when the other students visit the store, and promising to buy Jihoon a packet of his favourite crackers if he does.

Again, Jihoon snaps a picture just for memory’s sake.

The gates leading to inside the building are locked, but the memories are already etched into his mind forever.

There is one place in this school that sums up Jihoon’s life here. It’s a special place, meant only for himself at first. And one day, a certain black-haired boy comes into the picture, and the spot under the school’s oldest maple tree starts to become the place that makes up a majority of Jihoon’s favourite memories of this place.

He sees the tree from a distance away, and it looks even more majestic now.

Jihoon holds up his camera and looks into the lens, hoping to catch a picture that can show just how huge the tree is. He adjusts his position, his focus, until he spots something under the maple tree.

Or rather, someone.

That someone hasn’t seen him yet, but Jihoon freezes in his spot like he’s been caught doing something wrong. Hesitantly, he takes a step nearer to the tree but the figure doesn’t disappear.

He’s not dreaming, is he?

The man is still there, with his hands in his pockets, looking into the distance. Slowly, Jihoon keeps his camera away and silently treads closer to the man.

The man’s ears twitch ever so slightly when Jihoon steps on a branch, and he turns around to see who has come to intrude.

“Jihoon?”

The boy has grown up, into a man. It’s the same black haired, playful and mischievous boy from nine years ago, but yet he looks so different. For starters, his hair is no longer. It’s a nice hazel brown, which Jihoon thinks fits him perfectly. He’s wearing a neat suit, and a blue tie that lies nicely down his chest.

Yet, when Jihoon looks closer, he knows that nothing has changed.

The boy still smells and tastes like home.

Jihoon doesn’t even say anything – not even Daniel’s name. He just stands there for a few seconds, words bubbling at the tip of his tongue, but he neither has the courage nor knowhow of how to say it.

Nine years, they’ve been apart for too fucking long.

How does Daniel realise this only now?

Time does wonders to people. And Park Jihoon has aged beautifully. He still has that sun kissed skin, the same eyes that carry the weight of the entire universe, and lips that seem to always have something to say. Yet he has grown, not just physically, but mentally. And Daniel knows, from the confident stance he assumes naturally.

Park Jihoon tastes sweet like candy, exactly like the first time they’d kissed.

They kiss like they’re trying to make up for all the lost time. Daniel hugs Jihoon as tightly as he can, pulling him closer by his tiny waist, and runs his hands all over Jihoon’s back, like he’s trying to memorise every single thing about Jihoon before he leaves again.

It’s hot and desperate, like they were back then.

Until Jihoon parts first again, with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

It’d happened with their first kiss as well – why does Park Jihoon always cry after kissing Kang Daniel?

“Don’t leave,” is the first thing Daniel croaks out, gripping so tightly onto Jihoon’s wrist, he’s sure it’s hurting the other boy. But he’s going to do everything he can to keep Jihoon from walking out of his life again. “Don’t leave me, I don’t think I can take it again.”

Jihoon wipes away his tears with his free hand, and buries his head into the crook of Daniel’s neck – he’s tall enough to do that now.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Looks like we have a lot of promises between us to fulfil.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. We have all the time in the world.”

2027 – The rose

“Yes, yes. I’ll get it to you first thing tomorrow morning,” Jihoon hears Daniel say from the living room. He gets up from his table, and finds Daniel still on the sofa since half an hour ago. He rubs Daniel’s back gently, just to let the other man know that he’s here.

Daniel offers him a soft smile and a peck on the cheek in return.

“Alright, goodnight,” Daniel finally ends the call.

He sighs and collapses onto Jihoon’s shoulder once he makes sure that he’s hung up.

“Is it hard?” Jihoon asks.

He already knows Daniel’s answer.

“No,” Daniel replies, lifting his head just to prove it. “It’s not hard, because at least I have you with me. What did you do today?”

“I met with some directors,” Jihoon says, knowing how much it calms Daniel when he talks about his day, so he does. Daniel plays with some loose strands of hair, and Jihoon leans into Daniel’s embrace. “They want to work with me to produce a documentary about places around the world.”

“That’s amazing,” Daniel gushes. “And you said, yes, right?”

“Well,” Jihoon fiddles with the hem of his shirt, “I said I’d think about it. I have to be away for a whole month to travel and shoot. And I don’t know, maybe I don’t need this.”

“That’s not true,” Daniel argues. “You want this, and you need this. Am I holding you back?”

Truth is, yes. Jihoon is staying behind just because of Daniel. He doesn’t think he can handle a week away from Daniel, much less a whole month. There’s always this small fear that once he lets go, he’s going to wake up and find that all that has happened in the past year has been a dream.

Jihoon just stays silent.

Daniel pinches his cheek playfully, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Sometimes Jihoon wonders if Daniel can read his mind.

“You really wouldn’t mind?” Jihoon asks. “I could stay, there’s a lot I could do in Korea as well.”

“Go,” Daniel says, kissing Jihoon’s forehead before standing up. “Travel the world, and tell me which place was your favourite, and I’ll bring you there for our honeymoon.”

Even after all these years, Jihoon’s face still tinges with red at Daniel's smooth comments.

“Oh, right,” Daniel smiles playfully. “10 years isn’t up yet, is it? 3 more months, and then I’ll ask you to marry me, Park Jihoon.”

There is no doubt that the only person Jihoon wants to marry is Kang Daniel. But they’re still abiding to the rules like kids, and waiting for exactly 10 years to pass before they fulfil their promise to each other.

Jihoon accepts Daniel’s open hand, and follows him to their bedroom.

“3 months,” Daniel mumbles, burying his nose into the crown of Jihoon’s head. “And then you’ll be mine forever.”

Jihoon wants to correct Daniel, and tell him that he doesn’t even have to wait another 3 months.

Park Jihoon has been Kang Daniel’s even from 10 years ago.

Daniel feels like he’s going to throw up. It might actually be the fact that he hasn’t eaten or slept well for the past week, because he’s been so busy preparing for the big day.

He’s made sure that Jihoon knows nothing about this at all. Daniel contacted Jihoon’s manager to not breathe a word to the other man – and successfully avoids spilling the beans to Jihoon on their video calls over the past month.

With a single stalk of rose in his right hand, Daniel waits.

He scans the flight arrivals, waiting for a particular flight number to appear on the board as “Arrived”.

“Don’t be nervous,” Seongwoo pats his shoulder.

“How can I not be nervous,” Daniel grunts, taking a sip of water for the nth time that day. He’s going to have to stop doing that – or else he’ll have to pee and spoil the entire surprise. “I’m literally proposing to my best friend.”

And the love of my life.

“Exactly,” Seongwoo rolls his eyes. “He’s definitely going to say yes.”

They’ve been living together for almost a year now, picking themselves up exactly from where they left off. It’s not easy, it never has been. There are things that have changed and need some getting used to – but it’s definitely better when they’re together.

That’s exactly who Jihoon and Daniel are – better together.

“He’s landed,” Seongwoo informs. “That’s my cue to leave. Good luck, Niel.”

Daniel takes a deep breath, and waits.

The doors to the entrance slide open every few seconds, but Daniel doesn’t see the man he’s been missing for an entire month. He just can’t wait to finally feel Jihoon back in his arms, and run his fingers through his boyfriend’s (and soon to be husband) hair again.

Jihoon spots him first.

“Yah, Kang Daniel!” he waves from the entrance, pulling his luggage along with him.

Immediately, Daniel is reminded of their high school graduation, and how Daniel had called out his name. It feels exactly the same, because his chest fills with adoration and he can only see Jihoon in the masses of people.

Grinning, Daniel waves with his free hand and motions for Jihoon to come to him.

Jihoon can’t hide his smile while closing the distance between them.

When he’s just about a metre away, Daniel finally gets down on one knee.

“What are you-?”

“It’s been 10 years, Park Jihoon,” Daniel smiles, loving how Jihoon’s eyes are already starting to well up with tears. “Can I fulfil my promise to you now?”

“I just thought… maybe we could promise each other. If we’re both still single in ten years, let’s just marry each other instead.”

Jihoon’s knees give up on him as he crouches down to Daniel’s eye level, and envelopes him in the warmest hug.

“Yes, let’s fulfil that promise now.”

Daniel intertwines his fingers with Jihoon’s to pull him up, and then gifts the rose to Jihoon.

“A single stalk,” Jihoon observes, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Yeah,” Daniel smiles. “Marry me?”

“I’ve been yours since the very start,” Jihoon promises. “And till the very end.”

Their story starts with a maple tree, and continues with a promise that both of them hold on till the end of ten years. Daniel isn’t sure how their story ends, but he sure as hell doesn’t care as long as he has Park Jihoon by his side.

Gifting a single stalk of rose also symbolises:

After all these years, you’re still the one.