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Pulling teeth was an understatement in how difficult it had been to coax out of Nishiki (or Nishikiyama, sometimes it felt like the familiarity for that nickname was gone, Nishiki certainly still tried, and failed, to insist the familiarity should be gone and ‘correct’ him) what had happened in the 10 years Kiryu was in jail. 10 years that all together seemed to be such a short blip and yet an interminable gap that had changed the man he lived with, once his closest friend and oath brother, into a complete stranger. Over the weeks following the culmination of the 10 billion yen incident, Kiryu had slowly been able to draw piece after piece, small snippets of a bigger story, away from Nishiki. Every now and then he could catch Nishiki with his guard down, ask the right question, and get a real answer.
What he got was not something he could’ve expected. The brutal honesty sometimes hit harder than the punches they’d exchanged. There was a pain in realizing that even as they now seemed like strangers compared to how close they used to be, there had been so much he had been oblivious to - so much he simply hadn’t noticed happening in Nishiki’s life right in front of him.
It made him want to do better with this second chance, the one they both had. The one they both had to live with.
He hadn’t thought he’d changed that much in the 10 years he was away, but maybe he’d changed just as much as Nishiki had. Not in the same way, but maybe just as drastically. It had taken a patience his younger self wouldn’t have had to coax Nishiki into opening back up to him. Understanding, too, and a forgiveness he maybe wouldn’t have come to so quickly (though with Nishiki, he thinks, he probably would’ve forgiven him just the same, because when given the choice Kiryu doesn’t want them to be separated, doesn’t want them to be enemies or even what they are now - strangers ).
Still - there were always glimpses of who they used to be. Of what their relationship, of what their closeness, used to be like. It’s hard to shake off habits of being comfortable in close proximity, of natural trust or ease. Even if more times than not Nishiki seems to move away from him after catching himself, after realizing they’ve gotten close (just like with the way he speaks, stopping, pulling back, acting like somehow he doesn’t deserve this and maybe to some he wouldn’t but to Kiryu he does deserve every moment, does deserve everything he should’ve had before). Sometimes they even have moments where they’re able to tease each other, just like the old days. Most of the time, it’s Nishiki making a jab at what he’s wearing (“Don’t you own any other suits?”), to which Kiryu can only chuckle, and agree while refusing to actually change his clothes (“It’s comfortable, I like it”).
Nishiki is most like his old self when he’s with Haruka. Despite all the problems they may still have, the tense moments, the smaller fights over whether Nishiki should be here at all, over any bad blood that still remains, they do have one common goal and it is making sure Haruka has the best life possible. In that, at least, Kiryu thinks they’re doing about as well as two ex-yakuza can.
Around Haruka, Nishiki is gentler. It is almost impossible to see him as the man filled with rage and bitterness and jealousy when he is spoiling her rotten, and hanging off her every word. Too many times Kiryu has been caught smiling at the two of them, getting a glance that turns to mild aggravation (or maybe that’s too strong, but it’s almost like Nishiki doesn’t like being “caught” showing his kinder side - what Kiryu thinks are his true colors). And then Haruka draws Nishiki’s attention back, and it flips, like he can’t bear for her to ever see him angry.
Maybe it has something to do with how she gives them both a purpose.
Haruka gives their life some semblance of normalcy, in what is anything but a normal life for a young girl. It’s another night where she’s coaxed them into having a “family” movie night (to think a family could be two strangers/ex-friends and the girl they both would protect with their lives), and she has once again convinced them to watch something that is just pushing the limits of what a girl her age should be allowed to watch. Their one fault as parents (and strange, too, to think of them both as her parents, and Kiryu always skirts around thinking what that implies) is that they will spoil her too much.
They’re sharing the small couch, as usual, a comfortable but not interminable distance apart, Nishiki’s legs up on the couch creating something of a buffer. If it were up to Nishiki they likely wouldn’t be sitting together at all , but Haruka has always insisted on getting the (larger) sofa all to herself, with room to stretch out and be surrounded by pillows.
Her focus is entirely on the movie, and for the most part it seems Nishiki’s is as well. However, Kiryu is more observant than he used to be - at least, somewhat - and he is better at catching the glances he gets every now and then from Nishiki.
Some of the glances are longer than others. Kiryu has to wonder if Nishiki used to stare at him like this, if he were really that oblivious to it (and probably, he thinks, the answer is yes - this is the kind of attention he was never able to notice). And while he can notice it now, something that still hasn’t changed is how hard it is for him to bring up the subject.
He’s not sure how Nishiki would react, either, if that might be pushing too hard, too soon, when they still are barely acquaintances, let alone friends, brothers, again. So he keeps quiet.
Despite Haruka’s focus she doesn’t stay awake for the whole movie, making it barely past the halfway mark. Nishiki isn’t doing much better, at one point seemingly starting to nod off, when his leg slips enough so that he ends up barely brushing Kiryu’s thigh with his foot, and then he’s jolting up, sitting up straighter. In the end, while not touching, he still ends up sitting closer to Kiryu like that, and Kiryu has to hold back a small laugh.
“Tired?” he asks quietly, not wanting to wake Haruka. He gets a glare, but there’s no venom behind it.
“I’m fine,” Nishiki replies. And that’s that. Or it would be, if Kiryu wasn’t feeling tired of putting up with the distance between them. He might not be good at talking, but actions are so much easier than words.
So he moves closer, easily sliding to the spot right by Nishiki and before any objections can be raised, raising his own arm to drape over Nishiki’s and pull him in slightly - enough that it’s not forceful, that Nishiki isn’t forced into him.
“What are you-” Nishiki begins to hiss out, but Kiryu makes a small shushing noise.
“Don’t wake Haruka.” It’s not a fair tactic, he’ll admit, but it does shut Nishiki up, even if it is now earning him an entirely different glare from the one before, one that may actually have some anger behind it. Nishiki is tense under his arm, which wasn’t Kiryu’s intention, but he’s hoping he can lessen it a little, lessen this distance a little.
They watch the movie in silence for a few more minutes, or at least, he watches it. Nishiki is clearly still trying to figure out what he’s doing, glancing much more frequently between the movie and the side of Kiryu’s face. Yet, he’s slowly but surely relaxing as their silence stretches on, just barely, and maybe he doesn’t even realize it.
It’s longer than Kiryu would expect before Nishiki speaks again (yet again, another difference, he remembers a time when sitting next to Nishiki meant having his voice constantly in your ears, demanding attention, and right now Kiryu wishes that were the case so he could hang on every word and give the attention deserved).
“Kiryu,” he starts, “Why are you-” The thought trails off, almost as if there’s a bit of resignation hitting Nishiki before he can even finish speaking. As much as he can with an arm still around Nishiki, Kiryu shrugs.
“We used to sit this close when watching movies before,” he comments, and it’s the truth. Though maybe without his arm around Nishiki, but it wasn’t uncommon for them to be shoulder to shoulder in most situations, always comfortable in sharing personal space.
“Not with our arms around each other,” Nishiki remarks, snarkily enough that again Kiryu is hit with how much it does sound like just before, and he has to let out a huff that’s almost a laugh at how they had the same thought. He doesn’t have to look to know there is a reluctant smile, or smirk, on Nishiki’s face - it’s in the way the other has loosened up by an increment again, has accidentally leaned in slightly.
What Kiryu wants to say next is harder to say aloud. And he knows there isn’t a way he can show it, not an action he can take now that wouldn’t be crossing too many lines.
So he has to say it. If only because it’s something he should’ve said before, and if only because there are so many other things he could’ve said that would’ve avoided saying this.
“Yeah, well,” he unconsciously grips a little tighter, just because he has to say it doesn’t make it easier, “I missed this.” This being the closeness, their friendship, their comfort in each other’s presence. Maybe he should’ve said all that, but he thinks - hopes - Nishiki can read it. Nishiki was always the one who was better at reading beyond words, but maybe it was unfair to always make him do that instead of saying things outright.
Silence, again, but for much shorter. For a split second, Nishiki leans in, and then he’s pulling back, and Kiryu has to look at him now.
Nishiki’s expression is different, his lips are pursed and his gaze isn’t on Kiryu - isn’t focused on anything. Kiryu doesn’t let go.
“You shouldn’t-” Nishiki starts, and Kiryu knows where this will go. Another talk over the merits of whether or not Kiryu should care about Nishiki, should treat him as well as he does rather than revile him.
“But I do,” Kiryu replies, and now Nishiki is looking at him, attention drawn back, his expression one of shock but not enough to suggest he isn’t going to try and fight and argue again that he doesn’t deserve any of this - doesn’t deserve Kiryu’s friendship (and maybe that’s why they’re stuck as strangers, but Kiryu has already decided they won’t be stuck there forever, and when he puts his mind to something he’s not one to be deterred until he’s succeeded). “And I’m not going to fight with you over this tonight, Nishiki.”
This at least has made Nishiki stop pulling away. So maybe Kiryu does need to say more of what he’s thinking, and more clearly.
“I know how you feel, or, I think I can guess,” Kiryu sighs, “But however you feel, I miss how our friendship used to be. Maybe we can’t go back to how it used to be, but we can try again, and have a new relationship. As who we are now.” The shock on Nishiki’s face has turned to something more akin to a frightened animal, almost the expression Kiryu would expect to see on a dog that’s been kicked and is finally being offered kindness by someone (a comparison he can’t help but wince mentally at). They stare at each other.
Nishiki closes his eyes and tilts his head back, taking a shaky breath. Kiryu almost reaches out, expects from experience tears, but instead Nishiki moves before he can, all too suddenly, leaning in completely, head falling on Kiryu’s shoulder. He keeps his eyes closed, but is very obviously fighting back a smile. Not knowing how to respond now, but happy with the result, Kiryu gives a reassuring rub to Nishiki’s shoulder.
When Nishiki opens his eyes Kiryu recognizes the glassy look, knows that there are tears that could fall, but is smart enough not to comment on this. If anything, it’s always a relief now to see Nishiki showing emotion again.
“You’re insufferable,” Nishiki says, staring at the TV screen, resolutely not looking at Kiryu now.
Kiryu returns his attention to the movie as well.
“Yeah,” Kiryu says, leaning his head against Nishiki’s. “Isn’t that part of my charm?”
Nishiki snorts at this, and Kiryu gets a light elbow to the ribs.
“Don’t push your luck.”
Kiryu grins. He knows he shouldn’t.
“Ah, so you are admitting it’s lucky to cuddle with you like this.” Another prodding to his ribs, nothing that hurts.
“Stop.”
Both of them let out a laugh, and in that moment there is a comfort two strangers couldn’t have, a moment that feels like the distance between them has closed. Pleasantly, this moment stretches on, through the end of the movie.
It’s a small step. Kiryu knows they have to move, and have to wake Haruka up and get her to bed. But this small step may have covered a great distance, and that’s enough. Any moment like this, with Nishiki, with their new family, for Kiryu it’s always more than enough.