Work Text:
Kyungsoo meets him again one late evening in Tokyo, in the corner of one of his best-kept secrets in the city. Immediately, his fingers halt in thumbing over the menu he’s been inspecting, the image of the aburi sushi becoming less interesting when his eyes catch the familiar figure walking towards his direction.
Despite the dim yellow lights of the place, Kyungsoo sees clearly. Years may have set them apart but he doesn’t think he could have missed him even if his life depended on it anyway, especially when the said person stands six foot tall, and bears one of the most handsome faces Kyungsoo has ever seen in his twenty-five years on earth.
“Kyungsoo..?” Yifan’s voice cuts through the air, gruff and deep, and Kyungsoo instantly perks up, realizing he hasn’t heard that in a while. “Kyungsoo!” Yifan exclaims upon closer inspection of his face and he all but strides toward him, getting closer in no time with his long strides.
Kyungsoo springs to his feet, a wide smile already blooming on his face, opening his arms wide for Yifan to run into. Yifan does just that and envelops him in a tight bear hug, patting him hard on the back as he does so.
Yifan is still as gigantic as Kyungsoo last remembers him to be, but unlike feeling like he’s drowning in his taller friend’s frame, now Kyungsoo just feels comfortable and warm. Maybe it’s the years they’ve spent apart from each other and Kyungsoo just hadn’t realized how much he’s missed Yifan until now. Maybe it’s because Kyungsoo is no longer as small as he used to be, his frame also filling out as the two of them mature with age. Or maybe it’s just the thought that Yifan is here with him again, patting him like he used to many months ago.
Strange as it may seem, it’s funny how the mere presence of his new company makes him feel like home even though technically, he’s a thousand miles away from his country, lounging in a city he can’t call his own.
“Whoa, look at you!” Yifan says, grinning from ear-to-ear. Kyungsoo is briefly reminded of a time where he and his friends used to tease the other man about how smile makes him look stupid, despite his well-sculpted face. “Dude, you’ve like. Grown. Even more handsome.” Yifan eyes him from head to toe. “I think you also grew a few centimeters tall?”
Kyungsoo punches him on the arm, but he’s laughing also. “Say that again, hyung, and I’ll make you meeting me here.”
“Aye, you gotta chill. Still a scary little thing, huh?” Yifan chides, clapping him on the shoulders. “No, but seriously. You look good . How are you?”
Kyungsoo sits down again and Yifan does the same, occupying the chair across his table. Kyungsoo flags a waitress passing by their side, mouths to give them a bottle of Hibiki and glasses for two. He’s going to need plenty of good alcohol tonight, he supposes, for old times’ sake.
“I’m alright,” Kyungsoo answers later, “Doing better. What brings you here?”
“Some modeling gig,” Yifan answers with a grin, leaning back on his chair to stretch out his long legs. “What about you?”
Kyungsoo hums, tearing away his gaze off Yifan momentarily to look at the street lights flickering outside. Yellow lights and neon signs lighten up the thick dark canvass of the sky. Tokyo is painstakingly quiet, even more so at night, but as someone who’s always found opulence in silence, Kyungsoo realizes he doesn’t mind it. Craves for it even, drinks it in. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons why Tokyo has always drawn him in, aside from its good food.
“I’m just here to..lounge, I guess,” Kyungsoo replies. Technically, rest may be the more appropriate term, but he feels like he hasn’t come across that word in a while, that even the mere thought sounds foreign in his mind. “You could probably say I’m taking a break,” He adds.
Yifan nods in understanding, throwing him a small smile. “I’m glad. Seems like you’ve been terribly busy.”
Kyungsoo sighs. “Busy is probably an understatement.”
Yifan chuckles, “ I know .”
Had it been a normal person, those words would have probably made Kyungsoo scoff, made him cringe, because there’s so much that people don’t know, despite saying otherwise. There’s so much that happens behind the scenes, a lot that goes far beyond what people see on cameras, what they read from the press, what they hear from social media. Even footage that bears the words behind the scenes barely covers the tip of the iceberg when it comes to explaining what their work really constitutes.
But it’s Yifan, so of course, he knows . Things may be entirely different now what with the two of them going opposite tangents in their career — with Yifan breaking it off from the group and making a name for himself in the west and Kyungsoo staying put to where he is, while juggling group and individual activities, chasing several of his dreams in the way he knows best — but their foundation is still essentially the same.
At first, Kyungsoo didn’t understand Yifan’s departure. He’d chalked it up to his reputation of being a man who believes in consistency — he hates complicated things — but no matter in which angle he looked at it from, he failed to comprehend why Yifan chose to leave the career he’d built in Seoul.
But as he grew older and began to see it from a detached perspective, Kyungsoo thinks Yifan couldn’t have done it any other way. Sometimes, you have to go out of your comfort zone in order for you to grow as a person, even if it means leaving your friends. Even if it means abandoning the place you’ve lived in, the bubble you grew familiar with, the career you have established. Even if it means starting from scratch and risking everything.
Not everyone has the courage to do that, which is why Kyungsoo admires the guy. It had been dangerous, yes, but he’s glad it worked out in the end.
The waitress arrives with their order, interrupting Kyungsoo out of his thoughts. He mumbles a soft thanks in Japanese before his fingers curl around the narrow neck of the bottle, pouring himself and Yifan a glass.
“Aye, I should be the one doing that,” says Yifan, but Kyungsoo just brushes him off. “You’re always the one pouring me alcohol.”
“The junior is always the one who pours the glass for his senior,” Kyungsoo answers, “Not my fault that you were born ten years earlier than me, man.”
Yifan visibly scowls and Kyungsoo tries his best to fight down a smile. “Shut up, you’re disrespecting your hyung ,” Yifan says, incredulous, clinking his glass against Kyungsoo’s before the two of them take a gulp.
The whiskey slips down his throat, smooth and easy, and Kyungsoo relishes the taste. Yifan flashes him a thumbs up as he puts down his glass on the table, the fond tight-lipped smile never quite fading from his face.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping in contact with you guys,” Yifan says later. “I know it wasn’t very nice.”
“That’s okay, hyung.” Kyungsoo says and he means it. “I know things have been rough too on your end. You were just working on your dreams, like all of us are.”
“I know, but — ”
“It’s really okay, hyung,” Kyungsoo reiterates. “It’s enough for us to see that you’re living well.”
At this, Yifan smiles brightly, clinks his glass against Kyungsoo’s again before he takes a sip.
“You know you’re my favorite dongsaeng, right?” Yifan says, eyes twinkling. “Even after all these years.”
“Even after all these years,” Kyungsoo repeats.
Chuckling, Yifan’s fingers drum on the table. “No, but seriously. It’s so nice seeing you again.”
Kyungsoo smiles. He’s genuinely glad too. He and Yifan go way back, and these days, he could probably count on his fingers the number of times he’s had the privilege to meet up with friends, lest converse with them like this without giving a care about time, or his next schedule the following day.
“Does it ever get too much for you, hyung?” He asks, dragging a thumb on the condensation of his glass.
“What does?” Yifan questions back.
“The noise,” Kyungsoo says, meeting the other man’s eyes. “Does it ever get, uhm..too much?”
Yifan mumbles a silent ohhh in understanding, finally getting Kyungsoo’s message.
“Of course.”
“Do you ever wish it would stop?”
“A lot of times, I’m afraid. Sometimes.” Yifan scratches his ear. “Do you ?”
Kyungsoo sighs, swirls his glass gently and takes a sip. “Lately..yeah.”
“Can’t be helped, y’know,” Yifan says, drawing a deep intake of breath himself. “We’re only humans too, even though it may not look like it sometimes.”
Kyungsoo can’t help but let out a chuckle. “What do you mean? Do you think people see us as aliens?”
Yifan laughs so hard he ugly-snorts. Kyungsoo laughs along, seeing at how his bigger and older friend contorts his handsome face when he does so.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I just tried to imagine you with you with a bigger head, god, what a mental image,” Yifan says, wiping the tears that have pooled at the corner of his eyes. He rubs his jaw, collects himself.
“What I mean is..you know how fans look at us with rose-tinted glasses? Cliché old shit, but y’know what I mean.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, unable to form a decent reply. “Yeah. I get it.”
“You should take a break sometimes, Kyungsoo.” Yifan says, face schooled into a serious expression right now, voice quite reprimanding, and it’s times like this that Kyungsoo remembers how he’s always loved the other’s company, despite how silly he may get at times.
“It’s okay to admit that things are tough, you hear me? Take a break and live your life a little. You are a person before all of this —” He gestures vaguely in the air, “Before all of this existed. All of us are. Before all of this happened.”
“That’s what I’m precisely doing right now, I think,” He admits.
“How’s it going so far, then?”
“Great,” Kyungsoo answers, smiles lazily. He thinks of the empty days he still has ahead of him in the city. It’s only a matter of time before his body begins to crave the familiar buzz it has grown used to for the past six years, but right now he’s enjoying the quiet, and he’s glad. “Couldn’t be any better.”
“That’s good to know,” Yifan says. “I’m glad. You deserve it.”
Kyungsoo simply smiles.
“You know lately, I’ve been thinking,” Yifan begins, gazing past the window while swirling his glass of whiskey, “You ever heard about the four burners of life?”
“Pardon?”
“The four burners,” Yifan enunciates in English, a little exasperated like he’s finding difficulty in stringing the words he’s going to say next. He counts on his fingers. “One burner represents your family, one burner represents your friends, one burner represents your health, and one burner represents your work. They say in order for you to succeed, you have to cut off one of the burners, turn off the flame.”
Kyungsoo blinks. “Where have you heard that?”
“Can’t remember,” Yifan admits, smiling sheepishly, “Probably from some pretentious life coaching manual I picked up on the plane.”
“But listen,” Yifan adds, “It kinda makes sense..no? The older we grow, the harder it is to allot equal time and attention to these things. Whoever once said that it’s easy to find work-life balance in this economy must be snorting some serious bullshit.”
Kyungsoo laughs despite himself. He can’t remember when was the last time he had the chance to properly meet up with his friends it’s almost funny.
“Work-life balance is not that easy,” Yifan says, sounding offended.
“It’s not easy,” Kyungsoo repeats.
“It’s overrated.”
“It’s overrated.”
“Why are you echoing everything I say?” Yifan asks, making Kyungsoo snort. “Anyway, in theory, that concept is formulaic and it’s not like..it bears the entire truth, y’know? You don’t have to completely cut off the other burners, just to get the success you need. Maybe all it takes is some adjustment on the heat level, and you’ll be fine.”
“Maybe,” Kyungsoo says.
“Maybe the other burners just need to rest, lower the heat, so that you won’t break the stove,” Yifan explains, looking him directly in the eye. They stare at each other for a few seconds, before a grin finds its way on Yifan’s face. “You should know these things, Kyungsoo. You’re good at cooking, after all.”
Kyungsoo sighs. “If you say so, hyung.”
“C’mon,” Yifan says with a chuckle, nudging his foot under the table. “‘Am just sayin’. It’s not criminal to take it easy, you hard-working actor.”
“Yeah, yeah. Thank you, hyung.” Kyungsoo smiles warmly.
“Don’t mention it,” Yifan smiles back and Kyungsoo is once again reminded of why he’s always adored the older man, despite their many differences. Yifan always knew the right thing to say at the right time and place. “By the way, if I may ask, you got a girl back home?”
Kyungsoo scratches his temple. “Not really...got no time for dating lately. What about you?”
“I found my love in Vancouver,” He says, blushing a little at the thought, “She’s really cute. Chubby cheeks, curly hair, and a wonderful smile, is all. I love her.”
“Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”
“You better come to my wedding when I invite you.”
Kyungsoo raises his glass. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Yifan clinks his glass against his, wide smiles on their face, before they tip back the alcohol their mouth.
Just this time, Kyungsoo couldn’t be any more thankful to have found a company in this silence.