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Tori stops for a moment, and wonders why he’s here. He’s just setting himself up for frustration, after all, being in a crowd of so many people. The penlights engulfing him are blinding him, the chanting and yelling and screaming becoming numb to his ears by this point.
Tori feels small, both physically and mentally; He can’t see past the person in front of him even on his tippy toes, their wide shoulders blocking his view. He didn’t ask Yuzuru to tag along, in fact he insisted him not to, but he wonders if it would be any different with him here. Right now he doesn’t stand out in the crowd in any sense; no matter how loud and preposterous he might be, everything will be drowned out in the large buzz of the amphitheater. He stands there, arms down against his sides, his teeth clicking in anxiousness, as the people around him push and bump and scurry, and he waits patiently for the reason he’s here to come out on stage.
The lights in the auditorium stall for a second, their calm glow being replaced with empty void. Even through the darkness, he can feel the presence of those around him, the packed heat encasing him in the room. Bright lights emit from the ceiling, and Tori looks at them in awe, their shimmering gleam slithering through the audience, excited screaming filling the air around him. It stops for a second, the once loud crowd becoming near silent, hushed scurrying and whispering a nice contrast to the reckless screaming Tori had heard earlier.
A soft voice rumbles through the speakers, and the audience is loud again. The crowd shifts to a wave of blue lights frantically swaying back and forth, an ocean of people causing a ruckus, before another voice comes on, the wave switching to purple. Tori grumbles, tapping on the imaginary watch in his head. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock- He watches as each member of Knights makes their entrance, the crowd shifting and contorting to fit the likes of whoever was appearing. The crowd hasn't changed to red yet, he hasn’t felt the warmth rush through him, the shining penlights around him reminding him of a cherry on top of a sundae. Sweets, sweets, sweets-
Until it does. The crowd around him changes for one last time, the sound of those around him clicking their lights to change the colors music to Tori’s ears. He abandons his pride and any sense of embarrassment and raises his hands, shaking his penlight back and forth, his voice threatening to crack with the sheer force of his cheers.
Tsukasa introduces himself, Tori’s eyes locked onto how he makes little movements with every word, the echo of his bits and pieces of English finding a place on Tori’s lips. He watches as the boy in front of him struts around the stage, his confidence igniting some within Tori. He’s far away, he’s definitely been physically closer, and yet he feels as if they’re closer than they’ve ever been.
From this far, he can’t see the little details. He can’t see the tiny tufts of hair that Tsukasa always lets flow free, he can’t compare their height difference, Tori needing to stand on his tippy toes just to feel equal. But this is a different side of Tsukasa that he gets to see, the facade of confidence and perfection essential in his personality. He gets to see Tsukasa’s ideals, while still knowing who he is at the end of the day. On this stage he’s still fundamentally the same person, he’ll probably celebrate after the performance with a slice of cake, his seniors teasing him for how obliviously messy he always is. He’ll still be at school tomorrow, he’ll still peek into 1-B in the morning, casting a playful wink at Tori as he sets his bag on his desk. But Tsukasa seems different up there, he’s still doing his best, trying his hardest to make the people here have fun, but the aura he’s emitting is radiant, different, and Tori doesn’t think that it’s inherently a bad thing.
He could’ve stayed home. He was never particularly interested in Knights’ dance or music style, and even if he were, there were other ways to see it. Their popularity has skyrocketed recently, and he’s sure there's hundreds of performance videos online. If he really wanted to, he could’ve asked Tsukasa to let him watch a practice session. He could’ve watched the same thing he was watching now, but closer, Tsukasa standing in front of him, the way his practice uniform folds and flows against his body as he’s dancing-
But that involves swallowing his pride. Tori isn’t one to back down against a fight, and even though their playful rivalry really is playful in nature it’s still a rivalry, one that he’s determined to win. He must admit Tsukasa looks beautiful here, still smiling as he sharply hits every move. He’s a sight that Tori feels he will never be able to compare to, and he finds himself feeling okay with that.
He knows that there’s things left unsaid, feelings left unspoken of. With every line Tsukasa sings, with every move he hits, every hair he pushes out of his face as he makes his way across the stage, the pounding in his chest grows. He can hear it in his ears, his own heart drowning out the screams of the hundreds of people around him. He knows that tomorrow, he will pretend like he was never here. His existence in this room forgotten, unheard of. His single penlight disappearing from the crowd, his voice not culminating with those around him.
He clutches the penlight harder, moving it to the beat of the song to the best of his ability. He cheers, louder, louder, until his voice matches the volume of his heart beating in his ears. The song reaches its closing, Knights pulling each other into an embrace, Tsukasa being smothered under his seniors. Tori watches, his heart still pounding, the adrenaline coursing through his body as they make their exit, Tsukasa flashing a final grin into the audience as he makes his way down the stairs, an instrumental of a Knights song filling the air.
Tori puts his hand down with a heave, the penlight only staying with him because of the strap around his wrist, lifting his other hand up to feel his heart beating out of his chest.