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Enansal felt her chest tighten a little when she saw Cullen pulling up to the boardwalk. Part of her, the emotional part ruled by her heart, prayed that this whole situation was a big misunderstanding. But part of her, the part that relied on evidence, the part that had been working on the mob case for nearly a year at that point…That part of her knew that it wasn’t a misunderstanding.
She took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. She still wasn’t sure why she hadn’t just issued an arrest warrant for Cullen. Instead, she had only said that she wanted to talk to him. And, like the idiot she was, she requested that they meet at the boardwalk. While it was good that it was a public place, it was also one of their favorite dating spots. The boardwalk was loaded with too many emotions.
“Gods…” she groaned, rubbing her brow.
She hated herself for it, but…she was desperately hoping there could be some way for the two of them to fix this.
She swallowed, and tried to refocus her attention on the task at hand.
Cullen approached her, hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. While his brow was slightly furrowed - he had picked up on how serious she was on the phone, after all - he was smiling, looking excited to see her.
Enansal swallowed again. She knew that no matter what happened, this would end poorly, one way or another.
Her expression probably failed to hide her anguish, because the small smile fell from Cullen’s face the closer he got.
“Nan…?” he asked, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder.
She sidestepped him before she could stop herself.
Their eyes met whilst Cullen’s outstretched hand remained suspended in the air. She watched as his expression shifted from hurt to confusion to realization. He straightened his shoulders and returned his hand to his pocket, his face now smoothed into a blank mask.
“How did you figure it out?” he asked, his voice surprisingly even. His tone was cool, with the barest traces of curiosity.
It nearly broke her heart.
“Well, you know how many groups I’ve managed to take down this year. I had no choice but to start investigating the larger ones, like the Inquisition. And I figured I’d utilize what research and notes I’ve already completed…” Enansal paused to allow her voice to settle a little bit since, at least to her own ears, it seemed that she was on the verge of tears.
“The hotel where we met…I went there to request a list of business sponsors,” she continued after a lengthy pause.
“I remember.”
She nodded, recalling that he had been meeting with the hotel manager before she’d arrived. It was probably because of him that she’d gotten what information she had.
“Well, I’ve been doing that with any other businesses rumored to have mob sponsorship. And…well…you sometimes use your middle name as an alias, don’t you?”
Cullen let out a single, bitter laugh. “I see.”
Her shoulders slumped. That was all the confirmation she needed. “I see,” she echoed.
He watched her for a long while, neither of them saying a word. “I knew you’d figure it out one day,” he eventually murmured.
“Oh?”
“You’re far more clever than you give yourself credit for, Enansal. I had my doubts at first, but if there was anyone that might finally do something about the mob families in this city…” he trailed off, sighing heavily.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
He looked at her in surprise, and then he offered her a very tired smile. “For this very reason,” he said, gesturing between them.
“Then why did you start dating me?”
“At first, it was so that I could keep an eye on you. I didn’t want to risk exposure, but I also wanted to be able to help you in the process. All of those anonymous tips you’ve gotten during your investigation.”
“You were pointing me towards your enemies.”
“Yes.”
“So, what? Our entire relationship was just so you had a cop on the inside of the force? It was all a lie?”
“What? No! Why would you think it was a lie?”
She scoffed, irritation slowly beginning to overtake her sadness and trepidation. “You just said-”
“I said, ‘at first.’ After our first dinner together…” He stopped abruptly with a sigh.
After a pause, he swallowed and pressed on. “Enansal, you have to understand that when I turned in my own badge to the KPD, I was not the same person I had been when I had entered the force. I was traumatized and incredibly angry. When I joined the Inquisition, built it up…At that point in my life, I had given up on the thought of having a life outside of my work. While I did date occasionally, I never once imagined I would ever have a relationship.
“I don’t know what it was about that dinner, Nan, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to take you to dinner again. And again. I wanted to spend all of my free time with you. When I was with you, you made me forget about my role in the Underworld. The feelings I developed for you…The love that I have for you…Maker, help me, I’ve never felt like that before.
“I regret many things in my life. I can never hope to atone for them. But…Maker…Enansal, you made my life worthwhile again. If you can please trust me on one thing, let it be that my feelings are genuine,” he pleaded.
“…I felt the same,” she whispered, returning to the same hollow sadness she’d felt while waiting for him.
“Then…?” he started hopefully.
“Gods, I can’t do this, Cullen,” she admitted. “I love you. Truly, I do. But this…I can’t see you behind bars.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I can’t. I’m going to tell the Chief I can’t be on this case anymore, and pray she doesn’t ask too many questions. I can’t promise that the KPD won’t come after the Inquisition, but I will at least try to divert their attention without being too suspicious.”
“…Thank you.”
She nodded silently.
“I…sense that isn’t all you have to say…” Cullen said hesitantly.
“Venhendis, I love you. So much. But I can’t…I mean…I understand that your feelings are sincere. I believe you on that front. That still doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”
“Enansal…”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Cullen. I…I don’t think we can continue to see each other.”
His eyes widened. “Wh-what?”
“Not while I’m still on the force. And especially not if I leave the case. Cullen, I love you. Believe me, I do. But we can’t keep doing this when…Well…”
There was pain and regret writ across Cullen’s face, but he nodded. “Yes…Of course…You’re right. I…I shouldn’t have allowed this to continue for so long…”
“Then I suppose this is goodbye.”
“I suppose it is.”
Enansal nodded a little, and then turned to hurry down the pier towards her car, all the while trying to ignore the hot tears streaming down her face.