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Darkness and pain. She wasn’t sure what was happening or where she was, all she knew was darkness and pain. All alone, she sat and tried to remember. There was flashes of red, someone screaming her name and an oddly comforting splash of white yellow. Why was that color so important? Why did it make her feel safe? The pain in her head intensified the harder she tried to remember, so she closed her eyes and tuned in to her other senses. Crickets, the chirping surrounded her and the familiar hoot of an owl sounded in the distance. She knew that sound, it brought up a vague memory of messy black hair and happiness. Why, she did not know. Under her fingers she felt the cold, dew covered blades of grass, an unknown blush crept across her cheeks and a familiar, yet unfamiliar memory of warmth and excitement settled in her. The smell of flowers engulfed her, bringing with it overwhelming feelings of joy, love and appreciation. Her heart and soul knew this place, she just had to wait for her mind to catch up.
In painful waves the memories rushed back. They had been grabbed and tortured. The last thing she remembered was Harry, on his knees, sobbing her name. She was dead. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew, her life as she knew it was over. Her part of the war had ended, lying cold and bloodied on the floor of Malfoy Manor. Her time with Draco had come to an end and the product of their love, the soul they had created together would never know the joys nor the heartaches of life. As the first sounds of morning reached her ears and the tears began to fall, she realized that the dawn's first light brought with it a voice.
“Hello my dear, Do you know who I am?” Asked the woman who had appeared next to her.
“I was your Mum, but you can call me Robyn.” she said softly, noticing Hermione's confused look.
“I never wanted this life for you, I gave up so much to try to keep you safe, but it seems life has a way of coming full circle.” she said sadly as she reached for Hermione's hand.
“I have loved you since the day I knew of your existence, but I knew the life I was trapped in was no life for you, I knew you deserved better and I knew I had to keep you safe. But how I wished it would have been different. To have been the mother to you that I wanted to be, to raise you and Theo with the love and kindness that you deserved. You got that from your parents, but Theo didn’t get that until he met you, and I am so thankful he found you. You, Harry, Luna and Draco have given him the love that he deserved and I am so proud seeing my children together at last.”
The memory of Theo made Hermione's heart hurt, he had been through so much and Hermione couldn’t help but worry how losing her would effect him. She hoped with all her might that Harry would take care of him, that Luna would continue to be the ray of joy in his now darker world. Reaching up to feel her coin against her skin, she wished that she could send just one last message.
To tell Theo to remember that no matter what, he always had a family that loved him. To ask him to be safe and not to do anything stupid in his grief. To ask him to keep Harry and Draco close, they would need each other more than ever now. That no matter what happened, she was proud to be his sister. Even though she wasn’t there, she would always be in his heart and to trust his heart. To know that he deserved happiness in his life, even when he didn’t believe it. He never believed it.
To tell Harry that despite how he feels, that none of this was his fault. To tell him that she loved him, because she was sure she hasn’t said it nearly enough. To ask him to be the glue now, the glue that held this broken and bleeding family together. That Theo and Draco would need him to keep them from falling apart and doing something destructive. He needed to lead the way. To tell him, she wasn’t alone.
She had finally placed where she knew that hoot from and as the beautiful snow owl sat on her shoulder, giving her strength, she wanted Harry to know that Hedwig was safe, loved and that neither of them were alone here anymore.
Draco, there were so many things she wanted to tell him. Even though she knew nothing she could say would change anything, she needed him to know that she loved him and wouldn’t have traded the time she had with him for anything. That he was the love of her life, but that just because her life was ended, she needed his life to go on. She needed him to know that he wasn’t alone, that Theo and Harry would need to be there for him and that he needed to be there for them also. She needed him to know that she was ok, and that if he took the time, he would be too.
She was surprised, when she finally shook herself out of her head, to see that Robyn and her were no longer alone.
“Hello Darling, finally done beating yourself up? You know I’ve always been able to tell when you’re thinking too hard.”
“DAD” Hermione cried and she threw herself into the arms of the man who had always known her too well.
“I’m so sorry, if it wasn’t for me, none of this would have happened to you and Mum. I’m the reason you’re here” she said between sobs, unable to control the grief that was finally staring her in the face.
“Sweetheart” said her Mum as she noticed the woman’s figure for the first time, she watched as her mum, her adoptive mum, wiped the tears from her face, “You are not the reason our lives have ended, you’re the reason our lives had meaning. You are the reason for our smiles and all the laughter we had in our lives. You are our daughter, our joy and such an immense sense of pride.”
“The hardest part of being your parents” said her Dad with a smile. “Was not being able to brag about how wonderful you are, how unbelievably talented you are, not just with magic, or your bravery, but with everything you set your mind to.”
Steadying herself, Hermione asked the question that had been bothering her the most.
“Mum, Dad, why did you never tell me I wasn’t yours?”
“Hermione Jean!” her mother said sternly “You have always been ours. From the day you were put into my arms, you have been my daughter and we have always loved you as such.” she exclaimed with tears in her eyes.
“It didn’t matter to us how you came to be, all the mattered to us was you. Someone else” he said with a nod and a Thank You to Robyn “may have carried you in their body, but we carried you in our hearts. We loved you before we knew you, we just had to wait for you to find your way to us. Since that day, our lives changed for the better and never once have I, nor your Mum, ever regretted being your parents.
“Come dear, sit with me and tell me what is on your mind” implored her mother, as she watched her daughter pace. “Let us make sense of it together.” And with that, the rush of emotions that Hermione had been holding back broke free.
“I’m scared Mum, I’m scared, not for me, but for the people I left behind. I’m worried what Draco will do. He hasn’t had the best life and I’m worried that this will break whatever sense of self preservation he has left. I’m scared of what he’ll do.”
“Draco” Hermione's mum pondered “Draco loves you, we may not be there but we do see things” she laughed as Hermione blushed “Not everything, of course. But we see how much he loves you, how the sun rises and sets in his world, with you. My heart hurts for the pain that he has gone through, for the pain that he will go through. But, you need to remember the time spent together. You gave a boy, who had known mostly darkness, the chance to grow into a man whose life had light and love in it again. You gave him opportunities he never thought he deserved and the chance to see himself as the good man that you saw him as. You gave him love, when he felt like he deserved it the least. The wedding was beautiful, by the way” she whispered with a sad smile. “How we would have loved to have been there, but we were, in spirit. We saw the bond between the two of you, even before the ceremony. We were glad to see you surrounded by love. You had some wonderful people by your side and because of their love, you gave him a family who loves him and will do their best to never let him feel alone.”
“Theo seems wonderful” her mother continued. “As long as he remembers that he has people that love him, and I doubt your friend Luna will let him forget that, he will continue on the right path. I know Harry wouldn't let it go any other way. You have some wonderful brothers, my dear, and as long as they stick together, they'll eventually be ok.” She promised with a genuine smile.
The day progressed slowly as Hermione sat and talked to her parents. Reliving old memories and sharing ones she'd made recently. They talked of joy, laughter and regret. Her mother knew there was more she needed to say, but would let her get there at her own pace. After a few hours, Hermione finally had the courage to say what was foremost on her mind.
“Mum, I was pregnant when I died. I'll never know my child, Draco's child, and that is just too much to handle.” Hermione sobbed.
“Look, my dear. Just look”
At her Mums words, Hermione raised her head and dried her eyes. Looking towards the horizon her heart leapt at the sight before her.
“Hello Mum” said a little boy, as he rushed in for a hug.
“Hello my love” she said, with tears in her eyes and a crushing sense of love in her heart. Before her stood a young boy. With Draco's eyes, hair like Harry's and Theo's grin. He was a perfect mixture of all of the people she loved most.
It was all too much for her to handle. As she held the little boy in her arms, her little boy, her heart broke.
“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe. I should have done more to protect you” she cried as she held him close.
“It's ok Mummy, please stop crying” he said as he wiped her tears and kissed her cheek. “You're the best Mummy ever and I'm ok here. It has everything I need, except you and Daddy” he said as he took her hand.
“there's the garden where Grandma Granger reads me stories. Over here is where Grandma Robyn and I swing while we sing all of our favorite songs” he exclaimed as he pointed to a beautiful oak tree, with two swings hanging from the branches.
His excitement was contagious, and she soon found herself laughing while he showed her all of his favorite things in this beautiful haven.
“Here is the pond where Grandpa Granger takes me fishing. He likes to tell me stories about you when you were growing up”
“And see that meadow Mum? That's where Grandpa Potter is going to teach me how to fly on a broom!” he said with a smile full of mischief.
“Grandpa Potter?” Hermione asked “He's here with you too?” She said as she looked around.
“He wasn't sure if you wanted to see him, but I told him of course you would” the little boy said excitedly, “Grandpa, come see Mum”
As Hermione watched, her biological father came strolling over the hill.
“Hello, Leo” James laughed as he swept the little boy into a hug. “Hello, Hermione. My dear, I'm sorry to meet you like this.” He told her with a sad smile.
“You look just like Harry! I always knew that, but seeing you is unbelievable how alike you are.” Hermione said with a pang of sadness. “I miss him”
“I know. So do I.” He told her as he reached for her hand. “Saying I'm sorry for the way things turned out seems wrong. You had wonderful parents and a great life with them. I had a wonderful, although short life and had Harry. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on that, but I am sorry that I missed out on you. You've grown to be a wonderful woman, smart, beautiful and a great friend to Harry. Now, a great sister too. I'm positive you would have been a great mother” he whispered softly as they watched Leo play in the meadow.
“You have a choice to make, you know. My life ended too soon, but yours doesn't have to. You can go back.”
“But, I died” Hermione rushed out. “I thought there was no coming back from that”
“You haven't yet. Time doesn't pass the same way here.” He told her as he looked at the setting sun. “But if you don't go soon, you'll miss your chance.”
“How can I leave him?” She asked, with tears in her eyes. “How can I leave my son?”
“He won't be alone, and to him, the time until he sees you again will feel like no time at all.” James said as he hugged his daughter. “I love you Hermione, always remember that.”
“How do I get back?” Hermione asked nervously.
“Just follow the light, my dear” said Robyn as she pulled her into a hug. “Please, take care of Theo and yourself.”
“We have always loved you” her mother told her, with a kiss on the cheek, “and we are proud of the person you've become” finished her father as he gave her a smile, a smile she would miss for the rest of her life.
“I love you Mummy, I'll see you soon. Don't cry!” Leo told her as she pulled him into her arms. “I love you more, sweetheart.” Hermione sobbed as Robyn took him from her arms.
With one last look at her family, she turned to face the sun. As the last of the day’s light began to fade, one beam of light shone bright. That safe feeling white yellow. Hermione raised her head, wiped her tears and walked on.