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Micheal yawned and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. He looked around his dimly lit room before flopping back down on his bed with a heavy sigh. This was going to be a long day. While it had been months since the SQUIP incident, it was still a constant thought in the back of his head. A thought that apparently loved to come out and play between the hours of midnight and four in the morning. Along with everything else going on in his head, it was a commonality for Micheal to lie in bed awake until the early hours of the morning.
“Two hours of sleep. Must be some kind of record,” Micheal mumbled as he rolled onto his side and pushed himself off the bed. He examined himself in the mirror, noting the dark circles under his eyes. He combed his hair to the side, put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before pulling his jacket over it. “Alright,” he said to himself. “Let’s just get this shit show over with.” Then he turned and left the room.
“Micheal!” Jeremy called, running up to him. The halls were crowded, but Jeremy with his thin stature was able to weave his way through to Micheal.
“Ah. Hey Jer,” Micheal said picking up a hand to wave half-heartedly.
“Dude, you look like shit,” Jeremy said looking Micheal up and down. Jeremy’s eyebrow was cocked, and his lips were parted in a way that Micheal had become to associate with worry. Except Micheal wasn’t really in the mood right now.
“Gee, thanks. Love you too,” Micheal murmured, a low bite to his words. He looked away from Jeremy and focused on the tile floor.
“Fuck, that’s not what I meant, Micheal. You know that,” Jeremy said, tone softening apologetically. “I’m just. I’m just saying that whatever is going on with you isn’t good.”
“Yeah, I know, Jer. But I’m really not in a good mood today, so if you could just... not?” Micheal’s voice quieted and his eyes became soft. Jeremy could’ve sworn he saw his lip quiver. “I mean like. Not talk about it? Anything else. Just. I have some shit going on and I’d just rather not go there.” Jeremy looked at Micheal, concern still coloring his features.
“Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Okay,” Jeremy said nodding his head and voice falling away until Micheal could only see the words leaving Jeremy’s lips and wasn’t actually able to hear him.
“Thank you, Jeremy. I know it’s kind of like. In your nature to worry, but I appreciate you just leaving it be for now,” Micheal said. He leaned down and kissed the shorter boy’s ear. “I gotta go to homeroom, but I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?” Micheal said moving away. Jeremy nodded.
Jeremy walked into the cafeteria and saw Micheal sitting with his head down in his usual spot. His headphones were over his ears and he seemed practically dead to the world. Jeremy sat down and gave Jake and Rich a confused look and pointed his thumb at Micheal as if asking “what’s going on?” Jake and Rich shrugged at practically the same time. Jeremy nodded. Jake went back to examining Rich’s burns. Ever since they’d started dating back in January Jake had been extremely worried about Rich’s burns and made sure that Rich was comfortable and happy. If anyone gave Rich shit about the appearance of the burns, Jake was there immediately to punch them in the throat. Jeremy poked Micheal in the side. Micheal’s head shot up so quickly his headphones fell off and there was a startled and helpless look on his face.
“Whoa, shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jeremy said putting a hand on top of Micheal’s.
“No. It’s fine,” Micheal said using his free hand to run the back of his neck.
“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked, his throat becoming tight with worry for the second time today. “Shit wait. We’re not talking about it. That’s right.” Micheal smiled softly.
“Don’t worry about it, Jer. And I’m just tired,” Micheal said looking directly into Jeremy’s eyes. Jeremy took the excuse, but he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to let Micheal go on like this.
“Are you gonna eat lunch?” Jeremy asked.
“No. I’m not really that hungry,” Micheal said looking at the table, his hands nervously folding and unfolding in his lap. He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t hungry. He was too tired to really think about eating and the stress headache that had been developing in the back of his head wasn’t doing him any favors either. Jeremy looked at Micheal. His face. He examined every aspect of him.
“You’ve been saying that for three days, Mike,” Jeremy said, somehow mixing annoyance and love in a way that startled Micheal. Then Jeremy’s features fell to pure concern. His hands flew to Micheal’s cheeks. “Are you sick? Do you need to go to the nurse?” Jeremy asked, feeling Micheal’s face for a temperature. Micheal grabbed Jeremy’s wrists and took his hands off his face.
“No. I’m fine. I’m just really tired and like I said earlier, I’m not in a good mood today, Jer. I know you just wanna help, but please lay off a bit?” Micheal’s features were drawn together tightly and pleadingly. Jeremy looked silently at Micheal’s and nodded. “Thank you,” Micheal said softly and appreciatively. He laid his head on Jeremy’s shoulder, and Jeremy was a little grateful that Micheal would at least lean on him.
Micheal was lying awake in his bed at ten o’clock on a Friday night. He lad tried to go to bed earlier, but that didn’t do jack shit. He groaned. He wanted Jeremy, but he was probably already asleep, or jacking off in his room and Micheal didn’t want to interrupt either of those things, each for a reason of its own. Micheal groaned and rolled over hoping for sleep. Eventually he did drift off.
“Micheal! Micheal! You need to help me! It’s everywhere! It’s all I can see!” Jeremy shouted through the empty school hallway. The lighting was dim and a sickly off white color. Micheal wanted to get to Jeremy. Needed to. But he was all the way on the other side of the hall, and Micheal couldn’t move. Some invisible force was holding him back.
“I’m trying! I can’t reach you!” Micheal called, hot tears pricking his eyes. “I’m coming, Jeremy!” Jeremy looked around frantically, eyes full of panic and unrestrained fear. Jeremy grabbed his head and it looked like he was trying to pull his hair out. He looked at Micheal. His pupils had gone wide and he stared at Micheal, his face frozen in a horrifyingly calm look. And then he screamed. Two doctors had grabbed Jeremy by the shoulders. Jeremy screamed and screamed. Micheal began to sob. His best friend of twelve years. His boufriend was being taken away from him. He’d never seen him again, and even if he did, he’d never be the same. He would never be his Jeremy ever again. “Jeremy, no!” Micheal gasped between sobs. “I can save you! I-I’m coming! Wait!” And like that Jeremy was gone. Micheal fell to the ground, a heavy sob escaping his chest. Then a scream. “I’m sorry, Jeremy! I could have saved you! I-I could’ve-“
Micheal sat bolt upright in his bed, shaking and sweating, tears rolling down his face. He was on the verge of hyperventilating, which would lead to a panic attack, and Micheal did not have the energy to deal with a panic attack. He looked at the clock. It read eleven P.M. Jeremy might still be awake, Micheal though. It didn’t matter though, at the moment. Michealbhad made such a big mistake in telling Jeremy to leave him alone. He really needed Jeremy. Right. Now. He picked up his phone, taking deep breaths and he dialed Jeremy’s number. It rang a few times before Jeremy picked up the phone.
“Hello? Micheal?” Jeremy asked in obvious confusion.
“Hey, man,” Micheal said trying to sound as calm as possible. “You wanna come hang out for the night?” Micheal asked. He hoped he didn’t sound too pleading, but he needed to see Jeremy. To know that it was still him.
“I mean? Sure? It’s late though? You did say you wanted to get some sleep tonight. Are you sure you don’t wanna just plan something for tomorrow?” Jeremy asked, starting to ramble. “I mean. It’s proably my fault. I did kinda complain about you wanting to leave my house earlier, but don’t do this just for me it’s totally-“
“Jeremy, it’s fine. I want you to come over. Please,” Micheal said voice cracking.
“Whoa, okay, yeah. I’m on my way. Gimme ten,” Jeremy said quickly before hanging up. Micheal made his way down the stairs. His parents were conveniently gone for the weekend so he didn’t have to worry about waking them up. He turned the lights in the living room on and slumped on the couch, waiting in the silence for Jeremy.
When the knock came, Micheal was startled enough to hop off the couch. He took a deep breath and walked over to the door. Everything was fine. Jeremy was still Jeremy. The Jeremy Micheal loved. Micheal opened the door and Jeremy slammed into him, pulling him into a hug.
“Are you okay, Micheal?” Jeremy asked.
“Yeah. I am now,” Micheal said quietly holding onto Jeremy. “Can we talk?” Micheal asked. Jeremy pulled away from Micheal.
“Uh, yeah. Okay.” Micheal pulled Jeremy by the hand to the couch and they sat down together. Micheal took a deep breath. “What is it?” Jeremy asked.
“I... I need to tell you... I just... it’s not you... I don’t know...” Micheal said, voice catching on his throat and cracking.
“Take your time,” Jeremy said soothingly.
“I’m scared, Jeremy. I need to know that you’re okay. That I’m not losing you to the SQUIP. That you feel safe and are safe. I don’t want to lose you,” Micheal said softly.
“Micheal don’t worry. I was wrong for ever buying the SQUIP. It was a mistake and it was a mistake to leave you like that. It won’t ev-“
“That’s not what I mean. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared of you losing your mind. Okay? I’m afraid that this thing is gonna drive you crazy!” Jeremy moved to say something reassuring, but Micheal cut him off. “No, Jeremy. I’ve seen how you act when you think I’m not looking. There’s fear in your eyes. And the worst part is, you won’t talk to me about it! I know this is hard for you Jeremy, but it’s scaring me! I can’t lose you.”
“I-I’m sorry, Micheal...” Jeremy murmured. “But it’s not just me. You were scaring me for the past few weeks. You obviously were losing sleep. You refused to eat, which you never do. If I promise to let you help me, you have to promise me that you’ll let me help you too,” Jeremy said sternly, not planning on taking no for an answer.
“Yeah. Yeah. I promise,” Micheal said, nodding slowly.
“Okay. Now what. I’m at your house and I don’t have the energy to walk home, since I sprinted here at eleven o clock at night.” Micheal laughed.
“We’re gonna play video games in my basement, what else would we do?” Micheal asked jokingly. He picked Jeremy up bridal style.
“What the fuck, man?” Jeremy laughed.
“You said you were tired, so I’m gonna carry you!” Micheal replied around his own laughter.
“You are such an idiot, Micheal.” Micheal leaned down and kissed Jeremy on the lips.
“But I’m your idiot, Jeremy.”
“You are also a huge fucking sap,” Jeremy said looking into Micheal’s eyes.
“I will drop you down these stairs, Heere,” Micheal said looking down the basement corridor.
“You wouldn’t, asshat,” Jeremy said, a grin on his face.
“You never know, furry.” And that got Micheal smacked across the face.