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It was almost 2 in the morning when Renjun suddenly woke up. His forehead was already drenched in sweat as he gasped for air. He looked around the darkened hotel room and found Jaemin sitting on the couch near his bed. His eyes were focused on his phone, probably playing a game. He took a deep breath and tried to plaster a small smile on his face as he got up from the bed and walked towards Jaemin carefully which he was sure he didn’t even notice that Renjun was already standing before him.
Honestly Renjun was contemplating whether he should approach the other guy or nah, because – yeah, he shouldn’t have watched horror movie with the brave Jisung and Jeno last night. But he couldn’t help to say yes after they were mocking him.
“Injoonie’s scared of horror movie. He is so cute.”
Renjun had almost thrown his fist right on Jeno’s handsome face if he wasn’t aware that Jeno was his own bandmate.
Well, honestly, he liked being praised by people. But he didn’t know how to take or respond to it because apparently that made him feel awkward, somehow. He hid it well by throwing tantrums here and there. And the annoying part was that they never stopped. Not that he hated it, anyway, but – anyways–
Now he was hesitating to just call Jaemin or sit down beside him like nothing happened and told him that, oh I just woke up all of sudden? Guess I’ve been running a marathon in my dream. Then he would laugh awkwardly–
Nope. He didn’t want to do that.
Honest speaking, he was really scared to death by his dream right now and he wanted someone to comfort him. If he were now in the dorm, he would go to Ten’s room and whined about his dream until he fell asleep on his bed then woke up feeling nothing.
But here, in this hotel room, there were only Jaemin and him. Jaemin, out of all people. Like, if it was Mark, he would still be fine whining. But Jaemin was his… friend? He didn’t want to sound weak in front of his friend. He was really frustrated right now–
“Holy fu– you startled me!”
Renjun didn’t realize the groan he made and he looked down at the really shocked Jaemin. His phone was still on his hand, but his face looked really terrified like he just saw a ghost.
“How did you manage to not make a single sound! You were sleeping on your bed before!” Jaemin grumbled and got up from the couch only to turned on the light before he sat down again, focusing back on the game.
Renjun was still standing right before Jaemin, biting his lower lip out of nerve. He didn’t know what to do with this whole situation. His sweat was still trailing down from his forehead.
Jaemin probably noticed Renjun who was still standing in front of him like statue. He took a quick glance from his game at him before clicking the pause button and gave his full attention to him. A light frown was clearly shown on his forehead, “Injoonie?”
Renjun gulped at the worry voice his friend called him. He clenched and unclenched both of his hand. He didn’t know why he was so nervous right now. Maybe because the nightmare was still haunting him right now. Or maybe because the only one here that he could depend on was only Jaemin.
He got lost in his thought before he heard Jaemin’s worry voice calling his name again, this time softer, “is everything okay?”
Renjun didn’t know what expression his face made, but he was still feeling scared and nervous as Jaemin’s hand hold his smaller one and pulled him to sit on the couch beside him.
He could feel Jaemin’s arm around his shoulder tightly, his hand rubbing the skin of his arm gently as if he was trying to soothe down his fear which Renjun counted as a success, because without any second thought, he leaned his head down on Jaemin’s chest, his body still trembling from the nightmare he just had.
Honestly Renjun never imagined that Jaemin would’ve done something like this. By this he meant by cuddling him into his arm. He never also imagined that Jaemin’s body temperature was really much to his liking, much more different than Ten. Maybe because Jaemin was bigger compared to his favorite Thai hyung. Anyway – yeah, Jaemin was warm. Warmer than he thought he could’ve been.
Renjun closed his eyes and he could suddenly feel Jaemin’s lips on the crown of his head, whispering sweet nothing without asking him why he acted like this.
Maybe if it were in the brightest day, Renjun would literally choke him even before Jaemin had the chance to put his lips everywhere near his skin. He was really amazed at how Jeno managed to deal with him. But right now, Renjun couldn’t care less.
Then unconsciously he wrapped his arm around Jaemin’s torso, snuggling closer against him. His trembled body now has almost calmed down, but he still didn’t want to let go of the warmth from Jaemin’s body.
He opened his eyes a little only to realize that Jaemin has already put his phone down on the couch. The word game over was clearly shown on its screen and it made Renjun smile, because Jaemin, the game addict, has chosen him over his most loved one.
There was a comfortable silence for Renjun. Jaemin’s hand was still stroking the side of his body gently. He closed his eyes again, feeling his body getting more relaxed.
Finally Jaemin’s soft voice broke out the long silence. Renjun could sense the careful worrisome at the question he uttered, but the softness in his voice didn’t make Renjun scared to answer it, “nightmare?”
He nodded his head twice and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Jaemin only let out a small chuckle. His lips lingered a bit longer on the crown of his head before resting his chin on it, “was the movie really that scary, hm?”
“No. but the story kept haunting my mind and so it appeared in my dream.” He pouted, because he was sure Jaemin couldn’t see his face right now. He didn’t want to hear the cute word in this kind of state.
Jaemin responded only with a melodious hum. If the nightmare wasn’t still scaring him right now, he probably has taken that as a mock.
Silence filled up the hotel room again and Renjun could hear Jaemin’s heartbeat. He didn’t even ever think that it could soothe down his heart at ease.
“Do you wanna sleep together?” Jaemin suddenly said.
He looked up abruptly to find Jaemin’s eyes looking back at him, a beautiful smile curving on his lips. He suddenly felt sudden nervousness, because, like, what? Jaemin wanted to sleep with him? “t t– together?”
Jaemin blinked and clicked his tongue after, landing a gentle flick on Renjun’s forehead, his bracelet shined over the cheap lamp light on the desk, “is it because you’re almost nineteen now your thought also getting wild?”
This time Renjun was the one who blinked. He felt his cheeks getting heat up at Jaemin’s words, “that’s not what I meant either!”
Jaemin playfully scrunched up his nose and brushed it against Renjun’s, “sure, Injoonie.”
He didn’t know if it was really possible to happen with your best friend, but Renjun was also sure that his heart just skipped a beat at how close Jaemin’s face to his. He couldn’t even find any proper word to respond him with another sarcasm. His brain was also skipping its… beat, if it was really possible.
“Injoonie?”
Renjun didn’t realize he has been staring at Jaemin for maybe five seconds that felt like a whole damn hour and he was really sure the reddened on his cheeks became visible, “yes?”
He could see the frown on Jaemin’s face started to forming then his breath stopped right when Jaemin’s hand touched his forehead. He didn’t know what this feeling was, but he couldn’t utter even a single word.
Renjun knew that Jaemin has always been this affectional with the other members, especially Jeno and Jisung. But this was the first time that they were alone and Renjun didn’t know what happened to his heart right now. He wasn’t sure if it stopped beating or just beat a little bit faster than it supposed to.
“Are you really okay? You’re heating up,” Jaemin said while fixing Renjun’s hair that was covering his sweaty forehead, “do you want to see a doctor?”
Renjun shook his head, unable to speak because he was afraid that his voice would crack by the amount of nervousness he had now.
“Then let’s get you to bed? You need to continue sleeping.”
You are the one who needs sleep after spending your resting time to your game. Renjun wanted to backfire, yet he was still afraid. His heart was still doing something strange that it shouldn’t do to his best friend.
He let himself get dragged to his bed by Jaemin. The warmth suddenly went away as Jaemin loosened his arm that was around his shoulder to lay him on the bed. And without any hesitation, Renjun grabbed Jaemin’s hand that was about to leave him, “don’t.”
Jaemin smiled at him before taking a seat on his bed, his hands squishing his small one tightly but gently, “I need to turn the lights off.”
“Don’t,” Renjun begged this time. He actually didn’t mean it to sound like that, but he didn’t want his heart to stop acting strange somehow.
Jaemin let out a deep sigh, not in bad way though. He laid down next to Renjun moment after. He pulled up the white blanket around their body. Jaemin’s soft deep voice filled up the room and soothed his heart down at ease, “I’m here, now sleep.”
He took a glance at Jaemin who was currently smiling at him and collected the courage to just snuggle closer until his head meet Jaemin’s chest.
And so he did.
And Jaemin not-so-surprisingly welcomed him right in his arm, shifting his body to find a comfortable position before burying his face again on Renjun’s hair.
Finally Renjun found his warmth again and that was all he needed for tonight. No word came out from their mouths. His breathe getting heavier as time kept ticking. Sleep was coming sooner than he thought it would be.
“It would be nice if you keep staying close to me like this every time,”
That was the last words he caught before he fell into the dreamland. And he wasn’t sure if it was Jaemin’s voice from reality or his dream.
He fell asleep in Jaemin’s arms.
Renjun woke up with emptiness by his side. He rubbed his eyes and got up all at once, looking around the hotel room. Jaemin was supposed to be here because he knows that his best friend wasn’t the type to wake up early.
Once he stepped on the floor, the story from last night came to his mind.
He was asleep in Jaemin’s arms.
A loud groan could be heard clearly from his own mouth as he threw his head back on the pillow, burying his face on it.
He wished it was just a dream. It was embarrassing. Especially because it’s Jaemin. Jaemin who bought the same bracelets for him and calling it couple bracelets. Jaemin who he considered as one of his best friends. Jaemin who kept calling him cute at everything he did. So, Renjun was pretty sure this time he would make fun of it again and told the rest of the members about this. Or was that really what he worried the most?
He wasn’t ready for that, but the door was suddenly opened and Jaemin’s head was the only thing he could see as he abruptly stood up.
“I heard a scream, are you okay?”
Shit. He didn’t even realize his voice would be that loud. “No, I was just– my toes hit the desk. But it’s okay,” he added a little bit hiss to make his lie perfect.
Jaemin only nodded and said that they were all waiting for him in a restaurant downstairs to get breakfast before he left him alone again.
Renjun sighed loudly – but made sure that wasn’t too loud for Jaemin to come back again – before he started to get ready for the day, hoping Jaemin forget about last night.
A couple of loud and exhausted sigh could be heard clearly as the director screamed cut. His bandmates were all dramatically laying down on the ground, didn’t care about the sponsored clothes and all.
Filming was hard but it was they all liked to do. Especially this time. The concept they had now was completely different from what the had ever done before and that made them excited. He thought that honestly acting cool was much harder since basically they were known for a group that had recognition for their cute and bubbly selves.
But they liked it anyway. They finally could show their new selves to the world and this was what Renjun always wanted. Be different.
“Injun-ah?”
Renjun opened one of his eyes, his body still lying down on the ground. He could see Jeno hovering above him with his attractive eye smile.
“Stop being dead! Let’s get something to eat. The managers are all waiting.”
Renjun stretched his arms and legs before looking around only to realize that all of his members were already walking towards the south, to grab something to eat, or so Jeno had said.
Jeno stood up, offering his hand that he immediately took without any question.
Then right there he saw Jaemin walked pass by them only to wrap his arm around Jisung who was playing around with Chenle. And suddenly it hit him.
Jaemin and him haven’t spoken to each other at all since the filming started. The only exchange words they had were only what should’ve been said and that was it.
He let out a sigh. It somehow made things feel awkward between them.
“Injunnie?”
Jeno’s voice brought his senses back to reality. He looked at him immediately with his eyebrows lifted up, silently asking him a ‘what’.
“Everything’s good?”
Renjun suddenly felt bad because Jeno’s voice sounded worry. He tiptoed a bit and wrapped his arm around Jeno’s shoulder and lead him to where the managers were waiting as he answered, “No, I’m hungry.”
He playfully snorted and Jeno shook his head, “Knew it.”
They were all surrounding the menu in Mark’s hand. A camera was filming them choosing menu and everyone was shouting at the foods they served.
“Rattlesnake?” Donghyuk screamed loudly in shock at what Mark just mentioned.
“Not only rattlesnake! There’s also rabbit, bacon, and… also lamb!” Mark answered carefully.
Donghyuk widened his eyes again, “Lamb?!”
Mark nodded in answer.
Renjun only yawned as his members contemplating of what kind of sausage they wanted to try. He rested one of his arms on his member beside him without minding who was the owner of it.
But as their manager asked them what they would choose and Renjun had to look up, he saw Jaemin’s side figure, perfect with his glasses on. He couldn’t take his eyes away from him. This was also the first time they were in a close distance like this today and Renjun’s heart did that thing that made Renjun couldn’t breathe properly.
Then suddenly Jaemin turned his head and stopped right in front of his face and Renjun still couldn’t take his eyes off of that perfect and beautiful face.
…did he just say beautiful?
“Can we talk?” He suddenly whispered between his breathes. He didn’t know what was coming over him, but deep inside he was sure that they needed to talk it out. Whatever it was. Whether to tell him to keep quiet about last night or something else that made Renjun’s heart suffering.
He saw Jaemin still locking his eyes with his, but Renjun needed to swallow his spit as he realized that Jaemin’s eyes moved down to look at his lips even if it was only for a second.
A small nod Jaemin gave him made him sigh in relief and he immediately grabbed Jaemin’s wrist to drag him outside the restaurant, ignoring Mark’s voice who were asking them where to go.
Once they were outside, inside a dark alley with only yellow light flickering right above them, Renjun loosened his hold. He bit his lower lip out of nerve, looking down. He could sense Jaemin was standing there, looking right at him. It made his heart do that thing again.
Renjun didn’t know how to start. He wasn’t sure what to ask either. He only needed all these awkward things between them come to an end. That was why he brought Jaemin here.
But Jaemin also didn’t say a single word. He just stayed still, looking at every awkward gesture Renjun made. And Renjun was sure this time that this awkward tension that accompanied them right now was too suffocating to be felt.
“You know–” Renjun tried to start, but his words suddenly got stuck inside his mouth. Because when he looked at Jaemin’s eyes, his face was only a couple of inch apart.
He couldn’t breathe, no words came into his mind. His heart was still doing that thing and Jaemin didn’t help either, because the next seconds he tried to continue to speak, Jaemin’s lips suddenly met his.
His hands felt warm on each of Renjun’s cheeks, making him close his eyes though he was still in shock of what was going on. But the way Jaemin’s lips move against his was too distracting. He forgot about what was surrounding him right now.
Suddenly but slowly the warmth of Jaemin’s lips disappeared. Renjun didn’t dare to opened his eyes, but he could feel the gentle caress on his cheeks, as if telling him that it was okay to face the storm that his heart would make.
So Renjun did. His eyes immediately found Jaemin’s lips that just met his seconds ago before he looked up to see him staring right into his eyes. His thumbs still softly caressed his cheeks.
“I’ve always been wanting to do that since ages,” Jaemin whispered right above his lips, as if he wanted to kiss them again, “last night was the worst. You didn’t know what you’ve done to me.”
Renjun couldn’t answer. He couldn’t even take his eyes away from Jaemin’s. It feels like there was something that pulled him closer, making him warm inside.
Jaemin pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes, “I like you a little more than anyone else, Renjun.”
He could feel butterflies suddenly flying ragingly on his stomach. That thing his heart had ever done, coming back again stronger than ever and Renjun still couldn’t speak even just a word. So he just wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s neck and pressed his lips against his soft ones.
Jaemin kissed him back without any question and hesitation.
They came back to the restaurant, still ignoring Mark’s questions. Renjun took a seat right beside Jaemin who was writing randomly on the table which Renjun found interesting, because doodling on the dining table was maybe LA’s thing.
He could sense Jaemin looked at him when he was in his deep thought and he smiled sheepishly, remembering what just happened minutes ago.
They had to unwillingly let go of each other’s lips as Renjun’s phone vibrated, guessing that probably Mark worried about them and he had guessed it right.
As their foods arrived, like a bunch of hungry lions they were, they started munching on them. Renjun ate the rattlesnake sausage that tasted the same as the sausages they always ate. If it wasn’t because of the name of it, he wouldn’t have known if it was really made from rattlesnake.
In the corner of his eyes, he saw Jaemin peacefully munching on his hot dog. He still hasn’t taken that glasses off and made Renjun’s heart fluttered. Because, yes, Jaemin looks perfect with those glasses on.
Then without him realizing it, his eyes went downward right on his lips. Renjun wondered if they now tasted salty because of the fries he was eating now or tastes like the familiar sausage on his hot dog. Renjun couldn’t wait to feel them against his lips again.
Wait.
He stopped eating and blinked in confusion at the sudden thought he just had. Again? Can’t wait? What the hell was that supposed to mean?
“Hyung?”
Renjun looked around at the source of voice and saw Chenle staring at him also in confusion.
“You good?”
Renjun nodded and chuckled and told him maybe he only needed restroom right now.
But as soon as he stood up, he looked at the food in front of him. The scribble of snake waving right at him and he suddenly imagined that probably snakes were all over the kitchen and also… the toilet.
That made Renjun sat back down again, gulping the ginger beer in one shot to hide his nervousness.
Jaemin who noticed this only grinned at him, mumbling cute under his breathe that could be heard by him.
Too bad the butterflies in his stomach didn’t let him backfire.
Renjun wasn’t sure why did he end up in a position like this, sitting on the bed between Jaemin’s legs, his back pressing against Jaemin’s chest and Jaemin’s arms protectively wrapping around his waist. The familiar warmth from last night made him feel safe.
They just got back to the hotel room after those snake sausages they had and Jaemin couldn’t keep his hands to himself, it seemed. And too bad, Renjun let him be.
“I still can’t believe this is happening,” whispered Jaemin right on his ear, making him feel giddy for some reason. He could clearly feel Jaemin’s lips against his skin.
“Then don’t believe it and wake up tomorrow, feeling nothing.” Renjun clicked his tounge playfully though the butterflies in his stomach still flying wildly inside.
“Oh, shut up.” Jaemin chuckled as he places a gentle kiss on Renjun’s cheek, “where did the shy Renjun go? He was here a couple of hour ago?”
Renjun rolled his eyes despite the burning feeling on his cheeks.
Comfortable silence filled the hotel room. Jaemin’s lips were still planting gentle kisses on his skin and Renjun still let him be.
This was a sudden thought that lingered on his mind since Jaemin said that – since Jaemin confessed. He was supposed to ask him before at the alley, but words were suddenly too heavy on his lips at that time, “Jaemin…”
A soft and melodious hum could be heard as his response.
“H– how,” he took a deep breath and tried again, “why–“
“Why do I like you?” Jaemin continued his question, “or how do I like you?”
Renjun felt his cheeks heating up and burning brightly red, wanting the sheets to just swallow him up right now. He pressed his back more against Jaemin’s chest, hoping it would hide his blush and nodded his head twice. Jaemin only chuckled and tightened his arms around Renjun’s torso.
“I don’t know,” Jaemin started, “probably when I started missing you more than anyone when I was in the hospital?”
Hospital. Right when they were getting busy without Jaemin. When they finally got recognition from getting the first place in a music show. Right when Renjun wished that Jaemin had been there with them.
“I was always watching you guys performed perfectly on music shows,” Renjun could feel Jaemin’s lips curving into a small smile against the skin of his jaw, “probably you caught my attention the most? I feel like I was watching my own idol singing effortlessly and… beautifully.”
Renjun felt his heart just skipped a beat and that made him spill his thought that he wished he didn’t ask it out, “why did you keep saying probably?”
Jaemin only chuckled, “because I might or might not fall for you when I first saw you?”
Renjun turned his head around and made Jaemin look at him, his eyebrows raised but his smile was still as gentle as ever.
“I’m serious.”
He shook his head, “no, Jaemin. But we were so young. How could you know that was love at first sight?”
“I didn’t say it was– love?” Jaemin blinked in confusion, “I adored you, Renjun. I still do.”
Words suddenly got stolen from Renjun’s mind again. He could only look straightly into Jaemin’s eyes.
“And this adoration turned into something more when I felt that missing you was the only thing I could give hope on to stay as what I am right now,” Jaemin’s hand was cupping his cheek, his thumb caressing it gently, “I don’t want to lose you. I wanted us to stay as friends, but this feeling keeps growing, Injun-ah. The more I stay with you, the more I want you.”
“You could tell me sooner, so why–“ Renjun asked with his trembled voice.
“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” Jaemin’s smile warmed his heart, “but last night you were so fragile, I wanted to protect you. And suddenly the thought of you being in someone else’s embrace angered me. I don’t want that.”
Renjun chuckled softly, “isn’t that too selfish? I always go to Ten hyung’s room when I was… when I was like that. So, you’re not the only one.”
Now was Jaemin’s turn to roll his eyes, “but you only have me here in LA.”
“Then it will only stay in LA?” Renjun playfully asked.
“Well, maybe South Korea too?” Jaemin teased back.
“Then not in other country?”
“Huang Renjun!” Jaemin laughed and tackled the struggled Renjun until he was laying on the bed.
Renjun laughed along and a sudden realization hit his head, “wait–“
“What?” Jaemin stopped himself once he was hovering above Renjun. His face was so close to his and Renjun’s heartbeat suddenly reached its fastest pace.
“Then you have another reason of why you bought these bracelets other than ‘hey, because your birthday is coming soon which is not so soon but well soon enough I got this for you and ta-dah I got the same one!’ words?” Renjun was glad he didn’t lose his composure of being sarcastic as he imitated the way Jaemin spoke.
“Well, isn’t that obvious?”
“And you kept hiding that from me?”
“I didn’t know you would feel the same?”
“Well,” Renjun stopped his words. He bit his lower lip and looked around nervously. Did he really feel the same as Jaemin did? “I– I only felt this last night–“
“It’s okay, Renjun,” Jaemin cut him off. He could see Jaemin’s smile once again curving on his lips before he was taken aback as Jaemin suddenly pressed them against his chapped ones for a second – that he wished it was longer, “I’m not forcing you to feel the same… yet?”
That made Renjun laugh, “aw, I’m scared.”
“Shut up before I kiss you again.”
“Do you even call that a threat?” Renjun dared.
Jaemin only shook his head in disbelief at what Renjun said. He blinked his eyes in confusion as Renjun’s face turned serious all of sudden.
“But, Jaemin–“
Jaemin stayed silence – probably afraid of what was Renjun going to say, but his gaze was still soft on him.
Renjun scanned Jaemin’s face first, looking at how perfect his jawline was, how long and beautiful his eyelashes were and how good would his lips taste if they were pressing longer against his right now.
And so he did.
He lifted up his head a bit to catch them with his. His arms were wrapped around Jaemin’s neck securely.
Their lips were moving against each other languidly, but they were kissing like crazy. Jaemin’s tongue carefully slipped inside his mouth, gentle but demanding and it was nothing like Renjun had ever imagined. His fingers gripped his hair, pulling him closer. His veins and heart throbbed in a good way. He had never wanted anyone like this before. Ever.
The weight of Jaemin’s body on top of his was also extraordinary. He felt Jaemin—all of him—pressed against him until Renjun could inhaled his scent clearly. He suddenly had the thought of wanting to make Jaemin only his, to breathe him, lick him, eat him, drink him. His lips tasted like honey. They felt wonderful. His hands were everywhere, caressing his skin gently. Renjun kept wanting him closer closer and closer.
But Renjun unwillingly let go of those lips before the words he wanted to say disappeared inside his mind. He opened his eyes to look into Jaemin’s starry ones. He whispered between his heavy breathes, “I’ll try– I’ll try to feel the same.”
Jaemin only smiled at those words and claimed Renjun’s beautiful lips with his again.
They just arrived at South Korea with their exchanged hats and smiles all over their faces. The airport was filled with their fans, screaming here and there. And Renjun managed to walk beside Jaemin.
“So, this is South Korea and what happened in LA stays in LA?” Renjun asked teasingly, trying to hide his smile with no avail.
Jaemin laughed and wrapped one of his arms around Renjun’s shoulders as he whispered right on his ear, “don’t make me kiss you here, Injun-ah.”
Renjun laughed along with his blushing cheeks.