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“You know for someone who spends all their time out in the woods playing Rambo, you’re a fucking pussy.”
“Shut up Merle.”
From where he lay wedged between his older brother and the wall, Daryl knows he must seem pretty damned pathetic right now. The bunk in Merle’s cell is nowhere near big enough for them both and his back is pressed tightly against Merle’s side whilst his front is squished upon the cool brickwork of the wall. It’s awfully cramped, completely ridiculous but the only place he wants to be right now.
“Just saying, you’re a grown man.”
“Said shut up Merle.”
He refuses to open his eyes and look back over his shoulder to his brother. He’s not going to give him that satisfaction when it’s bad enough he was here anyway. Right now feigning sleep was the best option, he really didn’t want to talk about why he was here and why he’d practically sprinted to his brother’s cell in the middle of the night and scrambled over the top of him to cram himself in this tiny gap. Squirming further down into his hiding space he pillows his head on his arm and tries to get some rest, feeling every single tiny little shift as Mere lays on his back behind him, arms folded behind his head and chuckling lightly. Hopefully he’ll just go back to sleep.
“All these years, end of the world and all that shit and this still gets you shaking in your boots.”
“Ain’t the same.” He grumbles, cursing his brother being a light sleeper like himself, but really even the deepest sleeper would have woken up at having him crawl over the top of them. Really he knew he’d be waking Merle the second he’d headed this way, but old habits died hard and damn a part of him was so grateful that he had this option again.
Through his closed eyelids he can still see the bright spark of light that illuminates the prison, a sudden glare and flash that can’t be ignored and his body tenses in fear at what’s coming next. The storm is bad, one of the worst they’ve had in years, everyone is sleeping easily enough as the rain pelts the windows and wind makes the glass rattle in warning. When the thunder comes it rolls, growling and shouting its way across the land and making his hair stand on end at the thought of it never stopping. He shivers, it’s definitely a shiver and nothing else, moving his arm up to hide his face beneath it and stay curled up against the wall and Merle.
“Nah it’s way more pathetic.” Merle sighs after it’s over, not sounding angry exactly, more exasperated. Daryl supposes this wasn’t exactly what he’d imagined when he’d thought of being reunited with his brother. A sock clad foot presses against the back of his calf where his pants have ridden up and thought it’s a small thing it helps him feel grounded. “Told you before, it can’t hurt yah.”
“I know that Merle.” He huffs, relaxing for a moment now the initial noise has calmed to nothing more than the sound of the wind and rain. It ain’t over, nowhere near, but each time he gets through it he knows it’s getting closer to the end. Only so long the world could be angry at itself.
“Only the lightening could hurt you, and you’re inside.” Merle mutters, words that Daryl’s heard countless times being told to him again, people trying to put logic on a fear that didn’t give a shit. He weren’t dumb, he knew the thunder couldn’t hurt him at all, but it didn’t stop him from tensing when the lightening strikes again outside, the thunder following sooner this time. He flinches at the sudden clap, giving a small groan as he feels Merle shift beside him, instinctively pressing back into his heat.
“Don’t care about the lightening, ‘s just light.” Daryl hisses when the next round ends, leaving him feeling more on edge than ever. He hates this. He knows Merle isn’t exactly impressed with him either and he can completely understand since he’s not exactly proud of himself right this second. But his heart just won’t stop beating like a drum in his chest, thudding harder than ever and sending a skitter of worry and terror through him every time there’s a roll of thunder through the air.
“And thunder is just noise.” Merle continues, voice soft in the darkness and sound smug as always, like he knew everything in the world and he had to explain it in simple words for Daryl.
Grumbling under his breath he rolls onto his stomach, peeking out from beneath his arms to glare out at Merle to try and justify himself and his reactions. “’s too fucking loud.”
Merle sighs loudly, removing his still intact arm from beneath his head and drumming his fingers on his chest, tapping out the beat of an unknown tune gently. Daryl wonders if somewhere in Atlanta the fingers on his other hand are beating out the same rhythm. “Can’t believe the baby is sleeping through this no problem and you’re like this.”
“Lil Ass Kicker is called that for a reason.” He justifies, burying his head back beneath his arm when lightening brightens up the cell again, flashing behind Merle’s makeshift curtain and lighting his brother’s face. “Kid ain’t scared of anything.” Daryl mumbles, curling his legs up a little more and shifting his head closer to Merle’s chest.
The thunder cracks this time instead of being a long low roll. It bursts through the room and echoes around the cells, making him jump almost out of his skin and press further into the shitty mattress and his brother. Merle’s always been bigger than him and no amount of standing on tip toes when he was a teen had ever helped him grow anymore, but despite the lingering wish to be taller than his brother, in moments like this Daryl found it better this way.
When the noise settles back down to its lowest and he can breathe again Merle continues. “Think I could swap you two then? Give Carl and Rick you and I’ll have the baby instead? Always was meant to have a little sister anyway.”
Huffing at the thought he stays where he is, hidden behind the mass of Merle that he’d used to hate because it always gave his brother the advantage in one of their scuffles. “Sometimes I wonder if you even like me Merle.” He muses, burying his head deeper when Merle’s hand drops to his head to ruffle his hair hard enough to hurt.
“Course I like you.” Merle snorts as if the thought of it was insane, and Daryl doesn’t want to admit it’s a worry he’s had plenty of times over the years. “Wouldn’t have kept you around if I didn’t. Still don’t mean you ain’t an annoying little shit sometimes, right pain in my ass like when you was a baby.”
Lightening and thunder crash down together, impounding the earth with light and sound in a crescendo and making him jolt in panic, hand instinctively reaching out to tangle his fingers in Merle’s shirt and bury closer, trying to hide away from all of it. It’s fucking awful how his breath hitches and how he feels like he can’t escape. Every second the storm continues he’s reminded of just how small he is and just how huge and powerful the world was when it was mad. Whenever things that were bigger than him got mad, he got hurt, why should this be any different?
Things settle outside and though his heart is still fluttering and his breath is still shaky he’s still able to growl out a defence. “Ain’t a baby.”
“Ain’t very brave neither.” Merle snorts, not commenting on how tightly Daryl’s gripping at his shirt or just how obvious it is that he shakes every so often.
“Fuck you ‘s not my fault it’s too loud.” He growls, keeping his forehead pressed against the bed and in the warm safety of Merle’s shadow. “Ain’t right.”
“’s just mother nature having a tantrum. Yelling to the ground about how she wants some attention, that’s all.” Daryl has heard it all before, Merle telling him stories to get him to calm down, making up an entity behind the terror and giving him something to focus on instead of the vast unknown behind it all. It had worked when he was small, but now it felt like nothing more than words. However, when Merle speaks again he can hear some actual genuine care behind them and the finger in his hair start to card through softly. “She’ll quieten down soon, move on down the way and start yelling at someplace else. Hear it? Remember what I taught you when you was little?”
Nodding he takes a glance from his hideaway, finding Merle watching him with a light smile. “Each second between lightening and thunder is how many miles away it is.” He repeats, an old lesson learned years ago and he remembers being huddled in Merle’s bed and frantically counting down the miles together with the bed sheets pulled over their heads. Yet again, all these years later, his instincts were telling him Merle’s bed was the safest place in the world.
“Yup, and the gap’s getting longer so she’s heading away from us now.” Merle points out as there’s a flash again followed by a pause before the thunder rolls in behind, growling loudly and harshly over the top of the prison. The gap still isn’t long enough for his liking, so he gives a small huff and goes back to closing his eyes and pressing closer.
“’ still too loud.”
Merle’s fingers don’t stop stroking, a gentle rhythm over and over again, just like the one he’d been drumming on his chest. The repetitiveness of it gives him something to focus on and when Merle continues talking in that soft voice he remembers from so long ago, he’s embarrassed by how much he’s missed it. “I know, but I got you. Never let it get you before and I ain’t gonna let it get you now baby brother.”
In the silence between the next strike of lightning and the follow up of thunder, Daryl lets himself actually appreciate what Merle said. It weren’t often his brother even gave an indication of liking him, let alone really caring for him, and though it was something he craved, it was something so rare he didn’t know how to deal with it. He certainly wasn’t going to get all sappy over it, he was already curled up in Merle’s bed, he didn’t need to sink much lower tonight. Instead when the thunder has finished and Merle’s fingers in his hair have stopped him from whimpering out loud, he nudges at Merle’s chest with his head in gentle annoyance.
“Ain’t a baby.”
For what it’s worth Merle laughs, the dry chuckle Daryl knows drowning out the sound of the rain and wind for a moment. “You’ll always be a baby to me. You know that.” Daryl will never admit out loud that he doesn’t mind the nickname, and when Merle starts teasing him with his next words, he knows it’s something he’d never live down if Merle knew. “Always be my sweet baby brother with big blue eyes, hair that don’t lay down in the back and who comes a running when a storm rolls in. Least you don’t wet the bed no more though.”
Lightening flashes, barely lighting the whole cell and Daryl has time to headbutt Merle a bit harder and hiss in response before the thunder makes him rest his forehead on Merle’s ribs. “That ain’t fair, I was four Merle!”
“Sure you were. The first time.” Merle continues ribbing him, but doesn’t push him away as the rain softens, not rattling the windows so hard anymore. There’s on more lazy and dull flash of lightening and Daryl barely notices the wind dying down until the world is silent once more.
“Shut the hell up Merle.” He grabs the pillow from beneath Merle’s head and whacks him with it, starting a shoving match and then a tug of war for the pillow. It’s pathetic, two grown men wrestling on a single bunk bed over a pillow, but it has Merle laughing and Daryl doesn’t even notice the flat echoes of thunder rolling away over the hills.
Eventually when Merle has reclaimed his pillow and held Daryl by the wrists until he can’t do anything more than squirm, things settle down to a more reasonable level for the time of night. “All right all right, settle down or you ain’t sleeping here.”
“Dunno why I came here anyway if all you’re gonna do is bully me.” Daryl huffs, flopping back to the mattress and pillowing his head on Merle’s chest to listen to his heartbeat again. Closing his eyes with a shrug and managing not to flinch when Merle’s fingers tangle in his hair again.
“Then you go scoot down that hallway and back to your own damn bed.” Merle tugs his hair but he doesn’t move, instead shifting his weight until he’s more comfortable, focussing on the steady beat in his ear. When Merle speaks there’s a vibration that runs through his cheek, making him smirk a little at the feeling. “Yeah that’s what I thought.”
“You know I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.” He shrugs, yawning lightly and enjoying the quietness of the still world outside.
“I know.” Merle’s hand slips down from his hair to sling his arm about his shoulder, not holding him exactly, more just keeping him steady. Probably Merle just making sure his fat ass weren’t gonna fall out of bed whilst they slept. “Just close your eyes and try get some sleep okay? Ain’t never gonna let it get you all right?” Daryl hums in agreement, breathing easier and the world settles into its normal place. “No worries baby brother.”
“Ain’t a baby.”
“Always my baby.”
“Shut up Merle.”