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Kaira sat on the bed and looked at the empty space next to her, tears blurring her vision; over the past couple of months – ever since she’d been released from hospital – Garrus had been pulling further and further away from her and she didn’t understand why.
“Kaira; are you up there?”
Hearing Steve’s voice shouting up from downstairs, Kaira felt a moments disappointment that it wasn’t who she wanted it to be before scrubbing her eyes with the heel of her hands and heading for the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. “I’ll be down in a minute, Steve.”
Checking her face in the mirror to make sure there were no visible signs of her distress, Kaira quickly ran her brush through her hair and made her way downstairs.
“Steve..?” She gave her former shuttle pilot a quick hug before pulling away. “What brings you here?”
Steve looked at Kaira, noting that she’d lost even more weight since his last visit... and it didn’t look like she was sleeping either. “We’re worried about you.” Kaira was about to ask what he was talking about, but she never got the chance. “Liara says she hasn’t heard from you for over a week and Jack’s still waiting for you to reply to the messages she sent you three days ago.”
Glancing over towards her computer, Kaira noticed the green blinking light for the first time; thinking back she couldn’t remember the last time she’d switched her computer on, let alone checked her messages. Walking past Steve she opened the laptop, entered her password and accessed her messages, looking for the ones from Jack. She also checked for any messages from Garrus, but she didn’t hold out much hope.
Finding the messages from Jack she opened the most recent one and felt her world come crashing down around her as she read it.
Hey, Girl Scout.
What the fuck’s going on with you and G. He’s been in Afterlife for two fuckin’ days now drinking his life away.
Get your ass down here and sort the bastard out.
Jack.
Slamming the laptop closed, Kaira picked it up and threw it across the room. “Fuck!” She grabbed her coat, credits and shotgun from where she’d left them on the kitchen counter four days earlier and started throwing clothes into a bag.
“Kaira..?” Steve watched Kaira for moment before grabbing hold of her shoulders and turning her to face him. “Kaira; what’s wrong?”
Kaira tried to pull away from Steve, but her emotional state and lack of food made her efforts futile. “Omega!” She collapsed down to the floor no longer able to support her own weight. “The fuckin’ bastards on Omega.”
“Who..?” Steve crouched down beside Kaira and helped her up onto the sofa. “Who’s on Omega?”
Looking up at Steve, Kaira sighed and let her head drop into her hands. “Garrus! Garrus is on Omega!” She lifted her head again and looked at Steve, tears spilling over her lower lashes and rolling down her cheeks. “Things have been... difficult... since I left the hospital. He’s been getting more and more distant, but...”
Steve took both of Kaira’s hands in his and dipped his head slightly so he could look her in the eyes. “Then we’ll get you to Omega.” He gave Kaira’s hands a gentle squeeze. “If you can defeat the Reapers you can find a way to get through this.”
*** *** ***
Sitting at the bar in Afterlife, Garrus picked up the glass in front of him and drained its contents. He had no idea how long he’d been sat there or how many drinks he’d had, but he didn’t care; all he could think about was the conversation he’d had with the doctors the day Kaira was released from hospital and how she kept denying everything.
“Hey, Scars, where’s..?” James sat on the stool beside Garrus and looked at the display of empty glasses in front of the turian. “Scars; what’s going on?”
“I don’t know!” Garrus rapped smartly on the bar to get the bartenders attention and ordered another drink before saying any more. “Things aren’t right between Shepard and me; it’s like I’m losing her.”
Now that he’d finally voiced how he was feeling – how he’d been feeling since that day at the hospital – Garrus felt like he’d lost everything all over again... just like he had when Kaira had died four years earlier.
“Then why are you here?” James had spent most of his time on the Normandy flirting shamelessly with Kaira, but it was never serious; she was too much in love with the turian for anything to happen between them. “Why aren’t you out there fighting for her.”
Garrus shook his head. “I don’t know how.” He picked up the drink the bartender had given him and swallowed it in one go. “I only know how to fight alongside her. This... this is different.”
James looked at Garrus feeling his anger levels rising. “Like hell it is!” He put his hand on Garrus shoulder and used his other hand to sweep the empty glasses onto the floor, causing the bartender to scowl at him. “Garrus, Lola fought for you! For Archangel! For everyone! And you repay her by abandoning her because you have a bad few months. Whatever you think you’re going through, I can guarantee it’s worse for her.”
When Garrus looked up again he found himself alone once more. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Vega was right. Shepard had been there for him when he needed her most and he’d promised to be there for her, but he’d broken that promise as soon as things got a bit difficult between them.
Getting up off the stool, Garrus steadied himself against the bar – if he was feeling the effects of the alcohol that badly he knew he must have had a lot more than usual – and made his way back to the small apartment he was staying in. He’d sleep off the alcohol he’d consumed then head back home and try to sort things out there; if things didn’t work out, at least he would know he’d tried.
*** *** ***
Arriving on Omega, Kaira checked her messages again; she’d sent a message to Garrus when she left home, but she’d heard nothing back.
“Kaira..?” Liara wrapped her arms around Kaira and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”
Liara took a step back from Kaira and smiled up at her, hoping she looked more encouraging than she felt at that moment. On the journey to Omega she’d practically force-fed Kaira high-energy nutrition bars - the kind they gave to biotics who were severely malnourished – while watching her retreat further and further into herself with each passing hour.
Leaving the docking bay, Kaira looked back towards the Normandy. Joker had ‘stolen’ the Alliance frigate again to get her to Omega as quickly as possible, but it wasn’t the same without EDI. A lot of the old crew had joined them, even with such short notice, to offer emotional support though only Liara and Steve were joining her in her search.
“Lola!?” Kaira looked up as she heard the familiar voice and managed to force a smile when she spotted James. “What are you... no, don’t bother I think I can guess.”
Steve looked at James for a moment then stepped over to him, effectively placing himself between Vega and Kaira. “Do you know something, Vega?” Steve wasn’t usually one for being so blunt, but he was the only one who’d seen Kaira fall apart at the apartment. “If you know where Garrus is...”
James sighed and dragged his hand down his face. “I saw him last night, he was..,” he looked past Steve to Kaira who suddenly felt like the air had been siphoned from around her; if James told her Garrus was with someone else she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to carry on living. “... He wasn’t in a very good state; he kept talking about doctors and not knowing how to fight.”
Feeling the air around her return, Kaira stepped past Steve and stopped inches from James. “Just tell me if you know where he is, Vega.”
James looked Kaira in the eye and shook his head. “I spoke to him for a while yesterday in Afterlife, but like I said he was a bit out of it.” James dropped his gaze to the floor, feeling like he’d let his old Commander, and friend down. “He was still there when I left.”
Kaira was silent for a minute thinking; she now knew Garrus had still been on Omega the previous day and according to flight records – that Kasumi had hacked in to – no ships or shuttles had left in the past twenty three hours. “Liara. Steve. Head back to the Normandy.” She looked at James. “Thank you. I’m going to Afterlife to see if anyone there knows anything.
*** *** ***
Sitting up in the extremely uncomfortable bed, Garrus swung his legs over the side and groaned holding his head in his hands. He had a vague recollection of talking to Vega the night before and glasses being broken, but that was all. Since arriving on Omega three, four... no five days ago – he wasn’t really sure – one day had rolled drunkenly into another.
Standing up slowly, Garrus walked into the small dingy kitchen and took a tube of dextro paste from the cupboard and forced himself to eat some even though he hadn’t felt like eating anything at all for days now.
Before leaving the small apartment, and heading back to Afterlife, Garrus decided to check his messages – more out of habit than anything and was surprised to see two messages he hadn’t read yet. Not bothering to check who they were from, his omni-tool was set to sort by date not sender, Garrus opened the oldest of the two messages, saw it was from Vega and deleted it without any further reading. Looking at the date on the second – the previous day – Garrus thought it was probably a repeat message from Vega; he was about to delete that one when something stopped him – if he remembered correctly, and he wasn’t sure he did, Vega had been in Afterlife talking to him at that time.
Opening the message, Garrus felt his breath catch in his throat.
Garrus.
We need to talk. Arriving on Omega tomorrow. Meet me in Afterlife.
Kaira.
Garrus read on re-read the message several times. The message had been sent the previous day so that meant... Kaira was on Omega right now! Quickly checking the time, Garrus left the apartment and walked quickly to Afterlife hoping Kaira was still there.
Half way to Afterlife, Garrus slowed down, as the excitement he’d felt when he first read the message was replaced by a heart-stopping dread. What if Kaira was there to say ‘Goodbye’ – not that he could blame her if she did. After a moments hesitation he carried on towards the club; no matter what Kaira wanted to say to him he owed it to her to listen... even if he might not like what he heard.
*** *** *** *** ***
Walking into Afterlife, Garrus spotted Kaira almost immediately. When he saw her he felt like he had that day when he’d seen her resurrected from the dead – the day she’d saved him and given him a reason to live again; he wanted to go over to her, to tell her everything would be alright, but his legs refused to do what he wanted them to. For a brief second he wished he was back on the battlefield. There he didn’t need to think – he acted almost purely on instinct, sensing rather than knowing where the enemy was.
“Garrus?” Startled at the closeness of the voice, Garrus shook his head, looked down and saw Kaira looking up at him; she was smiling, but there was a sadness in his eyes that he didn’t want to see because he knew it had been caused by him. “We need to talk.”
Garrus nodded mutely and allowed Kaira to lead him back out of the club and to the transport depot. It wasn’t until they were almost at their destination that Garrus finally looked out to see where they were. Kaira was taking them back to his, or rather Archangel’s, old hide-out – the place where they’d been reunited two years earlier.
Landing the sky-car she’d ‘borrowed’ Kaira stepped out and made her way over the bridge and up the stairs to where she’d found Garrus the last time she was there. About a minute later, Garrus exited the sky-car and followed. Arriving at the upstairs room that looked out over the bridge, Garrus walked through the door and stopped; Kaira was kneeling on the floor trailing her fingers lightly over a large patch of dried blood he realised was his.
“Kaira... I...” Whatever Garrus had been about to say died in his throat when Kaira looked up at him, tears rolling freely down her cheeks.
Standing up, Kaira walked over to the low wall and looked out over the bridge. “Last time I was here, I almost lost the only thing in my life that ever really mattered to me.” She walked along by the side of the wall, trailing her fingers over the top of it while she fought to control her emotions. “I need you to tell me if I’ve lost that now.”
Garrus crossed the room in a few strides and lifted his hand towards Kaira before letting it drop to his side again. He knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t - not when so much was unclear in his own mind. Instead he just stood silently watching Kaira.
“Garrus... please? Talk to me.” Kaira had turned to face Garrus now, the blue haze flickering around her testament to her internal battle to keep her feelings in check. “Before you... last time we spoke you mentioned...”
“Yes, I know what I said!” Garrus took a couple of breaths; he didn’t want to lose his temper with Kaira, but he couldn’t help it. “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell me.”
“Tell you what?” Kaira moved towards Garrus, stopping a few feet away from him; she knew she was shouting now, but she was beyond caring. “You won’t tell me what the doctor said to you. You just keep saying I must know.”
*** *** ***
Kaira staggered backwards away from Garrus until she found the wall. “That can’t be true!” She sank down to the ground, struggling to breath as the news sank in. “That’s not possible!”
Watching Kaira’s reaction, Garrus realised how foolish he’d been. In all the years he’d known her, Kaira had always put on a brave face in front of her crew no matter how she was feeling inside, but with him – in private – she never hid what she was feeling.
“Kaira, I’m..,” He was going to say sorry, but that didn’t seem adequate to undo two months of mistrust and then abandoning her. “I was...”
“Garrus?” Kaira got to her feet, still shaking from the shock of what he’d told her and walked over to him, taking both his hands in hers. “I still... I still need to know if I’ve lost...”
Pulling his hands gently from Kaira’s grasp, Garrus looked down at her for a second before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her towards him. “No... no you haven’t.”
Feeling the pressure of the past two months lift from her shoulders, Kaira noticed for the first time that Garrus was wearing civvies and not armour. How she hadn’t noticed before she didn’t know, but she hadn’t exactly been thinking straight.
After a few minutes Kaira pulled away from Garrus and looked up at him. “The doctor..,” she didn’t really want to bring the subject back up, but there was one more thing she had to know. “Was he... was he sure...”
Garrus nodded. “He showed me the X-rays.”
Reaching up Kaira placed her hand gently against the scarred side of Garrus face and looked into the blue eyes she’d always found so comforting. “Then there’s a chance we can see what a human-turian baby looks like after all.”
Garrus looked down at Kaira for a moment leaning into her touch before leaning forward and touching his forehead to hers.