Chapter Text
Thirty-One. The Resistance was reduced to the Thirty-One souls that escaped on the Falcon. Leia felt older than her years, which were already significant. The burden of responsibility was almost overwhelming. The weariness she felt sank deep into her bones. So much loss. Han. Luke. Amilyn. And, many other good people that believed in freedom for the galaxy from the dark side. How could they possibly re-group? She had not lost hope, but she was struggling to see the path to recovery let alone victory.
How could this little band of freedom-fighters take down the First Order? The future felt bleak. They were out of resources...out of ships….out of people….
The contrast of her thoughts to what she saw out her window was startling. Safely ensconced in an old Republic at the base of the purple Naboo mountains, the surroundings were peaceful and beautiful. She often thought of her mother that she never got to meet but knew plenty about. She wondered if she had ever been here. She knew that Padme had felt the burden to protect her people as well. She felt a kindred bond of sorts with her, heightened by being on her home planet.
“General?”
She turned and saw the biggest spark of hope they had. She held out her hand for her to join her on the couch in her quarters.
“Please, Rey...I insist...call me Leia. How are you doing? ”
The young woman sat down with a heavy sigh. Her shoulders bore more than one her age should have to. “Honestly...I feel numb. I don’t know what to think. So much has happened...I’ve only been away from Jakku for two months, but it feels like it’s been a lifetime.”
“Would it help make you feel better or worse to know that I feel the same way?”
That awarded her with a half-hearted smile from the girl. She grew quiet and started fidgeting with the hem of her vest.
Her voice was soft. “Leia...I need to tell you something. It’s something I don’t completely understand myself, and I might sound crazy, but I need to talk about this with someone. Will you promise not to overreact until you hear it all?
Leia’s warm brown eyes softened. She chuckled to herself, wondering what Rey could say that would be crazier than being the daughter of Darth Vader who married a smuggler and then bore the apprentice of Supreme Leader they were at war with. “I promise.”
Rey took a deep breath. She hesitated, then finally exhaled. “Leia...I have a force bond with Ben. It started when I was on Ahch-to. We can connect in our minds, but also have physical manifestations in each other’s presence. I can’t see what is around him, and he can’t see where I am or who I’m with...just me. At first, it was contentious--at least on my part. I would yell at him, call him a monster, and I even tried to shoot him the first time. It isn’t in either of our control--it is something the force has brought upon us without our consent. That brought a certain amount of resignation to it, and we fell into a bit of companionship with it.”
“Can he use this to find us?”
“No. I have been able to block details like the Resistance activity from him, just as he is able to block First Order business from me. And, as I said, we can’t see or hear each other’s surroundings. But, there is more.”
Leia reached out to hold Rey’s hand in comfort. She could see how difficult this was for her. “I come from a legacy of Force-users with strange experiences. I don’t think you are crazy yet.”
Her hazel eyes twinkled in amusement. “Through my time on the island, I learned the final straw in Ben’s turn to the dark side. Snoke had been in his head his whole life, whispering lies about all of you. Ben had been resisting, but the darkness was calling to him. He was starting to believe the lies that his parents abandoned him and that his Jedi master was jealous of his power. Luke sensed this. One night, he was standing over Ben in his sleep, feeling Snoke sift his mind, and he responded out of fear--for just a moment he thought he was too far gone and he thought he needed to be destroyed. Luke caught himself and turned the corner in his mind, but not before Ben woke up and saw him standing over him with his lightsaber engaged. Ben was still trying to resist the dark at that point, but it pushed him from the light.”
“That is why Ben attacked the academy.” It was a statement, not a question, from Leia.
“Yes. And that betrayal is what finally sent Ben into Snoke’s trap. But, Leia...I sense the light in him. He is cut to the bone struggling with the two sides of the Force warring in him. Especially since...Han. He doesn’t sleep and he is exhausted.”
Leia’s mouth went dry, and she struggled to keep the heavy emotion from her voice. “You think there is still hope?”
“I do...but I’m not done. In my final day on the island, I had a force vision that disturbed me. When I got back to my hut, Ben was there. I told him what happened, and he listened. Leia, he had transformed from my enemy to a confidant. I realized that in all the time I have known him, there is a gentleness in him with me that goes against what we all know of him. He is a monster, but he is a conflicted, lonely one. That night, we were able to touch hands through the bond, and when we did, I saw Ben’s future. I saw that he would turn from Snoke and stand with me. Luke came and found us--he just exploded not understanding what was happening and Ben was gone. I confronted him and asked for the truth about Ben, which he finally told me. I told him that Ben hadn’t yet decided and that there was good in him. I saw the hope in Luke’s eyes, but he just couldn’t believe. And, he wouldn’t come and help us, so I told him that turning Ben was our only hope. I left and went to see Ben on the Supremacy.”
“You what? Did you go to a First Order ship? Willingly?”
“Yes...I believed through the vision that I could turn Ben. It was foolish, but I truly thought I could. He was different than in our force bond moments. He seemed distant and distracted--like he was in deep thought. He cuffed me and took me to Snoke. Snoke dug into my mind and tortured me--he tried to turn me. He told us that he was the one who bridged our minds into the bond. When all of that didn’t work and I refused to turn, he ordered Ben to kill me--to kill his true enemy. Ben acted like he was going to...there was such resolve and confidence in his eyes. Then, just as I thought I would be breathing my last….he flicked his wrist and used the lightsaber on the arm of Snoke’s chair to kill him instead.”
“Snoke is dead?!?!”
“Yes...but there is more. He called Luke’s lightsaber to me, and we silently agreed to join together against the Praetorian Guards. We fought them together, almost at times moving as though were the same body. Now my enemy had become my ally. When the last of them were conquered...I thought it would be where he turned to renounce the first order and he would come home with me. But he didn’t. He told me to let it all die--the Resistance and the First Order, the Jedi and the Sith...all of it and forge a new way. My heart jumped in hope. He told me that when our minds were connected, he saw who my parents were---that they were nobodies and I was a nobody in this story--but not to him. He asked me to join him to rule the galaxy and create a new order. I didn’t understand...he was so close. He had just killed the Supreme Leader, whether for me or for him, and we fought together. My heart just sank...but there he stood with his hand outstretched. He even softly, pleadingly said, ‘Please.’ I thought about it but knew he still was tempted by the power and the dark. I couldn’t do that, even though it was ripping my heart out. So, I tried to grab Luke’s saber instead, but he tried to and we struggled with it dangling in the air, caught between us in the Force. Our pull was equal, so it exploded - that is how it broke. We were both thrown back and knocked unconscious from it. I came to first--Ben was still out. I gathered the pieces of the lightsaber. I tried to probe Ben’s mind--to get clarity on his intent, but he was shut down. I used Snoke’s shuttle to escape and rendezvoused with Chewie...that’s when we came to Crait and got you all.”
“Is there more?” Leia asked incredulously.
“No...or wait, there is. I had another force bond moment with him again, right before I raised the ramp of the Falcon. He was looking up at me with wounded, broken eyes. But I was angry and hurt. I exited the bond and shut the door. That was three days ago, and I haven’t bonded with him since. But, that last time was after Snoke died, so I don’t believe that it was his power who connected us or it would have died with him.”
“Well...this is a great deal to take him, Rey. I had no idea, obviously. Just hearing what you have told me...it sounds like there is something unique between you two. I guess there are enough similarities in the two of you that you can understand each other in a way no one else really can. The General in me should ask for you to use this connection to help us gain the advantage, but the mom in me doesn’t want you to jeopardize the fragile trust that my son has. It seems in all the universe, you are the only one he trusts. And, I wonder what this will mean to not have Snoke in his head. Does Ben want to continue the war? Really want to?”
She turned to Rey, squeezing her hands tightly. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I hope it brings you relief that you got it off your chest. I want to think on all of this for a bit. Would you give me some time to process it?”
“Of course Leia. Thank you for listening and not immediately throwing me into the brig. I have some of the old ships I’m repairing in the hangar. I will go work on those.”
After the girl left, Leia turned back to the window and her perspective had shifted. While what Rey had shared was heavy, it also blossomed a tiny growth of hope. Maybe her son was not gone after all. If his heart that was open to another couldn’t be all dark...could it?
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The more Leia considered what Rey had told her, two things arose in her mind. First, it was evident that Ben and Rey cared for each other. The depth of that was not immediately clear, but they had come to a place of mutual trust--crazy as that sounded. Second, the absence of Snoke left the future of the First Order wide open. She wasn’t sure if Snoke was a Sith or not, but he had extraordinary power and control through the dark side force of the Force, and his hold on the First Order was relentless. That influence was gone. He was not manipulating Ben’s head anymore. What would that mean?
Would Ben seek the same goals as Snoke? Rey said he told her to leave it all behind, including the First Order. Did he mean that? What would that mean for the war?
An idea was forming in Leia’s mind. It was just a thought, but it was quickly gaining purchase in her mind. A way to bring peace...and maybe...just maybe the redemption of her son….
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“Rey!”
“Finn!” She ran into his hug, savoring the embrace of her first friend. “Gosh...we haven’t been able to catch up for too long!” Her eyes teared up at the sight of him.
“I know. I just heard from others about Starkiller...what happened? When I saw you there, you were slumped in the snow while I fought Kylo. They told me that you fought him once I lost consciousness….and beat him. Is that true?”
Rey’s mind swam with all the events that had happened since she last talked to her friend. It was almost overwhelming all that they had missed of each other's activities. “I did fight him, I heard a voice in my mind telling me to kill him, but I couldn’t. Then a great crevice opened up and separated us. He was still conscious when I left him. I’m not sure what would have happened if we weren’t separated.”
“I am just so glad you got away from him. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from him.”
“I’m fine, Finn. I don’t need protecting.”
“True...I guess I needed YOU to protect ME!!” He broke away and started to trot off, turning around and jogging backward. “Hey, I’m on my way to see Rose in the Med Bay. Can we meet for dinner at the mess hall later? Catch up?”
“Absolutely. I look forward to it, friend. How is she doing? I can’t wait to meet her.”
She squeezed his hands. She was happy for her friend but knowing he had someone special felt strange to her. It was just one more emotion to deal with...and she was so very tired of dealing with her emotions. Just tired.
“Better everyday Rey, better every day. And, she is going to geek-out to meet you” and with that, he ran off.
Rey suddenly didn’t feel like working on the ships. She instead cut a detour to her quarters. When she opened the door, she thought again how it was the nicest place she had ever had. The bed was generous and soft, the small seating area was cozy with a window to the lovely outdoors, and she had her own fresher. Rey had never had such living luxuries to herself. At first, she slept on the floor. She just couldn’t get used to the soft bed. But she adjusted, and this morning she thought she never wanted to leave the sanctuary of her warm little bed.
She sat down on it now, finally alone with her thoughts. She felt relief to have confessed to Leia. She no longer carried the burden of the last few weeks alone, and that felt good. But now...now she felt drained. Rey had always worked hard from dusk to dawn, but right now she was pondering a nap. Such a lavishness she had never succumbed to, though her mind was arguing for the reprieve it would bring. She sighed and laid back, wondering what would come next for them all.
Just before drifting off, her mind gently pushed, searching for the bond. She met the wall of steel on his side. SIlence.
She wanted to ask if he was Ok. She wanted to ask what was happening now. She wanted him to understand why she did what she did, and ask him why he chose what he did.
She sighed and drifted off to sleep.
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He heard her whispers just outside the gate he erected on his side of the bond. Was he OK? He mused that entirely depended on one’s definition of OK. The last few days had brought a measure of peace for Ben. For the first time in his life, Snoke was not in his head. But, in the same way, a long-time prisoner struggles what to do with his freedom, he was lost in it. He didn’t even know how to function almost. What did he even really think? Who was he? Ben had never been without another voice in his thoughts. What now?
He was floundering. He felt numb. He felt absence. The absence of a master. The absence of the pressure in his mind. The absence of rage. The absence of purpose. The absence of...her...
He wallowed in indecision. What was next? What does the First Order mean with Snoke gone? How would he lead?
For the time being, he decided to keep the status quo. He instructed Hux to look for the resistance. He listened to briefings about First Order projects going on. New ships, new troops...new weapons. He stopped everything that hadn’t been started, and just encouraged the completion of endeavors already in process. He said they needed to regroup their strategy and funding after losing Snoke and his ship.
And Rey...what of Rey. She had rejected his offer and fled. He knew he did it poorly, looking back. He was in shock from the events that had just transpired. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Even if he was, he didn’t really know how to have that kind of conversation anyhow. He was hurt by her choice...but he understood why she didn’t want to join him. Part of the affection he felt for her was the light side of the force that naturally flowed from her. While he wanted her with him, he knew his offer of power was not appealing to her character. He wished he could go back...go back and find the words share his heart and take off the blasted glove.
He stood on the bridge, looking at that gloved hand gripping the railing in front of him. His shoulders sagged heavy under all that he now carried. He felt his general approaching before the door opened.
“Supreme Leader?”
“Yes Hux” his voice was low and tired.
“We have not yet located the rebels. We don’t see any evidence of the Millenium Falcon in transit, so we believe that they have found a hideaway for the moment. We will find them.”
Ben turned to look at Hux, and it was as if he was seeing him for the first time. All the sudden, he wondered where Snoke had found him. Was he feeling the same flailing in Snoke’s absence? How much was Snoke in his mind also? He felt a sense of pity for the man, having the presence of the former Supreme Leader without the force as an ally. It softened his usual curt response to the general.
“Very good, Hux. I appreciate your diligence. I know you will find them.”
He could tell his words and tone shocked the man. His eyes showed a sense of uncertainty and something else Ben couldn’t place.
“Thank you for your trust, Supreme Leader.”