Chapter Text
Kim Namjoon hates his life.
He’s not being a dramatic lil bitch (No matter what Jin says) but he’s pretty sure no one in the entire world has worse luck than him.
Reason being?
His soulmate mark, yes, that place where your soulmate is supposed to touch you for the first time, that place which stays a dull black and transforms into millions of colours at the slightest touch from your one true love,
is his dick.
He’s heard people whine about soulmate marks on their cheekbones and knuckles, or even on places like their pinkies, so tiny it could be a mole.
But no one in the entire world had talked about one on their fucking dick.
Namjoon was eighteen when he found his soulmate mark. It meant that his soulmate was older, as they had already turned eighteen. He was okay with that, as long as it wasn’t a fifty year old. (These are the negatives that no one ever talks about. Except Jimin. He’s a hardcore anti on the whole soulmate issue and Namjoon prays for his soulmate.) He had excitedly watched the 11:59 turn into a 12, with Jin, his best friend by his side.
The second it turned 12, Namjoon hightailed to the bathroom, with Jin cheering and whooping. Stripping down, he looked everywhere but was unable to find one. He shouted at Jin from inside, who responded with a “maybe he’s younger?” Namjoon was about to reply when Jin banged the door open and came inside to see a naked Namjoon screaming “What the fuck Jin!”
But Jin didn’t care about that. His eyes just widened.
“Bro, I don’t want to freak you out. But your entire dick is weirdly black.”
Those were the words that changed Namjoon’s life forever.
////////////////
No one really knew about this except for Jin, and Namjoon’s brother Taehyung. (Thinking about it, he probably told his boyfriend Jungkook. No wonder that kid had no respect for him.) And Namjoon was okay with that. It’d been 5 years since then, and his friends have successfully made all the jokes they could.
The only drawback to this whole issue was the fact that Namjoon is a 22 year old virgin. In every sense of the word. He was way too terrified to actually meet his soulmate, and he knew everyone would run away the second they saw his dick.
Kim Seokjin had spent every second of his past 4 years trying to set Namjoon up with people, but Namjoon could never get past making out without running away.
It’s sad but Kim Namjoon was a prude. And he was okay with that.
He swears.
////////
Min Yoongi wakes up with a groan.
He’s in an unfamiliar bed, and the space next to him is filled with a person. He has a pounding headache and an urge to pee.
A typical weekend then.
He fishes out his phone from his pocket, and orders an Uber to arrive in ten minutes. He quickly gets up and puts his clothes from last night, wincing at the stickiness. Leaving a cursory note for the man on the bed, he takes his keys and wallet from the side table and disappears.
‘Hobi is going to kill me’, is the only thought that runs through his head.
////
“Do you need some Advil?” Hoseok asks as Yoongi flops onto their couch with a groan. “Nope.” Hoseok sighs, but says nothing as be busies himself with cleaning the house for the third time, causing Yoongi to roll his eyes. Hoseok met his soulmate, Jimin about a week back. They were going on their second date, and Jimin was coming over to pick him up. They had met at dance class, with Jimin falling down on his (apparently delectable) ass and Hoseok lending him his blackened hand.
It was love at first sight but they wanted to “take it slow”, whatever the fuck that meant. If it was Yoongi, he’d marry his soulmate in a second.
But he didn’t have one. He was a fucking disease to everyone around him and fate probably felt the same. Yoongi had hope for five fucking years. He checked every part of his body, and made Hoseok check too. (That was awkward.) But there was nothing. Nothing. He decided it just wasn’t worth it. Just like his father had told him;
He was worthless.
Hoseok told him to have patience, but Yoongi knew he’d never get that lucky. His luck ran out the second he was born into the world.
The bell rang and Hoseok screeched, causing Yoongi’s headache to worsen. “How do I look?” he asks and Yoongi gives him a thumbs up. His hair was in waves, and Yoongi liked it a lot. He heard the door open and some murmuring before the door shuts and he’s left alone with his self destructing thoughts.
Fun.
///
“No,” Namjoon says for the sixteenth time as Jin folds his hands in a prayer. They were in Namjoon’s apartment, which he shared with Jimin (who apparently found his soulmate and threw his opinions into the trash). “But it’s your birthday,” Jin whines and Namjoon shuts his textbook because he’s never going to get work done.
“So?” “So, you’re turning twenty two! You’re hot, smart and kind and you still haven’t had anyone suck your di-” Namjoon slaps a hand on Jin’s mouth. “Don’t say it,” he whispers in horror.
Jin pries his hand away and continues. “Your dick.” Namjoon groans. “Please Joon. Just this once. Just today. Everyone is going to be there. And we get to meet Jimin’s soulmate as well.” Jin pleads and Namjoon sighs. “Okay.” Jin jumps. “Okay?! Really?” Namjoon shrugs before giving him a weak smile. “You won’t take anything else, I know.”
Jin squeals and runs to Namjoon’s wardrobe. “I’m going to make you look so fuckable. You still have your lenses right? You’re gonna remove those glasses. I’m going to put you in the tightest pair of jeans and borrow one of Jimin’s hoe clothes, which will make you look even sexier because it’ll be short,” Jin rambles on and Namjoon can’t help but be terrified.
“Jin, I’m not so sure anymo-” Namjoon starts. Suddenly Jin whips around and Namjoon thinks he’s actually going to pee because Jin has the wildest look in his eyes. “Kim Namjoon, you are going to have the best dicking of your entire life. Do not drop out now.” Namjoon gulps and nods his head.
At that second, his phone chimes and Namjoon looks down.
Jimean
Brooo im sp drumk rn but hobi hyun broght a frnd and hes so hotttttt
U bttr dick him dwnnnn!!!!!!!!!!1
What has he gotten himself into?
/////
The club was packed, with various scents mingled together, although the smell of sweat was dominant. There were flashing lights and dancing bodies and the bass was vibrating the floors. The energy was raw and Namjoon could feel it entering him the second he got inside.
He wanted to leave right away.
He was already uncomfortable, wearing tight leather pants and one of Jimin’s shirts, which were cropped on him. His hair was in some messy quif that Jin somehow managed to do and he even had some makeup on. “Okay, I’m gonna go dance!” Jin shouted and Namjoon widened his eyes in panic. “Wait, no-” “Don’t worry, just have fun! And meet us at the floor above by 11. Just say Hoseok’s name.” Jin disappeared into the crowd and Namjoon was left alone.
The next second, someone was already grinding up against him and he sighed before going to the bar. “Give me the strongest you have,” he said. If he was gonna do this, might as well go all the way. Sipping on the drink and wincing at the taste, he looked around before freezing.
Someone was looking at him.
A very good looking someone; with pale skin and ebony black hair, and cat eyes rimmed with eyeliner, a predator look in them. Namjoon gulped. The man smirked at that and got up from his seat across before walking over. Namjoon took a deep breath, trying to look composed.
“Hey,” the man said and Namjoon was not prepared for that voice. It was low and gravelly and he was already getting a boner. “H-hi.” The man smirked even more. “First time here?” Namjoon blushed.
“That obvious?” The man shrugged in reply. “I’m Yoongi.” “Namjoon,” he murmured back. Yoongi smiled and his eyes turned blacker. “You wanna get out of here?” he asked and Namjoon could not have said yes faster, the alcohol already buzzing through his veins.
////
Namjoon moaned as Yoongi pushed him against the wall of the cubicle and wasted no time before kissing Yoongi when the other man stopped him. "Sorry, I have a no kiss policy," he stated and Namjoon froze before shrugging. To each man his own. "So you want to just get straight down?" Namjoon asked and Yoongi smirked, before nodding. Namjoon grinned, expecting some touching or a little roleplay.
But his eyes widened when Yoongi’s hand wandered down. "Wait," he said. Yoongi looked at him confused. “I-I need to tell you something before we go any further”, Namjoon confessed. “Don’t tell me you have a soulmate,” Yoongi spat out. Namjoon shook his head. “No, I don’t.” Yoongi relaxed. “Then?” “Uh, my..spot is my..dick.” Yoongi took a step back.
“What the fuck?” He said, shock covering his features. Namjoon shrugged, embarrassed. “Yeah, so… I’m going to leave,” he said. Before he could, Yoongi crowded him again. “Who says I have a problem with that? A dick is a dick and I’m not leaving until I suck yours.” Not waiting for a reply, he dropped down and opened the zipper.
Namjoon’s mouth was wide open and he promised himself he’d be the best bottom (or top, he didn’t know what he preferred) ever. Finally, after a lot of struggling (“You had to wear the tightest pants,” Yoongi grunted), his pants came down and Yoongi licked his lips.
“You sure you’re okay with this right?” he asked, looking up. Namjoon nodded. “Please.”
Smirking, Yoongi opened his mouth and Namjoon swore he spotted some black-
-before he took Namjoon’s dick in his mouth. Namjoon moaned.
Fuck, he was so hot and Namjoon felt so dominated even if the man was smaller. Yoongi took him further inside and Namjoon groaned as he in turn ran his hands through Yoongi’s hair, getting a moan in reply.
Namjoon could only close his eyes and and take it all in. When Yoongi finally came out for a breather, they both froze.
His dick was changing color. What the fuck.
“What the fuck?!” Yoongi shouted and got up. Namjoon quickly zipped his pants back and they both stared at each other, horrified.
Yoongi opened the door and ran to the basins, opening his mouth and staring at the mirror. His inner lips were multicoloured. What the actual hell. He always thought it was because he didn’t brush his teeth at night, but this-
He had just found his soulmate.