Work Text:
A/N: Insult generators are my saviours. I’m sorry for doing another ill fic, blame tfios ;-;
John Egbert was a complete and utter idiot, but something about those buckteeth just pulled you in, the idea of him getting braces made you frown, and you were glad that the boy had decided to decline the offer, as he would miss his boyfriend calling him ‘beaver boy’ in that weird loving tone, and it made you smile a little, your teeth weren’t exactly perfect either, there was maybe three of them that were in the correct place, they were crooked, very much so, but John didn’t care, he actually thought of them as cute, which always made a blush come to your cheeks, you had always been so insecure about them, and you had actually gotten braces, you feel like you would be so much better looking with them, John had looked a little disappointed but you just called him a cry baby and he soon got over it.
“Karkat, could you at least try to concentrate?” Your thoughts were interrupted by said boyfriend and it made you jump just a little “Sorry, but your teeth are obscuring my view” You retorted, and John simply shook his head and returned back to his work, finals were coming up soon, and you two were desperately trying to get your grades up as you were both lazy pieces of shit that could never commit to anything, and you were tempted to distract John, as you were bored out of your mind, you weren’t particularly bothered about your grades, or going to college as it just seemed like a big waste of money to you, but John was convinced they would go to college together and be the ‘super cute’ couple in the yearbook. He could be such a sap at times.
You stood and plopped down next to him on the floor “Can we take a break?” You whined, school work was making your head hurt, and the fact that you didn’t understand any of the questions made you frustrated, and you didn’t want John to sit through that, and it was always embarrassing for you when you went on one of your tantrums “We only started 5 minutes ago” John said amusingly “So, no” He smiled before sticking his tongue out at you “You’re such a douche nozzle, Egbert” That set him off into a fit of giggles at least, and you took the opportunity to distract him with a kiss, and in the moment, he stopped being so strict and gave you the privilege of kissing you back, but it was soon over “Work, Karkat” Egbert grinned and returned to what he was doing beforehand.
With the help of John you managed to get through some revision and then you forced him to watch a romcom afterwards, for recovery of the torture he had just put you through, he complained about the lack of his favourite actors, and the lack of action, but a jab in the ribs from you made the other boy shut up and suck it up, and he even hugged you when you ended up crying at a very heartbreaking moment, you knew he would tease you for it later, he always did, but for now you let your inner baby cry into his chest, you had to stop getting so emotionally attached to characters, as it was just a way for your friends to embarrass you all the time, but you couldn’t help it, you were such a sucker for romcoms.
And like a gentleman he walked you home in the dead of night, in the pouring rain, and you both had to fit under a tiny umbrella, which was torture as you were both absolutely soaking anyway, since you both had to keep fighting for shelter from the rain, which resulted in you both falling over, you swearing a lot and then Egbert pissing himself laughing over it, and of course that stupid, goofy laugh of his was contagious and you were both sitting on the curb, the umbrella abandoned on the floor with the two of you laughing at how ridiculous your hair looked, as it had frizzed up, giving you the perfect afro. After a while you both picked yourself off of the curb and made your way to your house “Are you sure you don’t want to come in until the rain stops? My parents are out until tomorrow” You offered, wanting him to accept your offer, as you were officially in a snugly mood “You can stay, if you want” You could tell he was about to refuse, yet you dragged him into your house, which was hard, considering how much taller he was than you, but he eventually let you drag him into the house “Go get into the shower, you smell like wet dog” You demanded, your nose wrinkling at the smell of him, and knowing you smelt the same disgusted you even more. You wanted to throw up when Egbert grabbed you and pulled you into a hug “That is disgusting! Get off of me, you repulsive dumpster cunt!” John faked a swoon “Oh Karkat, please stop, you’ll make me blush” He laughed before batting his eyelashes and releasing you from him grip, you pushed him towards the stairs before he could get his hands on you again, and the idiot just gave you a goofy smile before running up the stairs to shower.
You two ended up snuggling together, your hair was still wet from the shower, as was his, you were simply watching anything that the TV threw at you, the two of you couldn’t be bothered to lean forward to grab the remote, as you were sharing a blanket and using each other for warmth as your heating fucking sucked, which was why you always hung out at John’s house, it was a habit you two had fallen into when you hadn’t even been ‘friends’ for a week, you had absolutely despised the bucked-teethed boy at first, you had wanted to punch his lights out for some reason you couldn’t find, and one day he invited you over to play a game with him, one he had apparently heard you talking about in class, the eavesdropping cock jockey, it was highly expensive and had only recently came out, and in your 13 year old excitement you agreed to go to his house to play a game of SBURB, and you created your own planet with the doofus, which was something immature which made you both cry of laughter, you didn’t miss your 13 year olds self humour in the slightest bit.
Ever since then you two had talked constantly, and when it wasn’t in person, it was on Pesterchum, which had became vital when John was 14 and his father had passed away, murder, John had phoned him that night, just saying that word over and over again in between strangled sobs, and you hadn’t had a clue what to say to him, so you simply sat on the phone until the early morning, sitting with him, and painfully listening to him cry until you sneaked out of your house at 3am to go comfort him, it hadn’t been easy on John, he had the added trauma of seeing his father on the kitchen the floor, the murderer only just fleeing, Egbert had blamed himself for stopping at a shop on the way home from school, if he had been there a second earlier it would have been different, and after that he went to live with his relatives for 3 years, and in that time-span you never got to see him, considering he was on the other side of the country, so they video chatted and stayed in touch through Pesterchum, and eventually you two admitted you were attracted to each other and then you lost touch with him for about a week, until one day you woke up at 3am with the nerd was at your door with flowers and that stupid smile on his face, with those stupid bucked teeth and it was like something out of a romcom, which is probably what he wanted, and it worked of course, you punched him in the gut before giving him one of the most passionate kisses of your life, then you told him that you hated him, which Egbert replied with a ‘I know’.
You were getting a bit teary eyed just thinking about it and John immediately looked at you, a worried expression stuck on his face “Karkat? Are you okay” You nodded, you didn’t know why you were getting emotional, it had been a year since then, John lived here with his sister, Jade and you couldn’t have been more thankful, you shouldn’t be sitting on the couch blubbering like a baby over something that happened so long ago, John must’ve been used to this by now, you suddenly crying out of nowhere, you wished you were the big, angry, intimidating guy you made yourself out to be, but that wasn’t the case and your boyfriend had to deal with how insufferable you were “Karkat, stop being such a big dumb baby and tell me what’s wrong” He was an asshole when he needed to be “I’m just, happy that you’re here”
“Well you did kind of force me to stay”
“I don’t mean that, you shit mouth!” You paused “I’m happy that you came back, I know it’s dumb, it was over a year ago but-“
“Oh my god, Karkat” He said in disbelief, and pulled you into a gentle embrace “You really are a baby”
You frowned, but you were completely aware that you were in fact a colossal baby, your tough act was the only thing protecting that from people in school, the amount of times you had almost cried while watching a movie in class was ridiculous “I missed you” You whispered and John simply rested his chin on your head and whispered back an “I know” And soon you were both asleep on the couch, with the TV glowing dimly.
When you woke up, you were the only one lying on the couch, and John was staring blankly at his phone on the sofa chair, just across from you “John, are you okay?” You asked slowly, he looked so fragile, he was curled into himself, and seemed completely zoned out from the world “John?” You spoke a little louder this time, which made him look up at you “Karkat, hi” He greeted softly, and you started to get a painful feeling in your chest over how much you were worrying “What happened?” There was no point in repeating your first question, as it was apparent that John definitely wasn’t okay “Jade just got my, my” He stopped talking for a good minute, and you almost wanted to shout at him, but you were worried that he would break if you did “My, doctors results.” You opened your mouth yet no words managed to escape, when had John went to the doctors? And why? “Karkat, I’m dying” That was all he said, he didn’t tell you what with, he didn’t tell you why, not even the tiniest explanation, you had to sit there, and stare at him until he eventually looked up at you with a look of hopelessness and you immediately sprung from where you were sitting to wrap your arms around him plop yourself onto his lap, you didn’t ask any questions, you simply let him pull you into a tight hug and bury his head into your shoulder.
You were a lot calmer since that night, you were too depressed to be angry, you both were. John had something wrong with his blood, but the hadn’t received a clear diagnosis even after 2 months, apparently the illness was something new and you were absolutely terrified out of your wits, even your insults had became less creative and more repetitive. John smiled less, he laughed less, he had a constant look of tiredness and depression, he was lankier than ever and you were so concerned for him, and your hair had been falling out from stress, but you would never tell him something like that. You missed his teeth, it was a weird thing, but you did, his smile meant you could see the fuck up that was his teeth, the bucked-teeth and the occasional tooth out of place was something you had always liked about him, his smile was so beautiful, he showed that he wasn’t exactly ‘perfect’ and he most certainly wouldn’t be the husky man in a romcom, but he was the image of complete perfection to you, even now your love for him had no limits, and you were being a complete sap again, this wasn’t some movie that was going to end perfectly, with a great 90’s song to play in the credits, this was real life, and that realisation was so painful.
You held his cold, rough hand, that had once been warm and smooth to the touch, but you didn’t mind, you refused to let go in fact, and John would always tell you that if you let go he wouldn’t be going anywhere, but you never believed him “I love you” You said weakly, John was currently attempting to sleep, and had begged for you to go home and revise for your tests, but it wouldn’t be the same without John there, and it broke your heart, seeing how much he had revised and it would all be for nothing, he could barely move, never mind take a test “I know” He replied and you let a smile come to your lips in what felt like for ages, his answer managed to bring up good memories and he even flashed you a smile.
You and Jade saw a lot more of each other ever since John was admitted, as you both wanted to hog the room and stay with John 24/7, you ended up becoming good friends with the older girl, and found out she was sweet, but absolutely terrifying when she was mad, which seemed to be quite often, she snapped at the tiniest things but she explained that she didn’t know how she was going to cope, John was the only family she had left, as John’s grandmother had also passed away a while ago, the boy seemed to just trail bad luck around with him everywhere.
“Jade” You two were in the cafeteria, you were both starving from staying up all night, she made a small sound of acknowledgement at the sound of her name “I’m so scared about losing John, I mean, I don’t know how to begin to think of how you feel, but I feel so shit about not being able to do anything” You were expecting her to snap and tell you to stop acting like such a baby, but instead her expression softened and she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder “Don’t worry so much, you’re going to stress yourself out too much Karkat. I know I tend to be a bit overdramatic, and I call you a baby and stuff, but I know that the idea of losing John is so painful to you; I’ve noticed that your hair is getting thinner.” She told you, and you blushed a little, you had hoped it hadn’t been obvious, which wasn’t the case “I hate seeing you like this, you always seemed so cheery when you came round, and a little angry too” Jade giggled, managing to lighten to mood just a little “But John, is strong. You have to believe in him, Karkat” You nodded at that, you knew she was right, John was one of the strongest people you had ever met, you felt a sudden pang of optimism and once Jade removed her hand from your shoulder, your mood was lifted and you were able to actually enjoy your breakfast.
Throughout the month you had tried to remain positive, yet John’s condition was just getting worse, and you plummeted back into hair loss and only getting about an hour of sleep, if you were lucky. After retrieving coffee from the cafeteria, which you had gained a sudden liking to ever since John had been admitted; you headed to his room, where Jade was waiting outside for you, which raised your anxiety levels in an instance.
“Karkat, before you freak out, he isn’t dead or anything” She blurted out, which allowed you to give out a sigh of relief, at least that idea was out of the window “But, there’s no hope for John, me and you both know that by now, he’s just in pain, Karkat” She said, her voice level rising, and her speech was a little slurred from how she was crying, you could tell she had been planning this out for a while “He’s on life support and all he does is sleep, he’s not John anymore” Jade buried her face into her hands, and your heart dropped as you finally clicked onto what she hinting at “But what about all the things you said about John being strong, about believing in him” You tried desperately, trying to grip onto any reason to keep him in the world of the living, yet Jade just gave you an angry glare “I was trying to reassure myself! I knew from the start this wasn’t going to work, I knew and I let him suffer!” She shouted in between sobs, and you could do nothing but stand there and watch her break down in front of you, she was losing the only person she had left, and you wanted to pull her into an embrace, but there was a chance Jade would just lash out at you, and touching the girl without her consent at the moment was just a death wish “I don’t want him to suffer anymore” She gasped weakly, as she made an attempt to catch her breath, the crying and screaming had stolen it from her. You nodded, you agreed, as much as you didn’t want it to be something you would ever have to agree to, you had to, for the sake of your boyfriend “I just need to have a really, really long goodbye with him first. Is that okay?” Jade just nodded, and you slowly stepped into the room, the beeping of the heart monitor made the reality of the situation come crashing down on you, and you burst into tears.
You noticed how John opened his eyes and made a desperate attempt of sitting up when he saw you crying, and you instantly walked towards his bedside “Don’t sit up, you don’t need to” You whispered, willing for the tears to stop falling “Karkat, what’s wrong? Come here” He ordered, pulling over the covers as you crawled into the bed beside him, gripping onto him as if he were a life line “I love you, so much” You confessed shakily, for the millionth time, and John smiled, wrapping his arms around you, and it comforted you so much, and you almost managed to convince yourself that it was like old times, you two snuggling up in bed before watching a movie, or the Fresh Prince, you loved watching that with John, he made it funnier, and so much more enjoyable, and oh god you were going to miss it so much.
“Please, don’t leave me alone” You choked out, and he kissed your head “I would never do that, ever” He made you cry so much harder “Did Jade tell you?” You felt him nod, he knew what was coming and he could still say things like that, you hated him, you hated him so much “I think it’s for the best, I can’t go on like this, I know the affect that it’s having on you, and I can’t have that” How could he say that? How could he care about your health when he was in such a critical state?
“I hate you” You told him
“I know” He responded
You kicked him under the covers and he burst into a fit of laughter, you had missed that so much, you felt so much relief at the sound of it that you joined him, and after a few seconds of catching your breath, you kissed him, you wanted it to replace that night he came back after 3 years, you wanted to feel that again, that passion, and you got exactly what you wanted, John seemed to have had the same idea and soon you were having a make out session on a soon-to-be deathbed, but shit, you didn’t give a single flying fuck, you were so madly in love with John Egbert you were going out of your mind, and holy shit you were going to show him that through the power of your all-mighty kissing machines, you weren’t going to let him leave without being flustered as fuck over how great of a kisser his boyfriend was, he was going to go to whatever afterlife held for him and be like ‘shit my boyfriend was an amazing kisser’.
You broke away for air, but you were soon on him once again, you wanted so desperately to keep him with you, you wanted to pump your life into him through this fucking kiss, but that wasn’t how it worked, which was a bunch of bullshit in your opinion.
“Karkat, I think you proved your point” John interrupted you, and you made an attempt to place your lips onto his again, but he stopped you in your tracks “You have literally took my breath away” He said, gasping, you hadn’t realised John had been that desperate for air “Shit, John, I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away” You probably should’ve paid more attention to the fact that your boyfriend was dying and kissing the living day lights out of him was probably a bad idea “You think? I don’t want to leave the world with a boner, shit dude” You laughed, he was such an idiot, he was your idiot, and goddamn, he was the best idiot you had ever owned “I’ll miss you” “I know” You raised your eyebrow at him “Fine, I’ll miss you too” You smiled at your little victory, and you were glad your last moments with him were happy, you gave him a small kiss goodbye “Go to sleep, I love you” Were the last words you ever said to him.
Two hours later and John Egbert ceased to exist, you refused to see his corpse, you were happy with the last moments you spent with him; you didn’t want them to be spoiled.
You dragged yourself home, it was raining, you had a tiny umbrella, and your chest hurt so bad, you swear you couldn’t breathe, and you were so glad that the rain hid your tears, even if it made no sense, since you had an umbrella, but that didn’t occur to you at that moment in time, you felt empty, you didn’t have Egbert giggling at your side, trying to claim dominance of the umbrella, you didn’t have him pushing you over and stomping in a puddle just to get your skinny jeans wet.
You stopped at a Chinese to get some chips and then you made your way back to your crummy house, where your parents weren’t even there to comfort you and John wasn’t there to give you warmth, the only thing you had was a portion of chips with a serious lack of tomato sauce.
You threw yourself onto the couch and began to eat in silence. Eventually you pulled out your phone and logged into your old Pesterchum account, carcinoGeneticist.
CG: HEY YOU SNIVERING WORTHOLE, I’M SITTING ALONE BECAUSE OF YOU.
CG: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE ON ME?
CG: THIS BETTER BE SOME SHITTY DREAM SCENE IN A MOVIE OR I’M GOING TO KILL YOU *AGAIN*.
CG: JOHN, ANSWER ME.
CG: ANSWER ME YOU SHIT NUGGET.
CG: PLEASE.
You were pathetic, you were desperately trying to gain the attention of your dead boyfriend, on an account you used when you were 13, you were such an embarrassment, and you were a literal sack of shit. Your boyfriend had just died and you were sitting on the couch eating a bag of fucking chips like it was the most casual thing in the fucking world, you wanted him back, it was selfish but you wanted him back, because you were in pain, you felt like there was a gaping hole in your chest that just seemed to be getting bigger by the second, and at that moment you felt your phone vibrate in your hand, and you didn’t even look at the caller ID before picking up “John?” You gasped, hopefully, it was pathetic and you knew it “No, Terezi. I heard the news, so why-?”
“I don’t want it to be true Terezi, that’s fucking why, I can’t believe I let him go like that, I can’t handle this, and how do I continue without him? Shit, he’s been my rock for years”
“Karkat, calm down-”
“Calm down?! My boyfriend just died, he’s gone, I’ll never see him alive again, and he’s no longer breathing!” All of a sudden, all of the frustration and anger was flowing out of you at once, and you thought it would feel amazing but it didn’t, not one bit “He just left me Terezi, I can’t believe him, I thought I was going to be with him forever, I know it sounds dumb but-“
“It doesn’t sound dumb to me” The blind girl interrupted, and you were glad she did, or else you would have continued to ramble on “I was thinking of coming down there with Gamzee, he’s crying too, we both feel your pain, Karkat, we want to be there to support you”
“Thank you, so much. I would love that, and try to not let that idiot cry too much, he gets very clingy”
“Tell me about it. We’ll be there as soon as possible”
The girl hung up and you were left alone with your thoughts again, and you decided to send Jade a text to see if she wanted to join the pity party, but she was staying at a friend’s house, which you could understand, you barely knew her after all.
An hour passed before they arrived, if had felt like a lifetime, they let themselves in, as they usually did and Gamzee was quick to pick you up from the couch and pull you into a hug, which, despite pretending to hate it, it was something that you really needed at the moment, and you clung on tightly to your friend, wanting the pain to go away, and you wished Gamzee could bring you that sort of relief, but sadly the world didn’t work that way, and you found himself disappointed for the hundredth time that day.
You missed his teeth.
A/N: I tried to do the cool Pesterchum thing but I’m dumb and lame haha. It’s 4/13 and it’s 3am so this is probably really shitty and I’m so sorry. Also, have you noticed the serious lack of John tragedies in the JohnKat tag? I felt like I needed to fix that. No more illness fics for me now, I’m so done with that shit.