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As Changmin watched Kyuhyun, clinging to the roof with a look that he had only ever seen on the faces of horror-movie-victims, he realised that he desperately wanted to break Minho’s nose (because only he was allowed to scare Kyuhyun - not that he would ever repeat those words to the evil maknae).
“Oh my god!” Leeteuk wailed, desperately clinging onto the arm of a very irate Kangin. “Kangin - stop standing there! Do something!”
“Dammit, stop ordering me around!” Kangin growled. “Siwon’s helping him!”
…Yes, Siwon was helping him, and Changmin decided that he didn’t like that one bit.
“NO!” he yelled.
There was a pause, and everyone turned to stare at him in confusion. Well, everyone save for Kyuhyun, who was currently immersed in controlling his breathing.
“I mean,” Changmin back-tracked, “you don’t need to do that!” Translation: you do not need to wrap your strong, muscular arms around my guy.
“My god, is everyone mad in this world?!” Leeteuk wailed. “Kangin - ”
“That’s it!” Kangin snarled. “I’m going back inside!” With those words, he stormed off, ignoring Leeteuk’s frantic calls.
“Someone,” Kyuhyun hissed (because, in all the ruckus, he’d kind of been forgotten), “I don’t care who - get me down from here!”
“Okay,” Siwon affirmed, “I’ll - ”
“NO!” …To avoid any confusion, that was Changmin.
“Uh, Changmin,” Minho coughed (the camera was still pointed towards the roof - clearly he felt no guilt over this situation). “Maybe you should - ”
Kyuhyun decided that this was a good moment to have his say (or rather, to start screaming hysterically). “CHANGMIN, STOP THIS OR YOU’RE NOT - ” He then paused, realising that he couldn’t really continue with the planned ‘Changmin, stop this or you’re not getting any’ with his bandmates (and the camera) present.
“Okay,” Donghae said, attempting to ease the situation. “How about I - ”
“No,” Changmin interjected - Donghae was almost bad as Mr. Tall, Dark and Holy.
“Alright then Changmin,” Donghae sighed. “What do you propose we do?”
“Um…” Changmin hesitated, peering nervously at the roof. Was Kyuhyun worth it?
…Or sweet lord, he needed to get those thoughts out of his head, because if Kyuhyun ever found out - well, he didn’t think his private regions (or any other part of him for that matter) would fare too well.
“I’ll get him down,” he said at last.
No one responded, although several eyebrows raised.
“What?!” Changmin snapped indignantly. “You don’t think I can?!”
“Great then!” Kyuhyun yelled, his voice wobbling slightly. “I don’t fucking care, just get me down!”
“And get me some popcorn,” Heechul muttered, “because I think this just turned into a romance flick.”
Changmin didn’t question how he knew that - after all, it was Heechul. It was better to never question him - not if you valued your sanity.
Changmin walked over to the ladder (the wobbling, completely unsafe ladder…), and proceeded to make his way up. He briefly considered pretending that this was a metaphor for their lives as idols (a trip from the bottom to the very top), when he realised that you could always lose your fame, and fall from grace, and break all your bones, and - and he was going to stop before he started to hyperventilate.
“See guys!” he choked as he reached the top. “I’m up and ready to save the day! I’ll get Kyu down in no - oh sweet Jesus, what is this?!”
“I told you it was seriously freaky!” Kyuhyun exclaimed (he looked a lot calmer now that there was someone there to suffer alongside him).
“Freaky - ?” Changmin shook his head rapidly, his eyes wide. “They were wrong when they said hell was beneath the ground. It is up high.”
“Changmin?” Leeteuk interrupted, clearly agitated. “Are you going to save him or not?!”
Kyuhyun bristled at this. “No one’s ‘saving me’,” he grumbled. “He’s just giving me a hand, alright?!”
“Whatever you say,” Leeteuk said placatingly. “As long as you get off that roof.”
Heechul turned to Leeteuk. “Make yourself useful and get me some popcorn,” he ordered. “I think Ryeowook’s deaf.”
Leeteuk narrowed his eyes indignantly. “Excuse me - ”
“Minho, why are you still filming?!” Kyuhyun growled.
“Kyuhyun, give me a hand up,” Changmin hissed. His hands were curled tightly around the sides of the ladder, turning white from the bad blood circulation. “I think I’m going to fall!” he added frantically, when Kyuhyun simply stared at him in confusion.
Kyuhyun’s eyes widened in alarm and he made a grab for the other male. A moment later, both were sprawled out on the roof, nervously gripping each other.
“Oh sweet lord, why?” Changmin squeaked.
“Changmin?” Kyuhyun asked from beneath Changmin. If Changmin weren’t terrified out of his mind he probably would have made a comment about how fitting it was - and Kyuhyun probably would have slapped him. And, who knows, he probably would have tumbled from the roof and died…so maybe it was a good thing that he currently lacked the gift of speech.
“I don’t want to look,” Changmin finally whimpered.
“Um - it’s okay,” Kyuhyun awkwardly responded. “You get…well, no, you don’t get used to it…” He coughed. “Changmin, you’re kind of crushing my balls right now…”
“Shut up,” Changmin retorted heatedly. “Your balls are the only thing getting me through this right now.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun said soothingly. “The roof’s a creepy place…at least we’re together, right?”
“Shut up Kyuhyun,” Changmin grumbled. “This is not romantic!”
Kyuhyun raised one eyebrow. “Then why’d you come up?”
“Because!” Changmin retorted. “I didn’t like the idea of Siwon-hyung having his nimble fingers all over you!”
“…His nimble…?”
Changmin flushed. “They are okay!” he snapped defensively. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it too! And…there’s so much Wonkyu in this world! I have to defend what’s mine!”
There was a brief pause, in which Kyuhyun looked more than a little like a deranged psychopath.
“…Flip me over,” he said at last.
“Um…” Changmin looked slightly flustered. “Kyu, we can’t do that on the roof…”
“No you moron!” Kyuhyun snapped. “I don’t wan’t to have sex with you on the roof! Right now, you’re pressed up against my private regions, and I want to be pressed up against yours - ”
Changmin’s lips curled into a pleased smile.
“ - so I can crush them!”
…The smile faded.
“Changmin,” Kyuhyun continued, oblivious to the look of immense horror on the other male’s face, “I am no one’s property!”
“Oh come on!” Changmin protested, eager to protect his manhood. “You’re telling me that that didn’t turn you on even a little bit?!”
“…Shut up.”
And with that, the horror turned into immense pleasure.
“You know that we can hear you, right?” Eunhyuk called out, interrupting that little moment.
Heechul shot him a vicious glare. “Shut up idiot!” he snarled. “You’ll make them stop, and there’s nothing on tv at the moment!”
“And do you realise I’m getting this all on camera?” Minho added.
“That’s good,” Heechul told him, nodding his head in approval. “I’ve missed about half of this thanks to his whining.” He jabbed a finger sharply in Eunhyuk’s direction.
“Hey!” Eunhyuk protested. “It was like two seconds!”
“Would both of you shut up?!” Leeteuk shrieked (if Kangin was still outside, he probably would have lost his arm by now). “Pay attention to the fact that our maknae is…is…” He frantically gestured to the roof, at a loss for words.
Kyuhyun diverted his attention to Changmin. “Do this for me and, if we ever get married, I’ll never make you sleep on the sofa,” he muttered.
Changmin frowned. “Hold on, you were planning to - ”
Kyuhyun glared at him and Changmin quietened down (Heechul’s mutter of “whipped” could be heard from below). “Make Minho suffer with his next dare,” he growled.
“Hey!” Minho yelled in protest.
“What dare?” Donghae muttered, gazing cluelessly at those around them.
“…Now can we please get Siwon-hyung to get us down?” Kyuhyun inquired. Changmin frowned slightly and Kyuhyun snuggled up closer, deciding to be nice for once - of course, the small movement almost sent Changmin careening off the roof, and Kyuhyun realised that there was a reason why he never tried to be romantic.