Chapter Text
two years.
a total of twenty-five letters in the span of two years, one letter for each month, and some for holidays. granted, jungkook only sent extra letters during valentines day, as much as it hurt jimin's heart thinking about it. jungkook was always methodical, organized and calculated, and every letter contained the same structure and format yet always new content. jungkook also liked to sign the letters off with impossibly neat cursive. every envelope was white and clean and simple, waiting for jimin to open.
"he misses you," taehyung answers him easily and seriously when jimin brings up the strange phenomenom. jimin always blinks at him and tells him it's not that, obviously (as much as his heart wishes it was.) it's been three years of their breakup, things change.
although jimin would be lying to himself if he said he didn't miss jungkook back (that is if, of course, jungkook really was missing him in the first place.) the first letter he'd ever gotten from jungkook post-breakup he nearly fainted on the spot. he had called taehyung over immediately and after lots of not-so calm analyzation they checked off the entire event as an accident (even though the crisp, clean lines of jimin's name was scrawled bold and bright onto the top of the letter.) he had meant to throw it out, yet with his busy schedule it remained sitting on his kitchen table.
the second time it happened, jimin threw a fit. he'd thought at first this was jungkook's attempt at mocking him. with much help and convincing from taehyung, who pointed out the obvious undertones of sadness throughout the letter, jimin eased. he'd put this one on his desk, next to his lamp to not forget to dispose of it.
the third time means no coincidence. yet somehow jimin didn't feel displeased with the arrival of the letter anymore, just faint nostalgia. he called taehyung, and they opened it together. taehyung proceeded to poke fun at jimin, who only placed the letter inside of a box for safekeeping (later that night he remembered the previous letters, and scrambled to dig them out before putting them in the box as well.)
the fourth time jimin wasn't particularly feeling well. his aunt had been struggling to maintain the flower shop for a while now, and with shipments of florals going missing, it hit the entire shop hard. no one was going to buy wilted flowers, so jimin spent the rest of his day after his shift soothing his crying aunt and ridding of the dead roses, peonies, and other. he reached home late night, ready to collapse onto his bed when he saw the familiar white envelope lodged in his apartment mailbox. he contemplated just tossing it in the recycling, but found himself curled up in his blankets rereading the letter (almost four to five times.) instead of feeling bitter about the seemingly happy day jungkook had, jimin somehow found comfort in written words knowing that jungkook was doing better than he. this letter fell with the rest, inside the small box.
the fifth time jimin is greeted with the envelope at exactly noon. may has rolled around and the flower shop slowly recovers, jimin is happy. he opens the letter with careful fingers, and taehyung comes over to read with him. after they're finished, taehyung is silent for a second, and then comments loudly about jungkook's remarkable dedication. jimin doesn't reply right away either letting taehyung's implication sink it. (but he doesn't need to. taehyung knows it better than anyone.)
the sixth time jimin is actually looking forward to it. he received the letter with almost giddiness and wormed himself on his couch as he read through it. the mood of the letter was heavy, however, and within it jungkook revealed his grandfather recently died of a stroke. as much as jungkook tried to play it off as nothing to not impact the overall consistent uplifting tone of the letters, jimin could feel the overwhelming grief radiating from his words. when he reached the bottom of the page, there was a single dried tear stain in the corner. something set off an alarm of feelings, and a distant part of him wished he could've been there to comfort jungkook himself. (jimin fell asleep with his own tears staining his pillowcase.)
the seventh time jimin can't deny that it's something he's started to anticipate. jungkook's letters are so beautifully written, each word precisely picked and used. he shouldn't underestimate it, jungkook was talented at everything, but he was a successful author for a reason. in this letter jungkook tells jimin that he's starting to write a new book, and jimin is reminded of all of jungkook's books that he'd thrown away after their breakup. he immediately runs to the nearest book store, scouts them out and purchases them all back without a single drop of hesitation. (he also buys a bigger box to keep the letters in.)
the eighth time jimin is with taehyung. upon realizing it was tuesday of the next month, he promptly requests taehyung drive him back to his apartment so he can pick up the expected letter from jungkook. jimin's smile is so wide when he finds the letter safely in his mailbox it makes taehyung pinch his cheek in order to get him to stop grinning like an idiot. he reads it on the way home, completely endorsed in jungkook's writing that he doesn't hear taehyung's 'you're so whipped' comment. (even if he did, both he and taehyung know that it was true.)
the ninth time his aunt finds out. jimin had foolishly brought the letter to work with him the following day after he'd gotten it, wishing to reread it again. he's caught by his aunt, who only smiles and shakes her head. 'you should write him back,' his aunt says, and jimin's breath is caught in his throat. he'd never considered the possibility (besides, exes don't write to each other) truth be told. he blushes, gingerly tucks the paper into his back pocket, and returns to fix a bouquet of daisies and daffodils. he's unaware of the fond smile his aunt caught him wearing.
the tenth time jimin reads it on a rainy october day. he gets an update on the story jungkook's working on, it only reminds him how much he'd missed jungkook's way of writing and expressing things. he swears it's all in his head, but when his eyes skim over the scrawled words on the letter, he can picture jungkook, staring at him with fondness and tiredness. his heart clenches, and he leans in to give the letter an experimental whiff. (it smells like spices and nutmeg, so bitterly jungkook-like.)
the eleventh time jimin gets home after a heavy snowfall. he makes himself a mug of hot cocoa and nestles on the couch to read. he smiles despite himself, feeling somehow hollow when he reaches the end. he feels like he's missing something, but he doesn't know what. the letter is inexplicably short, and jimin simply assumed jungkook was too busy. he understood, is reminded of the harsh reality that jungkook isn't his anymore. it hurts, and he doubts it all that night, if jungkook is doing it out of obligation, as he's not a person to start something then leave it there. (jimin doesn't sleep much that night.)
the twelfth time jimin waits out, standing in the drifting snow. he ignores the questioning gaze his mailman gives him and takes the letter right up to his room. he flops onto the bed and reads it. the letter is moderately long, just like the rest, but he this time he finds the words 'i miss you' written on the back of the page in very small, very faded pencil. jimin feels like a dam has burst, his heart suddenly too big for his ribcage. he feels previous doubts melt away as he clutches the letter to his chest, buries his face into his sheets and cries. (he misses jungkook too.)
and for the rest of the time, that's how it is, jimin waiting out of his apartment lobby for the mailman (who has grown used to jimin's sighting) and running back up to his apartment to read it. sometimes taehyung comes over and they read together, and taehyung will tell jimin to write back and always, always jimin will refuse. it's not like he doesn't want to, he just feels like the thought of it is expired now. what will he even say? 'sorry for not replying for two years i still read your letters'? jimin thinks not.
still every night he berates himself whenever he catches glimpse of the small purple box of letters sitting by his night stand. the smell of jungkook always lingers by the area. sometimes jimin will turn in the middle of the night and then scent will soothe him, lulling him to sleep. sometimes it makes his chest ache and he's awake in a second.
it's not until the summer of the following year that taehyung bursts into the flower shop midday and almost knocks over an entire rack of display flowers.
"jimin!" is his only response when jimin asks if he's alright.
"taetae, did something happen?" jimin is puzzled. taehyung never shoves the door like that, he generally pushes it open and apologizes to the little bell that the door triggers.
taehyung doesn't offer any more explanations as he heaves deep breaths and shoves a hardcover book into jimin's arms.
"waiting for sunrise?" jimin questions. taehyung only taps the cover of the book more urgently. jimin skims down, and his heart almost leaps out of his chest.
"it's jungkook's new book, the one he said he was working on." taehyung manages between huffs. jimin's preoccupied trying to calm his hammering heart. he flips the book over, hands shaky, and reads the simple synopsis on the back.
'the nights get longer and longer, and the more time it gives for myungsoo lee to think about the things he's lost.'
"you need to read it," taehyung says after he's caught his breath. jimin shakes his head furiously, not sure what's keeping his knees up at this point.
"let's read it together," jimin pleads, he doesn't really know what will stop him from dissolving into tears if he has to read it alone. it's taehyung's turn to shake his head, however, and jimin's stomach churns in the most nauseating way.
"no," taehyung replies softly. "i think you need to do it alone, jimin. you don't have to do read it right away, but you should definitely read it without me."
"taehyung i can't do this," jimin's frantically thumbing at the corner of the page. he knows taehyung is doing the right thing, granting him the personal time to figure it all out. "i'm going to bawl my eyes out and then break every plate in the house."
"please, jimin," taehyung responds. "just try."
the book is left untouched on jimin's countertop for at least a week. taehyung, being the gracious and kind friend that he is, dropped the topic immediately. things resumed as normal, and jimin wondered if jungkook would mention his new book in an upcoming letter.
the thought of it makes jimin want to hurl. he'd feel bad then, if jungkook had worked long on it and jimin hadn't even picked it up. he curls himself against the armrest of his sofa and stares at the novel in hesitation.
eventually the guilt washes over and jimin again, felt empty and hollow inside. he tentatively picks up the pristine book and opened to the first page. the familiar times new roman font meers him, and he found himself once more to be lost within the world of somebody else, something only jungkook's novels could do for him.
it's about a young man by the name of myungsoo, who has insomnia and has trouble sleeping at night. he recently broke up with his love, whom he still obviously has feelings for. he didn't want to burden his lover, as his lover would always worry and fret for him. the novel revolves around myungsoo's nights spent alone, thinking about both the past and future, always pining his lover. it isn't fast-paced, isn't action oriented, but jimin hung onto every word nonetheless. in the end, myungsoo writes a letter to his lover. he wants to change, but he's worried his lover has changed without him. so his letters go unsent, and myungsoo starts over.
it isn't until the first teardrop hits the final page does jimin realize that firstly, he's crying and secondly, it's dark out and the oven clock reads 1:26am in bright red. he sniffles, gasps for breath and scrubs his face, book falling closed. a pang of regret and hurt rings all over again, and suddenly jimin feels starved, like he's never eaten a meal his entire life. his throat feels raw as he blinks away tears, grasping at a pillow. he wishes jungkook were here, because if that story was based off of their relationship, jimin would cradle jungkook and tell him how much he wants him too. he misses warm brown eyes, he misses dark brown hair, he misses the scent of nutmeg. he leans against the couch and thinks for a long, long time. (he doesn't sleep that night, he misses jungkook.)
the following saturday jimin calls taehyung and thanks him for the book. he removes all of the letters he'd kept and litters them across his desk. it still smells faintly of jungkook, and that's all jimin needs to pick up the pen and reach for the paper.
today he will write to jungkook.