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“So…” Tony began, “You’re telling me, that a giant space grape is coming to Earth to retrieve the two Infinity Stones we have here by any means necessary. Any means more than likely meaning lots of aliens causing lots of damage and death until he gets what he wants. At which point he wants to obliterate half the universe with a snap? Is that what you're telling me, Bruce?”
“Yes!” Bruce stressed.
Tony began to laugh and laugh hard. He nearly doubled over, gripping his sides as he laughed. Each new sound burst out of him like a shot as tears began to flow from his eyes and his legs began to tremble with the force of his laughter. The other three stood in stunned, uncomfortable bewilderment as the laughter continued to grow.
“This man has lost himself.” Wong murmured to Stephan.
“Perhaps this is his breaking point.” The doctor returned.
“Tony this is serious! You have to call Steve!” Bruce called to his friend over the laughter.
The laughter stopped so suddenly it was jarring. Tony straightened with a vicious grin on his face and pulled an archaic flip phone from his pocket, “Oh I’ll call the star-spangled dick all right!” he chuckled darkly. Without hesitation he flipped the phone open and hit the first speed dial, putting the phone on speaker immediately. As the dial tone sounded, Bruce, Stephan, and Wong shifted uneasily in the face of Tony’s vindictive grin that was interrupted every so often by manic giggles.
“Hello?” a familiar voice finally answered. “Tony?”
“Steve!” Tony greeted cheerfully, “I am so glad you answered! So that I could say this… I TOLD YOU SO!!! I fucking told you so asshole! Yes! Tony Stark for the win!”
“What?” Steve asked blankly.
“Tony!” Bruce scolded, “That’s not what-“
“This is so what I called him for Green Bean!” Tony laughed before changing his voice to an annoying falsetto, “Don’t be crazy Tony! There aren’t any aliens coming, Tony! You're just being paranoid Tony! It’s just memories from the wormhole Tony!” Tony’s grin grew even wider as he dropped the fake voice, “Who’s crazy now?!”
“Debatable.” Wong muttered under his breath.
“Give me that!” Bruce snapped, grabbing the phone from Tony’s hands. The multi-billionaire didn’t seem to care; in fact, he started dancing to an improvised beat interspaced with “Who told you so? Tony told you so!”. Bruce turned away slightly and brought the flip phone closer to him, “Steve, it's Bruce. We’ve got incoming. We need to get everyone ready.”
“For the aliens!” Tony shouted, “That Tony told you were coming! Yeah!”
“Now is not the time to be petty Stark!” Stephan yelled.
“It’s the perfect time to be petty Matilda!” Tony laughed back, “No battles yet, we’ve suitably informed Captain Asshole that shit is gonna go down, and I get some sweet but ultimately harmless payback for being beaten half to death and left to rot in a Siberian bunker! So, fuck you, Steve! I WAS RIGHT!”
“Beaten half to…Siberian…Tony, what?” Bruce asked, eyebrows drawing together as he eyed his friend worriedly.
“We don’t have time for this!” Strange yelled.
As if to prove his point, screams started to come from outside and the dull roar of enormous engines vibrated the top of the sanctum.
“Hello?” Steve called from the phone, “Hello? Tony? Bruce?”
Tony grabbed the phone from Bruce’s limp hand and put it to his ear, “Gotta go fight those aliens I told you about years ago Cap. Get your shit in order.” With that, he snapped the phone shut and rushed out the door with Bruce, Stephan, and Wong on his tail.
“Friday, get the Legion to evacuate the area and start up the satellite net.” Tony ordered as he ran, pulling his jacket down and let his nanobots form the suit around him, “It may not work but at least we can give them a bit of resistance and I will feel better knowing I did my best with the knowledge I had, paranoid or not.”
“Yes, Boss,” Friday answered.
With the blood still rushing in his ears from his little impromptu celebration, Tony didn’t hear all of what the first alien said but he was confident enough to paste on his press smile and discreetly charge his repulsors, “Sorry Squidward, Earth is closed today.”