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Tetsurou felt his stomach twist with nerves the closer the train came to his stop. It had been a while since he felt that way, perhaps not since he was a teenager and he couldn’t say he missed the feeling. Anxious and terrified with just enough hope and excitement to keep him from turning on his heel and forgetting he made this terrible decision. He thought he might have been braver when he was a teenager but then again, who wasn’t? Life had yet hit him too hard by that point but it had been a decade since he was a teen and instead of this gut feeling making him excited, he just felt like he needed the bathroom or maybe a nap.
It all started two months prior, when Tetsurou had lost his job. He hadn’t felt too bad about it, he worked in the research field and when a study didn’t produce the desired results, grant money disappeared. He had been warned about that by many professors and he had left the job with a fantastic recommendation. He hadn’t worried about finding another job, he was experienced and his work spoke for itself.
After two months Tetsurou did feel a creeping sense of failure sneaking up on him. He wasn’t broke, not just yet but he knew he needed to find a job and soon. Tokyo wasn’t exactly cheap to live in.
Then an old boss had e-mailed him about a job in Sendai. Tetsurou hadn’t been tempted or desperate enough to look for jobs outside of Tokyo but the familiar city name gave Tetsurou pause. Curiosity made him look into the job and he couldn’t help but note that it was a great offer. It was also in a field he found fascinating and had written several papers about, which was more than most people could say about their own jobs. He had applied and was surprised when he got a call back the next day.
That’s when the unexplainable feeling in his stomach started to happen. But Tetsurou had done the very adult thing and pretended it wasn’t happening. He was an adult after all and no one was around to tell him differently.
Tetsurou had thought of staying at a hotel for the night so he wouldn’t have to get up extremely early to take the train and a bus to get to his interview. It seemed every hotel was occupied due to a festival taking place in Sendai at the time. Tetsurou had been accepting his fate of a very early morning wake up call and trying to keep his pants from wrinkling on the long train ride when help came in the most unlikely of places.
Actually it was a very likely place. Offering up his house to stay in to an old flame was exactly the type of thing Sawamura Daichi would do. Tetsurou didn’t even know what possessed him to whine about the lack of hotels available for his job interview to the other man, or what made Daichi offer up his home with a simple text that said Stay with me. Three words, 10 letters and one conscious of crisis later had Tetsurou agreeing.
Tetsurou’s stomach was reminding him why that might not be the best of ideas. It wasn’t as if Tetsurou had pined away for a decade. The break-up had been mutual, though Tetsurou had initiated it. After a couple awkward weeks they had managed to slide back into an easy friendship that helped Tetsurou through many of years.
Tetsurou had many relationships between the time of his break up with Daichi and the current moment. His last one had lasted nearly two years and Daichi had moved in and adopted a dog with his last girlfriend, though neither relationship ended up working out for either of them. What Tetsurou meant was, weren’t crushes supposed to have an expiration date on them? Tetsurou couldn’t even hope Daichi had somehow gone bald or let himself go because Tetsurou thought Daichi could be one of the rare people who looked pretty great bald and even the thought of Daichi with a little gut made Tetsurou ridiculously soft.
They had stayed in contact throughout the years but it had been a while since they had seen each other in person. Tetsurou thought it might have been a wedding a couple years ago.
Tetsurou stepped off the train and felt his stomach drop somewhere around his feet.
“Tetsu.” The familiar nickname caught his attention, turning his head to the left he saw Daichi waiting off to the side, hand raised and warm smile planted on his still too handsome face.
Daichi hadn’t gone bald but he was-
“Gray.” Tetsurou couldn’t help himself as he stopped in front of Daichi, outright gawking at the early grays showing up in Daichi’s temples. Daichi’s smile turned less friendly as he knocked his hand into Tetsurou’s shoulder, making the taller man wince. It had been a while since he’d been hit by Daichi. Tetsurou hated that even that made him feel giddy.
“You can sleep on a bench.” Daichi deadpanned. His voice was deeper and a bit more raspy than it was when they were teens. He had also filled out more, becoming even broader with shoulders that looked quite good in anything but really filled out the slate gray sweater he was wearing.
“You wouldn’t do that.” Tetsurou said with confidence, his fingers twitching by his side.
“Go ahead.” Daichi said with a sigh, seeing through him as usual. Tetsurou grinned as he reached out and touched the graying hair, not surprised by its softness. “I was dying it for a while but it’s a lot of upkeep.” Daichi hadn’t cared much about his appearance, except the few times he had thought someone was calling him fat.
“It suits you.” Tetsurou dropped his hand, ignoring how his fingers felt warm. “Because, you know-”
“Yes yes, I act like I’m 50.” Daichi rolled his eyes at Tetsurou laughed. “The real question is, why do you have so many bags?”
“I thought you said I could stay with you?” Tetsurou asked, mock innocence as Daichi took one of the bags from him and they began walking.
“You brought multiple outfits, didn’t you?” Daichi snorted, not at all fooled by Tetsurou’s act.
“I couldn’t decide.” Tetsurou muttered, knocking into the shorter man as he laughed more at him. “You’re being very rude.”
“I don’t want to hear that from the man who pointed out my gray hair in greeting.” Daichi shot back, which was true enough.
Tetsurou wasn’t at all surprised how easily they fell back into their normal routine of teasing and laughter. It was like no time had passed at all that wasn’t that confusing for Tetsurou’s poor, misguided heart. He didn’t think crushes could last for a decade but love sure could.
“You know what I’m excited for?” Tetsurou asked as they settled into Daichi’s old but well loved car.
“My dogs?” Daichi guessed which had Tetsurou nodding. Daichi didn’t post much to social media but when he did, it was mostly about his dogs. All three rescued and adopted. He lived in a little house right outside Sendai.
Tetsurou leaned back against the seat as he watched Daichi excitedly talk about the temperament and behavior of each of his dogs. Tetsurou had suggested breaking up all those years ago because he had no intention of leaving Tokyo and Daichi had always wanted to stay close to his family. The distance had seemed infinite when they were young and broke, just trying to make it through separate universities and part time jobs while staying focuses on club activities and making new friends while maintaining old friendships. It had seemed impossible, the distance between them when they were just 18.
Tetsurou hadn’t yet interviewed for the job but he thought about moving to Sendai. There wasn’t much holding him back in Tokyo except it’s old familiarity. He would always love the city he was born and raised in and he would visit often, his parents wouldn’t accept anything less but he let himself think about moving to Sendai. He thought about getting a little apartment of his own and spending weeknights visiting Daichi, perhaps having dinner with him and going for a walk with his dogs after. Daichi complained that it was difficult to walk three big dogs by himself and while Tetsurou had never walked a dog before, he would like to try it at least once.
Tetsurou knew he was getting ahead of himself but as Daichi pulled up to a little cottage looking house painted yellow and turned to Tetsurou with a warm smile slipping across his face, Tetsurou allowed himself to hope.
“We’re home.” Daichi said as they entered the house together, three big dogs moving between them excitedly.
Tetsurou felt nervous and anxious, terrified and a little breathless but hope was beginning to grow deep inside him as he followed Daichi deeper into the house.