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Jesse’s eyes opened wide as he sat up in bed, heart racing, finger immediately finding the trigger of his pistol sitting on the nightstand.
He’d heard a shout from inside the room and he was quickly making a mental check list of the door (still closed) and the window (still intact). The sun was sitting low in the darkening blue sky, just starting to go down amidst the golden clouds. He settled on the last part of his checklist, his Blackwatch roommate.
“Genji? You alright?” Jesse’s hand left his gun as he swung a foot down off the side of the bed.
Genji had sat up and hurriedly finished clicking his face mask into place as Jesse got up. When he looked across the room he saw the other man, hair a mess and eyes concerned. He hated that. In his mind, the memories of the flash of steel, the sting of the blade, the red of his blood, the heat of the flames that forced him awake were still lingering. He hated that. His hands and feet pushed his blanket and sheets away. He felt hot. Everything hurt. He hated that too.
“I am fine,” Genji said, and even through the metal twinge of his voice Jesse thought he sounded tired. Genji was indeed exhausted. They had both gotten back from a week long mission, guessing from the view out of the window, about 5 hours ago.
“Do you need your meds?” Jesse was already standing up.
He knew about Genji’s pain. They had grown close, especially recently. Genji knew he wasn’t easy to befriend and he never would have expected Jesse, of all people, to be by his side so consistently, even if they were roommates. He thought that alone would drive him away. But even with his frequent nightmares and pain and anger, Jesse sought him out. Once he became comfortable with the cowboy, he found it increasingly easier to talk to him about things he had only before mentioned to Angela.
Genji nodded his head to the other’s question, closing his eyes. The parts of his body, his real body, that met metal ached as they did often.
Jesse opened Genji’s nightstand drawer, easily finding the bottle of pain medication and opening it, handing a couple of pills to him. While Genji held them, Jesse was getting out a tube of lavender lotion from the same drawer. It was a curious gift from Captain Amari that ended up being a blessing in disguise. He handed Genji a bottle of water from the table to wash down the medication and sat down on the bed beside him.
It had taken Genji a long time to let Jesse take care of him. He would protest, say he was fine. He felt that he didn’t deserve the care and time. He still believed he didn’t deserve it, but having that same argument got wearisome. And he found that he was fond of Jesse’s attention. He liked his company and he liked when he touched him. It was one of the few things that made him feel like a person. He could close his eyes and feel that he existed, that he was whole.
So this became almost routine.
Jesse put some lotion in his hands, and held them out. Genji moved his body closer and turned towards him, holding his flesh arm out. Their knees touched. Jesse always had a trick of making Genji close the gap between them.
Jesse started rubbing lotion into his skin, paying special attention to the scars running up and down Genji’s arm, thumbs rubbing deeper circles along them to help break up the scar tissue. Jesse’s eyes followed the muscular curves of his biceps and forearms.
Jesse was the only person besides Angela that Genji let touch him this way. It was Angela’s job, but Jesse always seemed to make an art of it. He brought with him a comfort that Angela never quite could. A familiarity, a sense of security, compassion. He had been on hundreds of missions with Jesse, trusted him with his life more time than he could count and vice versa. And that bond had only grown over time.
“Do ya wanna talk about it?” Jesse asked as he massaged his arm, looking up to meet Genji’s eyes.
“My brother again.” Genji’s eyes fell downward, focused on his metal hand.
Jesse didn’t press the subject. Genji didn’t talk about Hanzo much, only when Genji was recalling childhood memories. Jesse knew about the incident, but never asked for details. He knew that Genji was killed by Hanzo and that Dr. Ziegler had brought him back. If Genji ever wanted to tell Jesse more than that, he’d be here.
Outside, the sun was finally setting, beginning it’s dip below the horizon. The skyline was bright, with shades of red supporting the clouds above that were reflecting the orange light of the evening sun. They cast an orange hue over their room.
Jesse finished with his arm, taking his hand and setting it down gently on Genji’s lap. His hand lingered beneath Genji’s, eyes sweeping the visible portion of his face, finding themselves preoccupied with his eyelashes. When Genji looked up, Jesse casually pulled his hand back with a blush.
If someone asked Jesse when he first knew he’d fallen in love with his best friend, he wasn’t sure what he’d say. The first time they met? Maybe. The second he laid eyes on the cyborg he was enamored. Their first sparring match? Maybe. He remembered Genji dislocating his shoulder. Maybe it was when Genji carried him, leg injured, into a deserted storefront when the Spain mission went South. Genji waited with him until Moira arrived, asking him about his family to keep Jesse’s mind off of the pain.
“You wanna turn around, sweet heart?” Jesse asked, busying himself with getting more lotion.
Genji wordlessly turned around so his back was facing Jesse. Jesse started rubbing the back of his shoulder and neck, then down along the the scars connecting the flesh of his body to the metal. He gently and steadily massaged the skin along there, watching the rise and fall of Genji’s shoulders as he breathed. His eyes wandered from the nape of his neck, across his broad shoulders, down his waist. The silence stretched between them as Jesse rubbed the sweet smelling lotion into his scars.
“I’m sorry. ‘Bout your dream.” Jesse spoke. His hands slowed.
“It is okay, cowboy,” Genji said, shifting his body to turn back around and look at him. “How are you feeling?”
Jesse couldn’t help feeling flustered. It happened sometimes, when Genji looked at him a certain way, or spoke a certain way.
Genji reached out with his metal hand and put it on Jesse’s left shoulder, finger pads pressing against the muscle there, feeling it flex.
Jesse gave a chuckle and after rubbing the excess lotion into his hands, he rolled his shoulder easily. Only a dull ache from where he’d been body slammed by a Talon operative.
“It’s doin’ alright, thank you.” He was focused on the feeling of Genji’s hand against him.
The room was mostly dark now. The sun had disappeared but the sky still carried the last remnants of the dim orange glow that laid over the room.
The low light made things easier.
Genji’s eyes looked to the hair he could see hanging in Jesse’s face. He leaned forward slowly, reaching out to tuck it behind his ear, letting his fingers linger against the shell of his ear. Jesse’s soft gaze was resting on him.
If someone asked Genji when he’d fallen in love with Blackwatch’s resident cowboy, he’d say it was probably the first time he saw him break down and reassemble his gun after it malfunctioned during a mission. They were running and his hands were working like it was as easy as breathing for him. And then he turned around and dropped six people in a second, as fluid as water.
Genji’s power cell was softly glowing a deep red that his enhanced eyes and metal mask and head piece reflected. He could easily see Jesse in this lighting thanks to his enhancements, but Jesse could only see what the clouds and the red illuminated, and what his eyes had adjusted to the dark for.
The pain medication and lavender was doing its job on Genji. The lavender was also doing its job on Jesse. Jesse smiled and rested his hand on Genji’s arm as he shifted on the bed, like he was going to stand up.
“Jesse,” Genji said softly, reaching out to take Jesse’s other hand. Jesse, startled, stopped and turned back to him. He could feel his heart lurch in his chest.
“Yes?”
Genji looked down at their hands. He pressed his fingertips, metal and skin, along the pads of Jesse’s fingers to the skin of his palm, moving up to his wrist. Jesse was watching his eyes again when Genji met his.
He let Jesse’s hand go and reached up to the clasps holding his mask on.
Jesse’s body was going hot as he heard the clasps unlocking, realizing what was happening. Genji removed his mask and head guard and put them down on the bed beside them.
Jesse could have sworn he’d forgotten how to breathe. Jesse always thought Genji was beautiful, but this was something else. He could see when his thick dark hair met his forehead and the scars there, his eyebrows that he thought were so charming, his eyes still with a slight red glow.
Genji could do nothing but wait, fear bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He felt nauseous.
When they locked eyes Genji closed his, taking a deep breath in. Jesse noticed he could hear the quiet mechanical whir of his breathing that must usually be silenced by his mask.
Jesse’s eyes traveled down. From the bottom half of the bridge of his nose and along his cheekbones, Genji’s face turned into black mesh synthetics covering his skin. Some places looked solid, where Jesse suspected all of his skin was gone and needed to be replaced with a piece of solid synthetic.
Genji was holding his breath. Jesse tried to meet his eyes again.
“Can I,” Jesse paused, “touch you?”
Genji was quiet for a moment. He left himself look at Jesse, studying his eyes and face that showed nothing but warmth.
“Yes.” His mouth felt dry. Jesse watched his lips as he spoke. The tin that usually was in his voice was gone. His heart leapt into his throat and he swallowed. He was hearing Genji’s real, true voice for the first time. Jesse moved closer to him, their legs touching.
Jesse put his hands out, fingers resting on Genji’s temples before steadily moving down, over the seams of his high cheekbones, where real flesh met the mesh covering. He could still barely feel the bumps in the mesh where it had fuzed to the damaged skin and wounds beneath. Genji felt his fingers. It didn’t feel the way it did before, but he could feel them, warped through scars and synthetic nerves.
“Are you alright?” Jesse asked and felt Genji nod. He let his hands traced down to Genji’s jaw where the synthetics became smooth and solid, but still soft. His fingers ran along his jaw to his chin, seamless. His right thumb made a soft circle on his chin as his left hand went to stroke his hair, before settling on his cheek, holding it gently.
It was all Genji could do to keep himself from shaking. He felt electrified, being touched like this.
Jesse met Genji’s red gaze again, both half lidded. “You spoil me sugar,” his voice was low, “don’t wanna go back to lookin’ at that mask any more.” Genji was more handsome than Jesse had ever imagined.
Genji felt full to the brim, conscious of the uneven sound of his breathing. Jesse’s voice sounded like the best thing he’d ever heard.
Jesse’s eyes dropped to Genji’s lips, his thumb on his chin following. Jesse was amazed, and let himself marvel for a second at Angela’s abilities. That curve felt as real as anything. Genji’s face, thanks to the random solid synthetics, did look symmetrical. Genji was thankful to Angela for that.
Jesse’s thumb came to rest at Genji’s bottom lip, rubbing along it with a feather-light touch that Genji was surprised he could feel. It looked to be the same material as his jaw and chin, but it felt softer and more pliable. Not quite like real skin, but very similar.
Genji’s eyes were on Jesse’s lips as well, watching as he licked them subconsciously as he touched his face, how they parted so slightly. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this.
“Jesse..” Genji’s voice was almost a whisper, as if asking a question as he slowly leaned toward him. They locked eyes again briefly while Jesse’s heart almost burst, hearing his name. His hand on Genji’s chin fell to his waist, and Genji held his arm at the elbow.
Jesse’s eyes closed as he leaned to meet him, pressing his lips against Genji’s gently. When they parted, Genji sighed quietly before kissing him again, deeper, nose pressed to Jesse’s cheek. Genji took Jesse’s bottom lip between his lazily, faintly feeling the hair on Jesse’s chin rub against his as he breathed out of his nose.
They exchanged kisses like this for a time, before Jesse pulled back to lean his forehead against Genji’s, both hands on his waist. Genji’s hands had found their way to the sides of his neck. In the silence he could hear Genji breathing again. Everything smelled of lavender. Jesse kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek.
“You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” he murmured against his cheek.
Genji kissed him again before pulling him down into bed. They exchanged a few last kisses as Jesse laid beside him. Genji, with a tired sigh, turned with his back towards him. Jesse grabbed the covers and pulled them to their waists as they both settled.
“No more bad dreams,” Genji said, reaching back with his metal hand and pulling Jesse’s arm around him.
“No more bad dreams,” Jesse mimicked, kissing Genji’s shoulder and neck before closing his eyes. The smell of lavender and the warmth they shared between them put them both to sleep.