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They were fighting again.
Neither of them could even remember how it started, but once it did, they both found it very difficult to stop. One could call it ‘childish’ but in dark times like these, their quarrels gave them the delusion, albeit temporary, that things were alright again. That everything was fine. That there were not put under house arrest and forced to stay in hiding until a certain evil dark wizard hunting after their only child was defeated.
It was these arguments that made them feel like they were back at Hogwarts, where things had been simpler, where all James Potter did was to try and grab Lily Evans’ attention and the latter would be furious at him most of the time for pulling the most ridiculous stunts just to go out a date with her. It made them feel nostalgic of the good old days, but although they argued, their conversations will never been as trivial as they were in the past. Unlike the previous fights they've had the past few weeks, their current one was of no different as shoutings could be heard from the tiny Potter cottage in Godric's Hollow.
“Dumbledore already warned us to stay put in this house! What part of that don’t you understand!” Her green eyes were blazing with fire just like her infamous red hair as she stared at her husband - her stupid, stupid husband - who refused to listen to orders.
James ruffled his messy raven hair once again and sighed in exasperation. “I can’t do this, Lil! I can’t just sit here day and night, waiting for it all to end and knowing that I didn’t have a part to play in this! What about Sirius, Remus and Peter? Mary, Dorcas and Marlene? The Order? Everyone?”
“I know how you feel!” His wife said furiously. “I know how pathetic it is to let others do the job while we hide like cowards. I know how frustrated you are and how badly you want to help. But please don’t do this James, not now. Not when we have a son.”
He looked at her in desperation, and for once Lily could see how defeated her husband was. She knew it was never in his blood to let others put their lives on the line for him. No, it was actually the opposite. For years Lily had been blinded by her dislike for James Potter that she never really saw his true qualities until their last year in Hogwarts. It was when they both became Head Prefects when she realised that he was far above all her assumptions of him. He was kind and loyal to his friends, he was always there for any of them who needed a shoulder to cry on, he was the first to stand up to them when they got into trouble and he would willingly give up his life to protect others who were in danger as she recalled how James had rescued Snape from an unrestrained werewolf even though it was known that he despised him to the core back then.
“I…I need to help them, Lily. I can’t do this anymore,” he repeated. “I need to do something. We’ve been in hiding for almost a month a-and so many people have died…too many have died.”
Silence lingered in the air. Arms crossed, Lily closed her eyes momentarily while James paced back and forth in front of her, messing up his hair once again. Lily never liked it when he did that - while it once used to be an act of showing off in front of her, now it became a sign that he was feeling stressed. She had tried to tame his hair when they finally got together but for some weird reason, even after being slathered with large amounts of magical hair gel, it never stayed still.
It seemed after an eternity when James finally made up his mind. “I’m going to Dumbledore. I’ll see if there’s anything that I can do. I don’t care if it’s paperwork or marking the Order’s attendance, I’m going to at least do something.” He started making his way toward the front door, in which they had enchanted so that no one could enter or leave without permission except the couple.
It was then when Lily had enough. “If you walk out that door…don’t ever come back.” She said with an ounce of finality.
James stopped dead in his tracks, his back facing her but she knew he was stunned. His body tensed and his hand which was hovering above the doorknob hung in mid-air. Slowly, he turned around to face her, his gaze threatening as ever. It made Lily want to move a few steps back but she remained defiant as ever.
“What did you say?” He spoke in a deep voice, slowly and enunciating every syllable.
She took a deep breath. “I said, if you walk out that door, James Potter…don’t ever come back.”
James let out a cold, mirthless laugh, which made Lily shiver. Her husband could be scary when he wanted to and she was rarely at the brunt of it. Except for now.
“Lil, you can’t…you can’t do this to me,” he started and was about to say more when she put her hand up in front of him.
“No,” she began. “No, you listen to me, James. You are not leaving this house.”
“What did you not understand, Lily?” He said exasperatedly. “Too many people have died! I cannot let this go on anymore.”
Tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes. “What about our son? What about Harry? You’re just going to leave him? Leave us?”
James clamped his mouth shut and stood silently in front of her. He noticed his wife trying to fight back the tears as she looked at him in worry. It was then he knew that it wasn’t because she didn’t want him to leave her. It was because she didn’t want him to leave Harry, his baby boy of only a few months old.
“What if…what if you don’t come back? What if something happens and I wouldn’t know of it until it was too late? What if you die out there just like the others?” This time, she could no longer hold the tears back as she spoke the last sentence, her voice breaking.
Immediately, he unfroze and rushed towards her, enveloping her in a hug and caressed her soft, red hair, making ‘shh’ sounds to try and calm her down. A wave of guilt enveloped him and he felt disappointed in himself for bringing up the topic.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He stroked her hair and rubbed her back comfortingly. “Lily my love, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. Lily, look at me.”
Sniffling and rubbing her teary eyes, she looked at him in sadness. Stupid, so stupid, he cursed himself in his head as he looked at her red face while she locked her green eyes with his hazel ones. He always found them to be the most fascinating thing in the world. He always felt calm when he looked into them and he was feeling it now as well. Gently, he held her arms and looked at her with nothing but love and protection in his eyes. No, he could never leave her or Harry.
“Please don’t go,” she whispered, her warm hand moving up to his heart and staying put there.
James shook his head and enveloped her hand with his. They moulded into one perfectly as always, like they were meant to be. “I won’t. I’ll never leave the both of you. I promise, I won’t bring this up again.”
She nodded daintily, then moved forward to rest her head on his chest and circling her arms around his waist. Safe, protection, comfort, love, were the words echoed in her mind. He was here to stay, her only source of hope and light during the darkest period in the wizarding world.
She felt him kiss her forehead and stroking her hair gently. She loved it when he did that. “We’ll be okay,” she heard him whisper in her ear.
“We’ll be okay.” The couple remained in their position, standing strong and not moving as outside their comfortable home, heavy rain began to pour, the dark mark showing clearly in the grey sky just as it always did everyday.