Work Text:
“I didn’t choose you. I just took one look at you and then- there’s no turning back.”
•
Kara heard the shouting pretty clear. She dropped the ball in her hand and ran toward the sound. It didn’t seem very good. And Mom had told her that whenever something didn’t seem good, someone would need help.
“Freak!” she heard the word from a group of children her age, circling around another one and shouting some more horrible words.
“Weirdo!”
“You’re sick!”
The rude words that Kara had been taught to never say were being spat out by those children and it boiled her blood. She rushed to them, angrily demanded, “Stop!”
They turned around and frowned at her. “Who are you?” a boy asked.
Before Kara answered, another boy did it for her, “I know. She’s the new girl. Moved here yesterday.”
“Then stay away, new kid,” warned the biggest boy.
Kara spotted the poor kid lying on the ground and crossed her arms, “Or what?”
The group all faced her, appearing to be tough and scary. “Or you’ll join the freak.”
“You need to be careful,” Kara gritted her teeth, “Do you know why I have to move? Because I bite.”
“What?” chuckled a girl from the group.
“Yes, I bite,” Kara repeated and made the growling sound from the deep spot in her throat, “I bit my neighbor’s ear off. Your ears look yummy!” With a groan, Kara tried to make her own saliva spill out from the corner of her mouth, preferably with foams and crouched down on four like a dog.
“Oh my god, she’s crazy!” screamed a boy when Kara charged at them, acting like a werewolf, snapping her teeth at their faces. The group scattered all over and ran away. One of them even left a shoe behind.
“Leave her with the freak!”
After the scared opponents had disappeared, Kara stood up and wiped off the sticky saliva from her chin. She smirked and walked to the kid that got bullied earlier. That was a girl in her fluffy green dress. Her black hair that used to be a ponytail had been pulled off and the hair tie hung loosely mid-way.
“Hey,” Kara crouched down next to her, “you okay?”
A pair of big round eyes looked up at her and Kara startled at how gorgeous they looked. And more importantly, they had two different colors. A blue and a green one. Kara never thought this could happen. “Y-yeah. Thank you,” said the girl.
“Why did they try to hurt you?” asked Kara, picking up the teddy bear that was on the ground, looking like it belonged to this girl for sharing the same fate.
“Because I look different,” answered the girl, gesturing her eyes. “Do you think I’m a freak, too?”
Kara opened eyes wider, “What? No! Look at me. I’m the only one with yellow hair in my family and they never call me a freak. My mom loves my hair so much she dyes it to match with mine. And by the way, I love your eyes. And dress.”
The girl smiled, “Thank you. I really like your hair.”
Kara pulled the braid over her shoulder, “Really? Thanks! I did it myself.” She glanced at the girl, “Do you want me to braid your hair?”
The girl blushed, hiding half of her face behind the teddy’s butt, “You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not! I always want to braid someone’s hair but my sister’s hair is too short and my mom likes her hair in a bun better,” Kara pointed at the bench nearby, “Let’s go sit there.”
Under the shade of the giant tree, Kara braided the thick and soft black hair with an occasional smile on her face.
“What’s your name?” asked the girl.
“Kara Danvers,” she answered, “Just call me Kara. And you, what’s your name?”
“Lena Kieran Luthor. But please call me Lena.”
“Oh, you have a middle name. Cool!” Kara exclaimed, pulling a strand of hair from Lena’s right temple. “I always get jealous of my sister, Alex because she has a middle name and a long, beautiful first name: Alexandra Marie Danvers. But she always asks to be called just Alex. ‘Kieran’ sounds strange. Does it have a meaning?”
“Yes, it means ‘black-haired’.”
“It suits you perfectly. There you go,” Kara tied the final knot and sat further to wait for Lena to turn around.
Lena raised her hands and touched the sides of her head with a smile. “It feels so nice. Thank you, Kara.”
“You’re welcome.” Kara looked around and found a cute little flower. She plucked it and stuck it in Lena’s hair. “A white flower on the black hair. You’re really beautiful, Lena.”
The blush returned on Lena’s face. “Y-You’re beautiful, too.”
Kara gave her a knowing look, “Do you know when is a girl the most beautiful?” Lena shook her head. “In her wedding day.”
“Really?” Lena asked with wide eyes.
“My mom told me so. And I think it’s true.” Kara stood up, “Now, we’re both beautiful, let’s get married.”
“But we’re both girls,” Lena seemed confused.
“I came to a wedding with two grooms so I don’t think it’s a must to have a groom and a bride.” Kara recalled her amazement when she came to uncle John’s wedding. His groom was an Asian man named Jason. They looked so handsome and happy in their day and Kara felt like she would love to have a bride to be as happy as they were. “So, will you be my bride?” Kara extended a hand, waiting with a grin.
Lena gingerly placed her hand in her palm, “Okay.”
••
The fall was a bit hard. Kara didn’t acknowledge that until she took off her jacket during lunch time and found that the right sleeve shoulder was nearly falling off.
She poked at the food, pouting and not having the appetite to eat.
“What’s wrong?” Lena asked from the other side of the table, “Are you feeling unwell?” Kara sighed and picked up the jacket to show her friend. Lena gasped, “What happened?”
“Josh and Cody,” Kara named the two boys from the group that had always been picking on Lena, then they switched to Kara after the incidence from the playground and they always called her ‘Rabies’. They had taken her books and tried to yank her hair but she fought back and they pushed her. The jacket sleeve got caught in the handle of the door and it saved her from the fall but now it was torn.
“Those two,” Lena frowned, “Are you hurt?”
“Nah, the jacket kept me from crashing onto the ground,” Kara looked at Lena with a pout, “It’s my favorite.”
A gleam of brilliance flash in Lena’s green and blue eyes. “Let’s finish lunch soon and I’ll fix it.”
Ten minutes later, Kara watched in awe as Lena made the most graceful movements she had ever seen her friend did. Not that Lena was never graceful. She was a lady and everything she did seemed so poised and well-structured meanwhile Kara was so casual and lack of principals. Lena was sewing the sleeve back into the shoulder while they were sitting in the empty classroom.
“You’re so good, Lena!” Kara exclaimed in joy when she put the jacket on again and it felt like nothing had ever happened. “You can do everything!”
Lena blushed again. She tended to blush whenever Kara complimented her and to be honest, sometimes Kara did it regularly just to see her friend’s cheeks brightened because she loved the feeling that she had made Lena happy. “That’s not true.”
“Well, almost everything. You can’t eat as much as me,” Kara grinned and sat down with her front facing the back of the chair right in front of Lena’s desk, which was her spot in the class. “But seriously, you’re so talented. You can fix anything. From my umbrella, the cake from cooking class and now my jacket. Who even carries a sewing kit in their backpack? Lena, The Greatest Girl in Seventh Grade!”
That made Lena not just blush but also laugh out loud. The black-haired girl slightly shook her head. “Kara, you dork. It’s just a jacket, not a rocket.”
“Oh, I bet you can fix a rocket too,” Kara teased and propped her chin on the backrest, “Gosh, can I keep you?”
“I’m not a pet,” Lena gave her a soft glare and a smirk that sent Kara’s heart flipping all the way back to Sunday.
“But I want to keep you with me forever,” Kara pouted. Then she came up with a great idea. “I’d marry you.”
Lena gawked at her in disbelief. “What?”
“If you’re cool with that, of course.” She winked at her friend’s whose face was as red as the roses that were planted outside their classroom windows. “But aren’t we basically married now? We go everywhere together and occasionally sleep on the same bed in our sleepovers. We even have a kid together!”
“It’s a goldfish,” Lena reminded her, “A fake goldfish.”
Kara gasped dramatically, “Don’t you dare talk about Bartholomew that way! He’s as real as we want to!”
“He’s as real as you want to,” Lena corrected her while giggling.
“You didn’t think so when we brought him to the park to play with other fish.”
Lena smacked her shoulder, “We were six years old. And let’s be clear, you are a bad parent. You let him get eaten by a dog.”
“That was a long time ago, Lena. Just let it slide,” Kara laughed out loud and wiped her tears, “I’m glad he has you as his mom, though. If there’s only me taking care of him, he’d be dead by now.”
“He’s made of plastic. The worst thing could happen is he would melt.” Lena put away her sewing kit back into the backpack with a smile. “Which wouldn’t happen because he’s staying with the responsible parent of this family.”
Kara tilted her head, observing her friend carefully and spoke with all of her heart. “You wouldn’t mind if I marry you, right?”
Lena looked into her eyes, the green and blue color sparkled in the gleam of joy. “No, I wouldn’t.”
•••
It was a bit hot in the costume but Kara didn’t pay much attention to notice. She couldn’t pay attention to anything else, actually, the moment she saw Lena in the princess costume.
Lena was a really beautiful girl, Kara always knew it, but damn , she seemed like a true royalty in this medieval dress.
Lena had been very shy when they first met and now she was playing the princess on stage, with hundreds of pairs of eyes watching. Everything about her glowed brighter. Kara was drawn to her performance and she wanted to be the guy in the prince costume, just to stand closer to her under the spotlight.
But Kara wasn’t a prince, she was the dragon. The dragon kidnapped the cursed princess with donkey ears to the lair and the prince would come to rescue her.
Thomas Irke, the boy who played the prince, stood under the spotlight and looked up at the tower where Lena was being held in and spoke his line, “Oh, beautiful princess, please look at me and let me admire your beauty.”
“I can’t, my Prince,” said Lena. Kara found herself mimicking her lines because they had been practicing for over a month for this play. Kara knew everyone’s line. “You will not like me when you see me. I am not pretty.”
“Not pretty? Nonsense. Every princess is beautiful,” came closer the prince, “And I have traveled a long ride just to- to-” Thomas stuttered.
“Shit, he forgot his lines again!” Kara heard someone hissing in the backstage.
“And I have traveled a long ride just to admire you, my princess.”
The line was right between her lips, but Kara couldn’t be the one who said it. Everyone was freaking out because the audiences were murmuring at the stuttering prince who stayed still on stage with one knee down like an idiot. Kara looked left and right, the director of the drama club was scratching his face off in frustration.
I have to do something. But what?
Kara thought and imagined what Lena would want to hear because this was the climax of the story. The dragon would jump out and try to kill the prince.
So she did it.
She roared and charged onto the stage in the dragon costume.
“Stupid Prince, you have come to rescue the Princess but I doubt you can hold a sword properly!” She kicked the cardboard sword off his hand. Thomas stared at her in shock. That wasn’t in the script. “What makes you think you’re worthy of my princess, you puny horseface?”
The audience laughed and Kara heard voices from backstage telling her to keep going.
“I-I…” the prince was so confused.
“You don’t know her. You haven’t met her. You don’t even know her name! You only come to rescue her because you heard that she was beautiful.” Kara pointed at him and then asked, “Do you know who deserves a chance with her? Me!” she pointed at herself, “I listened to her stories, guarded her so she can sleep peacefully and I know her favorite colors. I bring her roses every day to keep her company. I care about her, not just her look. And even though I kidnapped her, I always let the gates open so she can leave anytime. I want to know her and I give her a choice. Did you ever give her a choice?”
“Okay…” muttered Thomas, stepping back, “let’s hear from the princess.”
Lena now appeared in the window frame, capturing Kara’s eyes once again. “I’m sorry, my prince, but I already fall in love with the dragon.”
“Oh, you have donkey ears!” Thomas said his lines correctly.
“Yes, everyone disgusts me,” Lena gazed down at Kara, the look made Kara nearly faint out of suspense. Kara knew that look was used for the play only and she was staring at the dragon’s head, but she wanted that someday Lena would look at her with that much love. “But not the dragon. The dragon protected me from being hurt by people who are afraid of my donkey ears. I’ll choose the dragon.” Lena climbed out of the window in the encouragement from the audiences.
“B-But it’s a dragon!” Thomas gestured Kara.
Lena kissed the dragon’s head. That part of the costume was very close to Kara’s face and her entire body felt hotter because of a reason that had nothing to do with the costume. “And I’m a princess with donkey ears.”
Kara kneeled down dramatically, “Will you marry me, princess?”
“Of course, my dragon.”
Needless to say, it was the weirdest play that winter. But Kara always loved that time and she watched the video if the play over and over just to hear Lena’s affectionate ‘of course, my dragon’ until she had an actual dream about Lena kissing the dragon and the dragon turned into her.
The next time the had that dream, Lena kissed Kara directly, not through the costume.
It was the only dream Kara didn’t tell Lena about, and a kiss from Lena was sneakily written in Kara’s wish list on Christmas that year.
Yes, she still wrote to Santa at the age of seventeen.
••••
“How do you see yourself in twenty years?”
Kara heard the question and paused drinking her beer. She was sitting in a bar with the group of friends she had made since high school, including Lena. Everyone had gone into a new and different life. James studied photography just like his dad. Winn was doing in the tech department for CatCo, and he was also Kara’s co-worker. She wasn’t a tech girl but a journalist for CatCo. Lucy was now a homicide detective and she was about to leave town to visit her father in Metropolis, that was why they had this night out.
Lena came the latest because of her work. She worked for her brother at L-Corp, a very famous company about science and bioengineer, Lena’s front porch. Kara stole a glance at her friend in the tight black dress underneath the long blue coat with Louboutin heels wrapping around her delicate feet. Kara knew that because she had painted Lena’s nails before.
Gosh, she gets more and more beautiful every time I see her.
“I’d love to work for a secret government agency,” Lucy said, grinning, “like a supernatural department or something.”
“Like aliens?” Winn cut in, placing down his beer, “Then I’d be the next Steve Jobs. Or… Einstein.”
“Dream on!” Lucy threw a nut at him.
“I’m a family man,” James said, shrugging, “I’d be married by then.”
“Marriage?” Kara laughed, “James, seriously?”
“I’m serious. I’d get married with a gorgeous, intelligent and simply amazing woman. Like Lena.”
Lena spat out her drink right at Kara. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” She quickly snatched the napkins and dabbed crazily at Kara’s face while retorting, “I will not marry you, James.”
“Why not?” James pretended to look offended, “I’m tall, handsome.” Winn and Lucy chuckled. “I have great artistic skills and I will have a whole photograph store for myself in two years.”
Kara stopped Lena’s hands from fixing her chest because she wouldn’t be able to keep her cool if Lena had her hands too close to Kara’s breasts. “No offense but she’s taken.”
“I am?” Lena chuckled, amused. “By whom?”
“By me.” Kara’s answer made the other three nearly started choking on their own drinks as well. “I asked her to marry me in seventh grade so she’s mine.”
Lena laughed but Kara caught the blush on her cheeks. “You’re such a child!” She grabbed the handful of ice and threw at Kara.
The night went by with lots of laughter and soon enough, James, Winn, and Lucy left the bar. There were only Kara and Lena left at the table, both of them were a bit tipsy and they had agreed to call a cab home.
Kara let Lena leaned on her shoulder on their taxi ride back to Lena’s apartment. The lights shone on her beautifully carved face that paced softly back and forth every time the cab sped up or slowed down. Kara used one hand to hold her, not letting her fall.
“Were you serious?” asked Lena quietly.
“About what?” she combed Lena’s soft waves with her fingers, taking in the lingering perfume and the heavy scent from the Whisky she had drunken.
“That proposal back in seventh grade.”
Kara smiled and looked down at her friend, her heart started pacing up once again. It normally behaved like this, but tonight especially quicker than that. “Why? Do you want to be real?”
“We were children, Kara.” Lena sat up and looked into Kara’s eyes. “That was just a child’s play.”
“Well I took it seriously,” Kara half-teased, half-admitted. To be honest, she didn’t know when it started but as soon as she realized it, she had been crushing on Lena for such a long time. She didn’t know what built up to this, perhaps it was them spending time together, or them being friends for so long or them acting like a couple sometimes. “Even for a child.”
Lena chuckled nervously. “We’re not children now.”
“Do you know what I love about you?” Kara turned half of her body to Lena. The other woman shook her head. “You always want to fix things. You fix everything that broke. And I have a funny idea that if I bring something broken to you every day, I’d get to watch you do your magic. I love your magic. I’d love to see that magic for the rest of my life.”
Lena stared at her. Kara knew she was blushing, but she didn’t turn away. Then Lena still stayed silent and Kara knew she had been rejected.
“Ah, what’s gotten into me?” she smiled and looked down at her hands, “Beer makes me cheesy, I guess.”
She knew Lena had a lot of options. Kara might never make into the list, and she had been thinking about whether or not she should tell Lena about her feelings. It might wreck their long-life friendship. But perhaps her crush on Lena didn’t come pale in comparison with their friendship if her heart was telling the truth.
Now she needed to face it, Lena knew and Lena didn’t feel the same.
“I’d like that.” Kara lifted her head to catch Lena’s eyes. “For you to see my ‘magic’ for the rest of your life.”
Kara couldn’t stop the goofy grin that stretched her mouth to the point of soreness. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Lena softly answered, grinning herself.
“That’s a proposal, Lena,” she teased, making the other girl laugh, “Don’t move too quickly!”
“Fine, let’s date first,” Lena suggested, her tone was filled with happiness. Kara’s chest felt so full that she barely breathed normally. “We’ll do this right, okay Kara?”
“Yeah,” she lifted her arm to wrap around Lena’s shoulders, to which the brunette easily slid into the embrace with a sense of both familiarity and strangeness. “And probably one day I’d ask that question again.”
“One step at a time, Danvers.”
Kara smirked when she felt Lena’s fingers reaching up to intertwined with hers in the darkness. The lingering perfume and Whisky were the best combination and her mind always brought her back to this moment every time she caught them in her system.
The smell of happiness.
•••••
“Wake up, sweetie,” Kara whispered into Lena’s ear. Her girlfriend moved slightly under the sheets but still didn’t open her eyes. Today was Saturday and Kara knew Lena didn’t have to go to work, therefore she had let Lena sleep as long as she wanted while preparing her breakfast in bed. “Don’t let the eggs get cold.”
Lena lazily hummed and stretched her body. She was facing down on the pillow, her hair scattered on it and on her bare back, making her a part of an oil painting in Kara’s mind. She loved every detail about Lena, and she was so happy that she got to sleep and wake up next to her every day. “What time is it?”
“Breakfast time, baby,” she bargained, running her hand on Lena’s spines, slowly moving down to the curve of her butt and stayed there teasingly, “Come one, lazy ass.”
The brunette lifted her head and turned around slowly. Her eyes reached Kara’s face first and smirked. “How dare you grab my butt? Don’t you have manners?” she scolded jokingly.
Kara grinned and crouched down to kiss her girlfriend swiftly on the lips and pulled back, “Um, I specifically remember how you also grabbed my butt last night and your manners were more questionable.”
Lena rolled her eyes with a smile and sat up. She found the breakfast Kara had prepared and made an ‘aw’ sound. Then she turned to her, “You messed something up, didn’t you?”
“What? Why do you think I make you a breakfast in bed equaling me causing troubles?” Kara placed a hand on her chest, acting all offended.
“The first time you did this, the pan melted into halves. The second time, you lost the birthday present I gave you. The third time, you accidentally scratched my car.” Lena skillfully named all of the incidences that Kara would gladly forget with her fingers sticking out in the air, as casually as if she had a list written down. “The last time you did this, I caught you messing with your own diet of cutting down chocolate.”
“Alright, alright,” Kara raised two hands in surrender, “you’re right. It does look like I caused something bad, but I swear it’s not that horrible.” Lena gave her a look. “In fact, it hasn’t even happened yet.”
“What?” Lena sounded confused.
She took a deep breath and kept her other hand behind her back because there was something she wanted to show Lena, but first, she had to make a speech. “Lena, do you remember the first time we met?”
“Yes, at the playground,” Lena smiled, her eyes began to trace back the memory lane, “You chased the bullies away.”
“Yeah, I’m glad I did. That’s how I met you. Do you remember my jacket from seventh grade?” Kara wanted to pave the way in Lena’s mind before she did what she had been planning to do for the last two months during their three-year relationship. “The one that got its sleeve nearly torn apart?”
“Of course, I remember. You were so upset that you didn’t even touch your food. That was serious,” Lena sent her a knowing look. Kara chuckled because naturally, Lena would only remember that side of the event: something unusual.
“Good. And the play in eleventh grade?”
Lena squinted her eyes and giggled, “Duh. It was one of the best days in my life. You totally changed the script, which was awesome! I always thought the dragon was more charming anyway.” The exchanged a knowing look and burst out laughing.
“Okay,” Kara cleared her throat, “How did we start dating?”
“Kara, are you trying to test my memory?” Lena crossed her arms, “I told you, I can recall them all.”
“Can you recall what I always said to you in those days? Because they are my favorite days,” Kara challengingly wiggled her eyebrow.
Lena tapped her chin, scrunching her nose adorably like every time she was thinking hard. “I’m sure there’s something but I’m going to need my coffee for it. But why do you need to know?”
“The first time I met you, we played two brides. The ripped jacket incidence, I said we were practically married with a child, Bartholomew.” Lena chuckled at the name of their plastic pet. “In the high school play, I played the dragon that made a proposal to the princess. And when I confessed my feelings for you, I also mentioned that I wanted to see your magic for the rest of my life. They are my favorite days because I always proposed to you, one way or another.” Lena’s eyes got teary because she definitely saw what Kara was trying to do, which was scary but also promising. Kara took a deep breath to steady her voice before getting too emotional herself. “I want to make today another favorite day on the list. Lena, would you-” she climbed off the bed, nervously grinning as she opened the ring box, “I want to make this properly, with a knee down and everything. You are a beautiful woman, but above that, you’re a beautiful soul. I am so lucky to know, befriend and love you and I would always be with you, no matter what life throws at us. Lena Kieran Luthor, would you, for real this time, be my bride?”
She held her breath and feel like she couldn’t exhale as long as she hadn’t heard the answer. Lena sat on the bed with two streams of tears running down her face. “T-This is unfair, you know?”
Kara’s heart cracked. “Lena?”
“You woke me up, made me a breakfast in bed, make me feel more loved than I’ve ever imagined and gave me a beautiful heartfelt speech with a gorgeous ring while wearing that stupid grin on your face,” Lena wiped her tears, “You didn’t let me prepare myself. I haven’t even washed my face, damn it!”
Kara awkwardly retreated the box, “Oh, sorry.”
“Wait, I’m not being mad,” Lena laughed through her tears and crawled to the edge of the bed to grab Kara’s shoulders. “I’m surprised. A good surprise. I love this, I love you.”
Kara glanced down at the ring and up at Lena’s face. “So, is that a yes?”
“Have I ever said ‘no’ every time you proposed? I wouldn’t break our tradition,” Lena kissed her with love and care lingering in their breath. “For real this time, I will marry you, Kara Danvers.”
She pulled her girlfriend into a bone-crushing hug and quickly took the ring out to put it on Lena’s fingers. “Mrs. Danvers, you look fantastic,” she teased and Lena blushed.
“Why must I be Mrs. Danvers? You can be Mrs. Luthor,” she arched an eyebrow. “Or better yet, Danvers-Luthor.”
“Then we’ll both be Luthor-Danvers, then.”
“Danvers-Luthor,” Lena still stubbornly said.
“Oh shut up, I proposed you five times, at least give this one to me.”
Lena, for the first time, stopped trying to win and just dragged Kara onto her.
The eggs eventually got cold and forgotten that morning.
••••••
Kara didn’t understand. Lena had been so thrilled with the decision. They had planned everything and Kara had prepared a room inside their home.
Everything was going perfectly.
Then Lena said she couldn’t do it and wanted a divorce.
Kara held the paper in her hand, feeling like she had been taken into another world, a world where she couldn’t figure Lena out.
They had been married for five years and it was time to take another step. Kara had been hinting about children and how the house would be more amazing with a child’s laughter. Lena didn’t understand until Kara had to say it directly to her face, to which she was utterly surprised but eventually followed through with the plan.
Kara’s plan.
Oh no…
She knew what was wrong. It had always been her plan, her decision before every big thing. Planning the wedding, buying the house, moving to National City, building the summer house… it was all her decision. Lena, had a different opinion sometimes, always decided to let Kara do it all.
Having a child was a huge turn of life, she couldn’t force this upon Lena.
Kara dropped the paper and left the house without bringing a coat. It was cold outside but she didn’t care, she needed to see her wife before everything was too late. Lena said she would be at the hotel and Kara knew exactly where she would go.
The Spheer Hotel was Lena’s favorite place to stay, she used to say so.
Kara parked the car sloppily in the parking lot of the hotel and ran to the front desk, still in her pajamas. Fortunately, they had stayed here many times and the receptionist knew she was Lena’s wife and they let she knew which room Lena was staying.
She didn’t have the patience to use the elevator so she ran. Twelve floors. Room 1203. Her lungs were filled with dry air, burning her throat and made her eyes teary. Her face was a mess and she was sweating like a wet ragged piece of cloth. Kara looked like shit for a person who was trying to save her marriage.
Lena opened the door after Kara hectic knockings, looking absolutely gorgeous in her nightgown and staring at her, completely surprised. “Kara, w-what are you-?”
“Lena, please listen to me,” Kara paused to catch her breath, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I said. You’re not a coward, I am. I am the coward who wouldn’t try to see things in your way. Everything, I mean everything that happened in our lives, was all my decision. I was so selfish, Lena, I knew you didn’t like children but I still talked you into this. We won’t adopt children, I won’t put any burden on your life, Lena. Our life is already perfect, I don’t need anything else. Please, I’m so sorry.”
Kara couldn’t continue because the tears had tightened her throat and her eyes were leaking like a broken pipe. She sobbed like an idiot in front of her wife, who was always kind, generous and caring. To her, Kara was indeed a selfish and greedy woman who wanted to have everything.
Lena wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into the hotel room and closed the door. They both sat down on the bed, with Kara in Lena’s arms until she stopped sobbing.
“It’s not your fault, Kara,” Lena finally said.
Kara looked up, she didn’t understand. It was her fault. “Then what’s the problem?”
Lena sighed, “You know my mother, Kara. I don’t want to be her but I don’t know it for sure. It would kill me if I’d ever turn out to be just like her. She’s vicious, cruel and cold. I don’t- I can’t become my mother.”
“You won’t,” Kara cupped her face, gazing into the eyes with different colors. “You are kind-hearted and you always put others first. Is that why you don’t tell me about this?”
Lena nodded. “I know you want children and I do, too. But I’m so afraid.”
Kara smiled and kissed her. “My brave wife, who single-handedly navigates a billion dollar company and deals with powerful people every day, is afraid?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You can never disappoint me, Lena,” Kara tilted her head to meet Lena’s eyes, “You are enough to do anything, to be anything, a mom or not, a wife or not. You’re enough by just being you.”
Lena smiled at her with a hint of sadness in her eyes. “About the adoption.”
“I’ll cancel it,” Kara said, “if that’s what you want.”
“What about what you want?”
“What I want and have always wanted is you, Lena. You are everything.”
Kara stayed with Lena in the hotel room that night. They only stayed on the bed, talking about their current life and what they had been missing from each other’s life. Kara never thought there would be a time where she needed to stay still and catch up with Lena. She used to think that she had learned everything about Lena, yet Lena surprised her even more.
“Do you know that married couples would likely to get divorced during their first five years of marriage?” asked Lena.
“No. We’re in our fifth year.” A shy smile spread across her lips. “Do you think we’ll make it?”
“What? The hopeful Kara Luthor-Danvers doesn’t have faith in the future?” Lena teased, stroking Kara’s cheek lightly.
Kara hummed, “I thought we’d have a perfect marriage without a fight. I don’t know anything.”
“I wouldn’t call this ‘a fight’,” Lena snuggled against Kara, “And I shouldn’t write the paper. I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore if you know how terrified I am by what you’ve always been so passionate about.”
“I would never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about anything, Lena.”
“And I’m sorry for making you feel like I hide things from you.”
They cuddled on the bed, wrapping in each other, slowly drifting into sleep.
In the next morning, Kara expected to wake up with Lena in her arms. Her wife was always there, unlike yesterday, when she woke up next to nothing. She wouldn’t want to go through another morning like that ever again.
But Lena wasn’t in her arms, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, crouching down to do something.
“Honey, what are you doing?” she asked, crawling toward Lena.
Her wife looked over her shoulder, gave her a kiss and laid down with her back against the bed frame. “I’m filling in the paper.”
“Paper?”
“The adoption paper.”
The answer caught Kara off-guard. She blinked several times and sat up. “What? I thought you didn’t want to.”
“I didn’t,” Lena smiled at her, “but I’ve always known that I want to raise a child with you. And even if I’m completely terrified by the idea of taking care of a human being, I’ve already done that to you, sweetie, for years. If I can take care of Kara Danvers, I can take care of everyone.”
Kara laughed at the pinch in her pride. “Ouch, okay. Are you sure about this? You can’t go back from it.”
Lena lifted her chin with two fingers and smirked, “And you can’t go back from it, either.”
Kara grinned and flipped the blanket. “Lena Kieran Luthor-Danvers, would you be brave and walk into our marriage with possible children?”
“You really have to ask me?” Lena shook her head and sat straighter, “One child first.”
“But that’s a yes, right?” Kara knowingly looked at Lena.
“It’s a yes, doofus.”
•••••••
Letting out a heavy breath, Kara opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and she couldn’t get up to wash her face anymore.
She heard footsteps and warm hands holding her face.
“Mom, I’m back.”
She knew this voice. Lauren, her only child, had returned from her trip to Europe. Kara smiled, “Laurie, hi.”
“Where’s Mommie? I brought the kids.” Lauren gestured the two beautiful girls and her husband, Ian.
“She’s in the bathroom. You know how she always takes a lot of time there.”
“I heard you,” Lena scolded her, “Laurie, hi. Oh, Anissa and Jennifer, you’re both grown-ups now, aren’t you?”
Kara could imagine Lena hugging their grandchildren and their son-in-law. “Anissa, Jennifer, come and give Grandma a hug.”
The kids walked up carefully because they knew how old and weak their grandmother was. Kara hated that people tended to think she was dying. It might be true, but Lena was at the same age and she was still walking, doing things like she was sixty. Kara felt so left behind.
“Ooff, my girls, let me see your faces,” she placed her palm on the girls’ cheeks, feeling the grin on her soft brown skin. “Well, you’re getting taller-” Kara coughed harshly and immediately felt Lena’s hand on her back.
“Easy, honey. Just lay down.”
“Come on, Lena, I’m fine.”
“Girls, let’s step back and give Grandma some air,” said Ian, “Kara, listen to your wife.”
She sighed out a smile and obeyed the advice.
“Is Grandma dying?” asked Jennifer. Kara heard someone shush her.
“It’s not scary at all,” she grabbed Lena’s hand.
“Shut up and rest,” Lena told her but Kara knew that she had not much time left. At the age of eighty-two, Kara knew she had outlived a lot of people and therefore she embraced her time.
The only thing she regretted that she couldn’t spend more time with Lena, Lauren’s family and most importantly, her grandchildren. She wanted to see them grow and succeed, getting married and having children. A life circle just like she had.
The breathing seemed to be more difficult and Kara knew she needed to do something.
“Lena?”
“Yes?”
“Come closer.”
Lena crouched down to let her face near Kara’s. It was one way to help her see clearly. There they were, the beautiful green and blue eyes she had been stricken by lightning with that day on the playground. The color blue faded a lot due to time but the green eye was pretty visible.
“Hey there,” Kara muttered.
“Hey you,” Lena replied and Kara knew that Lena also knew.
“Remember how we first met?” Kara grinned, though the corner of her mouth became droopy.
“Yes. You never let me forget,” Lena joked and that collected some choked giggle in the room. That was true, Kara occasionally retold the story on the playground for everyone whenever she had the chance.
“I haven’t told you something.” It was confession time. “I lied about you being beautiful.”
“What?” Lena chuckled in surprise.
“Yeah. I wanted to say you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”
Her wife placed a hand on her head, the other hand gently rubbed her cheek with the thumb. “You don’t have to woo me anymore, honey. I’m yours.”
Kara tried to raise her hand to touch Lena’s face. “Only in this life. I still want to go on another life journey with you, if that’s possible.” Her wife’s eyes began to teary. Their farewell was coming. Kara thought she would dread this moment, but right now, everything was so easy and peaceful. “Lena Kieran Luthor-Danvers, would you let me wait for you on the other side?”
“Always a yes.”
Kara closed her eyes. The warm sensation of the soft lips pressing against her forehead was the seal on the ticket that marked the final moment.
When she opened her eyes, it was the same oak tree, the same playground on that summer day. Kara sat there on the bench, patiently waited for the girl with two different eye colors.
And when they met again, Kara would definitely tell her she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.
▪
“Falling in love with you was the second best thing in the world.
Finding you was the first.”
(Source: herz-bluten)