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The first noise Beca heard when she woke up was not dissimilar to what she imagined a zombie who’d gone a few days without gnawing on a brain would make.
It took her a long few moments, eyes squeezed shut against the bright light coming through her crappy curtains, to realise that, a) the noise had not come from her, and, b) she lived alone.
Squinting an eye open, Beca discovered another human in her bed, back to her. Huh. Beca turned onto her side to face the other person and realised that one of her own arms was trapped under the other body.
All Beca could see was long, wavy red hair and, an admittedly very nice looking, shoulder and naked back, the rest being covered by Beca’s duvet. So far so good.
Beca racked her brain for memories of the night before; coming up completely empty, save for a pounding in her head, ‘Please don’t be ugly,’ Beca prayed as the girl started to stir and continued to make dying noises in front of her.
“Oh my god, my head,” the girl in front of her groaned, a hand coming up to her forehead.
Beca cleared her throat, “Umm, hey...”
The girl froze on hearing Beca’s voice, hand dropping to her side as she slowly turned around, eyes filled with panic as her eyes met Beca’s and she squealed. Well, this was going well.
Beca retracted her arm quickly, jostling the girl, who recoiled. However, she realised, based on her immediate reaction, that any form of contact was going to be unwelcome to this, holy shit, stunning girl.
Beca settled back further into the other side of her bed and regarded the terrified girl in front of her, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, “Are you ok?”
The girl fell onto her back, staring at the ceiling, clearly trying to prevent herself from hyperventilating, “Not really,” she admitted, glassy eyed, “I think I’m naked.”
Beca narrowed her eyes, “Umm, yeah...I mean that’s how this kind of thing works...” she responded dumbly, pursing her lips.
The other girl grasped the duvet at her chest above her breasts, turning her head to face Beca, “How what thing works?!” her voice was getting higher in pitch. Beca knew that pitch increase equalled not good.
“Sex?” Beca stated the obvious, really wishing that the gorgeous naked girl in her bed didn’t look so horrified to be there.
The other girl blanched, “We...you and I – sex?”
Beca shrugged, “Well, yeah, obviously,” she confirmed, “You don’t remember?” Beca tried to sound offended, despite also having no idea how she ended up in bed with the most beautiful girl she’d ever been with.
“We can’t have had sex,” the other girl disputed, turning onto her side to face Beca but pushing herself back as far as she could, gripping the sheets so tightly to her body her knuckles were turning white.
Beca scoffed, “I’ll try not to be too offended,” she drawled sarcastically, her frustration growing. What was wrong with this girl? Beca knew she wasn’t hideous, and she certainly wasn’t a stranger to showing a girl a good time. This weirdo was lucky to be in her bed.
“No,” the other girl continued, “I’m not, it’s not you – ” she paused, eyes darting around the room, not focusing on Beca, “I’m not gay,” she implored.
Beca let out a sad laugh, nodding in understanding, “Oh I see...gay panic.”
“What?!” The other girl’s eyes widened in horror.
Beca elaborated, “You’re clearly new to this, it can be kind of overwhelming. We call that gay panic.”
"We?" the other girl asked, narrowing her eyes.
Beca shrugged, "Yeah...us gays."
“I’m not having gay panic, because I’m not gay. We can’t have had sex,” she repeated, scrunching her nose up. It was really starting to piss Beca off.
Beca raised an arm and grabbed at the back of her neck, trying to ease the tension. She pulled her hand back to throw some frustrated hand gesture at the other girl.
However, catching sight of her hand and the fingers that had been around her own neck, she stopped, a smirk taking over her face as she zeroed in on the other girl’s mouth.
She brandished her hand in front of the other girl’s face, “We didn’t, huh? So why is your fucking lipstick on my neck?” she cursed, anger swelling within her chest.
Speaking of, the other girl’s eyes darted down to Beca’s chest for a split second before returning to Beca’s eyes, her breath catching in her throat. Beca knew she still had it. This girl was definitely into her...or not. The girl gasped, and so in her confusion Beca looked down and noticed the same shade of lipstick staining her collarbone.
She looked up at the other girl with a raised eyebrow, “We either had sex or you’re a super terrible cannibal,” Beca was trying to add some levity to this otherwise horribly awkward situation (that had never happened to her before, by the way).
The other girl was definitely starting to hyperventilate now, her chest heaving as her eyes filled with tears, “I don’t remember – how can I not...what’s happening?” Shit.
Beca’s anger instantly dissolved and she reached out, pressing her hand to the other girl’s clenched fist at the material of the bedsheet, “Hey, hey,” Beca spoke soothingly, “Look at me,” she encouraged, using her other hand to press a curled index finger under the other girl’s chin and draw their eyes together, “Just take a couple of deep breaths for me, ok? Everything’s fine.”
The other girl met Beca’s eyes and nodded slowly, desperately trying to regulate her breathing and not flinch away from Beca’s touch.
“What’s your name?” Beca asked softly, retracting her hand from the still terrified looking girl’s face. This apparently didn’t help,
“You don’t remember?!” her tone was now verging on hysterical.
Beca shook her head, grimacing, “No, I apparently have as good a memory of last night as you do,” she defended herself, "I was so drunk.”
The other girl looked hopeful, “So maybe we didn’t...y’know?”
Beca sighed, raking a hand through her hair, “Look, I’m sorry that this is really not what you want to hear, but I know that I have had sex very recently, and you’re naked in my bed and your lipstick is all over me. You might not be gay, or not think you are, but you obviously decided you’d give this a go, and I got to be your lucky participant,” the sarcasm in her voice was grating, “Let me just grab some clothes and I’ll get out of your way so you can have some privacy to get changed and leave,” some of the bite had left her tone and Beca ended in resignation.
She looked around desperately for some clothes, noting with a raised eyebrow that a bra that definitely wasn’t hers was hanging off the floor lamp next to her bed.
The other girl watched, eyes softening as she gnawed on her bottom lip, “Hey,” she drew Beca’s attention back to her, “I’m Chloe, and I’m sorry I’m being such an asshole.”
Beca turned back to – Chloe – noting the sincerity in her tone, “Hi Chloe, I’m Beca. The harlot who apparently stole your lesbian virginity.”
Chloe sighed, Beca still sounded pissed, “I really am sorry, this is just a bit of a shock. I’ve never had a one night stand before, and I’ve never done anything with a girl before. Do you remember anything about last night?”
Beca let herself fall onto her back, jostling the duvet that Chloe kept pressed tight to her chest, “I remember being on a bar crawl with my friend, Amy. If you knew anything about her you’d know why the rest of the night was a complete blur,” she described, grimacing as she remembered the first few rounds of shots they did together, “How about you?”
Chloe furrowed her brow, desperately searching for memories, “I was out with my friend, Stacie, at Joe’s –”
“That was one of the stops on our bar crawl!” Beca interrupted. So at least they figured out how and where they had met.
“ – god I can’t remember meeting you, why?!” Chloe’s eyebrows knit in frustration.
Beca raised an eyebrow, “I mean, I could have a sneak peak under the covers and see if it doesn’t jog my memory...?” she flirted, a playful half smirk on her lips.
Chloe narrowed her eyes, “Hmm, well I can see how you charmed me into bed,” she drawled sarcastically, trying not to smile. Beca knew she was starting to win Chloe round.
Chloe was starting to feel antsy and flushed under Beca’s flirtatious gaze, and so tore her eyes away to take in the rest of Beca’s studio apartment. Across the room on the small dining table in the equally small kitchen area, were two flutes half filled with the remainder of the empty bottle of Prosecco stood next to it – that familiar shade of lipstick on one of the glasses, “Well it certainly looks like I came here of my own free will,” Chloe nodded over to the table.
“Well yeah, you’d realise I’m very charming if you could get past the whole girl thing,” Beca deadpanned, scoffing.
Chloe sighed, “I said I’m sorry. Look, the last thing I remember is being at the bar with Stacie...drinking cocktails...and shots? Oh!” Chloe’s eyes widened as a memory came rushing back to her, “I remember a drink being spilt on me after I crashed into this hot gir –” Chloe’s stopped her train of thought too late, and Beca caught it.
“Hot girl, eh?” she grinned, pushing her head up on her hand, elbow pressing into her pillow as she allowed the bedsheet to slip a little, “So you think I’m hot, little miss not gay?"
Chloe coughed, a blush rising high on her cheeks, “I didn’t say it was you,” she defended, but her eyes, flicking down to the new skin exposed at Beca’s chest, gave her away.
“Oh sweetie,” Beca smiled sympathetically, “the hickey on my hip says otherwise.”
Chloe’s eyes widened and she lifted the bed sheet without thinking, glancing over to Beca, before her mind caught up to herself and she pulled the duvet back down again, her entire face and chest now completely flushed, “I – God, I mean...” Chloe trailed off, completely thrown.
“Made you look,” Beca winked, huffing out a short laugh. She had no idea whether there was a hickey there...but it would be cool if there was.
Chloe opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again immediately. She was annoyed.
Rolling over, she found her phone on Beca’s bedside table, battery ridiculously low but notifications drowning the homepage. She opened her conversation with Stacie to see if it could shed any light on the situation.
Stacie – 11:45
Chlo – where did you disappear off to? I need to get back to Bella, but I want to know you’re safe.
Stacie – 00:13
CHLOE BEALE. I will call the police if I don’t hear from you soon.
Chloe – 00:25 Stsceeee! Where r u? I’m making out with the hot girl from the bar!!
Stacie – 00:27 Chloe! I was going to be so mad at you for disappearing on me, but now I know why I can only feel proud! Go get yours, girl!
Chloe – 00:35
She’s sooooo hot, Stace. Her name is Beca and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna habe sex with her rtonight!
Stacie – 00:45
Oh my god, I cannot wait for you to see these messages in the morning, Chlo. Now put your phone down and go rock Beca’s world!
Chloe – 00:49
Yes, ma’am!!
Stacie – 09:45
Ring me immediately.
“Oh my god,” Chloe breathed out as she scanned the messages she had absolutely no recollection of sending.
Beca sighed from next to her, “Shed any light on proceedings?”
"Ummm, yeah,” Chloe admitted, handing her phone to Beca with a grimace.
Beca quickly scanned the phone, her eyes widening before she barked out a laugh, “Oh. My. God. Dude, that is sooo embarrassing.”
Chloe snatched her phone back, gripping it to her chest, “Look, I’ve said I’m sorry, ok? Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”
Beca bit her lip, “Out of what? Your uncontrollable desire towards me?” she queried, her tone light and teasing.
Chloe, still on her side facing Beca, looked like she was going to start hyperventilating again, “I...fuck, I mean...”
“Uh oh,” Beca spoke softly, reaching a hand out slowly to Chloe and settling it on the other girl’s shoulder when she was sure Chloe wouldn’t flinch away, “So, I think this is the gay panic now,” she offered, helpfully.
Chloe nodded, succumbing to the inevitable, “I think you’re right,” she responded breathlessly, desperately trying to suck in lungful’s of air.
Beca scooted a little closer, but made sure she wasn’t touching Chloe in any way apart from the arm on the other girl’s shoulder, “Deep breaths, Chlo,” Beca used her free hand to grasp one of Chloe’s, pressing it to her own duvet covered chest, “Try and match what I’m doing, ok? In...and out,” she spoke softly, demonstrating deep breaths and smiling sweetly when Chloe worked hard to match her, “That’s it, sweetie. Awesome.”
Chloe choked back a sob, “I’m so sorry,” her face crumpled, “God, what a mess. You probably just wanted a nice, fun one night stand and you got this,” she cried, tears streaking down her cheeks, "What's the etiquette for gay panic, how do you get over it?!"
Beca bit her lip, "Ellen and Adam Lambert are working on a vaccine right now, but until that's sorted, I think we kinda just have to hug it out," she joked, raising her eyebrows hopefully, “Would it be ok if I held you right now?” Beca queried, clear that she should not force any type of physical contact on this poor girl.
Another full, wet sob escaped Chloe’s lips and she forced herself to meet Beca’s concerned eyes, “Please,” she implored, using the hand on Beca’s chest to grip the bedsheet under her fingers and pull.
Beca needed no more encouragement than that, scooting across the divide between them and gathering Chloe in her arms. The other girl tucked her head under Beca’s chin, her knees pulled up so she was almost foetal.
“You’re ok,” Beca reassured, arms sliding around Chloe’s waist – under the duvet – and tightening around warm, soft skin, “Things could be worse. Your first time with a girl could have been with someone not as cute as me,” she tried to joke, lighten the mood, and felt Chloe’s shuddered breath against her neck.
Beca continued to rub soothing circles in Chloe’s back, calming herself as well as the girl in her arms, “Whatever you need or want to do now is absolutely fine, ok? I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. I’ll give you some privacy if you wanted to get ready and leave. You can have a shower, or whatever...” Beca rambled, nerves overtaking her as she became overwhelmed by the proximity of the girl in her arms and the prospect of her walking out of her apartment and life and never turning back.
Chloe didn’t respond, but also didn’t make to pull away, so Beca just held fast, whispering reassuring nothings to her. After a few minutes, Beca noticed Chloe wasn’t crying anymore, and her neck was starting to feel less damp. Progress.
Then suddenly, and completely unexpectedly, Beca felt the press of lips against her neck. Beca sucked in a sharp breath, her hand on Chloe’s back stilling, “Hey, c’mon, don’t do that – ”
Beca was cut off as the lips pressed again, more firmly this time, followed by the gentle scrape of teeth against her pulse.
Beca bit back a moan, the hand that had been on Chloe’s back coming to her cheek and drawing her face away from Beca’s neck so their eyes could meet, “Chloe, stop.”
The eyes in front of her started to water again and Beca watched her lip quiver, “You don’t like me?” Chloe was pouting. It was without a doubt the most adorable – and confusing – thing she’d ever seen. Who the fuck was this girl?!
Beca sighed, go hard or go home, “You’re literally the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in real life,” she admitted, “I couldn’t be more attracted to you. But you’re in the throes of your very first gay panic, and I don’t want you to do anything - else, I guess - that you’ll regret. Also, this whole morning has been a bit of a head fuck.”
Chloe wasn’t sure what it was – the soothing lilt of Beca’s voice, her meaningful look or the arms around her waist, but she was suddenly hit with a tidal wave of memories...
“Chloe, you need to tell me what’s been going on with you lately?” Stacie encouraged, raising her martini glass to her lips with a raised eyebrow, “I’m really worried. You just haven’t been you – and then everything with Tom. Talk to me.”
Chloe bit her lip, thoughtfully, and sucked in a deep breath, readying herself, "I need to tell you something, and it's big, but I really need you to not freak out, because I'm really freaking out and if you do too I don't know what I'll do," she blurted out in a rush, cheeks reddening.
"Chlo," Stacie's eyebrows knit in concern as she regarded the completely uncharacteristic behaviour from her usually confident, laid back best friend, "You can tell me absolutely anything and I promise I won't freak out. I wasn't joking when I said I'd help you hide a body if you needed me to..."
Chloe laughed nervously, "Ok, well it's not that bad," she reassured, steeling herself, " Stace, I think I’m super gay,” she responded quickly, looser lipped as a result of the number of drinks she’d already consumed that night.
Stacie looked completely taken aback, “Wow,” she responded, sinking back into her seat, “Not what I was expecting.”
“I just can’t ignore it anymore,” Chloe continued, biting the skin around her thumb nervously.
Stacie nodded slowly, “Is this why you so randomly broke up with Tom?”
“Yeah,” Chloe breathed out, “It wasn’t fair, on either of us. I don’t know what to do, Stace.”
Reaching out, Stacie grasped Chloe’s hand from across the table, “Hey, you don’t have to do anything...I mean, except maybe a girl... and soon,” she advised, raising her eyebrows suggestively, “I’m really glad you told me, but you should have sooner. This must have sucked to try and deal with on your own.”
Chloe barked out a laugh, “You habe no idea,” her voice was full of relief, “You don’t think any differently of me, do you?”
“Chloe, you’re my best friend. As long as my hotness was the reason you discovered your love for the female form, we’ll be absolutely fine,” Stacie grinned, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
*
After a number of celebratory ‘coming out’ shots courtesy of Stacie, Chloe felt utterly buzzed. She’d finally got her biggest secret off her chest – just to her best friend, but it was a start – and the music being played at this bar was so good it was preventing her from leaving the dance floor. Until she realised she hadn’t had a shot in like, 5 minutes.
“I’m gonna get us more drinks!” Chloe shouted across the dancefloor to Stacie, who rolled her eyes, but nodded.
Drunk Chloe stumbled over her feet away from the dancefloor to the bar, stopping short as she collided with another body, feeling liquid splash her arm. “Whoa there, easy tiger,” Chloe looked up from her clumsy feet to the person whose left hand was curled around her bicep, holding her up and her breath caught in her throat as the other girl spoke again, “I’m so sorry I think I spilt some of my drink on you.”
“Wow, you’re really pretty,” Drunk Chloe had zero filter, but judging by the beaming smile in response from the girl in front of her, the lack of filter was really working for her.
The pretty girl quirked an eyebrow, her hand still on Chloe’s arm, “As are you, little miss upfront,” she smirked, “Can I buy you a drink?”
Chloe bit her lip with a grin, “You most certainly can, hot stuff. I’m Chloe.”
“Hey Chloe. As well as hot stuff, I also go by Beca,” the other girl greeted with a warm, slow, definitely drunk smile as she slid the hand that had been on Chloe’s bicep down her arm until it met Chloe’s own hand, lacing their fingers together, “Let’s go do some shots?”
Chloe bounced on the balls of her feet, squeezing Beca’s hand, “Yes!! I’m celebrating!!”
*
“I remember,” Chloe whispered, eyes meeting Beca’s and softening considerably, “I remember finally coming out to my friend Stacie last night...and celebrating with shots and then bumping into you on the way from the dancefloor to the bar...” she rushed out, as if the memories would fade again unless she let them out as quickly as possible.
Beca’s eyes widened, “Yes! The first thing you ever said to me was that I was pretty,” she recalled with a furrowed brow, “I remember. You were pretty forward.”
Chloe scoffed, “Clearly,” she waved a hand, indicating to their current position, “God, have I mentioned how sorry I am?”
“It’s ok,” Beca reassured, “This is a really big deal for you. I don’t want to make it any more complicated than it needs to be right now.”
Chloe’s mind was suddenly flooded with more memories – drinking with Beca, laughing (a lot) with Beca, dancing with Beca – hips pressed together – kissing Beca on the dancefloor, Beca offering to get her home safe, Chloe insisting she go back to Beca’s place, Beca offering to sleep on her couch so Chloe could have her bed, Chloe insisting they open the bottle of Prosecco, Chloe pouncing on Beca...
Her heart rate quickened as she gazed into Beca’s eyes, “You’re not...I actually think you’re helping make this whole thing much more simple.”
“I am?” Beca’s brows knit in confusion, her fingers, totally without conscious thought, beginning their soothing patterns on Chloe’s back again.
Chloe’s responding smile was slow and easy, for the first time that morning, and it reminded Beca of how the other girl had been looking at her the night before, “You are,” she confirmed, eyes glancing down to Beca’s lips, “I know this is going to sound crazy, but...would it be ok if I kissed you?”
Beca scoffed, “Seriously?!” Chloe simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak anymore. Beca searched Chloe’s eyes for any uncertainty, but found none. Fuck it. She nodded slowly, not daring to move except for the short nod of her head.
Pressing forward slightly, Chloe nudged her nose against Beca's, smiling as the other girl’s immediate response to that alone was to sigh and for her eyelids to flutter shut.
Emboldened, she tilted her chin forward and pressed her lips to Beca'a – the most tentative kiss she had ever imparted in her life, barely a brushing of lips.
“Beca,” Chloe whimpered against the other girl’s lips, one of her hands coming up from between their bodies to curl around Beca’s neck and draw their mouths together again.
Beca kept that kiss chaste, too, separating with a small smile as Chloe sighed, “That’s about as far as I’m gonna let that go right now,” she warned, grinning as Chloe pouted.
“I don’t think you were this restrained last night,” Chloe complained, narrowing her eyes at the girl before her.
Beca laughed, “Oh you remember now, huh? How convenient,” she quirked an eyebrow, biting her lip.
“I remember...some things,” Chloe spoke carefully, pursing her lips as Beca nodded at her to continue, “...maybe they’re easier to demonstrate?”
Beca burst out laughing, “You're literally the craziest girl I've ever met, and I had a stalker once who concocted a plan to kidnap me," she elaborated for context.
“I’m gonna really have to make this up to you - and convince you I'm not totally insane - aren’t I?” Chloe grimaced with a small smile.
“In so many ways I can’t even begin to count them all,” Beca confirmed, with a half smile.
Chloe bit her lip, “I look forward to it.”