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It has been a year since you left me. Are you still missing me like how I miss you everyday? Is your heart still mine like my heart is still yours? Are you worrying about my health like how I worry for yours?
So many questions but their is no single answer, why? Why did you stop the communication when we promised each other that we will try this long distance relationship? You promised you won’t give up, you promised me that you will give it your all because you love me but what happened?
Did you found someone not obnoxious and selfish like me? Did you found someone who will not kiss you without your permission? Did you found someone who loves you more than me?
I can change for you, I can always change my ways for you. Why did you have to break my heart and not tell me the problem?
We used to be happy, we never had big problems or fights just small ones. We were happy until one day you accepted the scholarship to Canada.
I remember the day you told me you got accepted through the phone, I said I was happy for you but the truth is I was crying silently while you were saying your plans when you arrive to Canada. You always said I was selfish and that made me think that I should try to be selfless for once, that’s why I never tried to stop you.
You even told me that day, that you were excited to meet new people there. My mind was full of thoughts that time, I was thinking what if you saw someone more attractive or someone who has a more nicer personality. It scared me to the bones when you said that but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to be selfish anymore.
I remember the day of your flight, you were holding my hand very tightly and whispering ‘I love you’ so many times. I remember your words before you entered the airport.
“I am your moon and you are my sun. Hyuck, always remember even we are in different time zones we are still under the same sky. Our hearts are connected,Under the same sky. I love you, Hyuck. Forever and always. Wait for me.”
And my answer to you was so corny, I still laugh and cringe when I remember it.
“You and I forever, I love you too Mark, my baby,my moon. Always remember our Fantasy like relationship” you laughed so hard after hearing that and it made me laugh too.
We kissed for the last time and hugged so tightly before you entered.
Remember all those sleepless nights of talking to each other tru video calls? It was hard because of our timezones, sometimes you call when it’s 7 am in Canada and it’s 11 pm in Seoul but after a month we overcome the problem because we were already use to it.
I also remembered that on the fifth month of your stay in Canada you sent me a gift, well you actually sent it to Renjun and he was the one who gave it to me.
It was a silver necklace with a sun shape pendant to it. Since you gave it to me I never stopped wearing it until now.
It feels like yesterday when you told me you can’t do it anymore, that you give up. I remember how you shouted through the screen because I was being selfish again for not letting you go, why can’t I be selfish when it comes to my love for you? I tried being selfless and I don’t want to do it again.
“You know what this is the reason why I fallen out of love! You’re selfish, why can’t you let me go already? Im not happy with our relationship anymore,Hyuck.” You said before ending the video call.
The words still hurt me, and to think you said that after a year of your stay there in Canada.
Did you know I had a ticket with me that time, I was planning on visiting you but you ended the relationship before I even did.
How can you throw away a 5 year friendship and a 2 year relationship?
You know when Jaemin and Jeno visits me I can’t stop myself to be jealous. They were perfect for each other even though the hardship they faced. Remember when Jaemin went missing for a year and half because of the big fight with Jeno but suddenly came back because he realized he can’t live without Jeno and he loves him, they were both crying non stop that time and I think it was a very touching moment for the both of them.
Mark, I still love and I will never stop loving you. Please come back and let’s fix the problem we are facing before everything ends.
“Mr.Lee?” A soft voice said, I didn’t respond.
The person went inside my room, grabbed a chair and sat beside my bed.
“How are you feeling?” Inside? Very broken.
“Okay I guess? It has been 4 months since I have been confined and I already want to go home” he tapped my shoulder and gave a warming smile.
“Just a little longer, Donghyuck.” He stood up and gave me my daily medicines.
“Doctor Seo will visit you later, he needs to talk to your guardians, Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno. Tell them to come here immediately after class and they should bring you fruits, you look like you need some” I grabbed the hand of the nurse and gently tugged it.
“Am I dying? Nurse Taeil, please be honest with me” tears were strolling down my face while waiting for the answer.
It took him a minute before he answered my question.
“Im not allowed to tell Donghyuck, but believe me you will survive” he said before pulling his hand and went out of the room.
My heart was always not stable when I was a kid, but I already had the surgery for it when I turned 13. The symptoms were gone and I thought it would never come back.
After Mark left for Canada I always had a hard time breathing, chest pains and was really weak. I thought I was just too sad because Mark left but one day while I was cleaning my apartment, I fainted. Luckily Jisung and Chenle were inside my apartment, they immediately rushed me to the nearest hospital.
That was when the doctor told them my heart was failing again and surgery was not in the plan that time because my body was too weak for it. They told me I should stay healthy and drink medicines on time.
I didn’t told him because I didn’t want him to hurry and be distracted from his studies.
After the break up with Mark I kept being rushed to hospital, every month I would come to the hospital five times. Not until four months ago when the doctor saw the real reason of my sickness, it was not heart failure but I have a tumor in my heart. They said they have the same symptoms, that’s the reason why they thought it was just heart failure.
That’s why Im confined here in the Hospital.
———————-
“Donghyuck, Im coming in” a voice said then entered the room.
I saw a crying Jaemin and a sad looking Jeno, Doctor Seo already talked to them I guess.
“What did the Doctor said?” After saying that Jaemin’s Sob grew louder, I can already tell from the cry that it was something bad.
“Donghyuck, the surgery will be next week” I stood up from my bed and looked at them confused.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Jaemin looked at me and said something that almost made me fell.
“Your life is on a 90/10, Donghyuck. 90 percent it will fail and 10 percent it will even succeed.” I felt tears comming down again, Im already dying then?
“Can I have last request before the surgery?” Jeno nodded.
I breathed deeply before saying my last request before I die.
“Please let Mark visit me the day before the surgery”
————————
Tomorrow is already the day before the operation and there were no updates from Jeno about my last request. Well Im dying without seeing Mark one last time, that’s great. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore.
“Donghyuck is not accepting visitors at this time” i heard Nurse Taeil said outside my door, I immediately stood up and went outside looking who visited at eight in the evening.
“Please let me in, I just want to see him before the operation” I stopped at my track after hearing his voice.
Mark?
“I said no, it states here that the only people who can enter the room after curfew is Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno. You are not one of them” tears were forming at the corner of my eyes. Please tell me Im not dreaming.
“Please my name is Mark Lee, Im Donghyuck’s e-ex boyfriend who regrets leaving him” regrets?
“Sorry kid but I don’t know any one named Mark Lee” I grabbed the door knob and slightly opening the door, there I saw the man I was waiting for a year.
He is really here, standing outside my door begging Nurse Taeil to let him in.
“Taeil just let him in” I said softly.Mark’s eyes immediately went to me.
Taeil looked at me and agreed in letting Mark in.
“Okay you can go inside but Im warning you Mr. Mark, if I discover that you hurt my precious patient Im kicking you out the hospital” Nurse Taeil said before he left us.
Mark didn’t enter the room immediately, he just stood their looking at me.
I examined his face while he was examining mine.
He has dark bags under his eyes and it was obviously red from crying, he also lost weight but he still looked attractive. I miss him so much even though he looked like this I still want him.
I looked down on what was he holding, he was holding his luggage,he went here immediately?
I can’t believe he is really here infront of me, I can’t believe I saw my first love and my last before my surgery that could possibly kill me after.
“Are you gonna let me in?” He said lowly.
I came back to my senses I finally spoke.
“Come in” I said softly dragging my dextrose.
He helped me went to my bed and let me sit at the edge, he grabbed a chair and sat infront of me.
We didn’t talk for minutes we just sat their infront of each other but I broke the silence.
“So your here” He chuckled after me saying that and he was obviously trying to stop tears to fall.
Dont cry because when you cry, I will start to cry too.
“Jeno sent me an email two days ago saying you were dying and I immediately packed my bag and went here” I smiled at him and held his hand.
“Jeno’s a bit exaggerated, I have a ten percent chance on living” Mark looked me in the eyes and gave me the sad eyes.
“Thank you for doing my last request” I said while smiling.
I can’t feel a single tear drop anymore, I was full of joy seeing him here infront of me after a year.
I was literally happy, no one can explain how happy I am today seeing the one I was longing for.
“Donghyuck, my sun” he whispered while crying.
“I regretted letting you go that night, I regretted yelling at you and telling you horrible stuffs. I was ashamed of my self, that’s the reason why I didn’t try c-calling you. I was so miserable without you, I cried every night because I missed you so much. I was swallowed by darkness because my light was gone.I planned after graduating college I will find you again and ask for your forgiveness but it was still far away but suddenly Jeno sent me the email, it gave me light again.” He looked at me and held my hands tighter.
“Donghyuck, I love you even we were seperated and I will never stop loving you. Please forgive me” he was already crying and it made my insides sad.
All this time I thought he didn’t love me anymore, that he found a better person than me and that he was already happy but I was wrong. We were bought miserable, we were both longing for each other but no one approached.
“Mark, I will always forgive you because I love you from the bottom of my heart” tears already falled from my eyes and finally I was not anymore crying because of sadness but I was crying because I was happy.
I grabbed his face and leaned forward. Yes, I kissed him.
———————
It was already the day of my surgery. I was already prepared and the nurses and the doctors were preparing inside the room,Mark on the other hand was clinging to me like I was gonna die, well I am dying.
“Don’t leave me Donghyuck, we just got back together” i smiled at him.
Before I already accepted that I was gonna die but now I wanna fight for Mark.
Mark became the reason why I should continue my life, he made me realize that aside from him my friends namely Chenle,Jisung,Renjun,Jeno and Jaemin are waiting for me to recover.
Mark said I was his light because I was his sun but for me he was my light because he was my moon, the moon who will give light in the dark place Im trap in.
“You know Chenle is having his birthday next month and he was planning a masquerade ball for the theme.” I hummed in response.
“I want you to be my date in the ball” I smiled then held his hand.
“I will”he went near and placed his head near my ear.
“Donghyuck,5 more minutes before we pull you inside.” Nurse Taeil said.
“Donghyuck can you sing me a song before the nurses pull you in the surgery room” I know the perfect song to sing so I nodded.
“ I see you even when I close my eyes
I hear you even when I cover my ears
When I think of you
Even if you’re in a place
Where I can’t touch you
I can feel you
When my moon rises
Your sun rises as well
Under the same sky
In this different time
Our hearts are connected
Under the same sky
You and I
You and I
You and I
Our own secrets
You and I
You and I
You and I
We are like one
Every night, in my dreams
We are connected to each other
We’re looking at the same place
Without a sound
You enter into me
And I’m being pulled by you
When my moon rises
Your sun rises as well
Under the same sky
In this different time
Our hearts are connected
Under the same sky
You and I
You and I
You and I
Our own secrets
You and I
You and I
You and I
We are like one
Will I be able to see you again?
At the end of this long journey?
Want to be together
In the same time
In different places
This distorted fate
When my moon rises
Your sun rises as well
Under the same sky
In this different time
Our hearts are connected
Under the same sky
You and I
You and I
You and I
Our own secrets
You and I
You and I
You and I
We are like one”
After singing I heard small sobs, I looked at Mark and he was already crying silently.
“Did you write that after we broke up” I nodded.
“Figures, the last thing we said before I left were mention. Donghyuck, Im still sorry for leaving you and breaking up with you. Please survive for we can fill in the one year we lost” I hugged him tight and I can already feel his tears strolling down my back.
“I love you Mark always remember that and trust me Im going to survive”
—————————
“Mark it will be alright, Donghyuck will survive. Remember he’s a fighter” Renjun said while tapping my back.
I was nervous, Jeno’s words lingering in my mind about Hyuck only having 10 percent chances on living and 90 percent on dying.
I regret not being on his side when he was sick, I regret even leaving his side from the very beginning.
Donghyuck is my Sun and I can’t live without my sun. The Moon can’t function well without his sun.
“Donghyuck please survive”Tears were strolling down my face while all this negative thoughts run through my brain.
It has been hours since he entered and I was going insane. I want to brage inside and see what was happening to him.
I can’t bare to lose him again, I already lose him once and Its not happening again.
“Mark calm down” Chenle said.
How can I calm down when the other half of me is inside their fighting for his life? How can I calm down with having this ten percent chance on him surviving?
Lee Donghyuck, my Hyuck, my Sun, my everything please survive. I want to tell you that I love you one more time, not one more time I mean many more times. I want to give you a life Donghyuck, I want to grow old with you. I have so many things in my head that I wanna accomplished when you come out of there.
“Mark remember Donghyuck said to trust him” Jaemin said lowly.
I truly trust him with all my heart but I can’t dismiss all this possible outcomes.
When he dies I feel like Im gonna die next.
“Let’s just wait Mark.” Jisung said before hugging Chenle tight because he was already crying.
After two more hours the doctor finally came outside.
“Who is Mr.Lee,Mark?” I raised my hand and went near.
“The patient requested to tell you the news first” my heart was pounding like crazy, I feel something bad was comming my way.
“Im sorry, patient Lee Hachan died” my heart suddenly dropped.
——————————
It was already a month since the operation, remembering those times made me sad and happy at the same time.
Today was Chenle’s birthday which has a masquerade theme to it was a success, it was his 18th birthday and he wanted it to be extravagant. Jisung was so agaist the idea because it was so expensive, but again he then agreed after remembering that his boyfriend was extremely rich.
I was sitting down in one of the tables waiting for the food to be served, no one asked me to dance and I dont want to dance with a random stranger.
They were all dancing Nomin, Chensung and even Renjun with a guy named Yukhei except for me.
“Why are you lonely Mr?” The voice said, he was standing at my back and I rolled my eyes.
Someone here is two hours late to a party, that he was invited first.
“Im lonely because a certain guy named Mark Lee is late for the party” Mark chuckled and handed me something.
“I was late because I was picking up that along the way” it was a small red velvet box, dont tell me he is already proposing? Im still 19.
“Im not saying yes if this is a proposal, remember I stopped going to school and now Im in the same grade as Chenle” he laughed.
“Don’t worry Hyuck Im not proposing yet. That’s our promise ring” he took the box and opened it infront of me. It was a silver ring and it has a engraving of the sun to it. He really does like to give me jewelry that had the sun to it.
“Mine is the moon and yours is the sun” I stood up and hugged him immediately.
“I want to curse at you so badly” I whispered and he chuckled.
He grabbed my hand and he inserted the ring in my ring finger.
“I still can’t believe that you payed Doctor Seo to prank me on telling the news. I almost believed him, scratch that I almost had an heart attack. Luckily Doctor Seo is a bad liar, after saying the news he laughed so hard and told me the real results” I laughed and hit him on the chest.
“I need a nice laugh once in awhile” he placed his hand on my waist and pulled me closer.
“A nice laugh that could make your boyfriend died from a heartbreak” I laughed again.
“I love you Donghyuck, my sun” I kissed his nose before responding.
“I love you too Mark, my moon” he leaned in and finally kissed me.