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"It's not fair."
Her words came out harshly, laced with an acrid taste.
"It's not fair that he's the one who gets it the worst."
"If he hadn't been there, it would have happened all the same. Actually, things would have turned out worse."
Recalling the webs of scar tissue that wound around Maya's wrists and up her arms made Lisa remember. Without him, there might have been no flesh left at all. But without Maya, his back would have been clean, unscathed. He could have been a normal boy.
But that was just a passing thought.
"If any of the rest of us hadn't been there, just one, then none of this would have happened."
"Without you or Jun, the two of them could've probably overpowered us. And that's not even counting how Jun was...was used."
"And Maya, without her we wouldn't have even thought of doing what we did. The four of us kids could have stayed together."
Lisa laughed.
"But of course, that's ridiculous..."
How could she even pretend to blame a girl she'd loved that much, not when,
"when I'm the one who...who-"
A sob broke her voice.
Without me, she would still be smiling. Without me, they could've been friends forever. Without me, he could have been a normal boy.
"I'm the one who deserves it!! All I've ever done was make people feel bad. I made everyone I love feel awful. Jun was jealous of me, of my school and my friends, but most of all, my family, my idiot of a dad. And I just took advantage of that, let my own jealousy get in the way. I constantly made fun of you and fought over the stupidest things, just so I could feel a little less bad about myself. And Maya, oh Maya...deep down even she hated me for how I hurt her."
"But Tatsuya...he was never mad at me. Scared and anxious maybe, but he, he tried. He never blamed me for what happened that day, not once, never even hinted at it. He...he laughed when I was around. Like when we were still kids. And at the end of everything, he wanted to remember me, despite all the trouble I gave him."
"It should have been me."