Chapter Text
Calloused hands were not the norm, not for a doctor whose time was spent dissecting blood flies, distilling serums, scribbling frantic notes when she had a breakthrough, a doctor whose hands should be gentle, soft for her patients. Alexandria Hypatia had a terrifying suspicion that they developed when she was unaware, asleep, pushed down by a foreign invader. She refused to accept Grim Alex as a part of her, no matter how the dark specter insisted on calling her ‘sister’.
Alexandria ran an index finger over the roughest parts of her left hand, eyes crossing, blurring after a time so that she wouldn’t be forced to see the partial results of being controlled by the Crown Killer. This was nothing, compared to what others suffered at these hands and the thought made her stomach dip. There was a sudden temptation to do worse to herself, as it was what she deserved, but she forced that and all other thoughts down, instead of attempting to think of nothing but the feel of her skin. She didn’t know how long she was sitting there like that when Emily came in.
It was the tired huff the young empress let out, as she leaned against Alexandria’s doorway that got the doctors attention and Alexandria immediately felt more clear headed, eyes focusing on the young woman, who was staring at her with a somber expression, tinged with curiosity and worry.
Alexandria didn’t smile at Emily. With the dream she had last night, that morning she had the melodramatic thought that she would never smile again, but her eyes did brighten in the Empress’ presence.
Hypatia had only been on the Dreadful Wale a night, arriving soon after Emily had apparently. She fled Addermire quickly, unable to spend one more moment in that makeshift prison, where she committed horrific acts that she could barely remember. It all made her feel uneasy, as if the Duke would burst through the doors at any minute and drag Grim Alex from her depths once more.
“Emi – ah, Empress.” Alexandria stood from her position sitting on the bed, swaying on her feet a little. Emily darted over, long legs doing easy work and steadied the doctor, silently sitting her back on the bed.
“I’m sorry, I’m still not quite myself.” Alexandria turned her head away from Emily, staring once more at her hands.
Because of this, she was focused on Emily’s hands when she knelt in front of Hypatia and used them to completely envelop the calloused hands that felt like they belonged to a stranger.
Alexandria felt her breath catch, but Emily still said nothing. The doctor found that she didn’t mind if Emily never spoke a word. Simply her presence was comforting.
“Stay with me? For a moment. I know you’re going to Karnaca today.”
“I’m going to find Anton Sokolov. At Jindosh's mansion.” Emily finally spoke, her voice hard and determined. For a moment Alexandria thought she was going to leave, rush to her vital mission and selfishly she wanted to hold on tighter. Instead, Emily shifted from her crouched position to on one knee in front of Hypatia, dark eyes trained on her face. “I wanted to check on you first.”
Emily’s expression was unreadable now, but Alexandria could practically hear the gears turning in the young woman’s head, like one of those clockwork soldiers Kirin Jindosh had made so popular. She was taking in every detail of Alexandria’s appearance, her movements. Like she was sure Emily did with everything, she watched carefully.
Alexandria wondered what Emily thought of the bags under the doctor's eyes, her sallow skin or bitten down nails.
“I forgot you were going to get Anton.” It was hard to remember much of anything these days. Another side effect of Grim Alex that Hypatia desperately hoped would fade eventually.
“Since I…I am the reason he is no longer on the ship I insist you go to him now. We can always speak once you’re back.” A strong squeeze of her hands and a meaningful, yet still enigmatic look, from Emily spurred her on.
“I’m having…dreams. More like memories, but I’m still hoping some of them aren’t real. They were coming in bits last night." Alexandria paused, wondering how much she should share with Emily. Ultimately, she didn't want the burden on the woman who already had to hold the weight of an empire on her shoulders. "I just wanted to thank you. I think I would have died as Grim Alex if you never showed up. Not before taking innocent people with me. I owe you a debt.”
“You owe me nothing.” Emily Kaldwin stood after she spoke, looking every bit the regal woman that she was, the wise leader she was becoming and stared down at Alexandria with her dark eyes, making the doctor's mind go blank for one short moment. “You just rest. Get better. Or I’ll change my mind and you will owe me. Maybe your first born child,” she said, inclining her head playfully, despite the fact that there was still no smile on her face, Alexandria could feel one radiating off of her. A theoretical smile.
“Still, thank you Empress Kaldwin.”
Emily purses her lips and turned to leave Alexandria’s room, not before leaving the doctor with one last enigmatic response, icy in its delivery. “I’m not an empress.”
——
To be a doctor, you had to have an inquisitive mind. Hypatia especially, fancied herself a naturally curious person. As a child, her favorite past time was to take things apart, see how they worked. She first started with clocks before realizing that they paled in comparison to a brain. Such a seemingly simple organ that did everything to keep you alive. She moved on to study the intricacies and intimate insides of a rat compared to a blood fly, compared to a hagfish.
Emily Kaldwin was like some kind of drug to the inquisitive mind. Alexandria wanted to thread her fingers through the woman’s black hair, gently open up her skull and be the first and only person to truly understand what was going on in there. Take that simple organ in her hands and break it apart, build it back together again and give it back to Emily, just the same as it was before, but with a new understanding of the beauty.
How someone could be so mature, elegant, grim and yet childlike, playful and kind all at once was a mystery to Alexandria. A walking contradiction, this Emily Kaldwin.
Alexandria tried to subtly observe her riddle as the woman practiced with her crossbow on the deck of the Dreadful Wale, the doctor seated in a chair that had a good view of it all. As subtle as outright staring could be.
Normally, Alexandria would be in her bunk. Sulking would be the word for what she was normally up to. All of her equipment was in her temporary room on the ship, she could start up her experiments back up again whenever she was ready, but she was still just so tired. She was eager to get back to her work, helping the people of Karnaca, even if only in a theoretical setting for now, but she still couldn’t stand for more than fifteen minutes at a time without getting dizzy or feeling a migraine coming on. That left Alexandria with far too much time to simply sit and think.
It was Emily that noticed, of course, and dragged Hypatia up deck without a word. It was only when the doctor was settled into a chair that Emily told her that if she moved from the chair, the crossbow in her covered hand would have a new, more fleshy target.
It was impossible to deny Emily Kaldwin on a normal day, much less when she was staring dead at Alexandria with those eyes that made her feel like she was falling into the void, or perhaps willingly jumping.
Alexandria wasn’t too proud to admit Emily was right anyway. After a half hour on the deck, the warmth of the sun was calming her aching bones and her lips started to quirk up into a smile, barely there.
She thought she’d be bored, up here with nothing to do but watch Emily with her crossbow, a weapon and past time Alexandria never bothered to understand. Surprisingly, though, the way Emily moved with the crossbow was something to watch. In lieu of a moving target, the young woman kept herself moving at all times. Alexandria couldn’t keep her eyes off her, nor would she want to.
Alexandria assumed she’d feel exposed in the open air too. Like anything or anyone could grab her from the deck. Or somehow the Duke would be able to see her from his telescope. However, she found that in Emily’s presence, there was never anything she felt like she had to be afraid of. Even if the (former) empress was unarmed, if Emily was there then Alexandria just felt safe. It was a rare feeling to Alexandria, as of late. You take for granted how easy it is to find a safe place when you only deal with enemies in the physical sense. When your enemy is in your own mind, things get trickier.
Despite logically, knowing that the serum Vasco developed and that Emily administered should have made Grim Alex dissipate into the ether, she couldn’t help but worry that one unlucky night, Alexandria Hypatia would go to sleep and the Crown Killer would wake up. Her only hope is that if that happened, someone would kill her before she did anything to harm anyone on the Dreadful Wale.
Alexandria’s eyes had drifted to the water as she played out the scenarios in her mind, wondering if Billie or Emily would slit her throat first, but sharply moved back to Emily when a crossbow bolt thunked into the straw dummy on the deck once more.
A contented sigh left Alexandria’s lips, soft enough that Emily didn’t hear. Perhaps if Emily stayed the night in her room, she’d sleep better. Alexandria wouldn’t sip at caffeinated tea at dinner, wouldn’t pinch herself periodically to make sure she was truly awake, or keep the candles burning in her room throughout the entire night.
If Emily was there all it would take was one simple uttering of “Alexandria”, in that low voice for the doctor to calm. If Emily was there she would simply have to wrap her arms around her -- like their intertwined hands, that first morning -- and then she’d be still, convinced no one could do her any harm with -- oh.
Alexandria stood, the chair she was sitting in clattering backward due to her sharp movement, drawing the attention of Emily Kaldwin.
All of a sudden, Alexandria no longer wanted the attention of Emily Kaldwin. Because then she would not be able to stop thinking about her attention, about the woman’s shockingly muscular arms slipping around her waist in the night, what her breath would feel like on the back of her neck, what it would be like to have Emily whisper intimate details in the night only for Alexandria to give her own in return. These thoughts were something Alexandria had to cut off at the pass.
“Alexandria?” Emily cocked an eyebrow, dropping the arm holding her crossbow as she looked at the doctor quizzically, expecting the older woman to give her an explanation that never came, Alexandria was sure.
The chair was instead, left abandoned and so was Emily Kaldwin as Alexandria escaped back into the bowels of the Dreadful Wale.