Chapter Text
Rey couldn’t stop seeing his eyes. Unfathomably deep, impossibly pitiful. She knew the hurt he held in those dark eyes, but the hope she had once seen there was snuffed out by regret. And in the thrum of the Force energy crackling between them, she heard the plea he couldn’t withhold from his thoughts: Stay.
But Rey looked him in the eyes and knew she could not. She could not save him then, not when her friends needed her. So she shut him out.
Rey wasn’t even sure it would work, but it did; the Falcon’s loading ramp cut off the apparition and she was alone. For a moment, at least. Then she rejoined the fifty-something other passengers, the meager remnant of the Resistance, in the lounge quarters.
It was hard to believe that their last Force bond, which should have been impossible, had been just over a day cycle ago. She had barely had a moment’s rest since boarding the Falcon on Crait, and with the First Order surely right on their heels, they had to formulate a plan fast. Fortunately, Leia received a transmission from an old friend that had found a sufficient hideout for them.
They had a destination—an inconsequential system in the middle rim—but of course the trip wasn’t smooth flying. They needed to stop and refuel, and Poe insisted on getting off to purchase food and supplies. Despite his insistence that no-one would notice him and his assurance that he would keep a low profile, both him and BB-8 were recognized and they had to cut the supply run short to flee from officials. The crew made it to hyperspace by the skin of their teeth, with just enough fuel to make it to Chalacta, where they met Leia’s friend and legendary war hero Lando Calrissian.
And that’s where Rey found herself now, unloading the supplies off the Falcon into their temporary base in a network of catacombs in an impressive mountain range on the grassy planet. “I’ve got the last crate,” she shouted to Finn. But then, as he went inside and she bent down to pick up the cargo, she felt it. The tug at her stomach. The tingle at the base of her skull. The bond was initiating.
She had just enough time to run into the Falcon, passing Chewie and pausing long enough to ask him a favor. “Chewie, can you make sure nobody follows me onboard?” He roared an affirmative and Rey hurried up the ramp, scrambling deeper into the ship as the sounds of her world dulled in her ears, replaced with the thud of a pulse beating out of time with her own. She made it into a spare room and slammed the door shut, breathing hard.
“Rey.” She turns around at the sound of his low voice, and shakes her head.
“No, Ben, I don’t want to do this right now.”
He scoffs. “And you think I want to?” he replies bitterly. She studies him for a moment.
“You’re not doing this?” she asks carefully.
“No.”
“But… Snoke is dead.”
He pauses, working his lip, deciding how to say it. “This isn’t his doing,” he answers. “I don’t think it ever was.”
Rey is silent, considering the remarkable strength of this connection they had. Though their first appearance to one another made it seem as though they were just projections, every successive time the bond grew stronger, manifested more and more. They had been able to touch… and it seemed to Rey that Ben had actually been present in her world, on Ahch-To. Even now, she could see and feel more through the connection than she previously could. She could see he was alone, in a dimly-lit supply room. She could feel his misery trembling beneath his skin.
“Then, how?” she asks.
He sighs and runs a gloved hand through his disheveled hair. “Bonds between Force users are not uncommon.”
She finishes his thought. “But not ours.”
She waits for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t, so despite the tension underlying their words, she says what she wants to say. “So is this how it’s going to be?” She throws her hands up in frustration. “The Force is just going to connect us whenever it feels like it? I don’t think I can do this.”
He turns on her, his anger lighting a fire in his eyes. “What, you can’t bear to be bonded to a monster?”
Remembering his dangerous temper, Rey backs down a bit. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
But the powder keg was lit, and he didn’t care to stop it. “Really, it’s not?”
“No…” she starts to protest, trailing off as she realizes that she has never born the brunt of Ren’s anger before. Never before had he turned his infamous fury on her.
“Then why did you LEAVE?” he roars. “WHY did you betray me?”
Suddenly they were nose-to-nose, Rey’s anger a fire hot enough to match his. “I betrayed you?” she yells. “If anything, you betrayed ME! And for what? To become Supreme Leader?”
“I did it for you! I killed my master for you! But you didn’t care. You only cared about your friends. You used me. You weren’t strong enough to save them on your own, so you came to me, you used me, and I was foolish enough to let you in!”
Tears were pricking at her eyes when she said, “That’s not why I came, Ben.”
“Oh, it wasn’t? The very first thing out of your mouth after we won was to ask me to save them.” She opens her mouth, then shuts it, lips trembling. “Go ahead,” he says, “Try to deny it.”
She takes a couple steps back, trying to strangle back her emotions. “Then I guess I was wrong to go to you at all,” she says, softer. “I thought I could trust you. I thought I saw hope in you. I thought I saw Ben Solo in you. But he’s gone. You are right, Kylo Ren.” She twists his title with malice, trying to hurt him the same way he hurt her. Then she sits down on a crate and puts her head in her hands, hoping to stem the tears until he leaves.
She doesn’t see him, but she doesn’t need to see to feel his shock. She doesn’t need to see to sense his hand reaching to touch her back. She flinches away and glares up at him.
“Don’t,” she hisses. And slams the connection shut.
Finally, she is alone. Truly alone. So she lets something open inside her, and tears begin to stream down her face. Pain floods her senses, and sobs wrack her chest. She cries for a long time, cries like she hasn’t since she was a child. She cries for that child, alone in the desert. She cries for her parents, surely long gone. She cries for Han and Luke, whom she barely knew but loved all the same. She cries for Leia, who has lost nearly everything and yet still doesn’t break. She cries for herself, so she can get back up again when her friends need her. She cries herself dry.
There’s a hesitant knock on the door of the storage bay, and a concerned Wookie moan. Rey opens the door to Chewbacca’s worried questions. Chewbacca, of course, was one of the few people who knew about the Force bond, and who could understand Rey’s relationship to Ben. So she tells him that they had fought.
“But I’m okay now…” she starts before being pulled into his furry embrace. “Thanks, Chewie,” she smiles as he murmurs about friends and comfort. Then she wipes at her eyes and puts on a brave face. “Do I look like I’ve just been crying?” Chewie moans a negative. “Well, I don’t believe you, but I’ve got to go out there sometime.” So she and Chewie head out of the Falcon together, off to find Leia.