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Simon had really done it. He’d kissed Jeremy. The scene had gone perfectly, and yet Simon still felt like it was happening.
The way Jeremy had looked at him onstage…
Oh God.
Simon didn’t say much to Jeremy between their scene and bows, too much was going on. Cast members were running to their places and neither of them had time to stop and talk.
Now here he was, doing bows after a beautiful show, trying not to let his hands shake too much. Simon took Jeremy’s hand as quickly as he could, interlacing their fingers and giving a reassuring squeeze. Jeremy smiled at him, because they both knew that something had happened during that scene that wasn’t just acting.
This was real.
Simon’s heart dropped when he saw his father’s seat empty. He wasn’t surprised. Simon had made the conscious decision to go through with the kiss on his own, consequences be damned. He still wasn’t entirely sure why he had done it, he had so many reasons not to.
He couldn’t resist.
Simon didn’t let go of Jeremy’s hand until he had to, and even then he wanted it back. He needed the security of someone else’s hand to keep him from panicking.
After the show was chaos, the entire cast was backstage, laughing and crying and not giving a damn about what was going to happen next. Someone finally mentioned that they should probably go out and greet their friends and families, so they all paraded out the door in one giant mass, spare for Simon.
Simon couldn’t go out there just yet. He hadn’t prepared himself for the talk with his mother, or worse, his father. Jeremy was the last one out the door, and happened to notice Simon. He stopped, glanced back and forth, and then walked back into the room, closing the door behind him. They were alone now.
“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked.
Simon swallowed and folded his arms across his chest anxiously, “My family is out there.”
A look of understanding suddenly passed over Jeremy’s face. “They weren’t expecting this version, were they?”
Simon shook his head.
“Well, if you ask me, I think you did pretty damn great out there.”
Simon gave a half-hearted laugh, “Yeah, it wasn’t too hard. Not with- you know-”
Jeremy’s eyebrows scrunched together, “With what?”
“With, uh, you.” Simon sputtered.
There was a smile on Jeremy’s lips, “Really?”
“Yeah- yeah. I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to do the- the whole scene- but then I got up there and you were there and- and I don’t know. I felt… comfortable. In that moment. You made it… pretty okay.” Simon finally finished and sucked in his breath.
“You did it, Simon.”
“I did.”
“I guess we have to this all over again tomorrow night, huh?” Jeremy smirked at the suggestion of kissing Simon again.
Simon shrugged, the faintest hint of a smile on his face, “Yeah, if we don’t get shut down. We might need to re-rehearse some scenes, you know, since we’ve been editing it so much.”
“Is that your way of getting me to kiss you again before tomorrow?”
Simon’s face turned scarlet, “No! I am not- I will not- I can’t just- I mean- that would be…”
Jeremy crossed the room and took Simon’s hand in his. “Simon?”
Simon finally made his eyes stay focused on Jeremy, “Yeah?”
“Can I?”
“Can you what?”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Kiss you.”
“Oh.” Simon’s eyes darted around the room, looking for any prying eyes.
Jeremy noticed. “There’s no one here, I promise.”
Simon let out a shaky breath. “I…” He closed his eyes.
Jeremy took a step back, “It’s okay if you say no-”
“No! I mean- yes- yes, I want you to. That’s- that’s what I want.” Simon’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but his eyes were fixed on Jeremy. His eyes flirted between his eyes and his lips and then back and Jeremy couldn’t deal with it anymore.
So he kissed him. Jeremy Travers kissed Simon Saunders and it was wonderful. Simon’s lips were familiar yet so new and real and perfect. This wasn’t acting. They weren’t in some parking lot where Jeremy took a wild chance. This was private. This was purely a moment for them, and them alone.
And this time, Simon didn’t feel the urge to pull away. Sure, he was hesitant. Sure, he felt like his world could come crashing down at any instant from this moment on. But for now, everything was okay. He was kissing a boy. A boy. A beautiful boy who was kissing him back just as much. And he finally felt like some part of him made sense. It was terrifying and exhilarating and he never wanted it to end.
The kiss itself didn't last more than a minute, though it felt like it could’ve lasted forever. When they finally parted, Simon’s eyes were a little glossy and his fingers were shaking against the front of Jeremy’s blazer.
Jeremy folded his hands around Simon’s and pulled him into a hug, “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.” Simon said.
“For what?”
“Everything. How I treated you, how I lied about having sex with Anabelle, how I wasn’t honest about- about my family and myself and- I’m just sorry.”
“Hey, look at me.” Jeremy lifted Simon’s chin towards his face, “I understand, trust me. We all have our demons. Really, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn’t thinking. I pushed you, and I realize that was crossing a line that I shouldn’t have been. I didn't mean to hurt you.”
“Jeremy… thank you.” Simon looked so sincere Jeremy thought he was going to explode.
“Why on earth is Simon Saunders thanking me for the hell I put him through?”
“Please shut up for two seconds, would you?”
“Mhm.”
“Thank you for being there for me. I mean, look at us. We’re both holed up backstage because I can’t bear to face my own father. You could’ve left a long time ago. But here you are, making me feel like I can do anything.”
“If you don't stop talking like that I'm gonna have to kiss you again.” He was only partially joking.
Simon's comprehension of the english language stopped working everytime Jeremy looked at him like that, and all he wanted to do was slap that smile right off his face, because damn it, Simon still couldn't quite get a hold on his feelings. He wanted to run away, like all the other times, but something kept his feet rooted to the floor. His brain had a moment of impulsive thought, and for once in his life, Simon listened to it. Instead of slapping Jeremy, he kissed him. Then he said, “Not if I do first.”
Jeremy's mouth fell open in disbelief. This was a different side of Simon that he knew no one had ever seen before. He looked happy. “You know, we should probably go out there before they all get suspicious.” Jeremy finally said.
Simon's face paled a little bit, “You don't think they- they can't know. Not- I'm not there yet.”
“Relax, they'll understand if you tell them you needed a minute and I stayed back to help.” Jeremy hugged Simon even tighter than before.
“Leave out the- you know-” Simon's face scrunched as he forced himself to say what he wanted to, “The kissing part.”
Jeremy chuckled, “Yeah, I think I can handle that.”
Simon sighed, “We really should go out there.”
“Are you ready for that?”
Simon finally pulled himself out of Jeremy's arms and pasted a smile on his face. “Yeah, I think I am.”