Chapter Text
I wasn’t entirely sure what registered first. A cool wind blew past, the grass was itchy, and there was so much yelling, screaming, and exploding a ways off.
The crack of thunder definitely caught my attention.
I bolted straight up, discombobulated. I wasn’t at home, curled up under my nice, warm blankets. I hadn’t gone camping, and yet somehow, in the middle of the night, I had been dropped off in the wilderness. Trees were sparse, but the grass seemed to just keep going.
My brain stopped at that red flag. Where were the mountains? There had always been mountains near my town. We lived in a valley for goodness sakes, how was this even possible?
Then I turned my head to where the commotion was coming from. My jaw dropped. I’d been wrong. I hadn’t just been dropped off in the middle of nowhere. I had been dropped off in the middle of nowhere outside the gates of a flipping mansion. At three stories tall, painted a shiny white, and about four times as wide as my home, it made an imposing picture. Green grass rolled past the tall iron bars of the gate, past the brightly colored flowerbeds and beautiful fountains, and coming to a halt at the front steps. The gate itself was split in two, and wide open for any passerby to wander in along the white stone path. It began right at the gates and was wide enough for four grown men to walk side-by-side without squishing up against each other.
Above the rooftop though, rising out in the distance, was the snow-capped peak of a single mountain. It was more bizarre and mind-boggling than comforting to see it, and I wondered what on earth it could mean. Singular large mountains like that didn’t just exist, right?
Then I remembered Mount Fuji and promptly threw that thought out the window. It was still strange to look at, though, and I couldn’t pin a place in the country where it could be. Where I could be.
Somewhere behind the mansion, the noises kept coming. There were shouts, there were cheers. But above all, there was music. It was somewhat muted from being a ways away, but the jaunty tune of a Mario song was always recognizable. More so, I knew where I’d heard it before. Playing Super Smash Bros. 64 and Melee over the weekends made it easy to memorize the tunes.
Getting up, I took a look around, and tried not to panic. Aside from the path leading up to the mansion’s front steps, there was nothing to suggest that people frequented this place. There was no street, no sidewalk, no stores, no cars, no tire tracks. Only a grassy field that never seemed to end. There was nothing on the horizon. There was no way of knowing how I got there other than being carried a long distance, all without waking up to boot.
It had to be a dream. Nothing else could explain how I slept through a kidnapping, or how only a single mountain could be seen anywhere from here. It wasn’t the first time I had realized I was dreaming something silly, and it was best just to roll with things while I still could.
Resigned to the oddball of a place I was in, I pushed myself to my feet and decided to see where the cheering was coming from. It must have been a party or a tournament or something, because the noises just wouldn’t let up. It sounded a lot like someone had hooked up some bass boosters or some heavy duty stereo system, because I could feel the ground slightly rumble beneath my feet.
As I walked up to the front double doors of the mansion, I took in the decoration of the garden. On either side of the main path were two shorter walkways that led around two identical fountains. Each one had a trio of dolphin statues spraying water up and over themselves, cascading down several tiers to the bottom basin. Little round disks were spread out on the bottom, etched with something or other, but I couldn’t tell through the falling water. Judging by the insignia on the doors, though, I had to guess that it was the Smash Bros. logo. I knew that slashed circle symbol anywhere. A big fan lived here, maybe?
The garden really was beautiful, with the rose bushes, tall trees, and a colorful spread of flowers. It was all...what was the word? Parallel? Mirrored? Both sides of the path seemed alike, with anything on one side being the same on the other. It was well maintained. I sorely wished I had a camera. Not that I had one at home, but having one now would be nice.
I waved my hand around, willing for a camera to appear. Flailing both hands didn’t help. When nothing happened, I guessed that it was something I couldn’t control and stopped.
I looked around, noting how often the Smash symbol appeared. It wasn’t only on the mansion doors, but on the front gate, too. The flowers were arranged into circles, with red and white ones filling in the classic outline. Moving closer to the mansion, I climbed up the steps and found a large welcome mat with the circle on it as well.
It was weird to think about for a second, but then I dismissed it. Huge mansion, the sounds of Smash Bros. Melee. Having the symbol prominently displayed only seemed natural.
Maybe this place was mine? It was impressive, and there had to be some reason I’d woken up where I did. Or perhaps I had been invited to visit the place?
Well, whatever the case, I figured it’d be better to get to the party. I gripped the wavy handle of one of the doors, turned it down, and pulled it open.
Inside was the most amazingly decked out lobby I had ever been in. The first thing that grabbed me was the sheer size of the place. You could park a car in there and still have room to easily walk around it.
The stairs leading to the second floor curved and split around the central doors in front of me, then united above it, going forwards and up. I guessed that they led deeper into the mansion. To either side of the stairs were statues, one of Mario wielding a hammer and another of Donkey Kong beating his chest. Both were a shiny gold and placed on waist-high pedestals.
When I looked higher up I found that the ceiling of the first floor was gone. Instead, you could overlook the lobby from the second floor, kept safe from falling by a pretty solid-looking wooden banister.
The pictures on the walls were gorgeous. These weren’t your everyday dentist office artworks. They were fantastically painted pictures of villages, a castle, a forest clearing, and some odd jungle or other. I didn’t even care that I couldn’t make out the kind of plants in the last one. It just looked so good!
Every time I turned around, it seemed that I found something new. The name plaques on the statues; more doors to the left and right; the absolute absurdness of the size of the windows; the Smash symbol emblazoned on the rug below my feet; the chickens in the village painting; the change in the now-faintly playing music; the bits of confetti on the floor; the podium to my side; the faintly glowing arrow by the doors under the stairs-
Wait a minute.
I turned my head again. Yep. Giant glowing arrow pointing further into the mansion. Someone was getting impatient, it seemed.
Foregoing aimless exploration for the time being, I decided to see where the arrow led me. I pushed the decorative doors open, and found myself in a hallway. More paintings adorned the walls, and I passed small tables with the odd knick knack on them. One table even had a small replica of a Piranha Plant sticking out of a green pipe.
The hallway was entirely too wide for any one person, or even two. It was more than a little unnerving. I had been used to halls just wide enough for students to pass through without making an impassible sea of bodies. To have such wide halls where you lived didn’t make any sense.
I wondered why anyone would want to walk alone down such lonely halls, then remembered how many people could maybe live in such a huge place. My guess was twenty at best, maybe a few more. I'd be meeting the occupants soon, hopefully, so perhaps they would be able to give the actual number for that.
Little red arrows lit the way. The hall turned a few times, and quite a few doors were ignored until I found myself in another wide open area. It was somewhat smaller than the lobby, and aside from the podium and stairs, the areas were pretty identical. Here though the two golden statues were different. On my right was an armored warrior with an arm cannon. On my left, a small creature with strips of bronze on its back, tail, and the tips of its ears. Samus and Pikachu.
The music outside swelled. It wasn’t as muffled anymore, and I itched to find out more. I practically flew over to the back doors and wrenched them open. The sounds and the music immediately swept over me, giving me chills. It was nostalgia and excitement bundled together, making me explode with glee.
Or it could have been the rumbling again. It ran up my legs and I swore I could feel my teeth chatter from the vibrations.
I wasn’t quite paying attention to that, though. I had expected some swanky backyard party, the type with white-cloth tables, huge buffets, and swans made out of ice. Some trimmed hedges here and there and a high white fence enclosing it all.
What I got was something wholly different.
A stone path led off the back patio, straight through yet another immaculate garden before splitting into three more paths. The middle one kept going straight on, going through an arched passageway in some sort of white circular structure. It was where the sounds were coming from, definitely. The other two paths split left and right, curving around the middle structure and disappearing out of sight.
I practically leaped down the patio stairs, giddy as I was to join in whatever was going on. I’d never been one for parties but there was something about Smash Bros. that just brought people together. Before tearing their tentative friendships apart, of course.
As I got closer to whatever the building was, I found myself slowing down. Off to the left a stone path branched out from the circle, leading to what looked like a castle in miniature. At least, a miniature castle compared to ones that antagonistic kings seemed to have. It didn’t have any banners that I could see, but the tops of the towers had black bands around them, right below the ‘crown’. I couldn’t resist smiling. A memory of a flying Clown Car descending with master and princess came unbidden. The castle had to be Bowser’s.
Off to the right was a forest. The trees were bunched together so well that I couldn’t tell how far in it went. I wasn’t sure how I had missed that before. Perhaps because it went further back rather than stretching out more to the right. East? West? I couldn’t decide.
At some point I had stopped walking. The music had switched again, this time to something more playful and whimsical. Saria’s Song, although there was no telling which stage was being used. As I tried figuring it out, I moved forward. I walked through the passageway, and found myself staring at an open door theater. Plastered on the back of the theater was either an enormous television or a projector of some kind. The screen was easily a story high, and wide enough to warrant some space between it and the viewer. Unless all you wanted to do was stare at a splotch of color.
I must have stood there for a minute or two, watching the most chaotic battle of Super Smash Bros. I had ever seen. I didn’t recognize the selected stage: a forest that would have been otherwise peaceful anywhere else. If I had to hazard a guess, I would’ve said it was somewhere in the Lost Woods. Leaves drifted through the air of the bright and colorful place, somewhat at odds to Mario throwing Bowser into a tree. The trunk snapped, sending the whole thing crashing down along with Kirby, who suddenly did not have a height advantage anymore. A missile zoomed over the star warrior’s head, missed Mario, and exploded in Bowser’s face. A hammer met the famous plumber’s face, and Samus charged her arm cannon.
Then Pikachu leaped into the fray.
“What?!” My jaw dropped open. A quick ‘pika’ heralded a thunderbolt that fried Bowser, his nemesis, and Kirby, but left the Pokémon open to a quick blast from the mercenary.
It took a moment to realize it was me who had yelled. Five Smashers. In one battle. It just... It just didn’t happen!
I turned my head to look at the other side of the screen. My jaw hit the ground. Up in the thick branches of a tree Falco and Peach exchanged kicks and slaps, occasionally rolling or dodging in an attempt to gain an edge. Jigglypuff was somewhere above the stage in a microscope lens, floating along. Mario and Kirby were caught up in Pikachu’s headbutting, Jigglypuff rolled out in midair, Falco dodged, Peach didn’t, and the princess wound up being kicked upside the head by Samus as she came tumbling down into the center of the action.
Bowser managed to escape Pikachu’s pummeling, jumped high into the air, then slammed back down to the ground in a move that had Mario flying off to the side with an anguished cry.
“Mario defeated!” shouted the announcer. Falco came down, twisting his legs as he fell towards Jigglypuff. Landing, he threw a gun at her, and went in for a quick dash. Samus was off to the side, running for a Poké Ball that had spawned in at some point. Bowser grabbed Peach, hoisted her over his shoulder, and both were hit by another thunderbolt. Kirby sent off an air cutter-
“Jigglypuff defeated!”
-and was hit in the back by a Poké Ball. Out popped Unown and the match was over shortly thereafter. A hoard of flying letters sent every other fighter flying, leaving Samus as the victor.
I clapped enthusiastically as the victory screen came up, the sounds of others joining in surrounding me. Whoever played her was good. And quite lucky.
It was at the moment something clicked. I didn’t see a game system or people with controllers. Somewhere off to my right a deep grunting over-road the applause. What the?
Curious, I turned around, and looked up.
At that moment several things hit me.
The bleachers behind me were almost full.
Of course nobody would sit by the screen, it had horrible seating.
And a familiar ape in a red tie was heartily beating his chest, hollering.
I blinked. Clapping next to him was Diddy Kong as well as Kirby, Yoshi, Pichu, and a Squirtle. Why a random Squirtle was out and about outside of its Poké Ball, I had no clue.
My brain stopped functioning long enough for gentle humming to fill the area. I numbly looked back at the stage. The television was off, and standing all together were the Smashers who had just fought. Even as I stared, Samus materialized on a metallic pad that I had looked over earlier. Bowser stood off to the side, huffing while Peach giggled next to Mario. She slipped off a gold bracelet and took an identical one from her hero. The Pokémon and Kirby were babbling in a conversation only they could understand, while Falco was already walking away from the group.
Seeing as I was definitely still asleep and would probably wake up soon, I decided to make the most out of the situation.
I mean, Falco was right there! Ace pilot of Star Fox, former bandit, professional cool guy, and my preferred fighter of choice. Fox had nothing on Falco’s ability to grab mad air. And I would never get another chance to talk to him!
“Hey, Falco!” someone called. I twisted around, spotting the team leader himself getting up from a crouch in front of the stands. He walked over to his buddy, smiling and waving a hand. “Good fight out there. So, what did you think of the eight-man melee?”
I couldn’t make out what he was saying after that. The menu music was loud, but not blaring thankfully. It was just enough that you had to raise your voice to be heard. Didn’t quite know how the music was louder elsewhere, though.
Fox and Falco. My mind went back to the days spent blasting ships, vindictively destroying weird robot bugs, and memorizing cheesy lines. I found myself grinning, teeth displayed, but didn’t care. I jogged up to the side of the stage where Falco had stepped off.
“Hi!” I coughed, clearing my throat. That had been way too squeaky. “Hi!” I tried again, giving a little wave this time. Better. “You guys are Fox and Falco, right? Of the Star Fox team?”
“Uh, yeah?” Fox answered. He crossed his arms. “We are. Who are you?”
I was internally screaming. Squealing audibly would probably not have been looked favorably upon.
“Ven! Ven Brooks! It’s such a – so cool to actually meet you! I’m a big fan, and the whole adventure on Dinosaur Planet was so cool!” Fox scratched the back of his head, a faint smile on his face. I turned to Falco. “And your piloting skills are awesome! Nobody outflies you in the skies! Or space. You saved his neck on Dinosaur Planet and you know how to blast open secrets like nobody else!”
Because that’s what he did in Star Fox 64. Peppy found weak points and gave tips, Slippy was in charge of health gauges, and Falco found secrets. He also tended to go through harder routes in any given stage. A real challenge seeker, that one.
I still refused to believe that Assault and Command had ever happened. Just no.
Falco huffed a laugh. “Heh. Yeah, that’s right.” He pointed a feathered thumb at himself. “Ain’t nobody better in the skies than me!”
“Real humble, Falco,” Fox muttered. He put a hand on one hip, and turned his attention back to me. “I don’t think I’ve seen your face around here before. Where are you from?”
“Earth,” I immediately replied. “We’re not that advanced yet – we don’t even travel past our own solar system – but we know about you! Not everything, but we know about -” I stopped. Saying we knew about Star Fox 64 seemed too weird. There was another name for it, but in all the excitement, I had forgotten. “Well,” I tried again, “We know about the whole Andross thing, like when you guys were called to Corneria and then went all the way across the Lylat System to take down Andross on Venom. It kind of varies how it went depending on who you talk to.” I waved my hand back and forth like a see-saw. There were multiple routes, and it was no use bringing up just one. “But you guys kicked his butt and won! You got back to Corneria, and General Pepper was going to offer you all a place in the Cornerian Army, but you said ‘No thanks. We do things our own way’ which you totally do! Then Falco left, and jobs dried up, and Dinosaur Planet happened, and it was so cool-!”
By then I was bouncing on the balls of my feet, a smile threatening to split my face apart. Star Fox Adventures was too long to sum up quickly with how I was rambling. It may have been very different from the rest of the series, but there was something about slowing down and exploring a planet that got to me. There was magic, ancient ruins, tests of skill and strength, cool dinosaur designs, and an utter copout of a final boss. Still liked it, but Andross could go suck a bag of salted slugs.
Falco was shaking his head while Fox chuckled. “It looks like you know your stuff,” the team leader said. “Andross’ assault on the galaxy was called the Lylat Wars actually, and Dinosaur Planet is called Sauria, but aside from that and the a-”
Before he could finish that sentence, a brief but fierce gale blew through the theater, dust and dirt kicking up and getting in my eyes. I tried covering my face, finding instead that dirt that gotten into my mouth. I could barely hear anything over the wind save for the Star Fox pilots’ initial grunts of surprise. When the rush of wind abated, I heard Donkey Kong, Yoshi, the Pokémon, and others making sounds of distress.
“Sorry, everybody!” came a new voice. My brain froze up again because how. “Didn’t mean to cause a literal dust storm!”
I knew that voice. I knew it even if it had changed since almost a decade prior.
'Say something! You fake hedgehog!'
As well as all the stupid lines and the odd interruptions and script clashes the game sometimes had.
I folded up my shirt collar and tried wiping the dust and dirt away on the cleaner side. Periodically I spat out grit that nearly coated my tongue. The whole time, people kept talking or coughing, overlapping each other. A few voices stuck out of the clamor.
“Ugh. You have no manners whatsoever.” A deep, regal baritone. My spine tingled like static electricity had crept up it. I tentatively pegged it as Ganondorf.
“Mario?” Italian accent. Luigi.
“Right-a here!” Mario ohmygosh!
“Chu! Pi chuchu!”
“Popo?” A sweet, unfamiliar voice. It could only belong to Nana.
“Why you little rat! Wait till I get my hands on you-!” A gruff, and very loud voice. Almost kind of growly.
A heavy thud came after. Wasn’t hard to guess that he had fallen over.
Finally, I could see. Blinking, I took in the form of a blue blur who was, well...the blue blur.
“What the-?!” I moved my jaw, willing more words to pop up. My mouth had gotten ahead of my mouth, leaving me speechless.
Then both were caught up.
“You’re Sonic!” I blurted out. “What are you doing here?!”
The fastest thing alive turned his head in my direction.
“Making a mess of things,” Falco snarked behind me.
Sonic waved. “Oh, hey! I got invited to the Smash Brothers Tournament. Free food, free bed, and no Eggman.” He raised three fingers, having ticked off each point. “It’s a vacation from crazy take-over-the-world schemes if I ever heard one.”
My jaw refused to rise up from the floor. “B-but! You’re from Sega!” I pointed a finger at him. “You can’t be here! It’s impossible!”
Sonic tilted his head. “Uhh… Well, I am. Don’t know what to tell ya. I got an invite, same as everybody else.”
I stood there, gaping like a fish, trying and failing, to say something. This was impossible. Like I said, Sonic was from Sega, not Nintendo. He was from a third party. How the heck did it even make sense for him to be here?
“Anyway,” the hedgehog said, politely ignoring my staring, “Tails told me that everyone’s supposed to gather here for some reason.”
“Right,” Fox said behind me. “Master Hand should be showing up anytime now.”
I whirled around, spinning on one foot. The ground was surprisingly smooth.
“Master Hand?” I asked. Frantic energy engulfed my words. “He’s here? He’s coming here?!”
“Well, gee,” said Falco, sarcasm coating his words, “I wonder why the big gloating hand would show up to his own tournament.” I may have done that ‘pull muscles to one side of your face for a stern half-frown’ thing. Watching others be on the receiving end of Falco’s jabs was different from being directly subjected to it. It was annoying, but not overtly so.
Oh hell. Was this what Leon felt whenever Star Wolf clashed with Star Fox? Only worse?
Fox rolled his eyes. “Yeah. It looks like this is everyone,” he said, “unless he has some special challengers he’s not telling us about.”
Falco’s eyes flitted above my head, likely taking a look at the crowd.“Way more people this time around,” he commented. “I don’t see Peach or pyro boy. Mario’s missing, too.”
“Maybe they’ll be out later,” Fox said with a shrug. I turned back to the veterans and newcomers. Spotting who had returned and who didn’t was a little difficult because holy cow they weren’t kidding. I counted twenty people, easy. I missed our boy Roy, and unless he was hiding, Mewtwo was also a no show. I couldn’t find the Squirtle for some reason, and this angel – a literal angel with wings and a toga – was sitting up on the roof above the main entrance.
If my brain kept freezing, it would eventually break. Where had the angel come from?
The music dimmed. Craning my neck, I found that the fighter select screen hadn’t changed. It was minimal, consisting only of eight empty slots. Slowly though, the screen faded to black, only to have the classic Smash symbol light it up in a burst of fire. The camera zoomed in on the circle, and the screen turned white.
Then the music started up. It began low, with tubas or something, then reached higher with a harp and ringing bells and trumpets. A sharp clash of cymbals cued an entire orchestra to join in. It had this bold and daring feeling to it, and a chorus of people singing, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Something about papas, mamas, and four people. It was the most confusing thing I had ever heard.
But what got me smiling were the clips being shown. Classic one-on-one, two versus two, and free-for-all battles starring practically everyone who had ever been in a Smash Bros. game. You had Samus blasting both the Ice Climbers and Pikachu off-screen at once; Captain Falcon timing a Falcon Punch just right so Donkey Kong in freefall was caught before he hit the floor; Mario and Luigi tossing a bom-omb between them to hit Link in the back; Sheik throwing a Poké Ball and having Porygon come right out to K.O. Marth. Everything was fast, furious, and breath-taking. No cutesy Yoshis hatching from eggs, no bits of the fighters’ homes or history being showed, though I still like those sort of things. It was a display of strategy and skill from years past. And it was glorious.
At the end, a voice boomed out ‘Super Smash Brothers’ like it was going out of style. The applause and cheers that accompanied it gave me such a rush. I had never felt anything like it before in my life. I didn’t have a word for it, but I welcomed the feeling, bouncing up and down again.
Laughter surrounded us. A deep, regal voice seemed to echo from everywhere. “Welcome, contestants,” it said, “to the third Super Smash Brothers Tournament!
“In years past the most skillful, the most resourceful, and the most daring fighters have been chosen to participate. This year is no exception. All of you have come from all walks of life. Adventurers and mercenaries, royalty and ordinary folk, adults and children, Pokémon and warriors from beyond the stars. Each of you has something special that makes you stand out in your home universes, and here, at the Super Smash Brothers Tournament, that specialty comes to the fore.
“There is no battle of blood and death, but of victory and defeat. For thirty days you have all been invited to battle to your heart’s content. During that time, you are welcome to live in the mansion or in one of the other areas available to you. Honor and glory await those who make it to the top. The tournament begins one week from now. Good luck, and good smashing!”
With that final statement, the theater fell silent. For all of two seconds. Then people started talking. They were probably deciding where to sleep tonight or who to fight first.
The voice came back, clearing his throat. “As a reminder, no kidnapping, murder attempts, or world conquering are allowed outside of battle. The eight-man melee demo is being shut down as well due to instability and processing issues. Thank you.”
The message was quick, like one of those infomercial narrators that tried getting a bunch of warnings across in five seconds. Some groaned at the announcement, most notably Bowser and Falco.
“Arg! Come on! I have a cool castle and Peach is right here! Ugh...” The Koopa King crossed his arms with a harumph, practically pouting. “No respect...”
“No eight-way free-for-all?” asked the ace pilot. “Psh. Lame.”
“Maybe next time, Falco,” said Fox.
I nodded along. The eight-man battle had been so chaotic and amazing, but if the thing was unstable then it was better to wait for whenever it got fixed. If it ever got fixed.
With all the talking going on, and some familiar faces having reappeared – Mario was hanging out with Roy – I decided to go talk to my second favorite princess ever.
Bidding half of Star Fox good-bye, I went over to where Peach was sitting with Zelda.
Right. Okay, make that my second and third favorite princess ever. It was too bad that Princes Daisy was missing, otherwise it would have been perfect,
Nerves jittery, I jogged on over to meet them.