Chapter Text
She thought she knew fear. Absolute helplessness, terror, the thumping of her heart in her chest from things that may have or may have not posed an actual danger to her. She’d had the same thought before, as everyone did, once they find something more terrifying than the last. The fear of the dark as a child paled in comparison to the fear of junior high exams, which paled in comparison to going to high school, which paled in comparison to graduating, going to college, finding a job. Everyday things than every person went through in their life, and really … The fear she was experiencing now, was no different, if not amplified ten fold. It was something that everyone would face in their life.
It was her final fear, she knew. The last thing she would be afraid of. After this, there would be no more fear, no more pain, no more worry. No more responsibility. The people of the Narrows would have to go on without her. And she feared that they would crumble and fall. Go back to fighting each other for scraps.
She’d made a difference in the Narrows … No.
They … They had made a difference. Even if Ed didn’t actually care about the people here, even if he was only doing it for her, she wouldn’t have been successful if not for him. Even if that success was only short lived.
This fear that she felt now though … This gripping ache in her chest that hurt more than the knife in her gut … This was far worse than anything she’d ever felt or experienced before, and she wasn’t even sure what she was afraid of.
Was she afraid of dying? Certainly not. It wasn’t so long ago that she’d craved it. Wanted it. In a way, she knew this path she was on was a death sentence … She just hadn’t expected it to end this way.
No, what she was afraid of, was dying alone.
“Ed.” She said quietly, knowing he was still alive. She could hear him breathing, laying on the floor not far from her. It was the only thing really keeping her sane right now. Keeping her from panicking. Knowing that he was there.
“What?” He asked, his voice quietly, shakey as if he were shivering.
“I’m scared.” Lee said, and it was honestly the most vulnerable thing she could have said. And she didn’t care. She was scared, as she was sure he was as well. There was silence between them, nothing but the ticking of the clock breaking the silence, now that the city had gone quiet. They couldn’t even hear sirens anymore. No chaos on the street. No one to come find them. No hospitals even if anyone had. It had been three hours since they’d stabbed each other, and two or more since the shock had worn off. Ed was surprisingly silent through his pain, and it caused her to fight to remain silent as well.
“Me too.” He said quietly after a long silence, as if he'd nodded off. She knew he was struggling to stay awake. Lee swallowed heavily, breathing through the pain. It hurt so much … Like a burning fire in the pit of her stomach that spread through the rest of her like wildfire.
She sat quietly against the desk, keeping her heart above the wound. She didn’t know why. There was no point. Even with the knife inside of her still, and the elevation against the desk, she was still bleeding.
“I don’t want to die alone, Ed.” She said, tears falling down her cheeks. She’d kept herself composed until now, but for what reason she couldn’t fathom. She didn’t feel strong anymore, she didn’t have to be. In a few short hours, or less, they would both be dead. Him likely far before her, since there was nothing stopping his bleeding, and he was doing nothing to keep the wound below his heart.
“I know.” Edward said, his eyes closed. She leaned her head back against the desk, listening to the quiet tick, tick, tick of the clock, and Edward’s calm breathing. She could make it faster, for her. She could remove the knife, lay down next to him. Why didn’t she?
She knew why, in the back of her mind. Hope … As long as they were both still alive, there was hope. Hope that maybe someone would come in … Stop the bleeding. Make this all go away. She banged her head back against the desk. She had no one to blame but herself for this. She shouldn’t have broken up with him, shouldn’t have stabbed him …
She was wrong. He hadn’t been trying to change her … He’d been trying to free her. And it wasn’t until it was too late that she finally saw the truth of the riddle that was Edward Nygma.
“Edward …” She said quietly, shifting slightly against the desk. She was so cold, shivering as she moved to sit up straighter, not even realising that she’d slid down a bit. “I’m so sorry.” She said, shakily lifting her hand to wipe away the tears. “I’m so sorry for this …” She repeated. They should be on their way out of Gotham … Halfway to Bloodhaven by now. “Can you forgive me?” She asked, knowing there was such a slim chance, but if he could … It would at least put her mind at a bit of ease.
She licked her lips as she waited for an answer, but she had a sudden realisation … She could only hear the quiet ticking of the clock. There was no quiet breathing beyond her own. “Ed?” She asked, looking at him, laying on the ground, his hands now laying at his sides, his chest no longer rising and falling and she closed her eyes, tears once again falling.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, banging her head back against the desk. With that lack of movement she felt all hope fade from her. There was no chance of anyone coming in, no one saving the day. Even if she lived … She knew it wouldn’t be for long.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and grasped the handle of the knife. She cried out in pain as she pulled it out, knowing she should have done it a long time ago.
She dropped the knife to the ground with a loud clatter and stared at it, her hands and the knife both sticky with blood, the red oozing through the material of her shirt now that the knife had been removed. It would be over soon …
She painfully pushed herself away from the desk, her head swimming from the pain. No … She couldn’t die over here. Not here. She pushed herself forward onto her stomach, ignoring the pain as she pulled herself weakly forward towards Ed. She pushed his arm to the side, laid down beside him as she had last night just before they’d gone to bed.
She looked up at him, her tears falling onto the green material of his jacket. “I’m so sorry.” She said, knowing there really wasn’t anything to say that could make this better, make this go away. Nothing she could do to turn back time and do this over again.
She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, her tears sliding down her nose onto his cheek before she took a deep shaking breath, and laid down beside him, her head resting on his shoulder, her hand over his heart which had already stilled moments ago.
It wouldn’t be long now … Within the hour, she’d see him again.