Chapter Text
After everything I had been through, this was one of the first times I ever felt cold inside.
The first time I was alone in my room after what happened, the first thing I did was flip through ecru colored pages of my dictionary. The crusted mustard paint of the paper back was folded in ends and my fingers stroked the lines of ink downwards in the “CO” section
First, Colchis
Then Colcothar
And finally Cold
I focused on the word through the bags under my eyes
cold
kōld/
adjective
adjective: cold; comparative adjective: colder; superlative adjective: coldest
1.of or at a low or relatively low temperature, especially when compared with the human
I read it over and over again, but it just didn’t seem fitting to what I felt coursing through my veins when he touched me. When he slammed me against the locker and mumbled my cries for help with his thin lips. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to forget the horrid memories.
Meaty hands gripping my wrists next to my body, so tight they bruised.
I let out a shuddered breath and opened my eyes, slamming the dictionary closed.
——
El
April 28th 1986
Even though I felt my heart being drizzled with fear and loneliness and a great amount of numbness. I eventually did push him back, when he started holding by wrists with one hand and the other started its way up my shirt.
I tried to push like a normal teenager, but really I was pushing him back with my mind. He flew across one of the oak wood benches and into one of the lines of coral colored lockers, causing him to knock out on impact and slide down to the tiled floors.
I stood there for a second, heaving through my breath and starring at him and his liftless figure. Quickly, I buttoned up my pants and grab everything I own in the girls locker room, shortly unlocking the door with shaking hand and running out of the place I probably won’t even be able to go back to.
Ever.
While I run down the Halls, I start feeling my lungs burn and my throat slowly closing in on itself, the oxygen leaving me as tears starts steaming down my eyes. There’s nobody in the halls, not anyone that I can see at least, I start sprinting outside. Maybe the air outside can help me calm down, All I need is to get the hell out of this building.
Hands on my waist.
Lips on my lips
Fists curling around my wrist, bruising them.
My breathing pipes only get smaller and this panic attack is only seconds from halting my limbs and making me slide down to the floor and something inside of me says that when I do, i’ll never want to come back up.
I run and run until I can’t and my whole body aches I hear somebody call me, but its fuzzy everything is blurry. all i do is keep running.