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It was one of those days...
Where the weather looked like spring but felt like summer.
A mix between the two, like both seasons agreed on some sort of common ground.
Yellow-green, like that crayon you rarely ever used as a child, was growing along every branch in the form of fresh buds, awaiting to sprout any day.
A storm was rolling in from the east, blanketing half the sky in a deep, dark grey, making the trees on the bright side shine.
The breeze felt warm, almost humid, carrying the smell of rain.
It was only a matter of time.
Jayden stood, leaning against the concrete ledge that bordered off half of the skatepark, just a bit too high to sit on.
Skateboard upright along his torn and worn light blue jeans, cigarette in hand.
He often rode down to the skatepark after school, or just skipped his last two classes entirely to get away and be by himself, before he would have to try and judge what he would walk into once finally home.
Not only for the joy of skating, but he felt some sort of connection to the park that would always draw him back.
He felt that the park itself reflected his own self.
Abandoned and weathered.
Maybe he felt the need to fit such stereotype, but it really wasn't all that far off.
Living in a trailer park with his deadbeat dad, mom skipped town years ago.
Maybe he felt some sort of pride getting to fit into a category so easily, because at least he could feel like he belonged somewhere.
The sound of skateboard trucks and wheels hitting the ground off in the distance pulled Jayden out of his thoughts.
Squinting from the bright cracks of white bleeding through into the dark side of the sky, he could see a kid, probably around his age, skating his way across the park.
Not towards him, but the other direction.
He's alone.
Canary yellow sweater, dark washed jeans, and the same shoes as Jayden’s.
High-top Converse.
Except, Jayden's were black and this kids are... navy?
From what Jayden could make out from where he sat was a dark blue.
Most likely vibrant at one point, but from wear and tear they've now settled into a blunt type of navy.
The kid does a couple simple tricks, rail grinding, kick flips, on his way out.
Completely off in his own world.
There's a moment where he lets his board roll and take him away, while he tips his head towards the sky, eyes closed, basking in the pre-storm air.
Jayden also notices in that same moment that the kid has dreadlocks, and lots of them, just hanging lose around his face.
His face is also taken into mind.
Prominent brow, large nose, big, full lips, and the sweetest shade of cocoa brown skin that nearly glittered in the early evening overcast.
Jayden finds himself slightly stunned at just his side-profile alone.
Pushing his foot off of the ground once more, the kid heads towards the back road alongside the park, the way Jayden came from.
The light side.
Not the side that the storm can be seen rolling in from.
Now that Jayden looks back on the memory, he should have known that maybe that was all some sort of sign.
****
He had never seen that black kid before that day, before the storm, and he had been going to that park for quite a few summers before.
In the middle of Iowa, there weren't a whole lot of black people, unfortunately, making him stand out.
At least in Jayden's town.
But now that he had seen him, Jayden couldn't stop seeing him.
Whether it was in the front school yard before class, or even back at that same spot at the skatepark, much like now.
Jayden eventually became annoyed.
'Who the hell even is this kid?', he thought, upon seeing him roll through the cement structures that the park had sporadically positioned for various tricks.
Jayden was sitting on top of the only half-pipe ramp in the park, which they had inconveniently built in front of a massive maple tree.
He was off to the side, tucked away into the corner, covered by the shade, joint in hand.
The kid began to skate his way towards Jayden, getting closer and closer.
He jumped up onto the ramp and began to push off, giving himself momentum.
As he propelled up to the top he almost immediately caught sight of Jayden out of his peripheral, causing him to jump off his board.
"Holy shit, dude!", the kid gasped, eyes wide, one hand on his chest, the other catching his board.
"The hell you doin just, wait... that a blunt?", he asks, taking a couple steps forward.
"What's it to you?", Jayden snapped back, taking another hit.
"Oh...", taken aback a bit, the kid continued, "Well, it's just that since I can't bum it off my buddy anymore, it's been awhile.", he shyly rubbed the back of his neck.
Jayden shrugged his shoulder, taking one last inhale, he then held it out for him to take, pinched between his fingertips.
"Ah, thanks, man.", the guy says, putting his board down to sit on top of, reaching for the joint.
"Dion, by the way.", he introduces himself, taking a hit, holding out his hand.
"Jayden.", Jayden nods, chin tilting upwards, making no move to take Dion's hand.
Dion seemed to get it, and looked away, looking over the skatepark, through the playground, and off into the endless corn fields across the way.
"So, did you just move here or something, because I've never seen you before, and now I seem to see you everywhere." Jayden asks, following Dion's eyesight into the horizon, trying to act like he doesn't care.
Keeping himself guarded.
Dion laughs, "What, you stalking me or something?", bringing the marijuana back up to his mouth, he side-eyes Jayden.
"What? Ugh, no.. I..", Jayden began to stutter, his facade starting to peel.
"No, it's cool, man. I'm just fuckin with you.", Dion smiled.
Jayden would never know, but in that moment, behind Dion's smile, that was the moment Dion deemed Jayden to be cute.
"But to answer your question, yeah. Me and my family moved here about two weeks ago.", Dion handed the joint back to a still stirred up Jayden, who just hummed. His flame of curiosity smothered.
Jayden took another hit, letting the smoke fall from his nostrils and passed it back to Dion.
"Well, welcome to shitty nowhere Iowa.", Jayden told him, strung with a slight smirk.
"Wow, thanks.", Dion laughed.
Dion took another inhale, holding it in his lungs as he went to give Jayden the last hit.
"Nah, finish it.", Jayden put his hand up and shook his head slightly.
Dion's eyes flared. "You sure?", he exhaled, smoke pouring out from between his plump lips, hand still outstretched, Jayden stared.
Then it was Dion's turn to shrug, after no response, he took the last hit of Jayden's blunt.
"Thanks", Dion whispered.
The breeze was cooler that day.
****
Things from that moment on seemed to meld together into a blur.
Jayden would either be headed to the skatepark, and Dion would already be there, or would eventually come by, like always.
It started to seem like Dion was only coming to the park to try and see Jayden.
At least that was the reason swirling around in Jayden's confused mind.
"Hey, Jay!", Dion shouted from up on top of the graffitied half-pipe, hand high above his head, waving, bright teeth on display.
Jayden had hoped that the rosy blush spreading onto his cheeks wasn't visible from where he stood.
No one had ever called him 'Jay' before, and there Dion was, letting it so casually fall from his mouth.
It had only been about a month and a half. 5 weeks, and yet felt like a lifetime.
"No, wait! Stay right there!", Dion shouted, as Jayden moved to get closer.
Jayden shuffled, and stood still in the middle of the ramp.
He let a little laugh slip as he watched Dion slide down to the bottom at his feet.
Giggling, Dion patted the spot next to him for Jayden to sit down.
Jayden rolled his eyes, but did it anyway.
"So, what's up?", Dion asked, slightly out of breath, as he looked up through the trees above.
Head resting back on the ramp.
"Not shit. Just needed to get out of the house. The usual."
Dion hummed in response, closing his eyes.
Head still in the clouds.
A comfortable silence sweept over.
Jayden watched the way Dion's eyelashes spread out like fans against his high cheekbones.
The leaves above casting shadows across his face, Dion's lips quirked at the corners.
Jayden slowly closed his eyes as well, lying his head back, not wanting to get caught staring.
That had been happening a lot lately, and he didn't know what to make of it.
His stomach would drop every time he'd see the other.
He had thought that maybe it was merely the fact that someone had, not only taken the time to actually talk to him, but to actively hang out with him.
Either way, he didn't think that what he was feeling was all that normal.
Especially towards someone who was just supposed to be a friend.
He needed to learn how not to get so attached.
When Jayden opened his eyes again, he was met with a deep hazelnut.
Dion was staring right back at him, seeming so much closer than before.
Jayden's breath hitched at the realization.
"Why were you so nice to me?", Dion asked in his deep drawl.
He sounded almost sleepy. Drowsy.
From the confused twitch in Jayden's eyebrows, Dion continued before Jayden could ask.
"Back when you shared your weed with me."
"Maybe I was feeling generous.", Jayden answered.
Still always trying to convey that, 'I don't give a shit' type attitude that Dion had always seen through, but he wasn't going to let him know that.
Dion continued to stare.
Jayden really has no idea how they've gotten so close.
Then, as a gust of wind blew by, shaking the shadowed shapes against their skin, Dion's lips were on his.
A quiet gasp escaped Jayden, completely caught off guard, but soon he felt himself begin to melt.
Shoulders relaxing, unwinding from the coiled tension.
It's a feeling Jayden had faced himself with a few times.
Always getting his sight caught on Dion's full lips, wondering what they'd feel like on his.
Jayden could practically taste the spice that Dion had always smelled like.
Star anise, cinnamon, and sage.
It quickly became his favorite.
The kiss started to pick up pace as Jayden finally kissed back after what felt like an entire minute.
'60 seconds doesn't sound as long rather than when you say a minute, so we'll go with that.', Jayden told himself to feel less embarrassed.
Dion slowly began to rise up, resting his palm on the ramp beside Jayden's left shoulder, pinning him back further to hover above him.
The kiss was slow, sensual, and almost timid.
It was something Dion had thought about as well.
Wanting to feel Jayden's permanent pout against his plush lips, but still hesitant all the while.
Mouths opened but neither dared to slip the tongue, still trying to grasp what was even happening, but not wanting to stop.
It wasn't Jayden's first kiss, by any means, but it was his first with a boy.
You wouldn't think that there would be that much of a difference, but if the feeling Dion put in Jayden's gut was anything to go by, it was definitely different.
New.
Dion kissed him with such unrestrained passion, but yet still gripped onto that timorous strand.
Dion's fingers inched towards Jayden's neck, just below his pierced ear, lightly running his fingertips down to stop at the top of his collarbone.
Jayden instantly shivered at Dion's touch and slipped a soft moan into Dion's mouth.
He felt Dion's lips turn up into a smile against his.
As Dion went to pull away, Jayden made a snap decision and his hand shot to the back of Dion's neck, almost unconsciously.
Jayden didn't want this to be over, especially if this was only going to be a one time thing.
He still needed more time to commit this feeling to memory.
Like the way their arms brushed together in a warm tingle, mixed with chilled goosebumps, or how Dion's breath seeped into Jayden's bones.
Jayden wanted to show Dion how much this meant to him, try to convey his desire through the kiss, which he felt like he got across, feeling Dion catch confidence with pushing him back just a little bit harder than before.
Needing to come back up for air, Dion dug his teeth into Jayden's bottom lip, bitting as he pulled back.
They still kept a close distance, foreheads nearly touching, helping each other catch their breath.
Dion huffed a laugh, finally looking up to see that Jayden still had his eyes closed.
He moved forward once again, giving Jayden a small peck, pulling him out of his trance, eyes fluttering up.
Dion smirked at Jayden trying to blink the blurriness away and then he was jumping to his feet.
Jayden's eyes widened thinking that he was running off and leaving him there, but Dion just picked up his skateboard and began to skate up and down, back and forth on the half-pipe.
Jayden, not feeling confident in his ability to get on his feet, he just rolled over onto his side to watch Dion skate.
In a sated, yet stunned state, he made a bullet point, putting a pin in this particular moment to forever cherish.
Eventually the sun sank lower, turning the fiery pink into a diluted purple.
Jayden felt free as a bird.
****
Another memory Jayden holds dear is one of the many times they would sneak off to the abandoned train yard, this one in particular was different than the rest...
Jayden woke up to sharp clicking against his window, which was of course all the way on the other side of his room, making him groan in irritation.
He rubbed his eyes, and planted his feet on the floor.
He already knows it's Dion outside, waiting for him like always.
Jayden slid his window up, letting the cool night air through, a chill ran up his spine.
Dressed only in red boxer briefs, a Metallica 'Master of Puppets' t-shirt, and blonde hair askew, Dion lit up at the sight of Jayden's appearance.
Jayden leaned down onto the window sill, ducking under the glass pane.
"Again?", Jayden asked, rolling his eyes with a smile, upon seeing Dion's expression.
"Yeah, you comin?", Dion shook a can of spray paint.
The marble rattling against the aluminum.
The label shining in the moonlight, much like Dion's grin.
Cobalt.
Dion tugged his backpack higher up his shoulder, more clanking could be heard.
No doubt that there were more colors inside.
"Don't I always?", Jayden yawned, but grabed his jeans from off the floor, catching a glimpse of the green glowing numbers on his alarm clock indicating that it was three in the morning.
He doesn't know why Dion feels the need to ask anymore, for Jayden always goes with him.
It was something that started to become routine.
"Missed a spot.", Jayden smirked, sitting in the gravel along side the railroad tracks, back against one of the many rusted train cars, lit cigarette dangling from between his fingers.
He watched Dion swing and throw his arm as he painted across the side of the train car with zero idea of what he was creating.
"Shush", Dion responded, lightheartedly and focused, muffled by the red paisley pattern bandana he held over his nose and mouth with his other hand to protect himself from the spray paint fumes.
Forearms resting on his knees, Jayden continued to watch Dion work.
Dion moved with certainty.
The moon high above them, casting Dion in a beautiful periwinkle blue that made Jayden keen.
"What do you think?", Dion asked, throwing the empty spray paint can under the train to land on the tracks, stepping back.
Jayden crawled to a stand, brushing off his ripped jeans, making his way to stand over next to Dion to judge his masterpiece.
"Are you fucking kidding me?", Jayden asked with a laugh, bringing the cigarette up to his lips.
Dion rolled his eyes, and walked over to the door that was slid open on the car, ruffling through his bag.
He had wrote his and Jayden's initials, big and bold in perfect graffiti lettering.
Jayden was impressed, but still wanted to tease the other just a little bit for being so cheesy, though he loved it nonetheless.
"Look at you being such a fucking romantic.", he continued, taking one last inhale of his cigarette before tossing off to the side.
"Yeah, yeah, you love it.", Dion mumbled back, still digging through his bag.
Jayden strolled up behind Dion, snaking his arms around his waist, making Dion stiffen.
"You think you can do better?", Dion asked, trying to turn his head to look at Jayden, but they were too close.
"Oh definitely.", Jayden bragged, smug smile glinting up to his eyes, squeezing his arms a little tighter.
Dion held up another spray paint can for Jayden to take and get on with his own art that he claims will top Dion's.
The color unbeknownst, Jayden grabbed the can and got into position.
He at first drew a sloppy heart around said initials, the dandelion yellow shimmering under the early morning sky.
The sound of rocks scraping together as Dion kicked his feet, walking over to Jayden.
"Cute.", he commented, his voice monotone upon seeing the heart, handing Jayden his bandana to cover his face.
"Gimme another one.", Jayden insisted, wanting to trade colors, as he tied the bandana around the back of his head to stay in place.
Dion went and took another can from out of his bag, handing it off.
Jayden stood there for a moment, trying to think of what he could possible add, nearly dizzy with breathing in Dion's scent infused into the bandana.
"Come on, big shot!", Dion joked, shoving Jayden's shoulder lightly.
Silently, Jayden crouched down onto one knee, beginning to spray the paint against the metal.
With Jayden blocking his work, Dion focused on the way the tendons flexed in Jayden's forearm every time he'd press down on the spray nozzle.
Simultaneously, Dion felt his throat run dry and mouth fill with saliva.
Jayden's skin appearing even paler in the the moonlight, hair pushed up off his forehead.
After about five minutes, Jayden stepped up and stood back in his original spot.
"Why a butterfly?", Dion tilted his head to the side.
"I don't know. Was just the first thing that came to mind.", Jayden answered, lowering the bandana to rest around his neck.
They both eyed the glittering lavender lines of a somewhat realistic butterfly in mid-flight, directly under their initials.
Jayden's sight caught on the drops of paint still dripping down onto the rocky ground.
He didn't know Dion moved until he was directly in front of him, pressing his lips lightly on Jayden’s.
"Hey, wait!", Jayden tried reaching out to catch Dion's hand and bring him back, but Dion was already jogging back to the door of the train car, trying to climb up into it, like some kind of giddy child being chased.
Jayden smirked and took off after him.
Dion yelped as Jayden caught his ankle, draggin him forward so that his legs hung off the edge and that Jayden could stand in between his legs.
"Where do you think you're going?", Jayden teased, his raspy voice even deeper, as he tried grabbing Dion's wrists.
Giggling, Dion moved faster and grabed a fist full of Jayden's t-shirt, bringing him in down closer.
"Right here.", he whispered, crashing his lips against Jayden's.
There was an intensity that sparkled and cracked through the a.m. air.
A heat that fluttered in their bellies and began to lay against their skin.
It was always like this.
A passionate force driving the two of them together, and yet still with hesitant hands.
Dion hummed as Jayden slipped his tongue into his mouth, feeling the weathered wood that made up the floor of the car twitch from their weight under his shoulder blades.
Jayden began to slowly lift and slot his knee between Dion's thighs, moving himself further up.
Dion scrambled to slide his hands up Jayden's shirt, which Jayden broke away to pull off of his back and toss off to the side, landing in the darkness of the train car.
Jayden stared down and watched Dion trail his eyes down his chest and stomach.
He smiled at the lust and eagerness that swirled around in Dion's mocha brown pupils.
"Stop staring.", Jayden joked.
"Then stop looking like that.", Dion countered back and before Jayden could respond, Dion's hands cupped the sides of Jayden's face, bringing him down once more.
This wasn't the first time they had fooled around in the forgotten train car.
If it wasn't the train yard, it was the woods behind their trailer park, or under the bleachers across the school's football field.
Or where they shared their first kiss at the skatepark.
It was all still a bit new, exciting.
Still just trying to figure out what this all was, but it seemed like every time they would end up in this position, it would move to the next level, climbing higher and higher.
A lukewarm touch would sear the next.
Tongues pushing and pulling, soft moans escaping, breath exchanging.
Dion slipped his forefingers through the belt loops of Jayden's jeans, tugging him close enough to feel his growing erection against his own.
'Thank god.', Dion thought, having felt awkward, assuming he was the only one this worked up.
"Fuck.", Jayden breathed against Dion's mouth.
Both out of breath, Dion looked up into Jayden's hooded eyes.
His hands started to unbutton Jayden's pants, which knocked Jayden out of his daze.
"No.", he stopped Dion's actions.
"Wha.. I'm sorry.", Dion gulped, fingers frozen.
"No, no, it's not that. It's not that I don't want to go further, it's just...", Jayden lifted his gaze to look around at their location.
"This just isn't the ideal place.", he continued with a laugh.
Dion couldn't argue.
"You're freezing!", he gasped, running his hands down Jayden's naked back.
"Yeah, well, someone wanted my shirt off.", Jayden smirked.
Dion searched blindly for Jayden's shirt somewhere off in the shadows, still on his back, not wanting to move yet.
His fingers finally brushed cotton and grabbed it, throwing it over to Jayden, landing directly in his face.
Dion chuckled and watched Jayden put his shirt back on.
"We should probably get going...", Jayden trailed off, running his fingers through his hair.
"Yeah, you're probably right.", Dion agreed, sitting up, rubbing his lower back.
"I'm always right.", Jayden flaunted, getting his feet on the ground.
"Don't push it.", Dion grinned.
They slowly made their way back home, taking their time.
Shoes scuffing the dirt road, shoulders bumping into each other.
Just enjoying each others presence.
The actual feeling of breathing.
****
One of the last times Jayden saw Dion, which like many other moments, will never be forgotten...
The air smelled of winter and dead leaves.
If Jayden remembers correctly it was the first day of Autumn.
Just when most of the leaves had fallen, maroons and chestnuts.
Seasons moved so fast in the Midwest.
You'd stand in summer and blink into winter.
Every day seemed unpredictable.
Jayden walked to the skatepark that day.
He had cracked his board the week before, not yet perfecting an intermediate trick.
That skatepark has become their regular spot.
If you had to guess, their initials were most likely on one of the surfaces at this location as well.
Jayden knew Dion was already there before seeing him.
He was lying in the middle of the same graffitied half-pipe, amongst the pile of leaves that had settled at the bottom, making him appear smaller.
He had his eyes closed, that same smirk twitching at the edges of his beautiful lips.
The sun hadn't shone all day.
Just a bright white with a scattered light grey.
"Hey.", Dion muttered, upon hearing the leaves crunch under Jayden's high-tops.
Jayden plopped down next to him.
"Hey.", he huffed, and lied down opposite to him.
Faces aligned, but to Jayden, Dion was upside down.
"You ever get that suspicious feeling like something's about to happen? Like that anxious tickle that creeps up your back, taking your breath away?", Dion asked, feigning confidence.
Jayden was caught off guard, confused.
"I mean, yeah. Kind of... Why, what's wrong?", he answered, now a bit apprehensive.
"I just really don't want to lose you.", Dion admitted, eyes still closed, as he slid his fingers in between Jayden's.
Jayden tensed.
Dion wasn't one to say such things, therefore setting Jayden on edge.
"You're acting weird.", he replied, concerned.
Dion smiled, turning his head to stare into a familiar dark amber.
He reached up and planted a chaste kiss on the tip of Jayden's cute button nose.
Jayden scrunched making Dion giggle.
He moved down and gave Dion a real kiss, hoping to erase Dion's doubts and maybe take away his own slight fear.
The kiss was a bit difficult, upside down, but perfect nonetheless.
That's just how things worked with them.
They were cherry coke kisses and summer rains.
Bittersweet weed and stolen whiskey.
Hesitant hand-jobs and messy blow-jobs.
Passionate and delicate.
Intense and aggressive. Yet lightweight.
Slow but determined.
Blue and red.
Sugar and spice.
Light and dark.
After breaking apart, Dion brought their clasped hands up into the air, twisting and turning, as the sunlight began to prickle through the near bare branches.
"Just wish I could show you how much you mean to me.", Dion whispered.
Jayden brought their hands down onto his chest, his thumb slowly sweeping across the back of Dion's hand.
"You have nothing to prove. Just this is enough.", he explained, pressing his lips to Dion's wrist.
"Let's just stay here. Forever. In this moment.", Dion exhaled, closing his eyes again.
"You got it, baby.", Jayden lazily grinned, letting his eyes slip shut.
Even though Dion couldn't see it, he felt it.
They had never felt more at home than with each other.
And that's where Jayden chose to forever hold Dion.
Right there in the middle of the skatepark, covered in leaves, enjoying the warmth that pressed against them in the chill of that fateful Autumn day.