Work Text:
“You two are the most annoying people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting,” you snapped while Missy untied the ropes around your wrists.
“Technically we’re the same person,” the Master commented, leaning against the doorpost.
“Yeah, how does that work downstairs? Y’know? Do Time Lords regenerate and stay the same...?” you asked.
“Ah, is that Stockholm Syndrome talking already? You’ve fallen so in love with your captors that you’re interested in what’s in our pants?” the Master asked, smirking.
“Technically, for me skirt,” Missy said, throwing the rope away, “now dear, you’re not going to do anything silly, right? Speak the truth, because if you’re not sure I can put you in a cell while we discuss what we’re going to do.”
“Wow! You don’t know that already? You kidnapped me without a plan?” you asked, feigning shock.
The Master chuckled. “I like her. I can see why the Doctor chose her. Quite feisty!”
“Don’t worry, you won’t have to spend the rest of your miserably short life listening to him ramble on,” Missy assured you, “you‘ll return to your precious Doctor eventually. I can’t bear to listen to him moan about which human he’s lost this time. In the meantime, we’re going to have loads of fun.”
The last she almost purred and you smiled. “I’m looking forward to it, Demon Woman.”
“No way, the Doctor wouldn’t do that,” you said, pouring yourself another cup of tea.
You were sitting in some kind of living room, across the table of Missy. The Master was lounging on a couch in the corner, staring at the ceiling while he sighed loudly.
“He was quite the bad boy growing up,” Missy smiled, bringing her cup tea towards her thin red lips.
“Damn, when I get back I’m quizzing him about this,” you promised her.
“Are the ladies finally finished with their chit-chat?” the Master asked, kicking against the coffee table. He hadn’t touched his cup of tea with a biscuit on the side.
“Hush, Annoying Incarnation,” you said.
“Annoying Incarnation?” he asked offended.
“Well, right now I like Demon Woman better than you, round face,” you said, taking a sip of your tea. “Eat your biscuit.”
“I don’t take orders from a stupid human girl who’s my captive!” he yelled.
“I don’t listen to arrogant Time Lords who think they’re in control!” you yelled back.
“Cheers,” Missy said, grinning. “Who wants another cuppa?”
“So whose TARDIS is this?” you asked, walking through the red corridors with Missy on your right, the Master on your left.
“Mine,” they both said at the exact same time.
You laughed. “Technically, it’s both yours, yes...yes. But who chose the design of this place?”
“I did,” Missy said.
“It’s posh,” you said. You stopped walking, looking up at ceilings with paintings on them. “Your style...Victorian skirt and stuff.”
“Yes, why do you wear that?” the Master asked. “I would like to know what goes through my mind when I suddenly decide to dress like that.”
“Says the man who tried to take over the world in a hoodie,” Missy snapped. “Look, at least I dress up when I go for world domination.”
You laughed again. “You’re both hilarious, you know that, right? The two of you should start a sitcom. ‘Missy and The Master’.”
“’The Master and Missy’,” the Master corrected.
“I don’t remember being such a sexist prick,” Missy said.
“I’m not a sexist prick!”
“Sure,” you murmured.
“What is he doing?” you asked, leaning closer to the screen. You looked at the grey figure of the Doctor, walking through a crowd in the city you lived in, stopping random people.
“Searching for you,” the Master said.
“How will talking to Drunk Benny help?” you asked. “It’s kind of sad. Why haven’t you send him a message that the two of you kidnapped me?”
“Because this is hilarious,” Missy said, her eyes glued to the screen. The Doctor was now arguing with the woman of the drug store. There was no sound so you had no idea what it was about, but you knew the Doctor was wonderful at starting a argument about anything with anyone.
“Y’know, I don’t think captives usually have this much fun,” the Master said, “a tiny stabbing would make it a lot more normal to any other captive situation.”
“A tiny stabbing,” you repeated, looking at the man next to you. “That could kill me. I’m human, remember?”
“Missy, you’ve had your fun with her by drinking tea with her and using her to dis me, let me have my fun with her,” the Master whined.
“I know what that means and no,” Missy said, “I have to deal with the Doctor later when he collects her and I’m not in the mood for the ‘torturing-my-companion is-not-tolerated’ lecture.”
The Master sighed. “Pity.”
The Doctor was now talking to a pigeon. You sighed too.
“So what do we do now? Spin the bottle? Truth or Dare?” you asked.
“If it means I get to kiss you...” the Master said, winking at you.
“Because I’m the only woman available in this room,” you said, rolling with your eyes. Missy was painting her fingernails, humming a song.
“She’s available,” the Master said, nodding at his future regeneration.
“Gross,” you said, “I don’t even want to think about that, Annoying Incarnation!”
“Like you wouldn’t do it with a clone of yourself,” the Master said.
“Are you capable of shutting up for five seconds!?” you said, throwing a pillow at him.
“How does regenerating feels like? I’ve only witnessed the Doctor regenerate once and that was just extremely quick,” you said, spinning around in the swivel chair.
“It feels...I can hardly describe it. Every cell in your body, replaced, burning. It’s like being torn apart while being sewn together at the same time. Dying and being born...” the Master whispered.
“Write it down, you could earn some serious money with that poetry,” Missy commented.
“Ha, ha,” the Master mocked her. “How was it like, regenerating into me?”
“Like taking off a too small bra after a long day. I remember some blood, I got stabbed. Watch out for some lady with a knife, she’ll end it all,” Missy said.
“Thanks for the tip, Lady Version.”
The TARDIS beeped loudly. Not the same beep as the Doctor’s TARDIS, you preferred his. She sounded warmer, somehow.
“Ooh, the man’s outside. He finally figured out it was us,” the Master said, jumping up excitedly.
“Finally free from the two of you,” you said, spinning towards the door.
“Ah, don’t tell me you didn’t have fun,” Missy complained.
“I had the time of my life, Demon Woman and Annoying Incarnation! How about next Wednesday around eight?” you asked, standing up and straightening the folds out of your blouse.
“For what?” the Master asked, frowning.
“Pizzas, drinks and lots of cheesy human movies,” you said, “until Wednesday!”
You slammed the door behind you.
“Did they hurt you?” the Doctor asked after you let him go. He still wasn’t quite as comfortable with the hugs as his former version, but he was starting to like them.
“Nah,” you said, “we just talked. They’re funny, actually.”
The Doctor smiled, putting his hand on your shoulder. “Come on, let’s go home.”
“Sure, but first, Doctor,” you said, looking up at him. “A pigeon? Really?