Work Text:
"I don't need to talk to anyone, Akamatsu-san. I'm happy with how things are now."
"Yeah, but you could be happier with more friends!" Akamatsu was smiling, fists pumped in the air, but Shuichi could tell that she was starting to get slightly annoyed by his stubbornness. It made him feel guilty that he had really only been a burden to her since the start of the year (which was admittedly only about a week ago, but still), but he had survived until now with very few friends, and saw no reason why he should change that now. That, and...
"Who would I even talk to?"
"Anyone! You never know who you'll get along with until you try!" Akamatsu's expression suddenly turned thoughtful, bringing one hand under her chin. "Though, if I had to say... maybe Momota? He's asked me about you before, so I think he wants to be your friend." Momota... it was true that Momota seemed very kind, but Shuichi was fairly certain that he wanted to be friends with everyone, so asking about Shuichi was nothing special.
"Momota-kun is very open, he'd probably have already tried talking to me more if he wanted to be my friend. And," Shuichi continued before Akamatsu could refute his previous point, "he's... loud."
Akamatsu sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "Really? That's all you can come up with? Come on, anyone can be loud! I can be loud!" With that, she took a deep breath, looked up to the ceiling, and screamed as loud as she could.
"Ah- Akamatsu-san-!" Almost immediately after she started screaming, the door to the classroom was kicked open, and Iruma walked in, laughing.
"Wow Bakamatsu, are you really such a virgin that Dasaihara's got you screaming before your clothes are even off!? GYAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Akamatsu turned around, annoyed. "What do you want, Iruma? I'm trying to get Saihara to make more friends, and you're the last person I'd go to for that."
"HUH?! The fuck is that supposed to mean!?"
"It means that you-"
If there was anything Saihara had learned during this past week, it's that if Akamatsu and Iruma were in the same room together, he should probably leave before it gets too intense. Or... maybe it was just if Iruma was in the room? The fact that he wasn't sure probably meant that he should hang out with other people, but that wasn't exactly relevant right now, as the only other two people present were someone he's already friends with and... Iruma, meaning there was no reason to stay here.
Confident that this is what he should do and ignoring the crass words coming out of the girls' mouths, Saihara stood up and walked-
"Hey-"
-right into Kiibo. Perhaps he should have been paying more attention.
Bumping into someone shouldn't have been too big a problem. After all, it happens all the time, and a quick 'sorry' should suffice when it does. The issue here was that Kiibo was, in fact, a robot, therefore all metal, resulting in a large part of Shuichi's body being very sore. To make matters worse, it seemed that Kiibo thought the best way to greet him was to raise his hand high in the air in a sort of wave, high enough that Shuichi walked face first into it and got a bloody nose.
Stumbling back, Shuichi grabbed his nose, and Kiibo started panicking.
"Ah-ah! Saihara-kun, are you okay?!"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine, sorry-"
Unfortunately, this while thing caused enough of a commotion to interrupt Akamatsu and Iruma, and before Shuichi could finish Akamatsu had run over and removed his hand from his face, inspecting his nose. "Oh no! Kiibo, how could you?" She turned to Kiibo, who started panicking even more at this.
"I-I'm sorry, I-"
"If you're really sorry, then take Saihara-kun to the Nurse's Office!"
"Right!"
"Wait, you don't need to-" Shuichi was yet again cut off, this time by Kiibo grabbing his hand and running out the classroom. Just before they were out, Shuichi looked at Akamatsu, who simply winked and gave him a thumbs up, and as they ran he heard Iruma yelling something about not getting too excited because she hadn't given Kiibo... uh, things yet.
A few minutes later, Shuichi was laying down on one of the beds in the Nurse's Office, a mortified Kiibo by his side. One of the upperclassmen - the Ultimate Nurse, Tsumiki - had inspected Shuichi's nose specifically, but noted that the way he was acting signified full-body pain, and had insisted he rest for a bit. It was probably going to bruise either way, but Shuichi couldn't say he wasn't grateful.
There was a minute of silence after that, before Kiibo spoke. "I'm really sorry Saihara-kun, I-"
"No, it's my fault, I should've looked where I was going."
"Well... yes, you should've." Shuichi was slightly taken aback by how easily Kiibo agreed. "I was referring to the fact that I forgot how frail human bodies can be when compared to mine."
"O-oh... I see." Well, agreement was a basis for friendship, Shuichi supposed. Probably.
"How come you came over to me in the first place? I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've talked."
"Yes, well, I was with Iruma-san up until that point discussing possible upgrades when Akamatsu-san let out a loud scream. I was really worried, but she seemed fine when we entered, so I intended to ask you why she had done that." Kiibo looked to be both confused and thinking hard about it. "She doesn't seem the type to do it as a joke, like Ouma-kun did last Friday at 11:03 AM, though I can't say I personally know her that well. There's also the possibility that it was because of you like Iruma-san suggested," well, that was fair enough, but by now Kiibo must know that- "in which case I would have to retract my apology." -or not. Again, though, it was fair enough, especially since it technically was because of him.
"Well, it was because of me-" Kiibo looked shocked, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and Shuichi frantically continued, realising he should probably have started it differently, "-but not anything like you're thinking! She was just showing me that she could be loud!" Kiibo's eyes narrowed, looking confused again.
"She was... showing you that she could be loud? That seems rather illogical, as anyone can be loud, including me." There was no time for Shuichi to try and stop him before Kiibo let out a scream loud enough that Shuichi had to cover his ears so his stay in the Nurse's Office wasn't elongated. Kiibo stopped once Tsumiki opened the door, running in in a panic.
"W-what's going on?! Is everybody okay?!"
"Yes, we are both fine. I was simply showing Saihara-kun that anyone can be loud."
"I... I see, but, um... would you mind not doing that again?"
"Of course not! Sorry to have worried you." With that, Tsumiki closed the door, leaving the two alone with each other again.
Kiibo turned to Shuichi. "See? What reason would Akamatsu-san have to show you that she can be loud?"
"The exact same reason you screamed just then." There was a beat of silence.
"Oh."
"Yeah..." More silence. Shuichi wasn't sure what to do here; Akamatsu had clearly said what she did because she hoped that Shuichi would become friends with Kiibo during their time here, and he didn't really have an excuse to not try. But... how do you become friends with someone? They had pretty much only just met, and wouldn't have reason to interact with each other after this unless one of them mentioned it. Shuichi bit his lip, weighing out the pros and cons. On the one hand, if he said he wanted to hang out with Kiibo, Kiibo might reject him, or if they do hang out, their personalities might clash and neither of them enjoy it - however, Akamatsu would be glad he tried, and maybe they would get along. On the other hand, if Shuichi says nothing, he doesn't have to worry about what Kiibo thinks - but Akamatsu will be disappointed with him. Guilt is a strong motivator.
Taking a deep breath, Shuichi spoke. "Hey, so... um, would you maybe want to... uh... go somewhere sometime?" He winced at how awkward he sounded, waiting for Kiibo's response.
"Go somewhere? Like... where?"
"Like, um..." Shuichi racked his brain, trying to think of where he usually hung out with his friends. "Maybe... you could come to my house? Or I could go to yours?"
"...Are you simply asking me this because I am a robot and you want to see how I live?"
"N-no, of course not! It's just... I usually hang out with people indoors, so..."
"Well, it's perfectly fine if you are curious. Assuming my life is different is undoubtedly robophobic, however I cannot blame you for being interested in me. I'd be more than happy for you to come over so I can show you some of my functions!" Shuichi nodded, letting out a sigh of relief.
"Thank you, Kiibo. Is Friday after school okay?"
"That's perfectly fine! I shall inform the professor!"
It was the next day, and as usual, Kiibo and Iruma were walking to school together (read: Kiibo walked to school, and Iruma joined him at somepoint). Iruma was mad at Kiibo for not going back to her yesterday, saying it was rude to tease someone so much and not do anything about it (whatever that meant), but her demeanour changed to amusement after Kiibo told her what he and Saihara had talked about, before becoming... distraught? "Wait, you can't do it on Friday! Give it, like, at least another month!"
Kiibo looked confused. "Another month? Why?"
"Look, I can't say I particularly care about Dasaihara, but he doesn't deserve that level of disappointment!"
"Disappointment...? W-wait, what's the issue, exactly?"
"Think about it from his perspective! You go over to someone's house, you talk to them a bit, get comfortable with them, then, when it gets late, you go into the bedroom together... and then you find out that they can't fuck! And since Dasaihara's such a virgin, you'd probably end up blue-balling him so hard he DIES!"
Kiibo glowed red, collar closing around his face. "S-Saihara-kun's not that kind of person! I'm sure he just wants to... hang out, or something!"
Miu scoffed. "Yeah, somebody that just wants to 'hang out' will start by suggesting you go to one of your houses. It's a date, at the absolute very least!"
"But that was the first time we've ever talked! Why would he... w-was it really...?"
"Of course it was! Look, if you really wanna risk going along with it before my modifications, I'd be glad to help you prepare. With my expertise, he'll keep coming back for more - or just coming in general! GYAHAHAHA!"
"I... appreciate the offer, Iruma-san, but... i-if this is a date I'd much rather just act like myself and see if it goes well, so as to not have a... dishonest relationship."
Iruma sighed. "Spoken like a true virgin. C'mon, at least make use of the vibrator functon I put on your fingers!"
"Oh, great idea, Iruma-san! Saihara-kun always looks so stressed, a massage should do him good."
"Yeah... a massage... hehehe..." Iruma seemed to zone out after that, mumbling stuff under her breath until they reached the school.
"Are you ready, Kiibo-kun?"
"Ah - yes! The professor should be arriving any minute now!"
"Ah, okay." The two stood in awkward silence at the school gates - Shuichi was nervous about how to act, but... why was Kiibo nervous? He always seemed so confident (well, unless Ouma was bullying him), and he hadn't reacted that badly when Shuichi asked to hang out, so... "Hey, are you, um... nervous?"
"Nervous? O-of course not! Why would I be?"
"W-well, you seem to be acting a bit... different. It's-" think, think, Kaede's good at making friends, what would she say? "-it's fine, if you're nervous. J-just tell me if you're unsure about anything, and I can- help? Take charge?" Yeah. Yeah! Good job, Shuichi, at least it would be if Kiibo didn't start looking more nervous for some reason. What did he say wrong?
Before he could say anything to make it better or most likely worse, a car drove up, and Kiibo ran up to it, getting into the passenger seat and leaving Shuichi to sit in the back by himself. Not that he minded - they weren't quite friends yet, he thinks? And he's probably more comfortable with the professor, so maybe the awkward atmosphere would be gone by the time they arrive.
Of course, that'd be too easy, wouldn't it?
Upon arriving, the professor stated that he had important work to do and ran inside, leaving Shuichi and Kiibo to tensely walk in together. As they did this, Shuichi racked his brain for something, anything to say, and was maybe already starting to regret this slightly already. But saying that would potentially most likely make things worse, and since he's here he may as well try and be a friend to Kiibo. So he thought back to when he hung out at previous friends houses - what did they do?
...Well, whatever it was, they seemed to mostly want to stay in their bedrooms to do it, which made sense. It was the one room in the house that belonged entirely to them (even though it legally belonged to their parents), so it's only natural to want to be there more than anywhere!
"So, uh..." Shuichi said once he took his shoes off and Kiibo closed the door. "Should we go to your bedroom now?"
"M-my bedroom?!" Shuichi wanted to smack himself - of course, Kiibo's a robot, oh god, he's fucked this up already- "I-I s-suppose that's f-f-fine." -or not. But why was he so stuttery?
More thinking as they walked up the stairs, but he failed to come up with anything other than it must be his fault somehow, because, well. Who's fault would it be otherwise?
Kiibo's room was fairly simple, a few idol posters on the walls here and there and quite a few electronics, but what surprised Shuichi was the presence of a bed, which he immediately walked over to.
"Um..." Kiibo started. "Is there... something odd about my bed?"
"Oh!" Shuichi turned towards Kiibo and blushed out of embarassment at his own weird behaviour. "N-no, I just... wasn't expecting you to have one, I guess, since... I-I suppose I don't really see the use of a robot having a bed."
"Well, I don't see the use of a human having a bed." Kiibo said indignantly, but his next words had a tinge of proudness to them. "Even though I am a robot and my body is tougher than humans, I was still programmed to feel pain, as pain is a survival instinct designed to ensure you do not push your body too much and break it, hence why I can not sleep on the floor, and even if I do not need 'sleep' the way humans do, I do need to charge and go into 'sleep mode' to do so." The next bit definitely sounded proud. "Of course, the professor specially made non-flammable bedsheets which are just as comfortable as normal ones to ensure it doesn't catch on fire as I sleep!"
The awkwardness in the air was gone, and, desperate for it not to return, Shuichi tried to carry on the rather one-sided conversation. "Yeah, that makes sense. It's good that you have a bed because it's uh... more comfortable to... do stuff on, like..." he realised that he sounded really stupid right now, and mumbled his next words. "...sitting and... stuff..." God, he should really just shut up, but it would be unfair to make Kiibo do all the talking here.
The nervousness was back for both of them, and while Shuichi was fairly certain of the reason for it this time, it still didn't explain why Kiibo was nervous initially. All that was going on at that point was that Shuichi was going to his house-
-oh.
Oh, that's it!
This must be Kiibo's first time having someone over!
Though - he shouldn't just assume that. His previous attempts to talk had been made on assumptions, he should ask this time.
"Hey, Kiibo-kun? Is the reason you're nervous because... this is your first time?" Kiibo's reaction was absolutely not what Shuichi was hoping for. He hoped for maybe surprise, and then they would talk it out, but instead Kiibo's face glowed red collar closing around his mouth.
"N-NO!" He shouted. "I-I mean, I haven't done it before, but I don't plan on doing it now! I thought... you didn't seem the type, but Iruma-san was right!" Iruma?
"Wait, what did Iruma-"
"The professor didn't give me stuff, and Iruma-san hasn't yet either, but even if they had I don't think I'd be emotionally ready to have... to have..." Shuichi blushed, realising what Kiibo was talking about.
"No, I-"
"Please don't be disappointed or die!"
"KIIBO!" Shuichi shouted, grabbing Kiibo's shoulders, and he stopped talking. "Uh, Kiibo-kun, I- I really wasn't expecting, um... that when I asked to come over. I just want to hang out but I..." he looked sheepish. "I guess I said some stuff that might give the wrong impression. I'm not good at... talking."
Kiibo looked at him blankly, face back to normal. "Then why were you talking?"
"Huh?" Shuichi was surprised at the sudden mood change, and stepped back after realising how close his face was to Kiibo's.
"If you're bad at talking, then why were you doing it? It seems rather illogical."
Shuichi blinked. "Well, I... guess I didn't want to leave all the talking to you? It seems unfair."
"Nonsense!" Kiibo smiled. "While I appreciate the concern, I am more than happy to do all the talking! Well, if I have something to say, that is."
"O-oh." Was it... really that easy? There wasn't any reason for Kiibo to lie, not one that he could think of at least. "In that case... can you tell me about some of the stuff in this room? Or about some of your functions?"
Kiibo beamed, the happiest Shuichi had ever seen him, and it was... kind of cute. "Of course! Who wouldn't be interested in the functions of the Ultimate Robot?"
In all honesty, Kiibo's functions were rather boring for being called an 'Ultimate', but he spoke about them with such passion and proudness that Shuichi couldn't help but smile as he did so, content to just sit there and listen as he talked.
Eventually, a few hours had passed, and Shuichi's Uncle came to pick him up. He said goodbye to Kiibo, and was about to leave before turning back to him
"Oh, one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Please never listen to Iruma-san again."