Chapter Text
It was a seven hour flight, Seokmin can feel his knees getting numb at the feeling of his ass sitting flat on the seat and his long legs on one position. Chan has his mouth open as he sleeps, oblivious to the inner turmoil Seokmin is feeling. A seven hour flight means a seven hour of Seokmin drowning in all of his thoughts. He had to stop himself from that third glass wine from the stewardess before things get out of hand.
When they got off the plane and walked down the arrivals, Seokmin immediately feels too overwhelmed at the massive crowd of foreigners. And though both of them are grown up adults, Chan still depends on him in these kind of travels since he’s the older one. Seokmin mentally groaned. How to speak English to save his life?
“Seokmin! Chan!”
Chan’s eyes widens when he sees Seungkwan among the crowd waving at them in glee. And beside him is none other than his boyfriend, Hansol. They looked really well since the last time that they saw them. Hansol still sports a golden brown hair contradicting his boyfriend’s chocolate brown ones. Nevertheless, their closeness towards each other never did change. The only thing that did throughout the years was the label.
“Channie, you’ve grown taller, oh my!” Seungkwan did not waste time and wrapped Chan in a tight embrace. Chan whines. “Seungcheol and Jisoo-hyung were supposed to fetch you but something happened back at the hotel so we decided to be the ones to fetch you instead.”
Seokmin furrows his brows. “Something happened?”
“Don’t ask.” Hansol sighs. “I rented a car to get here. Do you guys want to grab something to eat before we to the hotel?”
“Hansol’s treating.” Seungkwan grins. There’s a protest from Hansol but that died down because he’s too whipped for said boyfriend. Seokmin couldn’t help the laugh bubbling out his throat. “It’s been a long time since we last hung out. We should catch up.”
“I’m tired but if it’s free food, who am I to say no?” Chan cheekily exclaims.
“Fine.” Hansol says in the end. “But I’m not helping you carry your bags.”
After eating at a burger restaurant that Chan picked randomly while on a drive, the youngest slumps at the back seat of the car, fatigue taking over him. His head is on top of Seungkwan’s shoulder, resting comfortably. With Chan sleeping like a baby beside him, Seungkwan couldn’t help but follow the younger in dreamland too.
“I heard you moved in with Seungkwan three days ago.” Seokmin turns the air condition low when he shivered at the coldness of the car. “I’m surprised you moved in there. Isn’t Jaehwan living in the same apartment complex where he is?”
Hansol scrunches his face at the mention of his boyfriend’s ex. “It’ll only be for a while. We’re currently looking for a new place to move into that’s near his workplace and mine. Besides, Jaehwan and I agreed on being friends for Seungkwan’s sake.”
Seokmin chuckles. “Friends? You and Jaehwan?”
“Trying to be friends.” Hansol gives a tight-lipped smile, eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. “They might have broken up but they are close friends first before the whole relationship thing happened. I’m not that worried anyways.” He checked on the mirror for any signs of Seungkwan being awake before continuing. “Just knowing that Seungkwan dated him to get over me is enough for me. There’s no competition to begin with.”
Seokmin playfully rolls his eyes.
“I heard, by the way.” Hansol trails. “About your ex-girlfriend.” He frowns. “I mean, seriously? That fast?”
He couldn’t help the groan to come out of his lips upon hearing that. “Hansol, please don’t remind me.”
“You two dated for eight long years and just six months after you two broke up, she’s getting married to some guy she just dated for two months.”
“She said she’s in love.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“We’ll you can’t control who you love, you know.” Seokmin looks down, a bitter smile on his lips. “And I kind of knew that she’s been seeing that person even when we were still together.”
Hansol snaps his head to look at him in disbelief. “Seriously?”
“It was just a feeling before… I’m just sad that it turned out to be the truth.”
“She’s a bitch, man. I bet that Japanese guy is just filthy rich that’s why she hopped on that train and left you.”
“She did say that she only dated me because she wanted to get close to you.”
Hansol is quiet for a moment before sighing.
“There’s a bar in the hotel at the ground floor. I’m treating.”
Seokmin looks at Hansol with a grin. “Thanks, man.”
Seokmin’s series of relationships in the past all ended in him drowning himself in tears – and as time passed, drowning in booze. The shot of vodka in his fingers feels so heavy and he doesn’t know how many shots he already took. He just know that Hansol bought a bottle for them to share for the three of them but it ended up being just Hansol and him because Seungkwan prefers to drink Pina Colada instead.
“Minghao and Jun-hyung are coming three days before the wedding.” Seungkwan said, eyes on his phone. “Wonwoo and Mingyu’s flight got pushed for tomorrow because they need to check on something first.”
Hansol nods. “Have you heard anything from Jihoon and the others?”
“They’re too busy. But they’re all scattered in the hotel so you might see them later.” Seungkwan looks at Seokmin. “After all, Soonyoung’s family rented out the whole hotel for the wedding. Tomorrow you might get to see a load of old people coming to check in their rooms.”
Hearing Soonyoung’s name got him downing his shot.
He remembered his unrequited crush over the man. And then remembered his first relationship leaving him for another person because apparently Seokmin’s not good enough. And then his second relationship broke down because she fell out of love and then his third who was caught cheating on another girl. And then his fourth and then his fifth and then…
“Why don’t they want me?”
Seungkwan and Hansol exchanged a look.
“Am I?” Seokmin winces at the pain on his throat as the vodka settles in. “Am I not that attractive? Or did I lack skills when it comes to sex?” He looks at his two friends. “Tell me, honestly. Am I not good enough?”
“You’re amazing, Seokmin.” Hansol answers. “The people who left you are the one that’s missing out how much of a great person you are.” He whispers a thanks, babe to Seungkwan who poured him a shot of vodka in his glass. “Look, forget about that bitch. There are tons of people out there excited to be with you. You just need to wait for the one.”
“Seokmin, trust me. You’re not lacking on anything.” Seungkwan takes Seokmin’s hand and gives it gentle pats. “For the record, you’re in my top three on the people I had great sex with.”
Hansol chokes on his drink.
Seokmin coos, feeling drunk as hell. “Aww, you still remembered?”
“I had one of the best orgasms in my life in Mingyu’s closet and it’s all because of you, Seokmin. So stop downing yourself and celebrate!” Seungkwan exclaims, ignoring his boyfriend’s look of disbelief. “You got rid of the bitch. Now she’s the new guy’s problem.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Hansol waves his hands frantically. “You two –“ He gestures between Seokmin and Seungkwan. “–had sex before?”
“We were friends with benefits since college freshmen.” Seungkwan answers like he just told Hansol how fine the weather is. “You didn’t know?”
“No.” Hansol frowns. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were busy drooling over your girlfriend then.” Seungkwan smirks. “I need to get laid too, you know.”
Hansol downs his shot without any more questions while Seokmin throws his head back and laughs.
It was around three in the morning when they stumbled out of the hotel bar. Hansol is still too bitter about the fact that he used to sleep around with Seungkwan back then and keeps on asserting his dominance (drunk Hansol can be weird) so they called it a day and left Seungkwan pulling his boyfriend up in their shared room. Seungkwan had to convince Hansol how he was number one in his list since Hansol isn’t budging.
Seokmin smiles to himself.
He wonders when he will get that kind of relationship. He wonders when he will meet that person that he knows he will envision to be with him in the future. Someone that he knows will be walking down the aisle and meet him in front of the altar. Someone who will promise to be with him forever despite his shortcomings and flaws.
“Oh, Seokminnie. You’re here.”
Seokmin’s heart skips upon hearing the familiar voice.
There at the lobby with black hair unruly and looking so fine is the groom, Kwon Soonyoung. He looks like he just arrived from somewhere because he looks tired and exhausted. He smells like those new car air fresheners at those care rentals. But despite the look, he still manages to pull up a smile and it made Seokmin’s heart beat a little faster.
“Hey – oof!”
With three long strides, Soonyoung wraps him in a tight hug, clapping his back twice before pulling away, grinning. “Look at you.” He grins. “Smelling like booze. You really didn’t waste any time upon arrival, huh?” He chuckles. “You already settled in?”
“Yeah, Hansol helped me with our bags. Chan’s probably already sleeping.”
“Ah, that kid.” Soonyoung gives his back another clap. “Anyways, I’m gonna go to my room now. Jihoon’s probably waiting for me. We should hang out later after we got enough rest. You know, to catch up?”
“Definitely.” Seokmin grins.
Soonyoung smiles and waves just before the elevator closes. But the moment it closed, the smile on the other’s face dropped. Seokmin might be drunk but he wasn’t blind. There’s something troubling the other male and he’s determined to find out the reason why.
Seokmin feels like hell.
His head is throbbing like crazy and his throat feels rough after puking for 2 minutes. He feels sorry to the room service that he called just to fix the mess in the bathroom but he’s too far gone to even clean up the mess himself. He made sure to give the young man a huge tip when he met him in front of his door, though.
There’s a breakfast buffet downstairs but Seokmin steered clear not wanting to meet up with Soonyoung and Jihoon’s relatives. It’s too early to receive some judgmental stares.
What he saw in balcony, however, is the groom-to-be himself and Seungcheol. When the older male’s eyes met his, Seungcheol’s eyes went wide before a huge grin is plastered on his face.
“Seokmin!”
“Hyung.”
Seungcheol gave him a look in which he ignored. He knows how the older detests being called hyung. He said he’s too young to be called hyung. Jihoon smirks and blows a puff of smoke, grinning at the brief exchange between the two. For a moment there, he forgot about the fact that Jihoon is going to be married to Soonyoung. Hell, it was even weird because he doesn’t even feel an inkling amount of jealousy nor hatred for the smaller.
He furrows his brows when he finally registers the cigarettes in their fingers.
“They’re not going to like seeing you two smoking up here.”
“What they don’t know won’t kill them.” Jihoon shrugs before taking another hit of the cigarette he’s taking. After blowing a puff of smoke out his nose, he asks. “Want some?”
“No, thanks.” Seokmin waves away. “I’m gonna go ahead and look for Seungkwan.”
Seungcheol nods. “Sure. And you go and see Jeonghan afterwards. He wanted to meet up with you when he found out you and Chan already got here.” He takes a long drag and blows.
“Sure, thing.”
Seokmin exits the balcony, his legs dragging him down the stairs robotically, his mind blank of worries and everything when all of the sudden, he sees Soonyoung a panting mess accidentally bumping shoulders with him. He looks at Seokmin wide eyes and for a moment he thought Soonyoung’s going to snap at him. “Where’s Jihoon?”
Seokmin could only do nothing but point up at the balcony.
Soonyoung looks livid and there’s only a few times did Seokmin see him like this. After he pointed, Soonyoung did not waste time and run past him.
Shit.
Later that lunch where they finally get to all meet up like always (with the exception of Jun and Minghao) Soonyoung and Jihoon are like their normal selves but Seokmin can see how forced everything is. Like when Soonyoung grabs Jihoon by the waist, the smaller flinched and Soonyoung’s smile faltered at his fiancé’s reaction.
But they kept up the act.
Everything is fine.
One thing that sucks about being single is seeing all the couples around you doing couple-y stuff that can remind you of your bitter past relationship. Seokmin downs his shot in one go after seeing Jeonghan giving soft and wet kisses on Jisoo’s neck as the former nurses a glass of red wine on his fingers looking smug as hell. (Seungcheol, on the other hand, is like a child beside them, whining because he’s sleepy.) Then there’s Seungkwan and Hansol in the middle of the dancefloor, their eyes locked against each other as they slow danced against a Kendrick Lamar music. (Seriously?) Mingyu and Wonwoo look all domestic, discussing something under their breath on the booth where the trio are, their fingers intertwined while sporting a bottle of beer on their free hands. Chan isn’t dating, yes, but he’s already got the bartender under his spell with his charms.
Seokmin downs another shot. If Minghao and Jun were here, Seokmin would have curled himself on the floor of his hotel room and just rot.
“Yo, Seokminnie.”
He turns to look at the direction of his voice and gasps in surprise when he sees Soonyoung plopping on the stool next to him. The bartender asks him of his order and Soonyoung waves the man away, saying he’s not feeling it. “Soonyoung.” He said. “Hey.”
“Yo.” Soonyoung repeats. The smile on his face contradicts that one that Seokmin saw last time. “How are you doing? I heard about what happened to your ex-girlfriend. Sucks, huh?”
Seokmin groans. “Seriously? I’m not surprised anymore if Jun and Minghao knew of what happened.”
“News travel fast if Jeonghan knows.”
Seokmin sighs.
When everything went quiet, he turns his head to the side only to see Soonyoung staring at Seungkwan and Hansol with a small smile on his face. And that smile, Seokmin swallows hard, hits really close to home. Soonyoung’s smile never fails to captivate anyone – even him.
“Time run so fast, huh?” He hears the other whisper. “One time, Hansol was a crying mess over Seungkwan and now they’re probably screwing around on bed sheets in the morning.”
“Yeah.” Seokmin chuckles. “I remember him asking us to set him up a date. Always failed.”
Soonyoung laughs. “And I remember when Hansol and that artist, Park Jimin went out on a blind date because Jihoon –“ He falters.
Seokmin noticed the change on his friend. He opens his mouth to ask him what’s wrong but stops when he realizes how dumb the question is. He opens them again to try another question but Soonyoung opens up and speaks first.
“When do you think will time run out for them?” Soonyoung whispers.
Seokmin furrows his brows. “What do you mean –“
“Hey,” Soonyoung sharply snaps his fingers at the bartender and grins mischievously. “I’d like to get a Bacardi please?” The bartender nods and gets a shot glass. “Like the whole bottle.”
The bartender blinks rapidly before nodding, giving Soonyoung the whole bottle. Soonyoung grins. “Put it in under my name, Kwon Soonyoung.” Said bartender’s eyes went wide when he heard the name. “Thank you, my kind man.” He winks and then turns to him. “So you want to stay here or do you want to go out in an adventure with me?”
Seokmin did not hesitate and nods.
“S-Soonyoung, what are we doing?” Seokmin reaches for the older male’s arm but he was too quick so he ended up grabbing on air. Soonyoung even got the gal to get a shot glass and Seokmin being a good friend, is the one who keeps on pouring him shots. When Seokmin had threatened to cut him off, Soonyoung pulled out his most dangerous weapon –
…his pout.
Everything is fine, to be honest… at first. But the moment the driver pulled up in front of an odd open area with a diving cord, that’s when all hell broke loose for Seokmin.
“Soonyoung!” Soonyoung is drunk – 60% drunk – and he wants nothing more but to stop this outrage. But the American man, who looks like he knows Soonyoung, gives them the go and ushered them inside. Seokmin wails. “Soonyoung, are you crazy?!”
“Nope.” He said popping the p. “I’ve always wanted to do this before my wedding day.” He chuckles and takes the bottle out of Seokmin’s grasp, gave it a swig, wincing at the burn in his throat before giggling like a school girl. “Thank you!” He exclaims in a tone like Dory in Finding Nemo when she was talking to a whale.
“Hey, Soon. You ready?”
“Yesh!” Soonyoung giggles and lets the man take him inside an elevator kind of thingy and all Seokmin could do is helplessly stare at his best friend as he’s taken up at the very top. He ran outside after seeing Soonyoung wearing a helmet and a vest and then he’s talking to that same American guy. Then the next thing he knows is he’s already jumping off the platform after screaming, “Wakanda Forever!”
“Fucking hell, Soonyoung.” He mutters under his breath.
Soonyoung giggles like crazy as he sways back and forth, the chord wrapped around tight on his legs.
Seokmin has to usher Soonyoung back at the hotel after that drunken heist. The smaller of two is clinging to him tightly like a koala. He huffs and thank the heavens he decided not to drown himself with liquor. It would have been a nightmare.
He double checked on the room number that Seungcheol texted him a while ago before knocking twice. And upon realizing where they are, Soonyoung just had to act like a kid and began to flail on his back.
“No!” He whines. “No, don’t take me there. No!”
Seokmin furrows his brows. “What are you talking about? Jihoon’s probably worried sick.”
The door opens as in on cue, revealing Jihoon on his disheveled state. His eyes are dead scary and there’s a small frown etched on his face. “No.” Soonyoung whimpers.
“It’s already past three.” Jihoon finally said. “Where have you been?”
Like a stubborn child, Soonyoung did not answer. He sighs.
“Jihoon-ah, I’m sorry.” Seokmin decided to step in. “I did try to stop him, I swear.” The half empty bottle of Bacardi is almost slipping in his fingers. Fortunately, Jihoon noticed and takes it. He looks at the bottle and then at Seokmin and then at his fiancé.
“Let me take him.” Jihoon whispers. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Seokmin answers. Soonyoung lets Jihoon take him. With Soonyoung’s size, Jihoon looks like he’s a small hotdog being swallowed by Soonyoung. But the smaller can be strong and he did manage to lift Soonyoung with his short hands. “You can go to bed now, Seokmin. It’s okay. I’ll handle it from here.”
“Okay.”
The door closes after Jihoon offers him a small smile in which he smiles back. But what caught his attention was Soonyoung’s defeated and bitter look.
Seokmin didn’t get to sleep.
“Hey, Jisoo-hyung.”
Jisoo hums, eyebrows raised, but his eyes is still trained on the painting in front of him. The hotel hallways are covered with different paintings and sculptures. Jisoo had asked him to come because Seungcheol is wasted from last night and Jeonghan finds this activity boring. Seokmin didn’t mind. He needed to talk to Jisoo anyway.
“Do you notice something off between Soonyoung and Jihoon lately?”
Jisoo clicks his tongue. “So you noticed too, huh?” He was quiet for a moment. “They weren’t like this when we arrived.” He hums and looks at Seokmin with one eyebrow raised. “I know what you’re thinking and I’m protesting. I think it’s better if you let them resolve this one by themselves.”
Seokmin furrows his brows. “If you could see Soonyoung last night, you know that he’s suffering!”
“I know.” Jisoo grunts. “They both are suffering. Soonyoung and Jihoon are grown-ups. They know what they’re doing. So promise me that you’re not going to meddle in their problem. They can handle it on their own.” He sighs. “Why do you think we’re not doing anything? Hell, Jeonghan’s hell bent on locking them in one room already.”
Seokmin nods and laughs under his breath. Yeah, like Jisoo said they’re both grownups. Soonyoung and Jihoon can solve their problem without any help.
The only problem is, Soonyoung seemed to find out what his room number is and keeps popping up in front of his door out of nowhere with a bottle of whiskey or rum and sometimes with a game console.
“Seokminnie, wanna play a game?”
“Seokminnie, I’ve got a sweet treat. I know you’ll love it!”
“Seokminnie, I know this buffet down the street and they serve awesome international foods. We.Have.To.Go!”
Seokmin is starting to think that Soonyoung is avoiding Jihoon on purpose.
They were walking on the beach that night after Soonyoung drags him by force outside. It was just after the rehearsal dinner and everyone was tired and exhausted from all of the activities and interaction. There are only five days before the wedding. Of course, everyone would be so pumped about it.
Except the grooms themselves apparently.
After a swig of scotch, Soonyoung didn’t even wince at the taste as he stares at the sea in front of him with a small smile on his face. His pale feet are digging through the white sand of the beach and he wears thin clothes for a night so cold. “This...” He said, cold coming out of his mouth as he speaks. “...is where I first met Jihoon when I was still engaged to Mingyu.”
Soonyoung chuckles. “This is also the place where he confessed that he loves me.”
Another swig and Seokmin has had enough. He gently pries the bottle out of the other’s hands. “Soonyoung.”
“Jihoon…” He whispers, throat burning from the amount of alcohol that has passed his throat. “Jihoon doesn’t love me anymore. And I…” His voice cracked. “I don’t know what to do.”
Seokmin didn’t pry anymore and took Soonyoung in his room since the other doesn’t want to go to his and Jihoon’s shared room. Soonyoung is drunk as always and looking at him so miserable and out of it got his heart hurting in the most painful way. Soonyoung keeps on murmuring under his breath why Jihoon doesn’t love him anymore, asking Seokmin if there’s anything wrong with him. It reminds him of himself and Seokmin couldn’t help but feel mad at Jihoon for hurting him.
He forced Soonyoung to take a shower. When he doesn’t budge, Seokmin peeled his clothes off and bathe him. Looking like this, Soonyoung is like a little kid. Bright blue boxers soaking inside the warm water of the tub while Seokmin rinses and washes his hair and even soaps his upper body. Soonyoung keeps on muttering words that are not making sense to him.
He looks like a baby hamster wearing his clothes.
Soonyoung smells of lavender and the hotel shampoo and Seokmin resists the coo that bubbles in his throat at the sight of him looking so small inside his oversized white shirt. The half a bottle of Scotch sits on the table near the window. Seokmin has to grab the hem of Soonyoung’s shirt to stop him from taking it.
“You know,” He trails. “Drinking doesn’t solve your problem.”
“It helps me forget.”
“Drinking will make it even worse.”
Soonyoung scoffs a laugh. “What’s new?”
Seokmin sighs. “Hey.” He grabs Soonyoung by the elbow and forced him to sit down next to him in the middle of the bed. “Stop whining and just rest. It’s been a long day and I know you’re exhausted – emotionally and physically. Stop drowning yourself with booze. It’s not worth it.” He paused for a moment. “He’s not worth it.”
Soonyoung is quiet for a moment before whispering. “The saddest part was realizing we could have made it. If he was truly in love with me, he would have done something about this.” He swallows the lump in his throat and breathes out shakily. “But he didn’t.” He forced a laugh. “And that just meant that I love him more than he loved me.”
Seokmin curls his fingers into a fist and pulls Soonyoung in a tight embrace, placing his hand behind Soonyoung’s head as the other cries against his chest.
At dawn, Seokmin was still wide awake, lying beside Soonyoung in the hotel’s queen size bed. They’re facing each other, the cold air from the AC going unnoticed despite the thermostat going maximum. It’s freezing and yet, Seokmin can only focus on how beautiful Soonyoung’s eyes are against the warm orange glow of the lamp.
“Sometimes, I wished I fell in love with you instead.” Soonyoung whispers.
Seokmin swallows, feeling his heart thump.
“If I fell in love with you, we would probably have a lot of fun. Because honestly, you’re like my soulmate, Seokminnie. We would fight, but I trust you not hurting me like this.”
“I would never hurt you, Soonyoung.” Seokmin whispers back. “You know that.”
“I know.” He smiles and Seokmin knows he’s a goner.
His eyes accidentally flits down at the tongue peeking on Soonyoung’s lower lip and he unconsciously leans close. What he didn’t expect is for Soonyoung to meet him halfway and kisses him. Soonyoung’s lips are as soft as he have imagined it would be. Over the years, he kept on wondering – imagining – what would it be like to kiss him. And here they are now.
Soonyoung noses his lips after they parted and there’s a smile on each of their faces when Seokmin presses his lips against his nose.
“Good night, Soonyoung.”
“Good night, Seokmin.”
Everything was perfect, until morning comes.
Seokmin woke up to the sound of Soonyoung’s panicky voice, pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. His eyes are blown wide and he looks shaken up. Seokmin wanted to ask what’s wrong until he remembers what happened earlier at dawn.
“Fuck.”
“Seokmin.” Soonyoung jumps when he realizes that he’s awake. “Seokmin, what have we done?”
He doesn’t know, to be honest. And he wished that he’s aware so that he can stop whatever he was planning on doing. He drags a hand down his face and lets out a groan. This can’t be happening. No, he refused to be labeled as….homewrecker.
“It was a mistake.” Seokmin whispers and looks at Soonyoung. “It was a mistake that shouldn’t happen. We got carried away.”
Soonyoung is taking panicky breaths. “I-I love Jihoon.”
“I know.” Seokmin answers. “And this… would kill him if he finds out.”
Soonyoung sits down on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, frowning. There was a long moment of silence before he stands up, resolved. “He doesn’t need to know.”
“What?”
“Jihoon doesn’t need to know.” He sounds desperate. “I already lost him, I don’t want to lose him even more.”
“But Soonyoung –“
“You don’t understand, Seokmin!” Soonyoung scowls. And for a moment there, you can see how broken and scared Soonyoung is, contradicting the happy and smiley façade he keeps on making. And in a shaky whisper, he said. “I can’t lose him.”
And with that, he left the room, slamming the door close, leaving Seokmin looking at him with his heart racing nervously.
Seokmin feels lost. He needed someone to talk to, someone to give him the common sense that he needed. And what’s better to talk to none other than, Boo Seungkwan, his trusted advisor and best friend.
“I have a huge problem, Seungkwan.” He numbly said, sitting at the edge of the bed.
Hansol hisses, covering his crotch with a small towel to save himself from further embarrassment as Seungkwan hurries to get him some clothes. “You gave him a spare key in our hotel room?”
“I gave no such thing!”
“How did he get inside, then?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
“It’s so huge – it’s even bigger than Hansol’s dick while he’s fucking you.” Seokmin looks at his friends with a blank look. Seungkwan all wrapped up in a baby blue bathrobe while Hansol’s still in the middle of multitasking on putting on a shirt and his boxers. “Relax, guys. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
Hansol scowls. “I’m gonna kill him.”
Seungkwan hushes. “We can always continue later.”
Hansol gives a loud groan. “What’s the problem even about that you had to disturb us having sex?! And I was even this fucking close!” Seungkwan hisses and slaps his arm, face red in embarrassment. Though, he couldn’t hide the frustration seeping in too. Seokmin really did walk in with a bad timing.
“Soonyoung and I kissed last night.”
And just like that, all of the frustrations from interrupted sex flew out of the window.
Seungkwan gapes at him in horror. “What have you done?”
Hansol sets his lips in a firm line, upset and disappointed.
This is going to be a long talk.
Interlude:
“You’re back.”
It were he first words that came out of Jihoon’s mouth upon seeing Soonyoung enter the hotel room. For once, he did not smoke despite the urge to do so. Instead, he’s drinking wine. Just a small amount, enough to keep his eyes wide open. He never did get enough sleep knowing that Soonyoung’s out there hurting. Jihoon couldn’t bring himself to.
He knows Soonyoung hated seeing him smoke. But he couldn’t help doing it since he tends to overthink. Jihoon is small ball of insecurity and a large chunk of cowardice. He needs all the distraction he can get.
But right now, he doesn’t want to disappoint Soonyoung.
“Yeah.” Soonyoung doesn’t look at him. “Yeah, I am.”
Neither moved in their spot until a few moments later. Soonyoung was the one who approached him – he’s always the one who initiated – and grabs his wrist. And then slowly, his fingers traveled down until their hands were laced tightly. Soonyoung’s hands are soft, how he used it is rough. Jihoon enjoyed the sensations, though and feels a tiny bit of happiness at the contact.
“I love you.” Soonyoung whispers. “I’m sorry for acting up.”
Jihoon sets his lips in a firm line. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have… I was wrong.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “There’s nothing wrong with being honest. We’re… We’re a couple. And it’s only natural for you to tell me what’s bothering you. It’s okay if you’re not feeling the same anymore as before, I understand.” Soonyoung bites his lower lip. “Thank you for telling me.”
Jihoon furrows his brows, squeezing Soonyoung’s hand. “What I meant when we talked that night, is that I’m not sure about the wedding...” When Soonyoung tries to let go, his grip tightened. “But it did not mean that I’m not sure about you.”
“It still hurt when you said that.”
“I’m sorry.” Jihoon whispers. “But I just want to let you know that my feelings for you never changed. I’m just… scared about…getting married. I just think that…everything’s hitting me all at once, I –“
Soonyoung’s eyes went wide and Jihoon is scared for a moment, thinking that he’ll leave once again. But Soonyoung instead leans down and cups his face to tilts his head up, slotting his mouth in his. His lips are soft, yet chapped and he smells bad, to be honest, but Jihoon would rather have that instead of not having him at all.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers after pulling away. “For misunderstanding.”
“I’m sorry for saying it wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Soonyoung shakes his head. They’re sitting at the edge of the bed, their hands laced together as they stare down at their bare feet getting swallowed by the velvet carpet. It’s comfortable and yet Soonyoung looked tense and fidgety. Jihoon wanted to voice out his worries but was beat to punch by Soonyoung, asking a different question.
“Would you like to call the wedding off?” He asked quietly. “We don’t need to get married to prove our love for each other. You said so yourself that night.”
“It’s too late to cancel everything.” Jihoon answers. “My parents already arrived early this morning.”
“We can always talk to them. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
Jihoon hates how Soonyoung is always the one to adjust in every single thing that he wants. He’s sick and tired of this but he doesn’t want to force himself in doing something he’s not sure of. Not only will Soonyoung get hurt in the long run, he’s afraid it might damage his relationship to him to. And Jihoon doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to lose Soonyoung not when he’s the best thing that ever happened to him.
No, let’s continue everything. I want to marry you.
But his words fail and he couldn’t voice out his thoughts. In the end, he could only squeeze Soonyoung’s hand, hoping that he’ll get the message.
Soonyoung nods, his voice solemn. “I’ll talk to my parents tomorrow.”
Jihoon can only curl his free hand into a fist.
Hansol is already back on his usual loose tee and jeans while Seungkwan on a button up shirt, looking like they weren’t caught fucking by Seokmin in the first place. The film producer, furrows his brows as he listens, arms folded against his chest while his boyfriend holds Seokmin’s hand in comfort. He understands their reaction. What he did was really fucked up.
“Let’s be positive.” Seungkwan attempts to lighten up the mood. “At least you two just kissed. It would be much worse if you two fucked.”
Hansol clears his throat. What Seungkwan said just made him feel worse. “I think you should talk to Jihoon. You should let him know because I think it’s unfair if you kept everything in the dark. He deserves to know.” He pauses. “That is if… you really do like Soonyoung then –“
“No.” Seokmin cuts him. Then his eyes went wide in realization.
Maybe it’s the reason why he’s not that passionate in pursuing Soonyoung. Maybe it’s the reason why he doesn’t feel envious at Jihoon nor any intense anger for the other male about his relationship with Soonyoung. He’s just… sad…afraid of being left behind. While Soonyoung, a man who he knows doesn’t take anything seriously in life, is suddenly moving forward, he’s here stuck in the aftermath of his disastrous relationship. It sounds selfish – and maybe it is – but Seokmin doesn’t want that.
Didn’t want that.
“I-I thought… I do.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “But I realized that I’m just… I just wanted someone to be with me while I cope with my heart break.”
Seungkwan sighs. “Oh, Seokminnie.” He moves over to wrap him in his embrace, placing his head on his chest. “You really are an idiot. But Hansol is right, you know? You need to tell Jihoon even if Soonyoung said no.” He smiles. “He deserves to know.”
“I’m just… confused.” Seokmin puts his head in his hands and sigh. “Soonyoung told me this morning that he loves Jihoon. But many nights before that, he told me, Seungkwan…” He paused, hesitation seeping in since Soonyoung told him a secret that he doesn’t want anyone to know but him. But he needs help on this one so he continues. “That Jihoon doesn’t love him anymore.”
Hansol sets his lips in a firm line. “That’s impossible.”
“But what about you try and understand Jihoon’s point of view first?” Seungkwan supplies to Seokmin. “Talk to him. We don’t want to speculate.”
“Okay.” He nods and sighs. “Okay.”
It was in that moment did Seokmin realize, he should have listened to Jisoo.