Work Text:
Thursday, 9th November 2017 - day of NHK 2017 practice
“Knock.. knock” the door opened before Yuzuru, who was laying on the bed complete with the blue hospital gown and hooked up with machines around him.
“Hey.. sorry for interrupting, I came as soon as I heard..” Evgenia said as she bowed her head a little when she saw Coach Brian inside the room. She slowly make her way to the bed, looking at her boyfriend laying helplessly on the bed.
“I’m going to buy some lunch first, Yuzu if you need anything just tell the nurse okay?” Coach Brian left the room and leaving the two skaters alone.
His feature was still the same familiar feature she remembers by heart, although the pale face and the weary eyes took over the coldness of the room, she could feel the warmth of his presence. Zhenya sat on the side of the bed, rested her hand on top of his while her other hand caress his face. She put a little smile as she looks at Yuzu, atleast he’s safe for now.
She couldn’t comprehend the pain that he felt certainly, however she could feel the hovering pain across his body, or the long breath he took. She could feel the pain across his wincing eyes and his pursed lips.
“It hurts.. my ankle.. arghh” Yuzu groan as he grasped on his right ankle.
“Hey.. it’s okay.. you don’t have to talk..” Zhenya hold on to Yuzu’s hand tighter.
“But it hurts…more…” Yuzu made the same statement over and over and all Zhenya could do was squeezed his hands tighter and give him her sweetest smile.
“Hold on a little longer okay..”
“It hurts….Aarggh” His panting filled the space in the room, Zhenya could see a tear built up on Yuzu’s eyes. She gently put his head on her chest, hugging him loosely, giving him a space to pour is emotions.
“We’ll work through this okay?” Zhenya stoke Yuzu’s back gently, building a familiar feeling of warmth around him. Yuzu just nod slowly looking at her while she wipes the tear from his almond eyes.
“Im scared…”
“I’m here Yuzu, it’s okay… Its alright…” She kissed his hand gently couldn’t bear to look into Yuzu’s eyes.
—
Friday , 10th November 2017 - NHK 2017 Day 1
Evgenia rushed to the hospital right after her short programme with a worry look on her face. Her short programme went okay considering that she was jittering the whole time rushing to get it over with. She tried to come by to the hospital yesterday after her practice but, Yuzu was not was still tested by the doctors and Eteri wouldn’t let her leave.
“Hey.. I’m very sorry I didn’t come back yesterday, everything was so hectic” she tried to explain as she rushes to sit on Yuzu’s side.
“Mmm…” Yuzu answered as he avoided eye contact with Zhenya.
“Are you feeling better?”
She didn’t get an answer in return, instead a feeling of bitterness left unsaid in the room. He turn his back against her and proceeded to stare at the white walls instead of acknowledging her. She wasn’t sure if he wanted her here as she could feel how he’s trying to distant himself from her. Nevertheless, the bonded they have created was too strong that she knew that he needed someone, that he needed her.
Zhenya was on her way to approach the bed when a nurse enters the room and ask her to step away. At the same time, Brian nudged Zhenya’s arm and gesture her to go out of the room.
“How was the result?” Zhenya slipped out of the room and sitting next to Brian in front of the room.
“Doctor said he won’t be able to compete for NHK and that the injury has worsen his ankle, they’re still running test results and we won’t know for sure until a few weeks.” Brian said as he cuffed his hands to his face staring at the floor.
Zhenya stunned in her seat as she listens to what Brian said, she was terrified of what she heard. She could feel the anxiousness began to grow within her and it does not matter how hard she tried.. it does not stop.
“He’s still in denial process, we really don’t know whats going to happen or when he’s going to be ready…”
“He’s still going to compete right? for the olympics?”
“We’re still aiming for the Japanese Nationals and the doctors are trying their best to heal him, we’re going back to Toronto to the specialist there.”
Zhenya kept herself in silent, they all knew how much Yuzuru wants this and they knew how much he worked hard to get to this point. To watch all crumbled down must’ve been difficult for him both emotionally and physically.
“I know you’re busy and I’m not asking much.. Can you help him? Go through this? Call him from time to time.” Brian looked at Zhenya, asking for a little support for the unknown ride they are about to enter.
“You don’t have to ask coach.. I’ll always be there for him..” Zhenya stated as she tried to wiped the tear form on her right eye.
“Thank you… Stay with him okay kid? He needs you..”
“I will… “
—
Sunday, 12th November 2017 - NHK 2017 Gala
Zhenya popped another pills to her lips before she packed up her things and headed to the lobby of the rink. Her right foot has been aching badly since she got to Japan and despite the treatment she’s been getting, the best way to ignore it is through pain killers. Now that the NHK is done, the federation thought it would be best for Zhenya to take another MRI scan for the crack in her right foot. Coincidentally, the MRI placed at the same hospital where Yuzuru is staying now and Zhenya haven’t told him that her injury has worsen since Rostelecom Cup.
She took a long breath before entering the MRI room, letting her body loosen a bit before the hard truth hit. Sure the injury has failed her a couple times, letting her body crash the cold ice but she still won her two grand prix series and defending her gpf title is still in her to do list so she hoped for the best before facing the machine.
“Evgenia, can you sit down for a little while,” the doctor pointed out as she got down from the bed. She went as said and sit across the doctor while he turn the screen to her.
“As you can see, the crack on here has worsen than expected. I think your back to back competition stresses it more and it accelerated faster.”
Zhenya nod her head slowly following what the doctor said, she held her hands tightly to make sure she doesn’t break when she heard the news.
“I advise you to take time off before the olympics, take time to heal the crack and don’t compete in the next 2-3 months if you want to compete in Pyeong Chang. I’m really sorry, but its for the best.” The doctor explain thoroughly as he wrote some prescription while Zhenya kept her silence and stared at the monitor.
As she exits the room, Zhenya went to the toilet and collected herself together. She decided not to mention it to Yuzu, she thinks that he’s been carrying enough pressure already and to break the news in front of him wouldn’t make his situation any better. Maybe, just maybe taking care of Yuzu could take her mind off of her injury and makes her injury less painful.
She looks at the mirror in front of her, took a long deep breathe and reassure herself that everything is going to be okay. After what seems like forever she went over to Yuzu’s room with a secret of her own.
“Hey, I know you’re about to pack up but let me say my good bye first” Zhenya said cheeringly as she approached the chair next to the bed.
“The gala ended hours ago, where were you” Yuzu asked cynically.
“I have to take care of some stuff, you haven’t eaten your lunch yet?” Zhenya looked at the untouched food on the table trying to avoid the topic.
“Not hungry”
Zhenya opened the plastic over the tray and try to pick up the rice with the metal chopstick on the tray. However, the rice kept on falling off and Zhenya could hear Yuzu’s giggle grow bigger and bigger every time. When she finally able to take the rice, she brought it straight to Yuzu, “Open up, come on” she said as tremble holding the chopsticks.
“You suck at this,” He laughs as the rice ended up falling to his gown instead of going into his mouth. Zhenya chuckle at her boyfriend’s laugh and tried to pick up the rice from the bowl again.
“Okay..okay.. now you’re just ruining it, I’ll eat it on my own” Yuzu gently took the chopstick away from Zhenya and eat his lunch. Zhenya was relieved that she was able to light up his mood and gladly looking at her boyfriend finally eating actual food.
“thank you….” Yuzu suddenly stop and looked at Zhenya, he put his chopstick down and give her a little peck on the cheek.
—
Wednesday, 22nd November 2017
Zhenya was laying on her bed as she watches another video of EXO performances, being injured is not fun she concluded. She spent her days going back and forth to the hospital for her therapy or laying down watching TV. However, she’s been muting her phone since the morning to avoid answering Yuzu since she’s still pretending she’s training.
She was mumbling pressing the button on her TV remote changing from one channel to another until she decided to give up and open her phone. Just one minute she said, it wouldn’t hurt her would it. As she open her phone a message arrived.
From: Yuzu
I know you’re probably busy training, but can I call you?
I’m not feeling too well.. Can’t sleep.
Zhenya checks the time on her phone realising that it’s 3 in the morning where Yuzu is. After much debate with herself, she decided to call him. If he’s awake at 3 a.m, something must be wrong and she knew best that Yuzu wouldn’t bother her if it’s not urgent.
“Hey..” Zhenya said as she saw Yuzu on her phone screen, the light in his room was dark and she could only see some of his feature from the light from his phone.
“I’m really sorry to bother you.. I just..”
“It’s okay.. how are you feeling?”
“stressed out? I feel so useless..” Yuzu’s voice suddenly turned raspy, like he was grasping for air.
“yeah I feel you…” Zhenya said slowly before recognising her own mistake and cover it up. “I mean.. I couldn’t image how you feel.. what have you been doing?”
“Mostly just staying home, playing games or reading but I miss the ice..” He took a few short breath before continuing “I feel so restless despite laying down all day.. I just…” Zhenya’s heart broke as she saw the pain on Yuzu’s eyes.
“Do you know that people don’t expect me to win anymore? They said that I couldn’t recover fully before the games.” Zhenya silenced herself as she remembered those articles spreading around twitter a couple days ago.
“How do you expect me to stay strong if nobody is believing me at the same time, others are pressuring me to win despite the injury.. I don’t know how to feel anymore.” His voice become more raspy as he continued to talk, she could feel the cloud that is bothering him now.
“Hey, I told you to stay away from the news for a little while. Focus on your recovery and don’t take it to your head too much, you’ll go crazy.” She said reassuring him.
“Yeah.. thank you for that.. why are you at home and not in the rink?” Yuzu said distracted by the background of Zhenya’s call.
“Oh.. mmm Eteri told me to take a day off, she said she wanted to focus on Alina today.” Zhenya cover up her mistake and curse softly as she successfully lie to his face.
“Oh.. okay.. mm.. thank you for listening to me, I’m sorry to bother you..”
“Hey.. I’m always here if you need me.”
“I think it’s better if go now, you need to focus on GPF right?” he said sound a little cheerful than before.
“yeah.. right.. are you sure you’re okay though?”
“I’ll be fine.. ganbatte Zhenya..”
Zhenya turned off her phone as soon as Yuzu ended the call, guiltiness is building over her when she lied to Yuzu’s face but she told herself that it was for the best.. that Yuzu’s in great pain already, that he doesn’t need to worry about her.
—
Thursday, December 7th 2017
The strong wind hits her as soon as she exit the gate, with a cast leg and earphone stuck on both ears, she was relieved that the 14 hour trip was over.
“Zhenya, let’s go the car is here.” Her mom said as she opened the door for Zhenya. The doctors in Moscow thought that it’s better for Zhenya to go to the specialist in Toronto for her treatment. Although she was thrilled to see Yuzu, she hasn’t found a way to tell him that she’s injured and she’s not looking forward for it. However, she thought she could make it up with coming on his birthday, hopefully, he’ll forgiver her.
“Mom.. are we going to the Hanyu’s straight away?” Zhenya asked as she rubbed her hands together for the hundredth times now. Mama Hanyu offered their hospitality when Zhenya told her that she’ll be continuing her rehabilitation there, she has promised her not to tell Yuzu about it though. To keep it a secret until she arrived.
“Yes, why? do you need to get something first?”
“A cake would be great. There’s a little bakery near their house if I’m not mistaken.” Zhenya chuckle as she said it.
“Oh okay, that would be great, just tell the driver”
She didn’t spend much time in the bakery apart from feeling really exhausted from the trip, she could also feel her pain killer wearing off. Hiding her pain inside, she look through the view of snowy Toronto. Although the city is new to her, she could feel the comfort and familiarity. Slowly, the car stopped in front of a house with Mama Hanyu waiting in front of the porch. She walked towards the car as Zhenya gently let herself out.
“How was the flight?” Mama Hanyu asked while going into a hug to Zhenya.
“It was great, how are you?”
“I’m okay apart from having to deal with a very energetic child stuck at home so that’s something.”
“Is he better now?”
“Hopefully with you here, he’ll feel better,” She gave Zhenya a little smile as she bop Zhenya’s nose. Zhenya just smiled at her action, Mama Hanyu has always been so kind for her ever since she met her and maybe its the charm that the Hanyu have that makes her fall in love.
“Just go straight to his room, he should be there. It’s the one on the left.” Zhenya nod her head and went straight to the direction as she slowly open the cake box. She took the cake out and set down the box in front of Yuzu’s room and gradually enter his room.
“Happy Birthday!!” Zhenya said cheeringly as she enters to Yuzu laying on his bed facing the door.
“Why are you here?” Yuzu shoot up and sit on his bed with an expression Zhenya couldn’t figure out. Somewhat happy, somewhat lost.
“Happy birthday Yuzu,” Zhenya ignored his question and approach Yuzu to the bed and proceed to hug him.
“Why are you in cast? and not in Japan? What’s going on?” His voice becomes deeper as he questioned Zhenya.
“I’m injured, I withdrew from GPF after the NHK and I’m here to continue my rehabilitation.” Zhenya looked down to her hands as she explained it to Yuzu. “I’m really sorry….” She held her breathe as she felt Yuzu’s body become more tense.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice becomes deeper and sharper than Zhenya could imagine, she could feel that he was hurt by her action.
“I’m sorry… You already have a lot in your plate, I don’t want you to worry about me..”
“Great, now I’m a bad boyfriend too. Why don’t you put something in the mix, maybe the worse son ever lived or a useless hopeless piece of shit.” Spontaneously, Zhenya looked at Yuzu as he stated that, and the sight she came to wasn’t what she hoped for. She saw a look that she has never seen on him off ice, a fiery look, a look of betrayal.
“Don’t say that, you’re not a bad boyfriend. It’s my fault Yuzu.. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you didn’t tell me because you feel bad for me dont you. You feel bad because I couldnt handle the truth that all of my hard work just went down the drain because of a stupid injury.”
“I don’t feel bad for you, please Yuzu, I just didn’t want you to worry.”
“How could you say that, I’m your boyfriend for a reason. Well, I don’t know what the reason is now since apparently I don’t know anything about my girlfriend and this damn ankle.”
“Do you think it was easy for me to keep it from you? Do you think I want to be injured? I’ve been with you this whole time and this is how you treat me?” Zhenya could not hold it anymore, she has been there for Yuzuru. From all the triumph and the losses, the self doubt to the biggest confidence. To think that someone who she admired was not grateful of what she has done aggravated her.
“Yeah, I’m so weak, I can’t handle the fact that everybody’s pressuring me. I’m so weak that I need someone to handle me because I can’t handle myself.”
“What’s going on with you Yuzu? This isn’t you. I know you’re injured, you feel hopeless and you feel the pressure. I’m in the exact same spot as you are! Get yourself together Yuzu.” Zhenya left as soon as she let her feelings out, she could still feel the anger building inside her. Moreover, she could feel the tears streaming down her face as she closed the door behind her.
The situation isn’t any better inside the room, Yuzu could feel his whole body tensed up, the pain from his ankle grew bigger and bigger. His grip on the beds sheet becomes tighter and he crumpled them up. He could feel all the voices inside of him taking over his anger and eventually formed a tear on his eye. The streams kept on coming down on his face, he could feel the heated water glide through his skin.
“Yuzu….” Mama Hanyu enters the room and hug her son straight away, she held him straight as he hold on to her loosely. She could feel the tears of frustration gathered up as she rub his back trying to soothe him.
“You can’t hide it anymore son, let it out. You should know that you don’t have to carry the weight by yourself. You have me here, your father and sister back home.” She explained as she kiss the top of his head.
“You have coach Brian, Javi. Most importantly you have Zhenya here to carry your weight with you. She cares about you a lot Yuzu. She loves you.”
“I’m sorry okaa-san.” Yuzu said slowly as he gasped some air and pull himself off from the hug.
“It’s alright son, I couldn’t imagine what you are going through, but I’m always here for you. You should know that.” Yuzu nod as she said that and continue to wipe out the tears off of his face.
“Get yourself together okay, Zhenya’s staying in the guest room. She’s a little tired though, from the trip and her injury. Take sometime before talking to her and be careful alright?” Mama Hanyu hug her son one last time before heading out the door leaving him to think.
—
It took him quite sometime to make sure that the anger he felt has left him, he gathered himself up and finally took a step out of his bed. Although his ankle is not at all cooperating with him right now, he slowly made his way out of the room dragging his right leg. He opened the guest bedroom door slowly, coming in into Zhenya sleeping on the bed.
Yuzu approached the bed holding himself on to the bed frame looking at how peaceful Zhenya is sleeping. He could see the dark circles under her eyes, her long black hair that she tie in a loose ponytail or how her body curled up to the side of the bed. He gently wiped the hair on her face and tuck in behind her ear and smiled when he saw Zhenya’s eyes startled and her lips curved up.
“Hey..” Zhenya’s raspy voice comes out as she tried to wake her body up.
“Hey…” Zhenya sat herself up and move further to let Yuzu sit next to her. They stayed in silence while looking at each others condition. Both in casts and looking more tired than ever is certainly not a look they are the most proud of, but here they are.
“I’m sorry..” said the both of them at the same time. Yuzu chuckled at the momentum and Zhenya giggled at what happened.
“I’m sorry for being rude to you.. I know you meant well and you care about me. I’m really sorry Zhenya.”
“Its okay Yuzu.. It’s my fault too, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’m still injured.” His lips curled up as he gently messed the top of her hair. He put his arms over her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.
“Guess we have to go through this injury thing together huh?” Yuzu sighed as he said it.
“We can pull through it, I know we can.” Zhenya held on to his hand and give it a squeeze as she rest her head on his shoulder.