Chapter Text
A love like rain... Not like a storm... like rain... Coming and going... Getting stronger or weaker... To cool or drown you... Getting absorbed into the earth, getting lost...
How have I lived this way? Why did I accept something in halves? Why did I try to keep in my hands something that I knew would give me only the illusion of a cool breeze and then leave me thirstier than before, with my lips and heart all dried up?
How could I accept completing the rain with my own tears, for something I knew was pointless?
I saw thousands of sunsets, all alone; the sun diving into nothingness and me drowning into solitude...
I heard thousands of instances of thunder and they scared me less than the silence of my empty life.
I smelled thousands of flowers, but their perfume didn't shower the odorless life that this ''love like rain'' has condemned me to live...
I tasted dozens of sweets, but only bitterness lays on my lips...
I caressed softly his body, I kept the memory of my hand touching every point of his body, and I hugged myself in my lonely hours, with the illusion that it was him that was caressing me, touching with my fingertips...
I laughed loudly at the beginning of my life and I continue to smile from habit, but my eyes never took color from the smiles that were painted on my face, but that never warmed my soul...
I cried a lot, for two lives, from despair, from longing for someone that came into my life to show me that happiness is in moments... only moments... And most of them stolen...
I painted with bright colors the hours that I was with him, but reality was fading from my paintings, when it wasn’t sinking them in the colors of despair...
I wrote ‘I love you's’ on thousands of pieces of paper and I tore them apart right after, scattering their pieces around me, just like my scattered life...
I suffered so much that I bled, and at the same time I myself became the source of pain for someone, who I knew was suffering as much as I did...
I ignored love, because it wasn't in my conditions...
I doomed myself into loneliness, escaping from the streets on which I may have met you, choosing to leave, me, the ''strong one,' the moment that my inabillity to win you was written in the air that i was breathing...
And then... I regretted.
And I turned to the past to find what was missing from my present, but there was nothing there for me. True love was gone... I had sent it away... I had sent away anything that was worthy and I had kept the emptiness...
It's a fair punishment...