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Tony heard her enter his workshop but he was too busy to look up. He had a mission, he had to keep building his suits. He had to keep her safe. He needed to protect the only thing that mattered to him. His heartbeat sped up as he was brought back to the black abyss. He couldn’t breathe. He was back in that moment. His suit was a metal prison, suffocating. He was cold, he was alone, so alone. He was grounded by her hands embracing his face. His vision was blurred, he saw her lips moving, but he couldn’t hear her. The silence was deafening.
“Tony, breathe. I’m right here with you. Breathe for me.”
She repeated it over and over again. Tony couldn’t really recall when he actually began hearing it. He squeezed his eyes shut, he grabbed her arms, he needed to hold her, to know that he wasn’t back in the dark.
He was crouched on the floor now. When had that happened? He was wrapped in her arms, the smell of her shampoo, lavender and honey, helped calm him. Inhaling her scent helped calm his breathing. He felt something wet on his face, he hadn’t realized until now that he was crying. She wiped away his tears with the pads of her thumbs. He was numb, his eyes stared blankly ahead.
She hated seeing him like this. The strong cocky man that she had grown to love, so defeated. She loved him so much, she wished she could take away the pain, but she couldn’t. So she did the next best thing, she was there for him. She knew when to give him space, when to ask questions and when not to. She was always there when she needed him, even when he didn’t know he needed her himself.
The worst of it was over, she knew from experience. She removed his headset, setting it on the table gently and wrapped her arms around his crumpled form. He needed time, and she would give him that, but he didn’t have to be alone. She didn’t know how long she sat there holding him. It could have been hours, all she was focused on was Tony. How his breathing had turned back to normal, how his eyes seemed to have focused more in the past minutes. She felt him stir and loosened her grip on his body. At first his voice was so soft she had thought her ears were playing tricks on her.
“I can’t sleep.”
His speech was soft, a ghost of a voice.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You aren’t alone.” She had to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone, that he had people that loved him, that she loved him.
He was crying again. A steady stream of tears washed down his face. She got up, reaching out both hands to him.
“Come on, lets get you into a bath, it will make you feel better.”
He followed her blindly. He stood still as she stripped him of his clothes, he got in the bath that she had prepared for him. The warmth helped bring him back to the present. He felt her running warm water over his exposed chest. He felt it when she kissed the seams of his arc reactor, where metal met flesh. When the water was no longer warm, she helped him out of the bathroom, wrapped him in a fluffy towel. He was more coherent, but he was still consumed with his thoughts.
She guided him to their bed. Tony sat on the edge, back stiff, muscles tight. She sighed and sat behind him. She gently pulled his body towards her, positioning his head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair. A little while longer he finally stirred. He turned his head to the right, burying his face in her stomach, wrapping his hands around her torso.
“I love you so much. You’re the strongest, smartest person I know. You’ll get through this Anthony. And I’ll be there to help you, I always will.”
He heard the raw emotion in her voice. He noticed that she had called him Anthony, which she only did when she was being serious. He also noticed that she hadn’t said sexiest in her list of “S” compliments. And he wasn’t going to let that slide, not matter the situation.
“So I’m not the sexiest person you know?” he asked with a hint of humor in his voice.
That was good, she thought. He was joking, that meant he was getting back to his usual self.
“Well, I have met Natasha, Tony. You’re second though.”
He chuckled at her reply. His laugh didn’t contain the usual amount of mirth as usual but it was a start.
He rolled over, looking up into her face, studying her. He sighed. He had gotten so lucky, he didn’t deserve her. She deserved someone better, someone who wasn’t broken.
She smiled down at him, love in her eyes. “I love you Anthony Edward Stark. Always have, always will. No matter what.”
Tony didn’t need to say anything. He raised his head and connected his lips with hers. The kiss was chaste and full of unsaid words. He laid his head back in her lap, her strokes through his hair making him sleepy. He closed his eyes, welcoming the feeling. As he drifted off to what he hoped was a dreamless sleep, he swore to himself that he was going to protect her, even if it was from himself.