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In hindsight, the party may not have been the best idea.
Tony was just trying to celebrate their victory. Everyone was alive, and Thanos was gone. However, if Tony had to deal with anymore of Quill and Thor’s bullshit, he was going to send everyone home and lock those two in a closet.
Ever since everyone was brought back, The Avengers and the The Guardians had been spending more time together. They thought that Earth’s defenders should probably be in contact with the galaxy’s defenders. That, and Thor thought that Quill was hot and was determined to woo him with his knowledge of modern day Earth. Something that Tony was very annoyed at because he taught Thor everything, thank you very much.
Currently, Tony was watching yet another attempt to flirt with Peter by Thor. Peter, yet again, completely oblivious that a god was flirting with him.
“I have never seen something as beautiful as a dying star. From a distance of course, but it’s still amazing,” Peter said. Thor leaned over the counter and slightly closer to Peter.
“You’ll have to show me sometime.” Thor’s full attention was on Peter, so he didn’t notice that in leaning over, he knocked someone’s drink onto the floor. Tony didn’t think gods could get flustered, but that was to only word he could think of as Thor stuttered through apologies and desperately tried to clean up the mess. Peter just looked on with concern.
“You alright?” Peter asked.
“Uh, yeah, sorry, uh,” Thor stumbled over his words in a way that Tony had never heard. Thor must really be gone for this guy.
“They are an absolute train wreck,” came Steve’s voice from behind Tony. Tony leaned his head back and stared up at his boyfriend and sighed.
“I think I might have to force them together like Bruce did with us.” Tony rolled his back upright as Steve joined him on the couch, AKA his perch in which to watch the situation in the kitchen.
“I don’t think forcing those two to go on a three-day-life-threatening mission will work the same way it did with us, but nice try.”
“Force them in a closet together?”
“How about letting it happen naturally?” Steve looked down at Tony, exasperated.
“But Steve, it’s so painful to watch,” Tony whined. He turned to look at the two. Thor was beat red as Peter leaned against his back to point at whatever was on the tablet in Thor’s hand. Tony was going to go insane.
It only got worse after that. The next day, Tony kept catching Thor giving heart eyes to Peter, while the other did something really dumb or annoying. The day after that, Thor kept finding excuses to brush against up or touch Peter. Peter finally showed a hint of blushing at that one.
Tony was starting to worry. Thor had almost exhausted every one of his flirting tricks. By this point, Peter should be a puddle of goo on the ground, but he stayed ever oblivious.
On night twelve (yes, he was counting), Tony had enough. After a particularly embarrassing advance by Thor involving him trying to ask Peter out on a date, and Peter enthusiastically agreeing and inviting Gamora along, Tony waited until Thor had left and yanked Peter aside.
“You are either extremely oblivious, or you don’t know how to properly turn someone down. Either way, you better put Thor out of his misery soon because it is killing me.” Peter just looked at him confused.
“Huh?”
“Oh my god. Thor is flirting with you, you thick headed moron.” Tony was getting a headache.
“Flirting? With me? Tony I don’t know what you’re on, but he’s a god and I’m just a man.”
“For fucks sake Peter, I have seen him try everything on you, and I’m on my last nerve here. I have never seen him this flustered over anyone. Pull yourself together and put him out of his misery.”
“Gamora?” Peter looked very confused at this point.
“He’s right, you are rather oblivious,” Gamora replied, deadpan.
“Huh.”
“I’m leaving. Sort yourself out.” Tony very quickly fled from the room and towards the safety of his and Steve’s bedroom. He immediately flopped next to Steve, who was reading a book on his side of the bed.
“Steve, if Peter and Thor don’t end up together in the next twenty four hours, I’m going to throw something.” Tony’s voice came out muffled due to the pillow he was burying his face in. Steve finished his paragraph and begrudgingly put his book aside.
“What happened now?” Steve asked. Tony turned his head to the side.
“I literally had to spell it out for Peter.”
“It’ll work out, I promise. Now come cuddle, I’ve been lonely while you’ve been playing matchmaker.”
The next day, things got arguably worse for Tony.
Apparently, while Steve and Tony were out on a quick mission, Thor and Peter had a hushed discussion in the corner and then disappeared into Thor’s room for two hours. When Steve and Tony returned, Clint excitedly told them everything.
Tony was happy at first, but then he started walking in on Thor and Peter making out, among other things, everywhere.
Not having to see more of his friends than he ever wanted to almost made the look on Thor’s face worth it when Peter had to leave. Almost.