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“That’s far enough!”
Durandal paused the android from its angry marching. The lavish alien hallway that he was standing in was devoid of technology. A good thing because it didn’t contain any weapons to destroy the android. But also a bad thing because the A.I. couldn’t hack any security cameras or sensors.
Glancing up and down the corridors Durandal programmed the android to shout out, “What do you want Glossu? I thought we had a deal.”
“Ah… My Thinking Machine. Deals change.” Fat and slightly piggish in body evolution, the Daeodon waddled into the hallway and smirked while showing off two sharp tusks in the process. Glossu peered down at Durandal’s android with small filmy eyes, a look of hunger and greed swirled in their depths. “There is a price on your head… Mister Khopesh? Or should I say… Durandal?”
The A.I. stilled within the android body, refusing to give any sign that the Daeodon had guessed correctly. Sadly, even this stillness had confirmed the greedy alien’s theory. Glossu opened his long snout and let loose a braying laugh. “Ha! Ha! Ha! I thought so! There aren’t that many Thinking Machines in the universe! And certainly not that many that are capable of stirring up the Pfhor Empire into such frenzy!”
Bright hot anger swirled within Durandal’s core. His subroutines activated the shields and the weapon systems onboard the Rozinante before the A.I. even processed what he was doing. Clinging to what little patience he had left, Durandal hissed out “Where are my crew?”
The Daeodon waved a flippant cloven paw at the android’s seething frame. “Oh! They’re safe! They’re safe! I’d just needed them out of the way. Now we can talk business!” Glossu pulled out a small mechanical device out of his massive coat’s pockets. “And don’t think you can try any funny business either! This remote controls the shielding on my space station! One wrong movement from you and… BOOM!”
Durandal wanted to curse at the sight of the device. A mirror force shielding that made energy based weapons useless since it just reflected the projectile right back at shooter. Durandal had wondered earlier how this little hovel of a dump had managed to make a lucrative business without being sacked by pirates and looters. Apparently this was the answer.
“I have already discussed business with you.” The A.I. snapped darkly. “You will allow my crew access to the Jjaro scrolls that you have stored on this space station and I will pay you in advanced medical technology that your people sorely need.”
“Mmmm! A good deal! A good deal!” Glossu agreed happily. “You like so many pilgrims and scientists before you have made such deals to see my beloved scrolls! But the Pfhor Empire has sweetened the deal! Healers and weapons!” The Daeodon spread his arms wide, a grand gesture that emphasized the lavish hallway. “I’ll become a holy prophet that will wage war on my enemies!”
Durandal raised the android’s eyebrows. Not only because something cold and metallic was being pressed into his hands, but also because the Daeodon was actually making a stereotypical villain speech. Huh… The A.I. was slightly disturbed about the fact such events can occur outside of bad human movies.
Giving his fingers a little wave towards the invisible form beside him, Durandal smiled coyly at Glossu. “Tell me, how long do you plan to maintain this facade?” Durandal held up the little remote that was pressed into his hand earlier.
That stopped the Daeodon’s bragging. For a long second the piggish alien searched his pockets with a frantic desperation before he turned back towards Durandal. “How did… You couldn’t possibly… I watched you! You didn’t move!”
“Oh! Sorry! My bad! My bad!” Jason deactivated his active camouflage from Durandal’s side and waved at the spluttering alien. “I know I’m not supposed to steal but I couldn’t help myself! It was just so shiny!”
“What… How… Gck! You were supposed to be locked up!” For once it seemed that Glossu was lacking his confidence.
“I picked the lock.”
The Daeodon made a low guttural sound in anger. “What are you?” snarled Glossu. “His pet spy? His trained assassin?”
Jason smile and answered with a frank calmness that would make Samwise Gamgee proud. “I’m his gardener.”
It was nice to see someone else bewildered and infuriated by Jason’s antics. Durandal mused to himself as he watched the Daeodon stomp his hooves and snort in his native language. The android turned his head to look down at his smug crewmember. “Where are the others?” Durandal asked in a low voice.
Jason beamed at him. “Don’t you worry Durpy! They’ll be coming along right…”
SMASH!
“about…”
CRASH!
“now!”
BLAM!!!
The beautiful paneled walls of the hallway had to be worth a fortune. Sadly the lavish details on those said walls did not hold up well to a rampaging Drinniol. “HEY BOSS!” shouted Gram at the top of his voice as he pushed on a stubbornly standing section of the wall. “Sorry we took so long!” With a creaking groan, the rest of the woodwork gave to the Drinniol’s might and the huge alien came staggering into the hallway.
Following the Gram’s fantastic entrance was Calvin, Almace, Cr’tna, and Sv’agn. They lined up behind the massive Drinniol like little ducklings. The alien turned his one blue eye on them, counting them to make sure they were all present, before looking at Durandal again. “Da pups kept on getting sidetracked as we made our way back to yah.”
“You… You… You… What did you do to my station?” Wailed Glossu. The Daeodon was shaking like a terrified rabbit. Apparently he had never encountered a rambunctious Drinniol before.
“Ah! Shut it yah shisno!” Gram clacked his mandibles angrily behind his row of tusks.
“It is a shame about the walls.” Durandal murmured thoughtfully as he examined the damage. “Perhaps we could still work something out so that nothing else can destroy your space station.”
“Don’t bother.” Almace interrupted. She pulled out a very familiar scroll out of her robes and handed to the bemused A.I.. “The reason we kept being sidetracked was because this accidentally fell out of the vault. I decided we should take it with us so it wouldn’t get damaged.”
“You thief! That is the sacred Jjaro scroll of ancient wisdom and technology!” Screeched Glossu.
Durandal quickly activated the android to open the scroll, only to frown at its contents. “What…? What is this?”
With a flair of their robes Cr’tna floated over Durandal’s shoulder. “That’s what we thought.” The S’pht snarled grumpily. “It’s just some random Jjaro hieroglyphs and blueprints of the Daeodon’s bodily waste removal machinery.”
“So… It’s actually not a Jjaro scroll of advance technology and instead blueprints of a toilet?” asked Calvin helpfully.
“Exactly.” Cr’tna confirmed.
The A.I. stared dumbfounded at the artifact in his hands. A fake. All that hard work, all that planning, all that bargaining, for a fake? Staking the lives of his crew? Nearly getting himself captured and shipped to the Pfhor Empire? All for a fake?
A low rumbling sound began to pound throughout Durandal’s core within the Rozinante. It echoed throughout the other ships he had control of, and it also began to vibrate through the speakers of the android. It took the A.I. a second to realize that he was laughing.
The rest of his crewmembers were edging away from him. At least they still had a good sense of self preservation.
“A fake…” Durandal started amidst his sinister laughter. He turned his green neon eyes towards the shaking Glossu. “I had to deal with your stupid face for two hours, thirty seven minutes, and twelve seconds… All for a FAKE!!!”
“I thought it was genuine!” The Daeodon grunted in protest. “The pilgrims! The scientists! They all believed the scrolls to be real!”
“That’s because those idiots can’t read Jjaro from Japanese!” Snarled Durandal. He slammed the useless scrolls down on the floor with a loud smack. “You swindled them!”
Durandal’s voice turned lower and much more deadly. “And you were going to swindle me!”
The Daeodon made low grunting noises of fear and denial. Apparently the alien’s capacity of communication was used up.
Durandal glared at the pathetic gibbering mess before him. “Let’s make a deal.” The A.I. purred. “I like to think myself as a generous… Ah… What did you call me again? A Thinking Machine? Yes. That was the correct term. I like to think myself as a generous Thinking Machine. So I’ll give you a few options.”
Durandal prowled closer to the Daeodon and held up his hand and began to count down on his fingers. “One. You let Gram punish you for trying to trap him in your ridiculously elaborate walls.”
The Drinniol pounded his fists together happily. “It will be ah pleasure Boss!”
“Two.” Durandal continued to count down on his fingers. “You let Cr’tna and Sv’agn punish you for falsifying their god’s records and swindling a lot of people with such fake documents.”
Both of the S’pht floated nearer to the Daeodon. Their crystals hummed ominously as they glared down at Glossu.
“Three!” Durandal was having too much fun with this. “You let my humans punish you for trying to hold them hostage in order to capture me.”
Calvin cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders. Almace stared at the Daeodon with dead metal eyes. Jason chuckled evilly while playing with one of his knives.
“And the last option!” Crowed Durandal as he counted down the last finger.
“You’re all going to beat me up at once?” wailed Glossu.
“Well of course!” Durandal smiled pleasantly at the miserable alien. “But if you don’t like any of my deals… I could just beat you up all by myself!”
“Aw… Come on Boss! Share!” whined Gram.