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“Choose a place.” Timmy’s voice awakens Armie from his numbness.
“No, you go first.”
“Okay. Maine.”
“Maine, really? Are you re-reading It again? How old are you, twelve?” Armie jokes.
“C'mon it’s a classic, and you would be an amazing Ben for the sequel! No, but seriously I like Maine, we went there once in the summer when I was still a child.”
“So a couple of years ago?” Grinning.
“Shut up! We had rented a small cottage near Phillips Lake and I don’t know man, it was beautiful, I liked waking up and seeing the lake, it made me feel calm, relaxed.”
“Maine is out of the question, there are the Chelydra serpentina or snapping turtle, one of the most biting and violent turtles.” Armie replies.
“How-? Nevermind. Okay. Australia? You like Australia, I remember your pics on instagram with a koala during the shoting of Hotel Mumbai" He doesn’t say your pics with your wife and your daughter, he can’t. “Sea, beaches, you tanned on the beach, grilling some fish that I I didn’t even think could exist or… I don’t know the meat of some kangaroo.”
“Beaches and grilled kangaroo? Your skin pale as the light of the moon couldn’t survive even one day.”
"You could put the sunscreen on my soft and creamy skin, like a real knight in armor.”
“I could absolutely do it.” Armie looks at him straight in the eye and Timmy blushes at the image.
“It would be cool: the coral reef, the koalas, you and me. “ He waits for a second. “You and me.”
“Yeah.”
They smile at each other.
“But it would be impossibile. Do you know how many spiders there are in Australia? When it comes to bites you always think of the sharks but the spider’s bite is much more lethal, and don’t even let me start talking about the alligators.”
“How is it possible that you know all these things about animal bites? Did you read the whole wikipedia?”
“Maybe.” Armie shrugs.
“Ok, your turn. Choose a place.”
“I-“ He hesitates
“Armie, choose a fucking place where we could live together in another life.”
“You couldn’t live in another place, you are a New Yorker. You love that city too much.”
“Yeah yeah, we are not talking about me. Apparently we aren’t talking about anything but animal’s bites. Pick a place, Armie.”
“I can’t.”
“What?!” Timmy is so angry right now. It had to be just a game, a fantasy, a way to spend a couple of hours traveling together. Why is everything so difficult? Why can’t Armie simply choose a fucking city? “What can not you do this time?” He raised her voice too much, and a lady sitting at a couple of seats away turned to look at them. He should be more careful. He should be quieter. Just be quiet, Timmy.
“I can’t do this. I can’t choose a place.” Armie’s voice is almost broken.
“It’s not real, do you know that? I’m not- I’m not asking anything. I’m not asking anything that you can’t give me. Not now at least.” He adds that because he wants Armie to know it. It will not be forever, it will not always be all right. There will be a moment, a moment in which he will ask for something, something more (because he deserves it, because they deserve it, because people simply get tired). But that moment is not now. “It’s not real, it’s just a fantasy, a lullaby before to go to sleep. Like when you were a child and before going to sleep, you imagined winning the lottery.”
At the image of a little Tummy tucked in his bed imagining how to spend millions of dollars Armie smiles. He can’t do otherwise, he is in love.
"I can’t imagine a different life, Tim. I can’t allow myself to do that because if I do I couldn’t go back. We can’t say those things aloud, I can’t even imagine those things aloud. Even if that it’s not real-This is too real. I can’t pick a place.” Armie looks so small, like the youngest one. But he isn’t small, he isn’t a kid.
“And I can’t stop to pick a place. Because this is all I have.” Armie looks at him puzzled. “And I’m okay with that, I can do it. But I need this fantasy and I need it with you. I need to know that isn’t just my lullaby, but it’s yours. Because if you can’t give me even this-” and he doesn’t end the sentence because there is no need.
They remain silent.
Okay, Timmy thinks. Okay. I couldn’t shut up, I couldn’t be quiet. We deserved that I spoke. Even if it meant losing everything.
And then Armie speaks.
“Cream, I would pick Crema.”
“How did I not think about it? There are no animals that could bite us in Crema?”
“Only mosquitoes, but I can protect you.”
“Of course you can.”