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This had been one of the worst weeks of his life, and God was that was saying something. He’d been having a quiet time slowly getting his sanity back and Steve just had to come to find him. He’d been exposed as a weapon, framed for a crime that for once he didn’t commit, hunted like a dog, dragged back to Siberia, and surprise a surprise met another Stark he didn’t like and didn’t like him. Now he was here in a strange country in the care of a man who only two days ago had actively tried to kill him. Even worse he was getting ready to go back into deep freeze.
“It’s different this time,” he said to himself, standing alone looking at the cryo-tube. It was true this was his choice, not HYDRA holding him like a weapon. “You’re doing this for the right reasons.”
“Must be strange knowing that,” Natasha Romanoff entered the room beautiful as she ever was, loose red curls framing her face, shrewd omniscient eyes watching him. “Doing this knowing there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Going under one more time, it means they can’t control you, you’re that much closer to wiping the slate clean.”
“Slate like this is never gonna be clean, Natalia,” Bucky stared dully at the small metal section of his shoulder. He morbidly wondered how many people alive knew Black Widow’s true name let alone dared to use it to her face. “You and I know that better than anyone.”
“It takes a long time to know the crimes were theirs not yours,” she didn’t flinch at the sound of the name so rarely used but saw fit to return it with his in an attempt at comfort. “I know it’s a long road back, James, you’ll get there same as I did.”
“I can remember bits and pieces of the fog clearing you were right there,” few and far between as they were he’d had moments of clarity as the Winter Soldier almost all of them starring a fierce redhead. “I’m sorry I couldn't help you out of there, Red Room had you, HYDRA had me.”
“Nothing you could’ve done,” She was right of course it had taken decades to escape one demented organization let alone two. “I got out eventually. When I switched sides, I tried to take out all the evidence that connected you to it.”
“Does Steve know?”
“What about you and me back in the day?” she wore that cute wry smirk like a bulletproof vest. “Nope, secret-keeping one of my favorite skills to practice. Do you want me to tell him?”
“And give my best friend an impure thought, nah,” it was best that the two bright spots in his life stay separate. He doubted either one could understand the other. “Memory of you wanting to be a real Ballerina that one’s just for me. I was hoping I could ask you a favor though.”
“Sure, name it,”
“I don’t know how long I’m gonna need to be gone,” for one of the first times in 70 years he had enough of himself back to realize his one-man army of a friend may be strong, but he wasn’t as unbreakable as the shield he carried. “Steve’s lost a lot, Peggy, S.H.I.E.L.D, and most of his friends after trying to help me. He’ll be alone, he doesn’t handle being alone very well, I remember when his mom died I didn’t see him for weeks.”
“He’ll be fine,” Black Widow looking for a silver lining, things like this made Bucky really hate irony. “Better this time knowing that you’re alive, the tech here is the best in the world you’ll be back in no time.”
“Stark knows I’m the one who killed his parents.” He had to get this out, even more, he had to convince her to agree. “I’m off the board that puts him in the crosshairs.”
“Tony’s not going kill him,” decades of double agent instinct showed as she sat down on the exam bench. “When he’s got his head back on he’ll see you were the weapon, not the killer. Besides Steve wasn’t the only one who knew the truth and kept quiet.”
“You?”
“Of course,” She was good, she was the best there was. “Howard Stark was a lot of things but he was an excellent driver. If you know what to look for had your work written all over it.”
“Steve’s not the only one I’m worried about,” Bucky took his place next to her. “What about you?”
“You know me better than most,” her slender fingers curled around his like a sniper’s trigger. “More powerful people than Iron Man have tried to take me out.”
“I know I was one, that’s what I’m counting on. I need to know someone’s gonna be there to look out for him. You’re the only person I trust who has what it takes to protect Captain America. Keep him from doing something stupid,” there were two people on this planet he trusted completely, he needed them both safe, and they needed each other. “Natalia I’m asking you, one old weapon to another, promise me you’ll be there for him.”
“I'll keep him out of trouble,” that was a lie well-intentioned of course but still a lie. “I promise.”
“I know no one can keep you out of trouble.” This Natasha was more level than the young woman he remembered but it was clear she still had that fiery rebel blood. “I want both of you alive when I get thawed out.”
“I should get going.” Standing she pressed her lips to his forehead, before turning to leave. “Goodbye James.”
“Not so fast.” Bucky used his good hand to pull her back. Quickly cradling the back of her neck as he captured her mouth in his. “Hard to believe I could ever forget that. You still taste the same, hint of gunpowder.”
“Just like old times.” there it was, the smile. Not the one used in a cover or to hide the darkness around her, the smile that was real and reached her eyes. As the soldier, he’d had flashes of it often. “I really do need to go, I know Steve wanted to talk to you. Sweet dreams Barnes.”
“Only of you Romanoff.” He kissed her hand before it slipped out of the one he had left. “Take care of yourself.”
Before Steve walked in James Buchanan Barnes was left to wonder what it would’ve been like if he’d met Natasha in the forties and fallen in love like normal people. In a way what they had was a comfort they had been through the same kind of horror and somehow each found their way to the other side.