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Time loop.
The words echoed in Daniel’s brain. What the hell did that mean?
He shook it off, remembering the rest of the conversation, Jack’s confession of love for his teammate, his humble, hopeful request for affection. Not for sex, just a little tenderness. He wanted to be close.
Daniel had turned him away. Had actually backed away from him, as if he were a leper or some horrible monster. One thing Daniel prided himself on was tolerance, acceptance of others no matter how personally distasteful he found their personal or cultural differences, with the notable exception of the Goa’uld. He’d been hit on by men before and thought nothing of a polite declination, never letting that get in the way of a positive relationship.
But this was Jack, his best friend, his closest confidante. There was no one closer to him in the universe, and Daniel had rejected him. The look in Jack’s eyes showed not a trace of surprise, but the grief and loss were palpable.
Jack had been willing to end his career for one small touch, and Daniel knew nothing meant more to the man than his job. Being a soldier defined Jack O’Neill. It was all he knew, all he wanted… yet he’d been ready to give it up for Daniel. His whole way of life gone, for the price of a single willing kiss.
Shock waves rolled through Daniel’s body. He sat trembling in his chair, remembering how Jack had looked when he left. He had been devastated, worse than Daniel had ever seen him, hollow and haunted.
It took a great deal of effort to rise from the chair. Daniel steadied himself on the desktop for a moment, taking deep breaths. He had to find Jack, had to fix things between them, or he’d lose his friend forever.
The phone rang. Daniel swallowed a couple of times, trying to make sure of his voice before he answered. Hand shaking, he lifted the receiver and held it to his ear. “Doctor Jackson.”
It was General Hammond, summoning him to the armory. The request was urgent and the General’s voice didn’t sound right. Daniel had to find, Jack but he couldn’t think where his friend would have gone. Daniel would comb the base for Jack, search everywhere, just as soon as this minor emergency was handled.
He left his office and headed for the elevator, moving mechanically, still trying to wrap his mind around the incident in his office. Jack needed him. He needed Jack.
Something must have happened to his friend to make Jack so blunt, so open with his feelings. O’Neill was the kind of man who kept everything inside, hidden away from the world. Daniel was always the one to draw it out of him, to get him to express his pain or unease. This time, Jack had come willingly, been open and more vulnerable than Daniel had ever seen him, laying his heart on the line with all the hope he could muster.
Daniel crushed that. Killed it. Destroyed Jack’s soul. He had to fix things before it was too late, before Jack left the base, if he hadn't already.
The elevator doors opened and Daniel stepped out, heading for the armory on autopilot. He saw the crowd before it registered in his mind but he still didn’t make a connection. Not until he noticed the looks on the faces of those turning away from the room.
Grief. Horror. Shock. Disbelief. Denial.
Oh, God. Oh, no. Jack!
Daniel pushed his way through them, terrified now of what he might see. General Hammond barred his way, standing close to the doorway, almost in it. The older man caught Daniel by the shoulders.
“You don’t want to go in there, son,” he warned, his voice a deep, thick rumble quivering with emotion. “There’s nothing you can do.” He hesitated, his voice gentle as he continued. “I wondered if you’d seen Colonel O’Neill lately. What his mood was like.”
“Jaaaaack!” The word was a wail of pain issuing unbidden out his throat. Daniel pushed past Hammond, fighting off the hands that caught at him from all sides, struggling to hold him back. He wrenched himself free and lunged into the room.
A bright splash of red with a pale pink center decorated the ceiling. Daniel’s eyes moved down from the stain to the white-coated medical staff kneeling on the floor. Dr. Fraiser glanced up at him, fear and horror on her face. She stood up and held her arms out to block the view.
“Daniel, don’t look,” she ordered desperately. She was pale. There were tears in her eyes. Her mouth and chin were trembling.
But it was too late. When she’d turned toward at him, Daniel had looked past what her body had been hiding. The face of the BDU-clad body on the floor.
Jack O’Neill lay in a puddle of red seeping out from the top of his head. His eyes were open, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling. A small dark red hole gaped beneath his chin, opening into the cavity of his mouth where his tongue should have been but no longer was.
Daniel saw all the details and understood instantly what they meant. Jack was dead. The gun was still in his hand. He’d killed himself after Daniel rejected him, because he couldn’t stand the pain.
Jack was dead.
Because of him.
Daniel stood very still, looking down at the body. His face went slack. His mouth closed. He blinked.
“Daniel?” Janet called, rising to her feet. “Daniel, I’m so sorry. You don’t have any idea why he might have done this, do you?”
He couldn’t feel anything. Janet’s voice, the murmurs of the crowd sounded far away, retreating steadily into the background. It couldn’t be real, what he saw. It couldn’t be real. He couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it.
He had to find Jack, because Jack would never do this to himself. And Daniel couldn’t live in a universe where such a thing happened.
The world disappeared.
Suddenly he was back in his office and Jack was standing there, his heart in his eyes, asking Daniel to love him. Closing his eyes, he tilted up his chin and waited for Jack to kiss him…
“Daniel?” Janet called again.
The man didn’t respond, just continued to stare and blink down at the body.
She waved her hand in front of those blue eyes. There was no response. Daniel didn’t see her hand. He didn’t see anything. She pushed on his shoulders slightly, easily, and he backed up a step. She turned him in a circle and he went wherever she directed him, his head at the same angle, eyes blinking, seeing nothing.
“I have to get Daniel to the infirmary,” she told Hammond. “I think the shock was too much for him.”
“No doubt,” Hammond intoned, his face lined with grief. “It’s a shock to all of us. My God.”
Her mouth set into a firm line and she blinked tears away. “There’s nothing I can do for Colonel O’Neill, sir, but hopefully we’ll be able to help Daniel.”
A ragged sigh slipped out of her. “God, how awful. I couldn’t… Colonel O’Neill was always so solid! I can’t imagine what might have made him do this.”
“We’ll investigate,” Hammond assured her.
He turned around and met the eyes of the tall Jaffa who had just arrived. “Teal’c, was Colonel O’Neill all right the last time you saw him? No signs of depression?”
“What has happened, GeneralHammond?” He clasped his hands behind his back.
Janet guided an unnaturally compliant Daniel closer and slipped her arm around his waist. Struggling to speak past the lump in her throat, she told him. “I’m sorry, Teal’c. Col. O'Neill is dead, apparently by his own hand.”
Teal'c didn't seem surprised. He sighed and his shoulders sagged. Then he reached out and laid a comforting hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “DanielJackson, I…” He frowned, studying his teammate closer.
“He can’t hear you, Teal’c,” the doctor explained gently. “I think he’s in a state we call catatonic shock. He’s lost somewhere in his mind, and we have to try to get him back.”
She sighed. “He and Col. O’Neill were close. I don’t think he could handle seeing...” Her voice broke.
She turned her grieving eyes back up to the giant’s. “You don’t know why the Colonel might have done this, do you?”
Teal’c’s dark eyes filled as his mouth stretched into a bitter smile. He nodded. “I believe I may have an answer, though I cannot promise it is the correct one,” he rumbled sadly. “Even trapped as we are, I do not believe O’Neill would give up hope. That is counter to his nature.”
“What do you mean, Teal’c?”
He explained about the time loop, about the frustration and pent-up rage O’Neill had felt on their previous day in the commissary. O’Neill had questioned his sanity, but no one could imagine this act of futility as a consequence.
“We will be back again in a few hours,” the Jaffa assured them. “None of you will remember this.”
He laid his palm against Daniel’s cheek fondly. “That will be a good thing.”
“You’ll remember, though, won’t you?” Dr. Fraiser asked softly.
“I will, and I promise to speak with O’Neill about it. I will not allow this to happen again, DoctorFraiser.”
She nodded and guided Daniel toward the elevator. The crowd began to disperse, leaving the medical people to their work. Teal’c stood guard, waiting for the inevitable arrival of MajorCarter once word reached her.
When she came, he explained first about the time loop, then about O’Neill’s frustration and finally, gently delivered the news of his death.
He held her when her knees gave way, letting her weep in his arms.
FIN