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The Rumor was docked in a safe port, the captain had reported that the washing machine would be fixed within a couple of hours, the afternoon sun was shining, and there was a smell of cilantro in the breeze. Arkady Patel was having a good day indeed.
“Arkady, look at this!” Violet shouted from across the market.
And the company wasn’t bad either.
“What is it, Violet?” Arkady made her way through the crowd, making sure not to trip on anyone’s sari, lest she get an earful from the nearest auntie. The market stall Violet was standing by was a brightly coloured turquoise, and its table was brown, and also wood. Was Arkady noticing these things to distract herself from the fact that Science Officer Violet Liu was wearing Sana’s pink sari top and dungarees for the day (as the washing machine had unexpectedly vomited out all of Liu’s clothes mid-drying), which left her midriff bared? Perhaps. Arkady shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts, and looked at what Violet was pointing at. It was a collection of small cakes, each round and stamped with Chinese characters.
“Me and my family used to eat these back on Earth!” Violet’s eyes were shining with happiness and nostalgia. “My grandmother made the best ones I’ve eaten to this day - she filled them with lotus paste and had a chewy crust. We used to eat them every autumn, before-” Violet broke off, her voice fading as she apparently remembered something Arkady could only guess at. The death of the grandmother, possibly. The outbreak of the war, likely. Violet’s brown eyes were sad as she eyed the little cakes, and that Arkady simply couldn’t stand for.
“Here, Liu! On me.” She shoved a handful of coins towards the vendor (a short man with cropped black hair), who smiled and accepted them. He pushed two small cakes towards them, and when Arkady looked closer, the cakes seemed to be stamped with Chinese characters. Violet immediately started to shake her head, said: “Oh no, I can’t let you buy this for me! Neither you nor I can’t afford it!” and tried to shove the cakes back. Arkady laughed.
“Of course you can, Liu. They’re just cakes. Trust me, our ship’s budget won’t collapse because you bought sweets.” Violet bit her lip. Seeing that Liu was still unconvinced, Arkady added: “Besides, if you don’t eat them, Krejjh will probably take them off your hands.” This seemed to tip the scales. Grabbing a handkerchief, Violet placed the two small cakes in it, and smiled at Arkady.
“Thank you, Arkady. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it is a small piece of home.” Still smiling, Violet grabbed Arkady’s hand and led her towards a small blind alley where the noise of the crowd lessened. Some part of Arkady’s brain was thankful for this; less people meant less things to be aware of. Not that she ever stopped being aware of people (where they were, if they were carrying weapons and what kind), but the buzz faded to the back of her mind. The rest of Arkady’s brain was focused on the feel of Violet’s hand against her own. When they reached the alley, Violet let go and leaned towards the brick walls, inspecting the cakes. Arkady leaned in next to her, a good half a metre away. Yes, the blind alley was quiet, but if something happened she would need all of her brain, and there was only one exit. Suddenly Violet let out a bright laugh.
“What’s up, Liu? And what are those cakes called, anyway?” Arkady asked. She tried to focus on the feeling of brick wall against her back, and not Violet’s crinkles around her eyes, as she answered:
“Um, they’re actually called moon cakes. Which I guess is why they’re selling them here, even though this moon seems to be mostly populated by people from the old Sri Lankan diaspora. But the thing I was laughing at is what it says. See the character?” Violet pointed out, so Arkady had to lean closer.
“You know I can’t read Mandarin, Liu. Speak? Enough to buy a drink. Read? Not a chance.” Violet laughed again, and she should stop doing that, because the parts of Arkady’s brain that were keeping a lookout for shady types were distracted. And distraction was something she couldn’t afford. Sure, Brian and Krejjh were on the ship being disgusting as always, and sure, Sana had promised that this was a safe moon to dock at for repairs before setting off for parts for the washing machine, but this was a place, populated by humans. At least most people on this planet weren’t white, but you never knew. Cutting that train of thought, Arkady asked:
“So what does it mean?” Violet smiled. “Harmony.” She could keep quiet for only a moment before bursting into laughter, and Arkady couldn’t help but join in. As their laughter quieted down, they ate their cakes quickly, and these cakes? Arkady was going to have to buy enough to fill the entire cockpit, and Krejjh would just have to share their space with sweets (not that they’d mind).
“Are we interrupting something here, darlings?” The voice came from the other side of the alleyway, and immediately Arkady berated herself. Stupid, for allowing them to be in a tight space with a single exit. Stupid, for lingering by the crowded market in the first place. And stupid , for letting her goddamned guard down for one second. This was something she’d tell the captain about, next time Sana told her to try to be less hyperaware. On the other side of the blind alley were three white guys, all with shaved heads and combat boots. Arkady didn’t have to be a genius to understand what their entertainment for tonight was. The one who had spoken to them grinned. Immediately, Violet’s breathing sped up. Damn . Violet.
“I thought it smelled like curry in this alley!” one of the other guys said, sneering, and brushed some dust off his suit jacket. Arkady didn’t let the insult faze her; growing up in prison, the guards were never overly kind. Violet, though… Her breathing was coming faster now, she had dropped the handkerchief to the ground, and she looked pale. Suddenly, Arkady felt her own heart beat faster. Taking out three Nazis? That was nothing. Neither of their suit jackets were big enough to hide weapons, and from experience, Arkady knew that white guys usually only relied on intimidation (rather than an actual fighting skill) to back up their threats of violence. Taking out three Nazis, without murdering them? Without Violet once again only seeing her as a tool for violence? That was more difficult.
Suddenly, Violet’s hand had grabbed Arkady’s wrist. “I’m not going to be afraid of you, Arkady. Not again.” She said it fiercely, trying to hide her fear, but her arms were covering her bare sides and her breathing was still coming very fast. Violet looked even smaller than five feet, curled in on herself like this. But she locked eyes with Arkady. “Besides. These are Nazis. Do your worst.” Then she seemed to reconsider, and said: “Okay, so maybe settle for some broken bones? This was a nice moon and I think both you, me and the captain would prefer if we weren’t banned from it.” This seemed to be all Violet could get out before she was focusing a little too much on her breathing. But that was fine. Violet had said she wasn’t going to be afraid of Arkady, and that was all Arkady Patel needed. She took Violet’s hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“Broken bones it is. Stay here, Liu. Try not to look, and focus on your breathing. I’ll be right back,” Arkady said in a soft voice. Then, turning to face the men currently eyeing Violet with a predatory stare, the anger she had been holding back, the anger that was always there, the anger that kept her awake at night seething at the unfairness of life, the anger that made her aware of everyone all of the time, came flooding back into her veins. Not all of it though. She had promised Violet - broken bones only. She took a step forward, shielding Violet from their gazes.
“What, are you her girlfriend or something? We’ll show you what we do to that sort around here!” the first man shouted, before the three of them charged as one. Arkady smiled.
This was easier than breathing. Sana had told her, many, many times, that Arkady wasn’t built for fighting, but damn it if she wasn’t prepared to try anyway. One kick to the groin took the middle guy out - a well-placed headbutt right in that shiny head that looked like an egg was enough for the left guy - and then the right guy slammed her against the brick wall. She heard Violet scream in shock, but this was nothing, just a bruised shoulder. Before the man could blink, Arkady had flipped their positions, put his arm behind his back, and pushed until she heard a satisfying crack . Her muscles revelled in finally being used like this, and Arkady dropped him on the ground. And what the hell - delivered another kick to the groin. For Violet. Violet, who was breathing very quickly. Arkady ran over, the anger in her veins fading (for now).
“Violet, are you okay?” And before Arkady could say another word, she was almost crushed by the force of a 5'1 science officer hugging her so hard she could barely breathe. Before she could take in the hug, Violet had let go.
“Am I okay? You’re the one who was slammed into a wall!” she almost shouted. Arkady nodded.
“Yes, Liu, but you are the one who looks like you’re about to faint.” But Violet didn’t faint. She did something worse. She took one look at Arkady’s right shoulder, and promptly burst into tears. And not regular tears, either. These were the tears of someone who had suppressed a panic attack, and it had come back with a vengeance.
“Oh, Violet…” Arkady sighed, and led Violet out of the blind alley, to a small market stand that seemed to be empty at the moment. Violet was still taking gasping breaths, as if she couldn’t get enough oxygen.
“I’m sorry!” she cried between her gulps. “I’m so sorry!” Arkady almost laughed, but resisted the urge. A master in feelings she was not, but no one appreciated being made fun of during a panic attack. She sat down on the bench behind the market stand, and sat Violet down next to her. If this were a normal situation, she might, without admitting it to herself, have enjoyed having Violet that close. Right now, though, it was serving a goal. Namely, the goal of not having Science Officer Liu choke on her own panic and tears. She put her arm around Violet, and Violet immediately buried her head in Arkady’s clavicle.
“I’m so sorry, this is so embarrassing! Just leave me, I’ll be fine!” she got out between her sobs. Ah, the human psyche. ‘Leave me during a panic attack, I'm sure nothing bad will happen!’
“I’m not leaving you, Liu - you wouldn’t last five minutes on this moon without me!” The comment did what it was meant to do (make Violet laugh), but this obviously wasn’t enough, as Violet still had trouble breathing through her sobs. But this was fine, this was nothing. Sure, Arkady could sometimes be a bit difficult with feelings, but this was a mission. Objective: calm down Violet Liu. Arkady could always sing “Whiskey in the Jar” again, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t work right now. No, what was needed was a lullaby of some kind, some melody that would be instinctively familiar to Violet. But what melody could be calming but common enough to be sure that both Violet and Arkady herself had heard it before? Then it came to her. Clearing her throat, Arkady sang softly:
“Leaves from the vine, falling so slow
like fragile, tiny shells, drifting in the foam.
Little soldier boy, come marching home,
brave soldier boy, come marching home.”
By the time Arkady was on its sixth rendition, Violet had buried her face in her hands to wipe away her tears.
“Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. I just cried all over you! And got tears on your tank top! And I leaned on your bruised shoulder!” Violet mumbled through her fingers. Now Arkady let out a laugh.
“Liu, you just had a major panic attack. Believe me, your muscles are soon going to hurt more than my shoulder does. And besides,” she joked, “it’s not like this is the first time someone has cried on my shoulder. You should have seen Brian when they discontinued the translations of his favourite Dwarnian soap opera!” This made Violet let out a small chuckle, but said, mostly to herself:
“I can’t believe you just took on three Nazis in a dark alley, and you’re the one comforting me!” She shook her head and sat straight up on the bench. The setting sun illuminated her blotchy cheeks and swollen eyes, as well as her mussed black hair, and the pink sari top. No, Arkady refused to think about how pretty Violet was - the girl had just had a panic attack!
“Nazis aren’t a big deal for me. I mean, not in a blind alley, anyway. They’re a problem outside of my body, a problem I can fix. Your panic attacks are a problem inside your body. That’s different.” Arkady sighed, and brushed back some of her hair that had come out of her braids during the fight. Violet seemed ready to argue, but Arkady stopped her with a look, and said:
“Don’t be embarrassed! Your panic attacks aren’t something to be ashamed of. It’s completely natural to freak out when you’re in a dark alleyway with three white guys.” Violet sighed.
“I know, I know. It’s just that… it’s hard. Being that vulnerable, physically and mentally. Speaking of,” she added, stretching her arms, “I think I’m feeling those aches coming on.” Arkady winced.
“Well then, let’s get going before I have to carry you back.” Arkady stood up, but kept a look out for anyone around them. But the market was almost quiet; sundown tended to disperse people more effectively than a police siren. Violet was looking for something in the pockets of her (well, Sana’s) dungarees.
“Hang on, I have something for you! It’s in here somewhere… Aha!” Violet said triumphantly, pulling out something from her back pocket. Looking closer, Arkady saw that it was small, round, metal, and painted gold.
“Liu, what is that?” she asked, surprised. Violet grinned. “It’s a knuckle brace for you! With cat ears!” she said excitedly, but then the smile dropped as soon as it had appeared. “You probably think it’s stupid, it is stupid, and embarrassing. I just… thought of you when I saw it.” She put the knuckle brace (for a knuckle, singular) in Arkady’s hand, and ignoring the way those last words made her heart skip, she inspected it. It was a regular old knuckle brace for the knuckle of the middle finger, but it was shaped like a cat's head.
“Violet, shouldn’t you be wearing this? You’re the one who’s, like, five feet tall.” she teased, but then sobered up. “Seriously, Liu. I can take care of myself. You need this thing more than I do.” Arkady tried to hand back the knuckle brace, but Violet didn’t take it. Instead she looked at Arkady, from her hair to her shoes (and she was probably reading in to this, but did Violet’s eyes linger on her biceps? No, of course not), and held Arkady’s gaze. “Why would I need that? I have you to protect me.” Arkady flushed, and felt as if she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. This wasn’t something she did. Distractions meant death, losing awareness meant death, and wanting something for yourself meant certain death. Prison had taught her that, and the revolt had taught her that. Three men in a dark alley? No problem. This she had never learned to do.
Violet broke the moment by stretching her legs, grimacing, and then said awkwardly: “Seeing as I just cried on your shoulder, maybe it’s not too embarrassing if I ask you to carry me back? Because I honestly don’t think that I can make it back to ship without my limbs screaming in pain.” Carrying Violet? All the way back to the ship? With constant skin to skin contact? No, Arkady reminded herself, this was a mission, just like before. Except now the objective was to get Liu back to the ship with minimal pain.
“Eh, why not. Jump on, Liu. Just be careful with the shoulder.” She turned her back to Violet, and motioned for her to jump up. Violet stood up on the bench and hopped up on Arkady’s back, placing her knees around Arkady's waist, and carefully hooked her arms around Arkady's neck. Arkady put her arms around Violet’s knees, and, ignoring the feeling of Violet breathing in her hair, they were off. If she jogged at a normal pace, Arkady estimated they’d be at the ship in ten minutes. Suddenly Violet spoke.
“I never actually thanked you, you know. For beating up those Nazis.” Her breath warmed the back of Arkady’s ear, and Arkady flushed, and said:
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s fine. I mean, you don’t have to thank me. You know, like. It’s my job, you know.” The words came stuttering out, but maybe Violet wouldn’t notice, or think it was because of the jogging. Violet shrugged.
“Still.” And then Violet did something very unexpected. She leaned closer over Arkady’s shoulder, and placed a small kiss on Arkady’s left cheek. And Arkady did not drop Violet right on the dusty ground, or even stutter in her walk (though her heart was a different story), but simply said:
“You’re welcome. And we’re almost home.” Arkady didn’t know how to do this. But maybe, just maybe, she could be taught.