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Gerard had not been looking forward to this. Gerard had woken up in a cold sweat thinking about this. Gerard did not want to do this. Gerard felt that he had to. He had been dating Elizabeth for a few months now; it was the first relationship of both of them and he’d been putting off having sex with her on that grounds, but he could no longer avoid it. She had made it very clear she wanted to do something and Gerard felt he loved her in some way. Perhaps not the deep love he saw in his parents, but he figured it would come with time, right? After all, they were only 18.
Elizabeth was a good looking girl. She had glorious eyes- almost lime in colour, and Gerard found himself drawn to them. They comforted him. Her hair was a beautiful brown; deep and glossy and it reminded Gerard of chocolate. It made him hungry whenever he looked at her. He loved very little more than the taste of chocolate, and he had no problem with associating his partner with it. The two had met in school, through mutual friends as most people did, and they had got along incredibly well. It seemed logical to ask her out, and now here he was. Gerard had opted for the cliché; he had paid for dinner, and they returned back to the home he shared with his parents- who had gone out for the weekend for their anniversary. It seemed the stars had aligned for him. He was still shitting himself though; he’d thrown up twice beforehand and was beginning to wonder if everyone else felt this nervous.
Elizabeth was sat in his room; as she had done countless times before- she was on his bed, removing her ungodly high heels. They were incredibly bright; a beautiful shade of peachy red that Gerard thought was particularly complimentary. Gerard was leaning on the wall opposite the bed, watching his partner. “Are you alright, Gerard? You’re quite pale.” Her voice was soft as she spoke; it held an almost motherly concern that Gerard found so comforting. “Yeah, I'm fine. Did you enjoy dinner?” Elizabeth nodded at him, looking down at her hands resting in her lap “Yes, I had wonderful company.” He nodded at her, running his hand through his own hair; it was a similar shade of brown, and when you combined it with their almost matching eye colour it wasn’t uncommon for people to mistake them as siblings. Gerard wasn’t a particularly lovey person- he wasn’t a big kisser, or a fan of PDA. He was affectionate in other ways though; he always had flowers for her, and he always offered her his jacket. She enjoyed his chivalry. “So did I…I love you.” Gerard spoke, giving her a smile and sitting down beside her, removing his own shoes. Elizabeth shuffled herself backwards, leaning against the pillows of the always impeccably made bed, and patting the space beside her. Gerard smiled at her, and moved himself back, letting her lean on him. “what would you like to do now?” She asked him, looking up- subtext incredibly unsubtle. Gerard just gave an incredibly awkward laugh; he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he wasn’t going to vomit again. Maybe he was getting sick…God, he hoped not. He couldn’t afford to be ill this early on at university. Elizabeth tilted her head up, and let her lips press against his. Gerard of course, reciprocated, and put a hand on her leg; enjoying the warmth that radiated from her. Gerard tilted his head slightly, letting his eyes close and trying to make himself focus on the softness of his partner; she was probably as nervous as he was anyway. God, he hoped so. Maybe he was reading her wrong and she didn’t want to have sex. Maybe she was celibate. Yeah, Gerard could get down with that. He felt like his heart was going to crawl out of his throat, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. Elizabeth pulled herself away from him, and took herself off the bed; standing in front of it and reaching behind herself to unzip her dress. Gerard had always wondered how women did that, because he hurt himself putting a shirt on sometimes. Elizabeth let her dress drop, and looked at her partner to gauge his reaction. Gerard did not know how he was supposed to react; he just looked at her. Her underwear matched, it was a gorgeous design; deep blue, and lacy- the trim on the bottoms were a nice touch and Gerard felt drawn to their glorious colour. He had no desire to wear women’s underwear, but he couldn’t help but be a little envious of their range of choice. “I’m glad you like it. I had a feeling tonight would be…I just thought I should match, is that silly?” Gerard blinked at his partner, snapping out of his world “No, no it’s not, its adorable. You look beautiful, honestly. The colour…you look incredible in blue.” Elizabeth giggled at him, pushing a stray hair from her face as she spoke “thank you, hopefully you like me even more out of blue.” Gerard let out an awkward and nervous laugh, running his hand through his own hair. “Will you take your…” She nodded at him, and Gerard blinked at her for a moment before registering what she was asking. He sat himself up enough to pull his t-shirt off, and let it land on the floor, before shuffling down and undoing his jeans and tugging them off but making sure to leave his boxers on, since he really wasn’t ready for this. He was hoping she would back out, or maybe his body would give up and he’d throw up, because nobody wants to have sex with someone who’s just vomited. Elizabeth sat herself back down on the bed, looking at Gerard and taking great comfort in his shared nervousness. “I’m really nervous” She confessed- Gerard nodded loosely, taking her hand and bringing it to his face to drop a kiss on the back of it. “Good…because I'm shitting myself.” Elizabeth let herself laugh at that; feeling less tense with the return of Gerard's bluntness. “It’ll be fine, it’s…supposed to be awkward, right?” Gerard nodded in agreement. “Yeah…I don’t even know what you’re supposed to buy. Did you know condoms come in different sizes? I brought every size, and I think the guy at the check-out thought I was insane.” Elizabeth giggled at him, giving him a peck on the cheek. “Does the box not have like…a size on it?” Gerard shook his head, and leant to the side, taking the bag from under the bed and dropping it in front of her. “I also got lube, and chocolate. I mean the latter is for after but it looked really good. It’s got tiny marshmallows in it.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes “You know sometimes I think you like chocolate more than me.” She was looking through the bag as she spoke, examining each box for some sort of size indicator. “I love chocolate more than anyone don’t take it personally.” Elizabeth chuckled at his answer, and took out one of the boxes “Do you want to just…put one on and see if it fits?” Gerard nodded loosely, shrugging simultaneously “Seems like the most logical option. I’ll uh…start with whatever regular is.” She nodded at him, taking the correct box out- and the lube. Gerard dropped the bag back on the floor, and turned his head to her. Deep breath. Elizabeth leaned to him, and they reconnected their lips; although there was more anticipation in it this time. The two stayed like that for a while; Gerard put his hand in her hair, and she rested her own on his leg; sliding it further upward than she had ever previously. Gerard couldn’t help but feel like he should be more turned on, and less terrified. He let himself focus on his breathing as they kissed- he trusted his body would eventually react accordingly; he was just nervous. Elizabeth let herself lie back, and Gerard naturally followed; a leg on either side of her. He still wasn’t turned on. Elizabeth moved her hand to the small of his back, and Gerard let some of his weight rest on one arm so he felt less paranoid about squashing her. Elizabeth slid her hand into the back of Gerard boxers, and Gerard let himself hum, sliding his own free hand down to her thigh. He knew, in theory, how the female body worked. Sort of. He knew how the reproductive system worked, and how sex worked in that sense, but he had absolutely no idea how the fuck he was supposed to go about it. He was sort of hoping Elizabeth had a secret domineering side and would just tell him what to do. It seemed unlikely, he would have to suck it up. He broke their kiss and sat himself back, looking down at his partners figure. She was incredibly beautiful, he hadn’t been lying to her. Elizabeth looked at him for a moment, before looking own at her own underwear. “You can take them off.” She provided- neither of them really knew how fast to go, and being blunt seemed like the best route, even if it wasn’t the sexiest one. Gerard nodded loosely, and hooked his fingers around the top of her underwear; she arched herself slightly, leaning moreso on her top half so he could pull them off. Gerard looked down at his now pretty much naked partner, and swallowed. He should be turned on. He pushed it to the back of his head; he was just nervous. He was just nervous. He turned his head loosely to the bottle of lubricant, and picked it up; uncapping it and squeezing some into his hand. It was a peculiar feeling. He dipped two of his fingers into the pool of what he could only describe as goo in his palm, and moved them around in it. Elizabeth watched with a quirked brow. “This is going to hurt isn’t it?” Gerard looked at her and gave a loose shrug “I…honestly don’t know, I don’t have a vagina to comment. I guess a little? We can stop whenever you want to, though.” She nodded at him, taking her own deep breath. “Yeah, I thought so too…I love you Gerard.” Gerard smiled at her, he didn’t want to hurt her, and that was probably what was making him feel like this. “I love you too Eliza.” He rested a hand on her thigh, and she shifted both of her legs up; Gerard was grateful for the easier access, since he hadn’t actually seen female genitals in any place but his biology class, and the poorly taught sex ed that was typical of the 80s. He took a deep breath, and looked back down, before pressing the tip of his fingers against her entrance. Elizabeth let out a strange squeak, and Gerard raised a brow. “Sorry, sorry, I'm fine keep going.” She was half sat up, leaning back on her arms as she looked at her partner. Gerard was having a bit of an existential crisis, and was beginning to wonder how he would cope with someone bleeding out if he couldn’t cope with this. He was being a pussy; which seemed ironic. He gave her a loose nod in acknowledgement, and continued to press his finger into her. He wasn’t an idiot, and he knew she would probably bleed. He just had no idea how much, or when, or what to do. He knew very little…why the fuck did nobody teach him any of this in school?! Elizabeth did not seem to be particularly enjoying herself either. “Am I hurting you?” Gerard looked at her, running his unoccupied hand up her leg. “a little bit…I…I'm fine, it’s just really uncomfortable.” She provided, and Gerard nodded loosely “Do you want me to like…move or?” Elizabeth took in a breath, and nodded her head at him “Slowly.” Gerard did as she asked, moving his fingers as slow as he felt was reasonable. This was honestly the oddest feeling he had ever felt. Elizabeth wiggled a little bit, clearly still uncomfortable but not willing to give up on her quest to lose her virginity. Gerard couldn’t really blame her, but he also was beginning to seriously debate giving up on med school and joining a monastery. Elizabeth moved her own hand down, letting her own fingers rest above Gerard and started...well Gerard didn’t really know what she was doing, but she seemed to be enjoying herself more now, so he just went with it. “Can you add another finger…I…I don’t want it to hurt when you, you know.” Gerard did a pretty good job of hiding his mild horror, removing his fingers and pretending he didn’t notice the blood- he would probably have to change his sheets. He added more lubricant to his fingers, and pressed them into his partner; she didn’t react as badly as the first time. Gerard really wanted to throw up; this should feel natural surely? It just didn’t feel right, it was like that time Rodger had loaned him his jumper when he’d destroyed his uniform. Sure, it went on. But it didn’t fit. Elizabeth blinked at her partner after a moment, and chewed absently at her lip, before speaking “Do you want me to put the condom on you?” Gerard paused his hand and looked at her “Uh…you don’t have to” he mumbled, moving his fingers from his partner. Elizabeth sat up slightly; pulling a face as she did so. “I know, I want to. We’re both supposed to enjoy this silly.” Gerard gave her a nervous laugh, and ran his hand through his hair again. “I know, I just don’t know if I can- I'm really fucking nervous Eliza.” Elizabeth nodded at him; she had that same calming smile on her face that she always had. “It’s alright. Just lie down and relax. I'm nervous too…” Gerard let himself lie beside her, and she essentially swapped their positions, straddling him and reaching behind herself to unclip the back of her bra. Gerard felt like he should be more excited about this, and was really beginning to wonder if he was just thinking too much. Maybe he should just relax and focus on feeling. Elizabeth dropped her bra on the floor, and smiled at Gerard; who smiled back at her. He imagined they weren’t the most comfortable things to wear. She slid herself down, and tugged at Gerard's boxers; he sort of wanted to keep them on and just go to sleep. She blinked down at her partner, and rested a hand on his thigh. Gerard decided to close his eyes and focus on touch, instead of being so obsessed with everything he thought he should feel. Gerard felt what he assumed was her hand on his length, and let himself hum. This, this was a very nice feeling. It was quite odd having someone else’s hand touching him; but entirely welcome. Elizabeth had no real idea what she was doing either; although moving her hand up and down seemed to be an enjoyable experience to Gerard, so she just went with it. She was, however, growing increasingly concerned about them actually having sex, because he was most definitely not a small man. Not that she’d ever seen another man to have any frame of reference…maybe he was small. She had, admittedly spent most of her time giggling in sex ed; Gerard had been in her class and her friends had teased her about her crush for the entirety of the lessons. Although, based on how afraid Gerard seemed, maybe she was better off clueless and guessing. She removed her hand, and picked up the box of condoms, taking one of the little square packets out and ripping it open “Ewh, God this feels disgusting” she grimaced at the odd feeling of half lubed latex. Gerard had opened his eyes by this point, and raised a brow “Does it?” She nodded, and held it out to him, and Gerard took it from her; instantly matching her expression “Oh God, what the fuck is on it? It feels like…I don’t even fucking know what the feels like.” Elizabeth giggled as she took it back “Maybe it’ll feel better when it’s on.” Gerard shrugged at her “Maybe…I fucking hope so.” She looked back down at his length, and squinted at the condom for a moment, before pressing Gerard's tip into it, brows going up as the condom unfurled. “That seems…kind of right? Is it tight?...Is it supposed to be?” Gerard blinked down at his length, feeling all kinds of confusion and vague disgust. “It feels odd. I don’t think it’s too tight, I mean if its loose it’ll come off and I think I would rather kill myself than deal with that.” Elizabeth giggled again, and leaned over him to give him a kiss. Gerard put a hand on his neck; he felt better when they were talking. It felt less like he was trying. Elizabeth lay herself down on him, and Gerard wrapped his arm around her back, running it up and down as they continued to kiss. He rolled the two of them over; he was the man after all, and smiled lightly at the giggle that came from his partner. He felt better, and he slid one of his hands down as Elizabeth broke the kiss to nuzzle into his neck. “I'm ready” She mumbled, and Gerard continued to run his hand up her thigh, nodding in confirmation. He shifted his hand to his own length, and oppressed himself against her entrance. He felt Elizabeth take a breath, and he pressed himself into her as she exhaled- though it was slightly shaky. “you okay?” he asked, he couldn’t look at her; her head was still in his neck. “Yes…give me a minute” she replied; voice muffled by his neck. It was difficult not to move; his body wanted to move. Biologically, his dick was in something and he was programmed to want to fuck it. Blunt as that may sound. After a moment, Elizabeth nodded loosely “Okay.” Gerard shifted his hands, so he could lean on them; one above her head and the other by her waist, and began to move. Elizabeth made a small noise, moving her hand down and resuming whatever activity she had been doing before; her hand was impossible for him to see at his angle, but he could feel her arm against him. Gerard kept his rhythm steady- he really didn’t know what he was doing; he knew he was doing the right thing, since that’s what his body wanted to do- but his mind really didn’t and he wasn’t really sure why. He forced himself out of his mind; focussing on ensuring his partner was enjoying herself. Elizabeth was enjoying herself; she wasn’t pain free, but the pleasure definitely outweighed it, and she wanted to do this with Gerard. She loved him, and she knew he loved her- he had never pestered her to put out like the other boys in her school had seemed to do. He genuinely respected her, and enjoyed her company. Elizabeth was not used to the plethora of new sensations; she kept her legs bent and let herself focus on the feeling of her only partner being inside of her, and on the feel of his breath along the back of her neck; her head still firmly planted in his. “Gerard I-” she let out a pleasured whimper, tugging at his hair- which made Gerard groan, and let her head tilt back, letting out a long moan as her own hand stilled gradually. Gerard slowed himself to a stop, pulling out of his partner and lying down beside her. Elizabeth was breathing heavily, and spoke after a moment “did you uhm…” Gerard tilted his head to her, he didn’t have the heard to lie to her. “No, don’t worry about it.” Elizabeth frowned lightly, and rolled the condom off her partner, throwing it onto the floor much to Gerard's distress; he liked a neat room. She wrapped her hand around him then, matching the rhythm he had just had, and attached her lips to his. Gerard let his eyes close; letting himself focus on touch once again- the feeling of someone else’s hand was definitely something he was a fan of and it wasn’t long before he tipped over the edge, spilling onto his own stomach. Elizabeth looked very proud of herself, and put her head down on the pillow beside him. “Well then…” She pondered aloud, and took Gerard's hand in hers. Gerard gave it a squeeze. “We are definitely doing that again.” She finished, resting her head on his chest and listening to his heart. “yeah…” He mumbled, running his hand up and down her back as he pondered silently. That. That he should definitely not feel doubt about.